YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN :( <3 <3 <3. REMEMBERING THOSE SPECIAL TIMES WE SPENT TOGETHER AND PRECIOUS MOMENTS WE HAD (WE HAD A BLAST AT THE BEGINNING)! THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE WHEN I WAS MORE LOST AND THE GOOD YOU DID FOR ME THEN. WHEN THINGS WERE A LITTLE MORE UNDERSTANDING BY A LOT. I HOPE YOU KNOW NOW ALL I'VE ENDURED THROUGH LIFE, EVEN HERE :( :( (AND WHAT MANY THINK IS CRAZY FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING THE ENTIRETY OF WHAT THIS IS). AND HOPE YOU KNOW YOU MEANT A LOT TO ME TOO. I WISH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. JUST WANT TO BE SET FREE FROM THIS AGONY NOT MANY BELIEVE IN OR CAN SEE. FROM THE MASK AND LIES BEING USED WHEN THIS DEALS WITH MY VERY SOUL. SOMETHING EVEN BIGGER THAT DEALS WITH GOD, AND HATE BEING IN LIFE MUCH MORE NOW THAT HAS BEEN A TORTUROUS, AGONIZING PAIN. INCLUDING WHAT I'VE BEEN PUT THROUGH BY THE OTHER PART THAT HAS BECOME MORE DIFFICULT AND RUINED LIFE FOR ME FROM THIS EMOTIONAL HELL HE OVERLOOKED (THE CONNECTION AND BOND THROUGH THE SOUL)! ALL I'VE DEALT WITH IN LIFE THROUGH TIME AND PAINFUL REGRETS FROM FEARS (AND ALL I HAD TO DO BECAUSE OF GOD IN THIS POSITION). AS WELL AS EVIL, DECEITFUL PEOPLE THAT ARE LIKE PARASITES THAT CAN'T EVER LET GO (AND THEIR JEALOUSY THAT'S TOXIC). THEY WANT WHAT THEY WANT FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH NEEDS AND DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT TRUE SUFFERING! WHEN THIS IS REAL! BUT EVEN MORE, THE OTHER PART THAT IS ATTACHED TO OTHERS FROM THOSE ISSUES THAT MADE HIM MORE LOST (WHO'S VACANT AND MAYBE MORE). WHO IS ALSO MESSING WITH THINGS HE DOESN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THROUGH THE SOUL FROM BEING WHERE HE'S BEEN FOR SO LONG (DISCONNECTED IN A DIFFERENT WAY AND FORGOT HOW THIS WORKS WITH THE SPLIT SOUL). THINGS THAT CAN'T EVER BE MADE RIGHT OR GET BACK FROM THE LACK OF COMPREHENSION THAT HE'S ALREADY A PART OF (THAT'S BIGGER). WHAT HAS MESSED WITH MY HALF OF THE SOUL FOR FAR TOO LONG :( (AND GOD KNOWS ALL)! DOESN'T LIKE TO LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD, BUT PRETEND FROM THE TRUTH. AND LIVE IN AN OCEAN OF LIES TO SUIT HIMSELF FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS, WHILE DYING (BUT WRECKING ME FROM THIS CONNECTION THEY MANIPULATE THROUGH HIM IN THAT WORLD)! WHO DON'T CARE!! WHEN THIS AFFECTS A LOT. THE REALITY OF WHAT HE'S ALREADY A PART OF BY GOD AND THE OTHER PART HE FORGOT. I HOPE YOU KNOW NOW WHO THEY ARE, LIKE DADDY DOES.
THE REAL WORLD THE OTHER PART FORGOT, BUT HAS BECOME MORE FAKE BEING IN THAT WORLD. H.W. THAT HAS MADE HIM DIFFERENT AND CHANGED HIM IN THE WORSE WAY FROM WHAT I THOUGHT. WHO I TRUSTED AT FIRST COMPLETELY WHEN I SHOWED THIS TRUTH AND HE KNEW WHEN HE SAW, BUT OTHERS TOOK OVER REAL FAST AND CHANGED HIS COURSE (WHICH WAS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO FROM WHAT GOD SHOWED ME). ALL THAT HAS TRIED TO DESTROY ME THROUGH TIME AND THROUGH HIM IN MANY WAYS AND HIM THAT STILL GOES ALONG WITH IT. WHO DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE AT ALL FROM ALL HE HAS DONE, ESPECIALLY TO THINGS THAT ARE VERY IMPORTANT. WHICH MAKES NO SENSE FROM THIS ULTIMATE CONNECTION I WISH I WAS NEVER A PART OF THAT'S COLD NOW. ASSUMING HE EVEN KNOWS WHAT'S RIGHT ANYMORE FROM BEING THERE AND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. ALL THAT FOR THIS, BUT MOSTLY FOR GOD IN WHAT WAS CREATED AND THE TRUTH OF WHAT I AM!! WITHOUT COMPLETION OF WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE IN LIFE, IT BECOMES POINTLESS. A NEVER ENDING VOID OF EMPTINESS AND PAIN NOT MANY UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY IN THIS OF WHAT GOD CREATED IN ITS ENTIRETY THAT'S POWERFUL. TWO PARTS OF ONE WHOLE SOUL IN TWO BODIES AND THE DYNAMICS OF IT ALL SET IN LIFE. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU TRY TO GAIN OR DO DIFFERENTLY (DENY OR HIDE FROM). :( IT IS STILL ONLY PART AND PART OF EACH OTHER IN ALL GOD DESIGNED THAT'S NOT COMPLETED. A DESOLATION THAT DESTROYS YOU AS TIME GOES ON THAT'S SO DESTRUCTIVE FROM BEING SEPARATED WITH NO HEALING (AND UNDERESTIMATED IN EVERYTHING, ME)!! WHAT TEARS YOU APART INSIDE. IT'S FROM NEGLECTING WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY GOD THAT WAS ALREADY A PART OF EACH OTHER IN THE CREATION GOD ESTABLISHED AND AWAKENED AT ITS TIME (EVEN THOUGH I WAS ALREADY FEELING A LOT BEFORE AND MORE SAD). THE DISPLACEMENT THAT WAS ONCE TOGETHER AS ONE IN THE CREATION THAT'S NOW A PART (WITH NO BALANCE OR MENDING). WHAT ALSO CAUSES MANY MORE FEARS AS TIME EXPIRES FROM THE MISSING CONNECTION THAT'S SEPARATED, AND WHAT OTHERS HAVE WRECKED MORE OF (WHO DON'T CARE OR GIVE A SHIT)!! NEITHER DOES HE THAT MUCH UNTIL HIS LAST BREATH, BECAUSE OF OTHERS THAT CONFUSE HIM AND LIKE TO DESTROY THINGS THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND. THE PULL OF THE SOUL ITSELF THAT DESTROYS YOU BIT BY BIT FROM WHERE YOU WERE TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE (BEFORE IT GOT OFF TRACK AND MESSED UP BY A LOT). WHAT IS A PART OF EACH OTHER LITERALLY FROM THIS CREATION THAT DISINTEGRATES YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT. IT'S BECAUSE OF BEING CONNECTED INTIMATELY INSIDE THE SOUL AND DEPLETED IN ALL. AND FROM NOT BEING REJOINED BACK EARLIER IN THE UNITY THAT WAS FORMED SACRED TOGETHER BY GOD, AND ALL THAT CAME BETWEEN (BUT BECOMING TOO LATE THAT ENDS BADLY IF NOT DONE IN WHAT GOD DID FOR THAT PART AND PURPOSE). HOW AND WHERE I WAS LEFT AND FORGOTTEN FOR SO LONG THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TRULY BE (FROM BEING SO LOST WITH NO SUPPORT, AND SO MISUNDERSTOOD). A ROUTINE THAT'S NOT ME FROM BEING SPLIT WITH NO TRUE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THIS CAN DO. WHAT HAS DESTROYED ME SO MUCH MORE NOW FROM THAT OF WHO I AM AND WAS DEFINITIVELY CREATED TO BE. :( DON'T COMPLETELY FEEL THE OTHER HALF HAS EVER REALLY CARED ALL THAT MUCH FROM THE BEGINNING. IT'S FROM THE INFLUENCES THAT HAVE SENT HIM FARTHER AWAY FROM THE TRUTH OF WHAT HE IS BY GOD (WHICH IS ALSO UNIQUE). WHAT HE HAS HARMED BADLY IN ME THROUGH TIME THAT HAS CHANGED A LOT. BUT BEING IN THAT WORLD HAS SEEMED TO HAVE MADE HIM FORGET A LOT BY OTHERS THAT HAVE LOST HIM SO MUCH MORE, AND WHAT THIS REALLY DOES INSIDE TO BOTH (ESPECIALLY IN ME). BUT KNEW THE TRUTH WHEN HE WAS FINALLY SHOWN FROM HIS REACTIONS THAT OTHERS WERE ALREADY CONTROLLING, AND TRYING TO HIDE (FROM THE PHOTOS BACK THEN IN PARIS). WHO DIDN'T SEEM TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT WHEN HE FINALLY SAW, BUT LIFE ALTERING AND SHOCKED. WHAT I NEEDED TO SEE AND KNOW FROM HIS FEELINGS IF I SHOWED THE TRUTH FOR GOD BEING IN THAT DARK WORLD (TO THE OTHER HALF). MOSTLY, I NEEDED TO SEE FOR MYSELF FROM MY DOUBTS OF HOW HE WOULD REACT (AND TO AWAKEN THE REST OF THE SOUL FOR GOD FROM WHAT I WAS SHOWN TO DO).
iF IT WASN'T FOR GOD AND ALL THAT WAS DONE AND SHOWN, THEN YOU WOULD KNOW NOW. WHAT MANY DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS, NOT EVEN FAMILY THAT I NEED THEM TO SEE BECAUSE OF GOD (AND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE). AND HOPE IT'S NOT GOING TO TAKE TOO MUCH FOR THEM TO SEE. IF THE OTHER HALF CAN'T MAN UP TO THE TRUTH OF HIM BEING A SPLIT SOUL, THEN IT WILL NEVER BE OK FOR GOD AS THIS FADES AWAY, OR FOR ME IN ANY WAY (NO MORE CHANCE FOR ANYTHING). THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. IT'S WHY I FELT SO ALONE AND LOST THROUGH LIFE WITH GOD ALWAYS NEAR TO HELP FIND MY WAY THAT WAS PROTECTED. ALL I FELT AND DEALT WITH THROUGH LIFE THAT WAS TORMENT AND PAIN , BESIDES OTHER. WHAT THE EVIL POWER WAS TRYING TO CRUSH FROM THE START OF LIFE. BUT DADDY KEPT SAYING BACK THEN IN MY SADNESS, YOU GOT TO KEEP GOING AND FELT LIKE HE KNEW SOMETHING. AND A SIGN GOD GAVE ME WHEN HE PASSED, THAT HE FINALLY KNEW THE REST OF MY SOUL AND PAIN. BUT NOW HAVING MORE MASSIVE DISTRESS FROM THE YOUNGEST REED WHO THINKS HE'S A TREE AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN LIFE FROM THIS. DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHO THAT IS AND WISH I COULD HAVE TALKED TO YOU LIKE THIS THEN (THAT CONNECTION I HAVE ALWAYS NEEDED AND MISSED AND WHY IT ALL ENDED HERE). THINGS NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD OR PAID ATTENTION TO IS MY DEEP PAIN. JUST OTHERS THAT THOUGHT THINGS THAT WEREN'T TRUE OR JUST FINE. WHICH GOES TO SHOW, NO ONE EVER KNEW ME. :( BUT DADDY DID THE MOST, AS WELL AS HIS RESPECT AND SAW MORE (WHY HE WAS THERE AND DIFFERENT TOO). OTHERS MAY THINK IT'S CRAZY NOW OR A LIE. WHEN I AM NOT A LIAR OR LYING ABOUT THIS OF WHAT I'M ENDURING THAT GOT WORSE WITH TIME, BUT SURVIVING IT BADLY NOW (I HATE LIARS)! IT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS OR EVER WILL AGAIN, AND NEVER UNDERSTOOD ANYTHING ABOUT MY PAIN. YET BELIEVE IN ONE TRUE GOD AND HIS HOLY MIRACLES, BUT CAN'T SEE THIS OF WHAT GOD HAS DONE IN ME. WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AND AM, AND SO MUCH THAT'S CONNECTED TO THAT. GOD CAN DO ANYTHING NOTHING ELSE CAN AND HAS ITS TIME FOR EVERYTHING. IT'S EVERYTHING NOW THAT'S DESTROYING ME MOSTLY, FROM BEING CONNECTED SO JOINTLY WITH NO REAL CARE. WHAT GETS WORSE WITH TIME FROM BEING UNFINISHED. AND WHAT THE OTHER HALF HAS FORGOTTEN FROM BEING IN THAT WORLD CONTROLLED FOR REASONS. WHILE SO MUCH TIME PASSING THAT'S HARMFUL FOR BOTH, BECAUSE OF EVIL HUMANS THAT DISGUST ME AND HAVE NO SENSE (WHAT GETS CRITICAL EVERY DAY). WHO LOOKS SO BEAT UP NOW (LITERALLY) WITH NO TRUE MIND. HE SEEMS TO LISTEN TO MINDLESS PEOPLE AND BECOMES MORE CONFUSED. WHEN THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT GOD IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.
WITHOUT BEING COMPLETED OF WHAT GOD ESTABLISHED, YOU'RE NOTHING INSIDE (WITH NO PEACE). JUST A SIGN AND A SYMBOL OF WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, THAT'S A PART OF A SHADOW OF YOURSELF THAT FADES YOU TO NOTHING (ESPECIALLY NOW). WHAT NOT MANY BELIEVE IN OR WANT TO SEE, BECAUSE OF THEIR SIMPLE MINDS THAT HAVE NO CLUE WHAT GOD CAN DO. BUT THERE ARE THOSE FEW WHO DO SEE THE TRUTH AND REALITY OF THIS AND HOPE YOU DID TOO LIKE DADDY. WHO CAN SEE THE HANGERS-ON AND PARASITES THAT HAVE MADE THINGS VERY DISTASTEFUL AND MORE PAINFUL FOR ME. WHICH IS HARD TO TRUST ANYTHING ANYMORE. THE OTHER PART THAT HAS BEEN LOST EVEN MORE FROM THE ONE THAT CONTROLS HIM THE MOST. FEELING HE HAS NEVER TRULY CARED ALL THAT MUCH IN ALL HE STILL DOES, JUST MORE ROBOTIC AND PROGRAMMED IN A SICK WAY FOR THEM. CONTINUOUSLY GOES FROM LOOKING ONE WAY, TO LOOKING CHAINED AND REINED. MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL FOR THE TRUTH OF BEING THE OTHER HALF OF HIS SPLIT SOUL. WHAT HE KNOWS AND FEELS COMPLETELY THROUGH THE TRUE SOUL, BUT HAS BECOME MORE OF A LIAR IN HIS ACTIONS. SEEMINGLY RUNS OVER HIS OWN SOUL FOR OTHERS. WHILE OTHERS THERE NOW IN FAMILY CAUSING ME MORE MASSIVE DISTRESS I DON'T NEED FROM NOT BELIEVING THIS, NOT ONE (WHAT IS NOW LEFT FROM THE ONES THAT WOULD HAVE BELIEVED). THERE'S A REASON FOR EVERYTHING GOD DOES. THE TRUTH IS HARDER TO BELIEVE, EVEN WHEN IT'S SHOWN AND I'M LIVING THIS (SUFFERING). AND NOW SEEN SO CLEARLY FOR THE ONES THAT CAN'T SEE THROUGH THE EYES OF THE SPLIT SOUL. BUT EVIL LIES, ARE QUICKLY ABSORBED. NO WONDER WHY THIS WORLD IS SO MESSED UP. :( EVERYTHING IS ALL WRONG, AS WELL AS WITH GOD AND IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE.
I'VE SEEN SOME PEOPLE THAT ARE LESS CONNECTED THAT HAVE MORE CARE, CONCERN AND LOVE (REAL). THIS FEELS MORE DECEITFUL AND NOT RIGHT ANYMORE FROM HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN SHOWN. SOMETHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SO DIFFERENT AND SACRED, HAS BECOME AN UNCARING, DESTRUCTIVE AND EVIL GAME. I GUESS IT'S THE PERSON ITSELF OR WHO YOU'RE INFLUENCED BY. WHAT HAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF SO MUCH IN ME THROUGH TIME AND LIFE THAT HAS BEEN BEYOND UNFAIR, AND KNOWING THE OTHER PART THAT'S MORE UNRESPONSIVE. WHO GOD SHOWED THAT'S CONNECTED TO THE DEEP PAIN OF MY HALF SOUL I'VE ALWAYS HAD INSIDE, AND FROM BEING SO LOST ALL OF LIFE WITH FEARS (AS WELL AS SO MUCH THAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST). WHAT GOD AWAKENED IN ME AT ITS TIME, BECAUSE I AM UNIQUE AND ALL I WAS SHOWN (DO NOT AROUSE OR AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT SO DESIRES). THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT, I AM TOTALLY DIFFERENT. WASN'T PLACED IN THIS WORLD LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU MORE OF WHAT I FEEL. I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD ME MORE AND HAD THAT TIME TO EXPLAIN ALL OF IT TO YOU IN LIFE (HELPED AND SHOWED YOU). I KNOW YOU FELT A LOT GROWING UP THAT MAYBE TROUBLED YOU. I HOPE YOU STARTED TO UNDERSTAND AND SEE IT FULLY AT THE END. :( SOMETHING NO ONE COULD EVER SEE IN ME IS THE PAIN AND AGONY, EXCEPT FOR DADDY<3 WHO SAW A LOT MORE (WHO I NEED AND AM A LOT MORE UNCOMFORTABLE IN LIFE). ALL THIS DOES THAT STRIPS YOU AWAY TO NOTHING AS TIME GOES BY AND HOW POWERFUL THIS IS. WHAT MANY DON'T UNDERSTAND AND I DON'T THINK CARE MUCH. IT'S FROM BEING INCOMPLETE AND UNFINISHED FROM WHAT GOD CREATED AND SEPARATED FOR HIS PURPOSE THROUGH ONE SOUL, AND DIVIDED FROM THE DIFFERENT SIDES (UN MIRACOLO DI DIO). WHAT'S CONNECTED COMPLETELY THROUGH ALL OF THIS AND THE ENTIRETY OF ONE POWERFUL SOUL. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETED IN LIFE AND REJOINED THAT WAS SPLIT BY GOD (BUT BEFORE). THE DIVISION THROUGH THE SOUL AND WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT IN THOSE WORDS IN BOTH FROM GOD'S WILL, BUT FADING BADLY IN ME FROM HIM AND MORE.
I NEVER HAD TRUE UNDERSTANDING OR HELP TO MOVE FORWARD IN MY CIRCUMSTANCE THAT'S MASSIVELY DIFFERENT. JUST BLOCKED BY EVERYTHING, LIKE A CURSE (AND YOU MIGHT KNOW WHAT I MEAN IN THAT). NO ONE TRULY UNDERSTANDS ME. WHAT DOESN'T EXIST LIKE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE. EVERYTHING JUST BECOMES MORE PAINFUL AND PARALYZING EVERY DAY THAT FADES YOU AWAY INSIDE (WHICH WILL NOT BE GOOD). THE TORMENT AND THE AGONY OF BEING INCOMPLETE IN THIS MASSIVE SITUATION THAT'S SO DIFFERENT. SOMETHING NOT MANY CAN GRASP FROM THE CONNECTED SOUL THAT AFFECTS THE ENTIRETY OF BOTH SIDES, AND ALL IT ENTAILS IN THIS BY GOD. WHAT THEY DON'T SEE IN ME, ABANDONMENT, ANGUISH AND PAIN. WISHING I WAS NEVER BORN OR EXISTED FROM THE UNSYMPATHETIC tie THAT'S HARD TO DEAL WITH NOW. NO TRUE UNDERSTANDING FROM ANYWHERE THAT SUFFOCATES THE LIFE OUT OF YOU AND THE PULL OF THE SOUL THAT IS ENORMOUS FROM WHAT I'M ENDURING (AS WELL AS THE INSENSITIVITY FROM THE OTHER SIDE WHO I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ANYMORE). WHAT ALSO AFFECTS THE PHYSICAL TOO FROM THIS GRAND CONNECTION (THE BODY) IN BOTH FROM THE SOUL THAT HOLDS IT ALIVE (BESIDES OTHER THINGS). NO ONE FEELS THIS MISSING SEPARATION AND THE DISTURBANCE OF IT, AND NO ONE THERE UNDERSTANDS IT (AND APPARENTLY THE OTHER PART WHO HAS SHOWN HOW ABSENT HE IS TO THE REST OF THE SOUL). DOESN'T GET HOw THAT AFFECTS THE rest INSIDE OF ME, THE WOMAN. :( IT'S FROM THIS CONNECTION OF THE SOUL THAT IS AS ONE BY GOD THAT COMPROMISES EVERYTHING! AS WELL AS ALL I'VE HAD TO STILL DEAL WITH THAT'S NOT RIGHT WITH GOD OR IN ME. :( I'M SORRY I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO SHOW YOU AND TALK TO YOU, AND MISSED SEEING YOU AGAIN. JUST SCARED FROM FEELING SO ALONE AND IN PAIN (and all they've done). I LOVE YOU ALWAYS BIG BROTHER! I WILL FOREVER MISS YOU!! YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART AND NEVER FORGOTTEN. LOVE YOUR SISTER <3 <3 <3 :( JULY 20, 1967 - SEPTEMBER 5, 2019
<3 NEW YORK FROM WHERE WE STARTED. <3
THERE SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY, BUT WILL SAY WHAT I NEED TO FOR NOW. WHAT I DIDN’T GET TO IN ANYTHING. SO MUCH I HATE HERE THAT HAS MESSED WITH ME AND MY FAITH, ESPECIALLY MY EMOTIONS THAT HAS BECOME TOXIC WITH TIME (BUT NO ONE TO UNDERSTAND ME, HELP OR SEE THINGS). WHERE IT WASN'T TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE FROM BEING SO LOST AND SPLIT THAT HAS BECOME RUINOUS WITH TIME. WANTING TO GO HOME FROM THE START OF BEING HERE, BUT TOLD I COULDN'T THEN FROM IT JUST HAPPENING (I WOULD HAVE HAD TO EXPLAINED IT ALL TO YOU). WHAT HAS KEPT ME THIS WAY WHERE I DIDN’T WANT TO BE, BUT DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO THEN. BECAME MORE CONFUSED AND FELT SO MUCH MORE ALONE AS TIME WENT BY (AND HAD NO ONE THERE FOR ME). HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME THAT I DIDN'T LIKE OR WAS EVER RIGHT FOR ME. BUT ALWAYS TOLD THAT THINGS ARE GETTING DONE AND NOTHING EVER DOES. JUST EXCUSES FOR SOOO LONG THAT HAS AFFECTED ME BADLY. AND BEING A SPLIT SOUL THAT'S UNIQUE, MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE FROM NEVER HAVING THE PERSON THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. NOT EASY FOR ME IN LIFE IN ANY WAY, BUT VERY BAD FROM ALL I WENT THROUGH (AND STILL AM). FEEL MORE ALONE AND WHY I CAN'T GO ON. NOT THE SAME FOR ME AS OTHERS IN ANYTHING, BECAUSE THIS WAS SO DIFFERENT AND ONE OF A KIND. DON'T TRUST A LOT ANYMORE, MOSTLY HERE. FROM THIS PATH THAT HAS CONSUMED ME IMMENSELY FROM BEING A SPLIT SOUL. WHAT HAS BEEN MOST DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH FOR SO MANY YEARS WITH TREMENDOUS GRIEF. :( WHAT ALSO GOT COMFORTABLE AND STILL NOTHING DONE THAT'S BEEN KNOWN TO MOVE FORWARD IN THAT. ALWAYS SOMETHING BLOCKING ME HERE, AND BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF WHO NEVER CAME LONG AGO. WHAT KEEPS ME TRAPPED IN LIFE WITH MORE FEARS TO PROGRESS AND ACCLIMATE. LIKE A CAGED LION FOR SOOO LONG WITH NO HELP. BUT WORSE WITH TIME PASSING FROM WITHIN THAT NO ONE REALLY CARES OR UNDERSTANDS IN ME. AND JUST BECAUSE A PERSON LIKES A CERTAIN SOMETHING, DOESN'T MEAN IT BELONGED THERE FROM BEING DIFFERENT. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE FREE TO COMEBACK AS ONE FROM THE SAME CREATION. BUT THAT OTHER HALF FORGOT EVERYTHING, WHICH CONFUSED ME EVEN MORE IN LIFE AND DESTROYED MY WAY. JUST SO MUCH PAIN THAT ACCUMULATES EVERY DAY, AS WELL AS BEING FORGOTTEN BY THAT SOMEONE THAT WAS A PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER (AND NOT INTERESTED EITHER ANYMORE). AND WITHOUT DADDY, I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!! :( I WOULD HAVE HAD TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU SINCE I LEFT AND YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THINGS BETTER. FROM WHAT I ENDURED THROUGH TIME AND HERE. BUT WILL EXPLAIN SOME OF IT FROM BEING DIFFERENT. AND FEEL YOU WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD NOW LIKE DADDY WOULD. WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT A LOT. AND ALL GOD SHOWED ME THAT'S WRONG!
BESIDES WHAT HAS ALSO CONSUMED THE LIFE OUT OF ME MORE FROM ALL THAT DOESN’T CARE. IT’S FROM THE PULL OF THIS CONNECTED SOUL NOT MANY BELIEVE IN. WHAT I NEVER KNEW, BUT FELT SO MUCH INSIDE. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS HAPPENING OR ANYONE TO HELP ME BEFORE I WAS HERE. NO ONE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED ME EVEN IF I SAID WHAT I FELT. IF YOU SAW ME FACE TO FACE NOW, YOU WOULD SEE AND HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU. THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL WHO SEEMS MORE ASHAMED OF WHO HE IS. CAN'T FACE HIS "UGLY TRUTH" OF FACTS! BECAUSE OF OTHERS IN THAT WORLD AND ALL I'M CONNECTED TO WHO HAS BECOME A FARCE (AND THAT AFFECTS ME COMPLETELY)! WHAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT IN ALL FROM SO MUCH TIME PASSED AND THE PAIN. I FEEL MORE LOST NOW FROM TIME PASSING THAT’S MORE ALONE FROM THE MISSING LINK (THE WOMAN IN ME THAT WASN'T COMPLETED FROM THIS SPECIAL CREATION, AND THE MAN IN HIM). THE OTHER HALF WHO NEVER TRULY CARED FROM FOLLOWING OTHERS IN THEIR WAYS, AND YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND AND BELIEVE ME NOW IF YOU SAW AND HEARD MY WORDS (NOT THINK I'M CRAZY LIKE OTHERS). ALSO, FEELING FARTHER AWAY WITH ALL THAT’S LEFT NOW THAT YOU’RE GONE. WISHING I HAD SOMEONE TO TRUST THEN THAT WOULD HAVE HELPED AND BELIEVED IN ME, BESIDES DADDY WHO DID FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY (WHO IS A HUGE PART OF THIS OF WHAT GOD DID AND SHOWED). AND THINGS THAT ARE STILL ALL WRONG AND DON'T EVER SEEM TO GET RIGHT FOR ME. OR DONE SOONER WHEN THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO FROM KNOWING THIS TRUTH, JUST EXCUSES AND OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE DELAYED ME FOR SO LONG HERE FROM MY TRUE PATH (AND LIFE I NEVER REALLY HAD). WHAT HAS MESSED UP A LOT IN ME THAT HAS DRAGGED ON THIS WAY. NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES, THINGS JUST GET WORSE FROM BEING LIKE THIS (UNFINISHED)! ALL I WENT THROUGH HERE WITH NO REAL HELP LIKE BEING STOWED AWAY. WHAT IS NOTHING LIKE THIS FROM BEING A SPECIAL CREATION OF GOD. LIKE THAT LONG ROAD YOU HELPED ME WITH AS A LITTLE GIRL THAT SCARED ME FROM BEING LOST, IMAGINE THIS. THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME THEN, WHEN I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO TAKE THE LONGER WAY BACK FROM THAT RIDE OF WHAT I FELT AND SAW. YOU HELPED ME THROUGH THAT HAND AND HAND FROM MY FEARS, UNTIL WE FINALLY GOT TO THE SAFE PLACE. THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED THEN AND NOW, BEFORE ANY OF THIS. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO ONE ANYMORE. I KNOW YOU REMEMBER THAT DAY AND SO GLAD YOU WERE THERE. :( <3
--- I WISH I COULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE TO HELP ME MORE THEN AND UNDERSTAND ME BETTER OR NOW (ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I'M DROWNING). INSTEAD OF THE WAY I WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST IN THAT FRIEND, BEFORE I CAME HERE. FROM SO MUCH PAIN AND TEARS I WAS GOING THROUGH THEN THAT NO ONE UNDERSTOOD. IT WAS ALREADY KNOWN FROM THE BEGINNING HOW MY FEELINGS WERE AND ALL MY FEARS OF COMING HERE. TALKED ABOUT THEM MANY TIMES, BUT THOUGHT THAT WAS IT AND COULD TRUST. YOU WERE THERE WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED AND WAS DONE FOR ME QUICKLY, BEFORE ALL THIS HERE. WHY I WAS ABLE TO COME HERE FROM THE START. THINKING IT WOULD BE OK WITH THAT FRIEND FROM HAVING NOTHING THERE AND ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH THAT WAS SO LOST (BUT WAS VERY UNSURE). DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME TOO MUCH AFTER BEING HERE THAT WAS ALL DONE, BUT LIKED ME HERE AND DIDN'T WANT ME TO GO. WHAT I TRUSTED IN THEN FROM SO MANY FEARS AND IN WHAT I WAS PROMISED AND CONVINCED (AND FROM OTHER THINGS I WAS HURT FROM BACK THEN). BUT OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T REMEMBER MUCH AFTER A LITTLE WHILE OF ME BEING HERE (DON'T TRUST MUCH OF ANYTHING ANYMORE). DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS ENTIRELY GOING ON FROM SO MUCH PAIN, BUT FELT SO ALONE AND SAD WITH FEARS (AND NOT RIGHT HERE THIS WAY). I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EITHER WITH NO ONE THERE TO UNDERSTAND OR SUPPORT ME, BUT SO NEEDED THAT PERSON I WISH I HAD. SO I BECAME MORE FROZEN INSIDE WITH LESS HOPE HERE. UNABLE TO GET THROUGH LIFE FROM ALL I WAS DEALING WITH IN EVERYTHING, AND THAT'S UNDERSTATED (SO I STAYED MORE HIDDEN). THINGS I COULDN'T FULLY UNDERSTAND BACK THEN, BUT FELT AN ATTACHMENT TO SOMETHING ELSE. AND BIGGER THINGS I WAS BEING ATTACKED FROM FOR A LONG TIME (NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND THAT EITHER). WHICH SEPARATED EVERYTHING IN LIFE FOR ME HERE FROM ALL THESE FEELINGS THAT KEPT ME MORE PARALYZED INSIDE. WITH MORE PAIN AND ISOLATION THAT BECAME MORE DEVASTATING THROUGH TIME FROM FEELING SO MUCH EMPTINESS (AND AROUND THE WRONG PERSON THAT CAUSED ME MORE PAIN THROUGH TIME). WHAT ENDED UP MORE ALONE FROM KEEPING THIS WAY. NOT LIKE I WAS BEFORE IN THE BEGINNING. HOW IT WAS WITH DADDY AND CERTAIN FAMILY MEMBERS OR OTHERS BACK THEN. WHEN I FELT FREE AND STILL HAD THAT WILL INSIDE THAT WAS MORE ALIVE AND HAPPIER. SO EVERYTHING STARTED DECLINING FOR ME. NO ONE I COULD TRUST TO HELP ME OR REALLY BE THERE TO FIGURE MYSELF OUT (DEFINITELY NOT THE PERSON HERE FROM THINGS SAID WRONG). NOT WHAT I NEEDED THEN THAT COULDN'T UNDERSTAND ME FROM BEING THIS WAY AND NEEDED MUCH MORE FOR MY PATH (BUT THERE WAS NOTHING). SO I BECAME MORE SUFFOCATED HERE FROM NOT BEING FREE, WHICH MESSED UP A LOT IN ME. ONLY VERY FEW MIGHT UNDERSTAND ME BETTER FROM ALL I WENT THROUGH IN LIFE AND IN THIS PATH. THIS IS WAY BIGGER THAN THOUGHTS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE SOUL AND SPIRIT FROM THINGS OTHERS SAY. BUT SOMETHING NEW THAT'S A PART OF A LOT. THE ENTIRETY OF THE SPLIT SOUL THAT AFFECTS EVERYTHING INSIDE IN BOTH NOT MANY CAN UNDERSTAND (IN A BIGGER MAGNITUDE). WHEN ONE FALLS THE OTHER GOES TOO, BUT IN A BIGGER WAY FROM ALL THAT'S CONNECTED. WHAT WAS ESTABLISHED IN GOD'S PLAN THAT WASN'T COMPLETED. AND JUST SEEING IS NOT COMPLETION, BUT WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN A LOT.
*1 I ALWAYS THOUGHT WHAT I FELT INSIDE AS A LITTLE GIRL WOULD HAVE COME WHEN I WAS WITH DADDY. NEVER THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING LIKE THIS HERE, FROM WHAT I FELT AND ENDED THAT WAS MORE ALONE (WITHOUT). NEVER KNEW WHAT TO DO FROM BEING LOST AND ACTUALLY CONNECTED TO SOMEONE WHO COULD CARE LESS:( SO THAT LEFT ME MORE LOST AND ADRIFT BEING HERE, UNABLE TO MOVE IN ANY WAY FROM THE PERSON THAT TRAPPED ME MORE IN LIFE HERE (FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO IN MY SITUATION THAT IS EXTRAORDINARY WITH NO FAMILY THERE OR ANYONE TO HELP AND SEE, BUT TOLD THINGS DIFFERENTLY THEN THAT WAS WRONG FOR ME). JUST MORE PAIN AND FEARS THROUGH TIME ON TOP OF BEING A SPLIT SOUL THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD (OR WOULD BELIEVE AND THAT'S THE REAL PROBLEM). BUT YET SAY THEY BELIEVE IN GOD WHO CREATED AND SHOWED ME THIS FROM BEING SOMETHING DIFFERENT, AND BECAUSE OF BEING ALONE AND WITHOUT SO LONG (WHY I WAS THIS LOST AND AND SO IN PAIN). AND TRULY I DON'T BELIEVE THAT MOST THERE BELIEVE IN GOD WHEN IT COMES TO HIS POWERS (THOUGH SOME DO VERY MUCH). BUT SOME ONLY IN THEIR WAYS THAT ARE SIMPLE AND TUNE OUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT'S POWERFUL AND REAL, AND A PART OF CERTAIN ONES FROM WHAT GOD DESIGNED IN ALL THAT WASN'T COMPLETED. OR IT JUST SCARES THEM FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE WHOLE PICTURE AND ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED IN LIFE. WHICH STILL MAKES NO SENSE ON HOW THEY THINK OR OTHERS WHEN IT COMES TO GOD ALMIGHTY WHO IS ALL POWERFUL. OTHERS OUT THERE MIGHT HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING TO HIGHER THINGS, BUT CERTAINLY NOT MANY OR THE PERSON HERE MUCH UNTIL SEEING THIS (BUT STILL DOESN'T GET MUCH IN THIS). OR OF MY PAIN AND ALL I'VE DEALT FROM NO TRUE UNDERSTANDING OF ME. BUT AT LEAST SAW THE TRUTH IN THIS, BUT STILL NEEDS TO LEARN. AS WELL AS, THE THINGS THAT WOULD NEVER GET UNDONE HERE THAT HAVE CAUSED A LOT OF HURT WITH NO ONE ELSE THERE TO HELP MY VERY UNIQUE CIRCUMSTANCE. SHOWS NOT MUCH UNDERSTANDING OF THE PAIN IN ME THAT'S CONNECTED TO ANOTHER, EVEN KNOWING AND SEEING THIS TRUTH (BUT SAYS HE DOES AND HOPEFULLY). CAN'T DEAL ANYMORE WITH THOSE EMOTIONAL CHANGES WITH HIM AS MY SOUL DIES CAUSING MORE PAIN THAT IS NEVER HELPED (WHY I NEED SOMEONE A BIT MORE SERIOUS AND UNDERSTANDING OF THIS FOR ME THAT I CAN TRUST). HAS NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD A LOT OF MY FEELINGS FROM THE START OF BEING HERE FROM THAT FRIEND THAT WAS NEW. EVERY DAY THAT CHANGES TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND NOT GOOD FOR ME AT ALL IN THOSE FEELINGS (AND WHAT THE OTHER HALF STILL DOES WITHIN THAT CAUSES MORE FEARS AND PAIN THAT DOESN'T HELP, JUST MORE CONFUSION). THE OTHER HALF NEVER KNEW HOW TO BE TRUTHFUL. LIKE THE SAME TOLD EVERY DAY HERE WHICH THROWS SO MUCH OFF (FOR ME AND WITH GOD THAT WAS NEVER MADE RIGHT AND VERY DIFFERENT). WHAT SHOWS NO TRUE RESPECT FROM WHAT THIS IS OR WHAT I ENDURE EVERY DAY. WHAT GETS DIFFICULT AND NEVER BETTER FOR ME TO BE IN LIFE FROM BEING A SPLIT SOUL. OTHER THINGS ALWAYS GET DONE QUICKER, BUT I'M ALWAYS WAITING. AND THAT'S ALL I'VE DONE IN LIFE IN SO MUCH FROM MY PAIN WHILE FADING FROM PROMISED WORDS (AND THINGS NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND). THERE IS NO ONE THERE ANYMORE TO REALLY UNDERSTAND ME FROM ONLY BEING HALF AND NEED SOMEONE TO BE OUT THERE (TO SEE IT SO THEY CAN UNDERSTAND IT TOO). I THOUGHT SOMEONE THERE THAT IS RELATED TO US WOULD UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE FROM BEING A LITTLE MORE LIKE ME IN THINGS I'VE SHARED (BUT LASTED A LITTLE BIT BEFORE TON TON PASSED THAT HAS BEEN VERY DIFFICULT IN THAT TOO). BUT THERE WAS NO MORE OPEN AND TRUTHFUL SUPPORT AFTER THAT LITTLE TIME AND THAT'S WHY IT'S ALL CLOSING UP MORE IN ME. THE ONES THAT WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD MORE ARE GONE. THE WAY IT WAS THEN AND REMEMBER HOW THINGS WERE AT THE VERY BEGINNING BEFORE IT ALL ENDED FOR ME. WHAT WAS AWESOME THEN GROWING UP FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND PROBABLY THE ONLY ONES THEN THAT TRULY CARED FOR ME. I MISS EVERYONE SO MUCH, ESPECIALLY CERTAIN ONES. WHO COULD SEE MORE IF THEY SAW THINGS NOW IN THAT OTHER PART (WHAT I AM AND WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN TOO). BUT NO ONE HAS TRULY CARED FOR MY WELL BEING FOR A LONG TIME IT SEEMS. AND EVIL POWERS THAT HAVE ALWAYS HELD ME BACK THROUGH TIME AND IN OTHERS IN LIFE SO I WOULD NEVER FIND MY WAY (OR THE TRUTH).
**....... I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND THE ENTIRETY THEN AND HOW LONG I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM SO MUCH THAT I WAS HURT FROM, ESPECIALLY HERE LIKE THIS. EVERYTHING IS MORE DIFFICULT FROM BEING A SPLIT SOUL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETED IN LIFE TOGETHER WITH THE OTHER HALF, WHAT I NEVER WAS. BUT THIS IS MUCH BIGGER AND DIFFERENT OF WHAT GOD DID FOR HIS PURPOSE THAT NEEDS EACH OTHER ALWAYS IN EVERY WAY, AND IS MASSIVELY INTENSE. BUT NEED SOMEONE THERE NOW I CAN TRUST FROM BEING ABANDON IN LIFE THROUGH THE SOUL THAT IS THE BUILDING BLOCK OF EVERYTHING (AND FEELING MORE ALONE FROM NEVER HAVING ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND ME). SOME HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT IN A BIG WAY TO BE MORE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS (THAN "THINKING" THEY ARE). WHILE SOME CAN PICK UP A LOT JUST BY SEEING AND KNOWING THE PERSONS MASSIVE SUFFERING. AND SOME ARE JUST PLAIN STUPID TO UNDERSTAND HIGHER THINGS. WHICH IS A FACT THAT GOD ALREADY KNOWS, EVEN SHOWING THE OBVIOUS. IT'S FROM A DEEPER KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT HURT, PAIN AND SUFFERING REALLY LOOKS LIKE THAT ONLY FEW CAN UNDERSTAND. WHAT DEALS WITH THE SOUL THAT COMPLETES YOU IN LIFE, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT ENDURING IT THEMSELVES. THEY CAN FEEL BY SEEING AND UNDERSTAND. THOSE THAT ARE MORE SENSITIVE TO IT AND RESPECTFUL (IMAGINING IT BY SEEING THAT POWER THAT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM AND SHOWS). WHAT IS BIGGER THAN THE REGULAR MINDS AND THEIR SYMPATHY IS A LOT MORE CARING. WHAT I NEEDED LONG AGO AND WISH I COULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE LIKE THAT THEN WHO TOOK THINGS MORE SERIOUSLY. LIKE A PERSON I NEED THERE FOR ME NOW. JUST LIVING AROUND IT AND KNOWING ABOUT IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR SOME PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THIS MASSIVE PAIN (OR DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE BIGGER OUTCOME OF THINGS). WHILE I'M FADING IN A BIG WAY THAT YOU CAN SEE FROM TAKING SO MUCH TIME HERE. THINKING THAT IT WOULD BE OK FROM THAT FRIEND, WHEN IT NEVER WAS (AND SO MUCH CHANGING FROM THIS THAT WAS NOT FINISHED). AS WELL AS, LESS TECHNOLOGY WOULD BE NICE TO UNDERSTAND BIGGER THINGS. OR IT TAKES A BETTER PERSON ALL TOGETHER THAT CARES MORE BY SEEING THE PERSON SUFFERING EVERY DAY! WHICH MAKES THINGS WORSE FOR ME IN A LOT HERE RIGHT NOW. NON CAPISCE VERAMENTE LE COSE POTENTI DELL'ANIMA IN QUESTO MODO (BUT TRIES?). OR WHAT THOSE KIND OF ACTIONS DO MORE TO ME IN HIS WAYS. INCLUDING THE LITTLE THINGS THAT AFFECT ME NOW AND WHAT I NEED (AND NEEDED). HAS TREATED THINGS LIKE IT CAN WAIT FOR A LONG TIME FROM THE SAME THINGS SAID. WHAT WON'T HEAL ANYMORE IN ANYTHING FROM ALL THE PAIN THAT NEVER ENDS HERE TOO. SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTOOD ME MORE WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH DIFFERENT AND BETTER. I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN MY PLACE OF PEACE OR OK HERE. BUT MORE PAIN FROM BEING IMPRISONED LIKE THIS FROM BEING A HALF SOUL AND LEFT ALL WRONG BY THAT OTHER HALF. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN LIKE THIS OF WHAT GOD DID THAT NOT MANY UNDERSTAND OR CARE. WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO MOVE FORWARD IN, BUT NEVER HAD HELP AND MORE DIFFICULT IN THAT FOR ME NOW. WHAT TAKES A LOT MORE OUT OF YOU FROM BEING THE GIRL THAT WAS LOST AND ABANDON FROM THE DIFFERENT SIDE OF THE SOUL (AND HOW THAT BALANCES ALL WRONG). BUT GOT STUCK BY THAT FRIEND THAT HASN'T BEEN TOO GOOD FOR ME THIS LONG HERE, AND OF NEVER MOVING FORWARD IN ANYTHING. AND NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTANDING THE ENTIRETY OF WHAT THIS DOES. JUST FEEL MORE LIKE I WAS LURED AND INFLUENCED THEN FROM WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. BY SOMETHING THAT WORKS THROUGH OTHERS THAT DON'T BELIEVE MUCH (BUT BETTER NOW IN THAT). AND WHAT GOD WILL DO AND EVEN BIGGER IN THE END, WHO DOES A LOT FOR HIS REASONS THAT MAKE SENSE. TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT WAS MESSED WITH IN A BAD WAY THROUGH LIFE AND IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. LIKE THOSE OF THE OTHER HALF THAT HAVE CONTROLLED HIS WAY.
........ JUST GOT MORE SICK IN EVERYTHING FROM THE SOUL OF WHERE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE AND FROM THAT FRIEND NEVER DOING WHAT WAS RIGHT THEN FROM THE TIME KNOWN (INCLUDING OTHER THINGS THAT NEVER GET BETTER FOR ME). BUT NEEDED DADDY ALWAYS IN SO MUCH FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING ON THEN OR WHAT TO DO (NEVER HAVING ANYONE TRULY THERE). IT WAS ALREADY NOT GOOD FROM THE BEGINNING OF BEING HERE FOR ME AND TOOK AWHILE UNTIL IT WAS ALL SHOWN (BUT HAD NO ONE TO UNDERSTAND MY PAIN THEN AND ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH AT THAT TIME). AND A FRIEND WAS JUST A GOOD FRIEND FROM WHAT I NEEDED AND TRUSTED THEN AND ALL I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO GROW FROM HERE (AND HOW THINGS ARE CHANGING IN A LOT FROM WHAT WAS FORGOTTEN). HOW I TRULY WAS INSIDE FROM WHAT GOD DID IN ME THAT HAS BEEN WRONG THIS WAY IN SO MUCH. NEVER HAVING ANYONE THERE WITH A LOT MORE SUPPORT TO SEE THIS TRUTH. ALL I'M GOING THROUGH NOW THAT COULD NEVER WAIT AMONG OTHER THINGS I'M DEALING WITH SAID OVER AND OVER. BUT NOT MUCH OF A PROBLEM FOR OTHER THINGS IN LIFE THAT GET DONE VERY QUICKLY AND NEVER WAIT! THIS ISN'T SOMETHING REGULAR FROM THE SOUL OF WHAT GOD CREATED THAT IS ONLY HALF. WHAT IS IN CONSTANT PAIN FROM BEING WITHOUT (AND THE FRICTION THAT GETS BIGGER FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING MUCH OF MY FEELINGS THAT BECOMES VERY HURTFUL FOR ME). AS WELL AS, BEING TRAPPED HERE WITH CONSTANT EXCUSES THIS LONG THAT IS ALREADY VERY DIFFICULT FROM LONG AGO (AND ANYBODY THAT'S REAL WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT ANYMORE OR ANYWHERE). OR SOMETHING ELSE IS DOING THIS FROM THE EVIL IN THAT WORLD FROM THE OTHER SIDE THAT I'VE FELT. I HAVE FELT AT TIMES A HUGE WAVE OF NEGATIVITY AND DARKER THINGS THAT HAPPEN FROM THE OTHER PART (IN ALL HE STILL DOES THAT AFFECTS ME MORE AT THOSE TIMES AND IS NOT A GOOD FEELING). AND GUESS IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL HERE WITH THE FRIEND THAT HAS BEEN AROUND MY PAIN FOR A LONG TIME, EVEN THOUGH HE SAYS A LOT (I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS ANYMORE). WHAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS AND HIS WAYS AND UP BRINGING THAT NEVER TRULY UNDERSTOOD ME ENOUGH OR MY FAITH. I GUESS IT'S ONLY CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT UNDERSTAND THIS KIND OF PAIN AND SEE WHAT IS FELT THROUGH EVERYTHING (AND HAVE MORE OF A HEART AND A BRAIN). ONES THAT HAVE MORE SENSITIVITY AND COMPASSION TO SOMETHING BIGGER THAT DEALS WITH THE SOUL, WHAT I NEVER HAD MUCH OF . SOMETHING OF GOD THAT HAS BECOME LIKE NOTHING ALL THIS TIME (AND STILL NOW). IT'S BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF WHO NEVER TOOK THINGS THAT ARE REAL AND CRITICAL MORE SERIOUSLY! AND NEVER WANTED THE REST THAT'S A PART OF HIM, WHAT HE IMBALANCED A WHOLE LOT MORE WITHIN. WHO NEVER REALLY LIKED HIS TRUE SELF AND THAT'S WHY HE NEVER WANTED ME (JUST THOSE WAYS IN THIS WORLD HE ENTANGLED HIMSELF WITH BY OTHERS, WHICH LEAVES ME NOWHERE). WHO LIKES TO PRETEND IN THAT WORLD FOR OTHERS THAT'S WRONG FROM AFFECTING MY HALF OF THE SOUL EVEN MORE NOW (IN THE WOMAN SIDE). HE DOESN'T CARE MUCH OR MIND ABOUT HIM AS YOU CAN TELL AND IS USED TO THE ABUSE IN THAT WORLD (AND THE THINGS HE HAS DONE THAT ARE WRONG). WHILE THINGS GET WORSE DESTROYING ME! WHICH SHOWS YOU, THERE IS NOT A LOT THAT BELIEVE IN GOD AND HIS ALMIGHTY POWERS (AND ALL THAT WILL BE DONE). FROM THE LIES THROUGH THE UNIVERSE THAT HAS CONTINUED ON MY TORTURED SOUL!! THE LEECHES HE HAS MOSTLY BEEN WITH THAT HAVE AFFECTED ME IN LIFE WHILE BENEFITING THEMSELVES (WHILE I SUFFERER MASSIVELY FOR THEIR CONVENIENCE AND HIS NOW). WHAT THE OTHER HALF HAS LET FOR MANY THINGS, BECAUSE OF HIS WAYS. MORE NOW IT SEEMS THAT NEVER ENDS (TRYING TO MAKE A POINT TOO). ONES THAT DON'T CARE AND COULD CARE LESS ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEMSELVES! CERTAINLY NOT GOD. BUT WHAT HURTS THE MOST, IS THE OTHER HALF NEVER TOOK THIS MASSIVE SITUATION VERY SERIOUS WHEN SHOWN (JUST MORE OF A LAUGH AND A JOKE WITH THOSE CONTINUING ON). HIS ACTIONS AFTER KNOWING. WHAT HE IS ATTACHED TO IN EVERY WAY WITHIN, BUT DECIDED TO GO MORE HOLLYWOOD AND IGNORE IT ALL (AND GIVES ME MORE ANXIETIES NOW FROM NOT CARING IN WHAT HE'S A PART OF). OR EVER REALLY WORRIED ABOUT MY SITUATION AND MY PAIN OR ANYTHING I NEED IN A PLACE I DIDN'T BELONG (AND KNOWS A LOT OF THAT REALITY). WHEN THIS WAS WAY BIGGER AND ALL HE FORGOT ABOUT ME AND HIM FROM WHAT GOD DID. ONLY GOD CAN CREATE. AND IT DOESN'T TAKE THIS LONG, BUT CONVENIENCE AND EXCUSES. JUST FEEL HIS PAIN AND TORMENT INSIDE DESTROYING ME MORE ALL THIS TIME AND ALL HE DOES THAT DESTROYS HIS BODY WITH A LOT (THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO HELP AND WHAT I KNOW BY GOD THROUGH THIS PAINFUL LIFE). HE KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM FROM THE FIRST LETTER HE GOT. BUT STILL NEVER THOUGHT MUCH IN US TO BELIEVE, BECAUSE OF THOSE IN THAT WORLD (AND NEITHER DO I ANYMORE IN THAT). WHAT IS NOT MY STYLE FROM HIM NEVER CARING TOO MUCH ABOUT ANYTHING IN OUR CONNECTED SOUL OR LIFE THAT BECOMES TOO LATE (AND FROM WHAT I'M DEALING WITH IN HEALTH THAT NEVER GETS BETTER FROM WHAT I NEEDED). BESIDES THE SOUL THAT WAS NEVER THERE AND DESTROYING ME MORE FROM THE PULL AND DIFFERENT EMOTIONS THAT ARE NOT BALANCED FROM WITHIN. HE WHO COULD NEVER DO RIGHT FROM HIS MIND IN THAT WORLD WITH THOSE PEOPLE THAT GOD ALREADY KNOWS (YOU MAKE THE RIGHT MOVE OR IT ALL GOES WRONG IN THIS FOREVER AND WITH GOD FOR HIM). WHAT WAS ALREADY WRITTEN AND DESTINED BY GOD AND FORETOLD IN THIS SPECIAL CREATION (AND CONNECTED TO THE T H E FAMILY). WHAT THE OTHER HALF HAS HURT AND DEVASTATED MORE INSIDE IN THIS CONNECTION TO ME FROM NEVER MUCH OF ANYTHING (WHAT HAS BEEN A TOTAL DISGRACE IN ALL OF THIS FROM HIM). OR EVER TRIED TO DO OR HELP AND KNOW THAT HE'S SCARED TOO (DOESN'T HAPPEN LIKE THIS OR AGAIN). BUT SHOULD HAVE FELT MORE HOME INSIDE WHEN HE SAW. INSTEAD OF JUST PRETENDING TO GO ON IN THAT WORLD FROM THOSE AROUND HIM AND DISMISSING ME (THOSE WHO DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A BRAIN TO REALLY UNDERSTAND LIFE, MOST). AND ACTED LIKE HE NEVER REALLY CARED ALL THAT MUCH AFTER A LITTLE WHILE OF SEEING THIS IN THE DELICATE SITUATION I AM IN NOW (JUST THE AUTOMATIC CONNECTION THAT NEVER CAME AROUND AND WAS NEVER THERE OR I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THIS WAY). YOU WOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW AND THE PAIN YOU WOULD HAVE FELT FOR ME DEALING STILL WITH THIS (AS I KNOW HOW DADDY WOULD HAVE BEEN). MOM WOULD KNOW AND FEEL IT TOO IF SHE SAW IN THIS CONNECTION AND ABOUT HER (AND ABOUT OTHER THINGS SHE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND TOO BACK THEN IN A LOT).
000 I WILL NEVER REJOIN TO THE OTHER HALF THAT HAS BEEN WRONG TO WHAT WE WERE BY GOD AND ALL HE HAS DONE FOR SO LONG THAT SHOWS HE NEVER CARED. EVEN THOUGH HE FEELS ME IN EVERYTHING AND HAS DESTROYED ME MUCH MORE INSIDE, BUT HAS NEVER SHOWED ANYTHING IN TRUTH. THE OTHER HALF GIVES ME MORE ANXIETIES NOW FROM FEELING SO ALONE THAT HAS BEEN DEVASTATING BEING ABANDON FROM YOUR OWN SOUL (WHAT'S NOT RIGHT). AND WHAT THE FRIEND DOES AND SAYS THAT IS WRONG FOR ME AT TIMES, ESPECIALLY ALL I'M GOING THROUGH NOW (AND CAN'T SEE FROM THE THINGS HE SAYS THAT ARE WRONG, BUT THEN SAYS SORRY). WHEN HE CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN, WHICH IS SOOO MUCH MORE NOW. --------------* SO ALL IT IS MOSTLY IS ARGUE, SILENCE AND TEARS, WHILE HE IGNORES ME FROM MY TRUE PAIN WITH OTHER THINGS. WHAT IS NOT WELL THAT HAS BEEN MORE OVERLOOKED TOO, JUST KNOWS WITH NOTHING TO HELP THAT COULD NEVER IN MUCH (THE SAME THING THAT HAS HAPPENED FOR YEARS). FROM ALL I HAVE ENDURED HERE AS WELL WITH THE FRIEND THAT HAS BEEN EXTREMELY WRONG, DISRESPECTFUL AND OFFENSIVE IN A LOT OF HIS WAYS THROUGH TIME (SOME WOULD UNDERSTAND AND SEE IT AND KNOW YOU WOULD TOO). BUT STILL HAVE A WAY BIGGER HEART THAN HIM FROM ALL I HAVE DEALT WITH WHERE I DIDN'T BELONG AND KEPT. HAVE HELPED SO MUCH IN HIM THROUGH TIME EVEN NOW THAT IS DIFFICULT FOR ME EVERYTHING. WHAT HAS AFFECTED ME IMMENSELY FROM MY SITUATION NEVER HELPED THAT HAS BEEN FROZEN IN PAIN. JUST HAS CAUSED ME MUCH MORE THROUGH TIME I DIDN'T NEED AND NO OTHER PLACE TO GO ANYMORE, OR ANYONE THERE TO BELIEVE AND HELP THIS TRUTH (OR THE THINGS I'VE ENDURED, EVEN NOW). BECAUSE IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A COUPLE OF STEPS FORWARD FOR ME AND 10 STEPS BACK (LIKE THROWN IN A CORNER UNTIL OTHER THINGS ARE DONE OR TENDED TO FIRST AND MY STUFF FORGOTTEN OR CAN WAIT). WHEN THIS IS SOMETHING BIGGER THAT DEALS WITH THE SOUL AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE, WHILE TIME TICKS AWAY AND CAN'T EVER GET IT BACK. I NEVER HAD THE PROPER PERSON AROUND TO HELP, SUPPORT AND BE THAT TRUE FRIEND IN MY EXTRAORDINARY SITUATION. THE FRIEND ALWAYS SAYS HE UNDERSTANDS, BUT DOESN'T GET MY PAIN ENOUGH THAT DEALS WITH THE VERY SOUL. WHAT IS DEVASTATING NOW THAT CAUSES MORE PAIN FROM THE ISSUES HERE. WHAT I HAVE DEALT WITH IN A GREAT CHUNK OF LIFE THAT HAS BEEN MEANINGLESS TO EXIST. THINGS THAT WERE NEVER DEALT WITH WHEN KNOWN FROM NOT MATTERING OR IMPORTANT ENOUGH, BUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS FOR THE FRIEND. OR WHY WOULD I STILL BE LIKE THIS WHEN I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIFFERENT AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME THAT MUCH THEN? WHAT GOT SO MUCH WORSE OF NEVER REALLY UNDERSTANDING ME THROUGH TIME IN MY PAIN ON HOW THE SPLIT SOUL WORKS. THINKING IT'S EASY TO DEAL WITH FROM ARGUMENTS OF NOT UNDERSTANDING THE EMOTIONS FROM THE SOUL THAT'S ATTACHED INTIMATELY TO ANOTHER (ESPECIALLY IN ALL THAT OTHER PART DOES AND REPRESENTS). WHAT SHATTERS YOU TO PIECES WITHOUT COMPLETION OF WHERE YOU WERE TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE (JUST HAS SAID THAT I'M DIFFERENT IN THE PAST, BUT THAT'S PROBABLY FROM LIKING ME THEN). ONLY DADDY MEANT IT FOR REAL AND IN A BIGGER WAY WHEN HE SAID IT. THE "FRIEND" KNOWS I'M IN MASSIVE PAIN AND CAN'T MISS IT NOW, BUT THINKS I CAN CALM IT DOWN (TRULY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MOST OF THE TIME AND NOT NICE). JUST TRIES TO SHOW HE MOSTLY IS, LIKE MORE INNOCENT. BUT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE FROM HIM TO ME AND WHAT YOU SAW THAT VERY FIRST TIME (ESPECIALLY DADDY OR EVEN TON TON). THAT'S WHERE HE IS VERY WRONG TO ME. DOESN'T GET HOW BIG THIS IS AND STILL TRIES TO UNDERSTAND (BUT SEES IT IN MY FACE EVEN MORE NOW). IF HE FELT IT HE WOULDN'T BE TALKING LIKE THAT FROM SOME THINGS HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND OR KNOW AND WOULDN'T CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS FOR ME (FROM NOT ENDURING IT HIMSELF IN THIS POWER WITHIN). IF YOU SAW ME NOW AND THAT PERSON FRIEND, YOU WOULD SEE AND BELIEVE THE TRUTH OF ALL I HAVE ENDURED AND DEALT WITH (AND ALL IT DOES BECAUSE I'M HALF A SOUL AND NOT WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE). WHAT WAS MORE DAMAGING IN EVERYTHING FROM ME BEING HERE UNFINISHED AND THIS WAY. WHAT IS CONNECTED IN SO MUCH OF WHAT GOD DID AND HOW IT BELONGS TO EACH OTHER FROM THE CREATION (HIM AND HER). HOW I'VE BEEN STUCK FOR SO LONG HERE AND ALL THAT HAS BLOCKED MY PATH. WHAT GETS MORE DIFFICULT FOR ME WITH SO MANY MORE FEARS THROUGH TIME FROM BEING A PART. BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF THAT FORGOT ABOUT HIS SOUL, FROM HIS ADDICTIONS AND OTHER ISSUES IN THAT WORLD FROM BEING HALF IN THE MAN HE NEVER WAS. WHERE I WAS TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE FROM BEING PART OF HIM, EVEN THOUGH I COULDN'T WALK TO FIND HIM FROM ALL I HAVE ENDURED THAT WAS DIFFERENT AND MORE TRAUMATIZING. THE OTHER PART NEVER TRULY CARED OR IT WOULDN'T HAVE GONE THIS FAR. WHAT ALSO KEPT ME HERE FROM THE BEGINNING BY SO MANY THINGS FROM THAT FRIEND AND GUILT TRIPS, AND OTHER THINGS I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF, AS WELL AS THINGS NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ON HOW THE HALF OF THE SOUL MAKES YOU FEEL HAVING NOTHING THERE BUT FEARS (OR WHERE TO GO FROM NO ONE THAT WOULD EVER BELIEVE MY PAIN AND EMOTIONS). :( I'M TALKING ABOUT HALF A SOUL IN ME AND ALL THAT HAS BEEN MISSING THROUGH LIFE THAT CAUSES *A LOT* MORE PAIN THAN AN AVERAGE PERSON. SOMETHING MASSIVELY POWERFUL THAT MOST CAN NOT COMPUTE WELL. THE FRIEND NEVER GOT TOO MUCH ON HOW THAT FEELS OR THINGS OF GOD I'M CONNECTED TO, BUT SAYS HE DOES. WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS DEALT WITH INSIDE OF WHAT GOD DID AND HAD PLANNED, BUT WAS SO LOST. WHAT GOT WORSE AS THE SOUL STAYED LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG OF WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TO FLOURISH. OR HAD SOMEONE IN THE MEANTIME THERE TO HELP ME THAT UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER AND THAT FAMILIARITY FOR ME FROM ALL I WENT THROUGH. I WAS SO LOST AND THE FRIEND KNEW I HAD A LOT OF FEARS FROM THE START. BUT HAS DONE NOTHING ALL THIS TIME THAT HAS KEPT ME THIS WAY AND UNABLE TO MOVE FORWARD (MOSTLY COMING FROM THE OTHER HALF AND YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND AND SEE). SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S EVIL COMING FROM THAT OTHER PART THAT HAS CAUSED SO MUCH MORE DAMAGE HERE IN ALL THAT WAS BLOCKED (WHAT THEY DON'T LIKE, BECAUSE OF THEIR WAYS NOW THAT WERE PLANNED BY THEM). AND THE FRIEND TRIES TO LOOK MORE PLEASANT FROM THE REPETITIVE ARGUMENTS I HAVE HAD, BECAUSE OF MY PAINFUL SPLIT SOUL. BUT THEN ANOTHER DAY COMES THAT BECOMES MORE TOXIC FOR MY HALF OF THE SOUL THAT IS NOT VERY WELL (FROM SO MUCH MORE THAT HAS BEEN DONE). WHAT IS FELT BY THE OTHER HALF WHO HAS NEVER SHOWED HE CARED. BUT NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE FRIENDS WAYS THAT WERE MORE CARELESS AND LESS UNDERSTANDING FOR ME. NOT RIGHT IN A LOT, BUT WAS TO SCARED IN MY PATH FROM BEING SO LOST THEN. HAS NOT BEEN VERY GOOD MANY TIMES FROM MY PAIN THAT THINKS I CAN JUST SHUT IT OFF. HOW IT HAS BEEN VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME AND BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO ALREADY HAVE BEEN COMPLETED AND FINISHED IN WHAT GOD DID (IN THAT RIGHTFUL PLACE). NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN HOLD BACK FROM THE SOUL OR DEAL WITH VERY WELL ANYMORE (FROM FADING IN A LOT). THE FRIEND HAS NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD HIGHER THINGS AND ALWAYS LOOKED AT ME AS A REGULAR SOUL. NOT SOMEONE VERY DIFFERENT WITH A SOUL IN AGONY THAT REALLY HAPPENS THAT WAY (BUT SEEING MORE THINGS NOW). FROM APPEARING THE SAME AS OTHERS TO HIM AND MAYBE ASSUMES I WAS CLOSE TO THE SAME. AT TIMES ACTS A LITTLE BETTER IN UNDERSTANDING, BUT THINGS HAVE TO BE GOING WELL WITH HIM (BUT DON'T FEEL HE PAYS MUCH ATTENTION TO MY WORDS ANYWAY, BUT TO OTHER THINGS MORE). I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS WAY FOR SO LONG WITHOUT ANYONE ELSE BEING THERE FOR ME THAT HURTS SO BADLY NOW. WHAT HAS BECOME SO DEVASTATING AND MUCH WORSE WITH TIME INSIDE ME. MOSTLY FROM BEING LEFT BY THE SOUL. DON'T TRUST A LOT ANYMORE, BECAUSE OF BEING HERE LIKE THIS AS HALF a soul WITH NEVER ANYTHING TO HELP. THE PAIN AND DEPRESSION I HAVE HAD MORE OF FROM BEING CONNECTED TO the other half and pulled from the other side. WHAT IS SO DIFFERENT INSIDE THAN ANYTHING ELSE and FROM THE FRIEND THAT NEVER UNDERSTANDS ME ENOUGH in all the damage. DOESN'T GO THROUGH ANYTHING LIKE THIS. THE CONTINUOUS AGONY THROUGH THE SOUL FROM THE OTHER HALF THAT SEEMS TO GET WORSE FROM BEING ATTACHED TO HIM IN LIFE (FROM HIM FORGETTING THE REST OF HIS SOUL AND HOW DISGUSTED I AM OF HIM NOW). THE OTHER HALF HAS HAD AN EASIER ROUTINE, WHERE OTHERS ARE THERE FOR HIM. WHO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO THINK MUCH FOR HIMSELF FROM HAVING THOSE DO THAT FOR HIM. SO HE PROBABLY FORGOT HOW THE REAL WORLD WORKS OR LIFE. IT'S BECAUSE OF HIM BEING SO LOST IN THAT WORLD BY OTHERS LESS THAN OK AND CAN SEE MUCH OF THAT IN PHOTOS FROM THE PAST, BEFORE HIS *REVELATION* AWAKENED HIM OF THE TRUTH (ME). EVEN THOUGH HE TRIES TO HIDE THINGS OR DENY (NOT THIS KIND OF STUFF THAT DEALS WITH THE SOUL, ESPECIALLY WHAT THEY DON'T CARE IN ME FROM VILE HUMANS HE CONTINUES WITH). WHAT HE COULDN'T HANDLE OR BE BOTHERED WITH, JUST HIS CURIOSITY A FEW TIMES. THIS IS NOT A SOUL MATE, BUT THE BALANCE WITHIN (THERE IS NO BALANCE WITHOUT THE REST THAT IS PART OF ONE ANOTHER AND BECOMES CATASTROPHIC WITH TIME NOT COMPLETED IN ANYTHING). OTHERS THINKING THEY KNOW HIM WELL, BUT NOT ENTIRELY FROM BEING ONLY PART (AND A LIAR TO WHAT HE IS). NOT MANY UNDERSTANDING THIS SOUL THAT IS UNIQUE. SO THEY THINK HE'S THE SAME AS THE REST, BUT SOME CAN SEE THAT'S NOT TRUE. THE PAIN BEGINS TO SHOW WHEN YOU IGNORE IT FOR SOOO LONG FROM WHAT YOU WERE ALWAYS A PART OF (EVERYTHING YOU NEED FROM ONE ANOTHER THAT IS CONNECTED WITHIN). WHAT HAS DESTROYED HIM MORE BEING IN THAT WORLD AND HAS SHOWN THROUGH TIME FROM HIS HALF OF THE SOUL, and tHAT HAS DEVASTATED ME MORE. WHAT GOD SHOWED ME TO HELP BEFORE THERE IS NO RETURN AND WORSE. but still TRIES TO HIDE the pain THROUGH HIS EYES BEING THE "ACTOR", BUT SOME CAN SEE THROUGH THOSE WINDOWS. JUST CONTINUES TO TAKE SO MUCH MORE INSIDE OF ME THROUGH THE SOUL CONNECTION BEING IN THAT WORLD. it's from THE PULL OF WHAT'S MISSING INSIDE OF HIM and me that is connected as one. LEAVING ME MORE DESOLATE AND IN AGONY FROM WHAT I ALWAYS NEEDED FROM HIM BEING THE OTHER HALF. SO I SUFFER MORE BEING A PART OF HIM IN THE GIRL THAT'S THE DIFFERENT SIDE OF THE SOUL FROM BEING PULLED BY THE BOY IN THE MAN HE NEVER WAS (ALL OF WHAT GOD CREATED IN THIS). HE FORGOT WHERE HOME IS. LEAVING ME MORE EMPTY AND IN PAIN EVERY DAY FROM ALL THOSE YEARS GONE BY! UNTIL IT'S OVER IN A BIG WAY, FROM NOT COMPLETING WHAT GOD SEPARATED FROM THIS CONNECTION WITHIN OF WHERE IT WAS all SUPPOSED TO BE. NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO FUNCTION AS HALF THROUGH LIFE. IT WOULD DESTROY YOU COMPLETELY AFTER AWHILE OF WHAT YOU WERE ALWAYS CONNECTED TO AND MISSING (from within the SOUL THAT MAKES YOU WHOLE). BUT REJECTED ALL THIS TIME FROM HIS bad CHOICES. WHAT AFFECTS THE MIND, HEART, BODY AND SOUL FROM THIS CONNECTION THAT'S VERY POWERFUL and flows through one another (EMOTIONS INCLUDED). HAS BECOME MORE OF AN IDIOT AND AN INSENSITIVE JERK! WHAT THAT WORLD AND THOSE PARTICULAR OTHERS HAVE DONE AND LEAD HIM THEIR WAY (FAR FROM THE TRUTH). NOT WANTING TO EVER REJOIN FROM HOW THE OTHER HALF HAS "CARED" ABOUT THE REST AND A LOT DIFFERENT FOR ME NOW (FROM HOW HE HAS BECOME, WHICH SICKENS ME AND CREATES MORE FEARS). AND ALL I HAVE DEALT WITH AND NO ONE THERE TO UNDERSTAND OR HELP ME. WHAT HAS MESSED WITH SO MUCH OF MY LIFE FROM THE START, INCLUDING WHAT I AM WITH NO EMOTIONAL SUPPORT OR OTHER THINGS NOW (AND NEEDED SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTOOD AND BELIEVED ME MORE, LIKE A RELATIVE THEN). NOT LIKE THE FRIEND CAUSING ME MORE DIFFICULTIES IN MY PAIN OR HE WOULD SEE MORE IN THIS THAT HAS BEEN WRONG IN MY PATH STILL (WHAT WOULD BE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT). NEEDED THAT PERSON WITH A LOT MORE UNDERSTANDING OF ME TO HAVE WALKED BESIDE THROUGH THIS STORM. WHAT WILL GET WORSE FROM BEING STILL LIKE THIS AND AGAINST MY FAITH WITH NOT MUCH RESPECT OF MY PAIN (RESPECT ONLY IN OTHER THINGS, BUT NOT THE STUFF THAT DEALS WITH MY SOUL THAT IS BIGGER).
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIFFERENT IN A BIGGER WAY. JUST LIKE THE BIG SIGN FROM GOD THAT SHOWS THE DEVASTATING WALK I HAVE ALWAYS HAD SINCE A CHILD ON MY CRIB (THE ONE MOM SENT ME LONG AGO THAT WAS ON MY CRIB, BUT I DON'T THINK SHE EVER UNDERSTOOD EITHER). UNTIL GOD AWAKENED AND SHOWED ME THE REST. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HELPED MORE IN FAMILY FROM IT BEING THIS WAY FOR ME IN LIFE, BUT NEVER WAS (FROM MY CIRCUMSTANCE THAT'S RARE). THE SAME SIGN SHOWN WITH WORDS MANY YEARS LATER AFTER GOD SHOWING ME THE TRUTH OF WHAT I AM AND A PART OF. FROM ALL THAT HAS CONFUSED ME IN LIFE AND THE FRIEND HERE OF WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. IN THINGS SAID AND DONE LONG AGO THAT WEREN'T RIGHT FOR ME FROM BEING SO LOST (AND BEFORE THINGS GET REALLY BAD IN A LOT, AND IN MY FEELINGS FROM NEVER COMPLETING THE SOUL THAT WAS SPLIT BY GOD). I NEEDED SOME SUPPORT, BUT DIDN'T GET ANY (JUST HIDING WITH FEARS OF NO ONE EVER UNDERSTANDING ME). TO HAVE HAD SOMEONE ELSE I COULD HAVE TRUSTED MORE OR HELPED AND SUPPORTED ME MORE IS WHAT I NEEDED AND NOW, BECAUSE OF ALL THAT HAS FALLEN BEHIND FOR ME AND WORSENED. BUT NO ONE THERE HAS BELIEVED IN THIS, WHILE I FADE. WHICH MAKES ME NOT TRUST MUCH OF ANYTHING ANYMORE AND MAKES ME FEEL SCARED AND ABANDON. STILL HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN THAT RELATIVE THAT I OPENED UP TO HER, BEFORE LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN EVEN MORE FOR ME (BUT NOTHING). AND ALL THAT THE OTHER HALF HAS DONE TOWARDS MY HEART AND SOUL FOR SO LONG TREATING ME LIKE A STRANGER, BUT NOW ME FEELING LIKE HE IS THAT STRANGER FROM ALL THAT TIME WASTED AWAY (EVEN THOUGH IT IS STILL CONNECTED MASSIVELY INSIDE AND DOESN'T CHANGE, BUT GETS ME SICKER FROM BEING HALF FROM THE PULL OF BEING UNFINISHED AND SO ON). FROM HIM KNOWING THIS HUGE FACT AS WELL THAT HURTS DEEPLY AND IMMENSELY AND ALL MY TEARS, BUT IGNORED CONTINUOUSLY. WHEN I NEEDED THAT OTHER PART TO SEE AND TO BE THERE (BUT WAS NEVER THERE FOR ME FROM NO LOVE AND HOW HE HAS TURNED IN THAT WORLD). HE DOESN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH MORE DIFFICULT IT HAS BECOME FOR ME FROM BEING HALF IN MYSELF WITHOUT HIM THAT IS THE OTHER PART AND COULD NEVER FUNCTION ALONE OR WELL, WHY I'M IN THIS MESS. WITHOUT THE REST AND ALL IT HAS DONE FROM MY SIDE FROM BEING INCOMPLETE THAT GIVES ME MORE FEARS THAT KEPT ME ADRIFT (AND SO MUCH THAT HAPPENED THROUGH TIME). WHAT HAPPENS AS IT CONTINUES THAT IS DETRIMENTAL. THE OTHER HALF HAS NEVER TRULY BOTHERED IN ANYTHING THAT'S LATE FROM ALL HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IN ME (AND WHAT IT HAS ALL DONE IN EVERYTHING). MAKES HIM AN EVEN BIGGER JERK FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR ME SO MUCH EARLIER IN ALL I HAD TO DEAL WITH AND NOW WITHOUT DADDY (WHAT WILL GET WORSE FROM NEVER BEING COMPLETED). ONLY CARES ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE AND MORE DISGUSTING THINGS NOW FOR A LONG TIME. NOT REALLY CARING WHAT THAT CAUSES IN ME ON A DAILY BASIS FROM BEING THIS WAY (OR WHAT TRULY MATTERS). ALL THIS WASTED TIME IN HIS IGNORANCE THAT HAS OVERTAKEN HIM BY OTHERS. OR DEALING WITH THE FRIEND THAT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MUCH IN ME AND NEVER REALLY HAS. SAYING THAT HE CAN FIX THIS ON WHAT WAS DAMAGED, BUT EVEN THAT IS COMPLICATED IN A DIFFERENT WAY. IT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME NOW WITHOUT ANYTHING ELSE THERE. THE FRIEND DOESN'T LISTEN WELL TO ME IN MY PAIN OR UNDERSTAND THAT ALL I ENDURED THAT'S BIGGER (BUT SEES I GUESS?). THE SOUL PAIN NOW IS BECOMING SO MUCH WORSE FROM ALL THAT HAS BEEN DONE AND STILL CAUSES WITHIN FROM THE OTHER HALF (OVERSHADOWING THINGS). IT FEELS I HAVE NO ONE THAT CARES EVEN A LITTLE IN THIS, BUT HOPEFULLY SEEN FOR THOSE THAT COULDN'T SEE BEFORE (AND ALL I WAS SHOWN TO DO, BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM). AND THE OTHER HALF THAT FAILED IN THIS AND ME (BUT STILL DID NOTHING AND AS CRAPPY AS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN FROM THAT WORLD FROM THOSE HE COULD NEVER STOP WITH). WHAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY THAT HAS AFFECTED ME MORE FROM BEING VERY DIFFERENT AND CONNECTED TO SOMEONE THAT CONTINUOUSLY DAMAGES THE SOUL HE SHARES (WHERE'S THE CARE IN THAT)? NOTHING GETS ACCOMPLISHED OR BLOSSOMS FROM THE CONTINUOUS FADING BECAUSE OF HIM IN THE MAN HE NEVER BECAME. JUST PUT TO THE SIDE BY THE OTHER PART FROM THE EVIL IN THAT WORLD THAT HAS CONTROLLED HIS WAYS FOR SO LONG, AND ALL THAT HAS CONFUSED HIM FROM THOSE HE HAS SURROUNDED HIMSELF WITH MORE NOW. WHO ARE NO GOOD AND CAN'T TELL ANYTHING, BUT THEIR OWN SELFISH NEEDS. THOSE THAT ONLY LOOK AT MONEY AND FAME AND THE ILLUSIONS THAT ARE EVERYTHING FAKE. BUT NOT *REAL* REALITY AND ALL THEY HAVE TAKEN THE PLACE OF FOR THIS LONG. WHAT GETS WORSE WITH TIME FROM BEING UNFINISHED FROM BEING CONNECTED TO THAT PART NOW. STILL UNABLE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT FROM BEING HALF A SOUL AND TREATED THIS WAY, AS THAT PART HAS CAUSED SO MUCH MORE PAIN IN ME FROM NEEDING TO DEPEND ON (HOW GOD HAD IT IN SOMETHING POWERFUL). AND THE FRIEND HAS NEVER UNDERSTOOD ENOUGH ON HOW I WAS OR GREW UP. NOT REALLY THINKING THAT THOSE WAYS ARE A PART OF ME OF HOW GOD HAD IT INSIDE THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND DIFFERENT THAN HIM. HAS MORE OF THE CARE FREE KIND OF ATTITUDE A LOT OF TIMES (THAT'S GOOD FOR HIM WHO HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT NOW). WHAT MOSTLY CAUSES ARGUMENTS THAT WERE NEVER WELL FOR ME FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING MORE (BUT GUESS IT HELPED HIM SOMEHOW). WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETWEEN THE TWO HALVES FROM WHAT GOD DID THAT IS DIFFERENT. BUT THE OTHER HALF WAS NEVER THERE OR HELPED IN ANY WAY TO MOVE FORWARD, AND IN MY CIRCUMSTANCE THAT'S VERY DIFFICULT NOW FROM SO MUCH. WHAT HAS CAUSED SO MANY MORE FEARS IN ME FROM THAT DELAY. I NEVER HAD ALL I NEEDED AND MORE THAN A LOT WAS TAKEN (SOMETHING BIG). WHAT IS WORSE INSIDE FROM MESSING WITH THINGS THAT ARE EVEN MORE OUT OF BALANCE THROUGH THE SOUL OF WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, INCLUDING OTHER THINGS IT IMBALANCED (MADE SUFFER TOO AND IGNORED).
THE FRIEND NEVER SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND ENOUGH ON HOW SPIRITUAL THINGS WORK. HOW IT HASN'T BEEN REAL WELL FOR ME, ESPECIALLY AS MORE TIME WENT BY HERE (BUT CAN'T MISS IT IN THE FACE). AND SAYING YOU UNDERSTAND DOESN'T MEAN YOU DO IN TRYING TO SCORE POINTS WITH THE PERSON WHEN THIS IS SOMETHING SERIOUS THAT DEALS WITH THE SOUL OF EVERYTHING YOU ARE. JUST SOME NEED MORE PROOF TO UNDERSTAND OR BELIEVE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SHOW AND GOD KNOWS THAT TOO. WHAT BECOMES VERY DIFFICULT WITH TIME AS I FADE FROM ALL I'VE KNOWN HAVING NOTHING TO GROW OR MOVE FORWARD (WHY I'M MORE LOST NOW TOO ALL THIS TIME FROM BEING LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG). DON'T KNOW HOW ANYMORE WITH THAT OTHER PART THAT SCARES ME IN HOW HE STILL ACTS FOR THEM. NEVER BOTHERED TO TALK BACK THEN OR A LONG WHILE AGO, EVEN THOUGH HE CAME (JUST WENT BACK AND CAUSED MORE DESTRUCTION IN ME WITH TIME FROM HIS CARELESSNESS, AND HOW MUCH HE HAS FALLEN). KEEPS GOING BACK TO THE SAME CRAP WHEN HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY LEGS IN THAT MAN THAT I'M A PART OF AND KNOWS HE'S DIFFERENT (BUT REELED IN LIKE A FISHING POLE FROM THOSE EVIL ONES, DADDY WOULD GET THAT). DIDN'T TRULY CARE FROM ALL HIS ACTIONS AND LACK OF, BUT WILL PRETTY MUCH BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR AN EVIL ONE (OR -IT-). AND DOESN'T GET THE MORE DIFFICULT HE MAKES IT FOR ME AND LENGTH OF TIME IN MY ANGUISH, IT WILL BE SO MUCH MORE FOR HIM AND BY GOD (FROM THIS BEING A VERY DIFFERENT CREATION THAT IS THE TWO PARTS THAT HOLD IT ALL TOGETHER AND HAVING MASSIVE DIFFICULTY IN THAT IN ONLY HALF THAT CARES). WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING VERY SACRED GOD DID AND *RIGHT* THAT HAS BEEN CONTAMINATED IN A VERY BIG WAY, AND NEVER FIXED IN ANY WAY.
NEVER MADE SENSE HERE IN A LOT FROM MISSING WHEN THE FRIEND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN EXPLAINED THAT CAN GET WORSE WITH HIM. WHAT MESSES UP MORE WITHIN ME THAT IS MUCH BIGGER FROM THE SOUL BETWEEN TWO HALVES (SOMETHING THAT WAS SACREDLY DONE BY GOD). WHAT I FRIENDED THEN AND WAS ALWAYS SCARED AND UNSURE FROM ALL I WAS DEALING WITH IN MY MASSIVE PAIN, LONELINESS AND FEARS I COULDN'T COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. NEVER REALLY HAVING ANYONE THERE FROM HOW WE GREW UP THEN WITH VERY CLOSE FAMILY TO UNDERSTAND HURT ME MORE. WHAT MADE ME WANT TO RUN AND DID THAT GAVE ME MORE FEARS (AND BEING MORE THAN ALONE). BUT NO ONE BUT DADDY AND MAYBE TA TA (O) WOULD HAVE EVER BELIEVED ANYTHING IN ME AND ALL GOD SHOWED ME IN THE END WITH DADDY (ONLY VERY FEW PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT A PERSON AND KNOW THAT THEY'RE VERY SPECIAL). MAYBE TA TA (N) OR TON TON IF HE SAW MORE AND FINALLY SAW ME FROM HOW LONG ITS BEEN AND MY FACE IN ALL IT DOES (BUT TOO LATE NOW). THE FRIEND TOOK SO LONG AFTER KNOWING THE TRUTH THAT GOT SO MUCH WORSE FOR ME HERE WITH TIME AND ALL I HAVE DEALT WITH DURING THAT TIME FROM HIS WORDS EVERY DAY THAT IS SO UNBELIEVABLE. ABOUT TAKING CARE OF THINGS FROM BEING HALF AND HELPING "FIX" THINGS (THAT NEVER HAPPENED STILL). AND SO MANY PROBLEMS CAUSED IN ME BY HIM FROM MORE STRESS GIVEN TO ME TOO AND DOESN'T GET WHAT THIS REALLY DOES TO ME INSIDE (OR MY CRIES). DOESN'T SEE IT THE WAY SOME CAN SEE, BUT MORE AN ARGUMENT HE MOVES ON WITH WHILE I SUFFER MORE (BUT SAYS SORRY MOST OF THE TIME). WITH NO ONE THERE TO BE CONCERNED OR HAS SEEN WHAT I ENDURE ON A DAILY BASIS, AND NEITHER THE FRIEND CARING TOO MUCH IN THE WRONGS FROM HIM SAYING THE SAME THING EVERY DAY (BUT SAYS HE DOES). WHEN THINGS FOR ME HAVE BEEN *UNFAIR* IN A MAJOR WAY IN LIFE AND ALL I HAVE DEALT WITH IN EVERYTHING. AS WELL AS, THE EXTENSION THAT IS PAINED FROM THE SAME THINGS HAPPENING THAT NEVER CHANGES AND KNOWS THIS HAS BEEN VERY WRONG IN EVERYTHING FOR ME (SUFFERS TOO FROM ALL THIS). DADDY WOULD HAVE SEEN EVEN MORE WHAT I GO THROUGH AND WHAT SO MANY HAVE DONE WITH THAT OTHER HALF THAT HAS AFFECTED ME MORE.
. . ./ NOTHING EVER DONE TO THE FRIEND, BUT CAUSES ME MORE PAIN I CAN'T DEAL WITH ANYMORE FROM MY ORDEAL AND ALL HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND (INCLUDING MORE PAIN AND DEPRESSION JUST BEING HERE LIKE THIS). WHERE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE, ESPECIALLY LOSING SO MUCH IN FAMILY HE NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT THAT MEANS OR TO ME. JUST WRECKED MORE INSIDE BEING THIS WAY THAT SERVED ME NO PURPOSE. WAS NEVER HELPED FOR MY WAY, BUT LOST MORE FROM BEING TIED HERE WRONG. WHICH KEEPS ME PARALYZED WITHIN THE SOUL AS I FADE WITHOUT ANYTHING AND THAT SUPPORT I NEEDED FROM MY FEARS TO HELP ME KEEP GOING. TO SET ME FREE LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHEN HE SAW. INSTEAD OF A FRIEND TO HAVE ACTUALLY HELPED AND SUPPORTED ME IN A REAL WAY THEN FROM ALL THAT WAS SAID FROM THE START (AND ALL THAT HAS GONE ON ALL THIS TIME). HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN WELL EITHER, EVEN THOUGH HE SAYS HE DOES. FROM CAUSING ME MORE SUFFERING THROUGH TIME, WHEN I AM HALF A SPLIT SOUL (DADDY WOULD KNOW THE TRUTH). BUT SOMETHING ELSE CAUSING THINGS MORE TO BE MESSED UP FROM THAT EVIL WORLD. AND BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF THAT NEVER DID ANYTHING AND ALL THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM. NEED SOMEONE THERE NOW THAT UNDERSTANDS ME BETTER, BECAUSE OF HOW LOST I AM FROM THAT PAIN THAT NEEDS HEALING. SOMEONE WHO CARES MORE FOR MY WELL BEING AND NOT LIKE WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN OTHER THINGS THAT ALWAYS COME FIRST. BUT ME FIRST NOW AND NOT LIKE THE OTHER HALF. WHO SERVES THE WRONGS FIRST AND ANYONE ELSE, INSTEAD OF HIS SOUL AND LIFE (HIS BEGINNING AND END). FORGETS ABOUT THE REST, WHILE GOING ON DOING WHATEVER TO ENTERTAIN OTHERS IN THAT WORLD (CARES MORE ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE). OR BEING HERE LOST IN THE FRIENDS OWN WAYS THAT GOES NOWHERE FOR ME FROM BEING WHAT I AM. JUST BECOME MORE SCARED FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO COPE IN THIS OR ANYTHING THAT HELPS ME. THIS ISN'T CARE, EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN SAID IT IS OR MAYBE A BIZARRE VERSION OF IT. WHICH EXPLAINS A LOT AND THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD NOW. JUST THE SAME ROUTINE THAT TRULY ISN'T ME AND ALL I NEEDED AND NEED THAT'S DESTROYING MORE BEING WITHOUT. SO I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS TO MAKE HIS CONSCIOUS FEEL BETTER? OR KEEP WAITING AS I FADE IN SOMETHING MASSIVE AND *THEN* (LIKE I HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME IF NOT FIXED NOW, BUT AT LEAST HE KNOWS THAT TOO). HAS ALWAYS BEEN SLOW FOR ME AND WHEN IT COMES TO ME, BUT HOPEFULLY SOMETHING SOON IN HOW LONG I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH HIS SAME STORIES (AND WAITING). JUST FEEL MORE SCARED TO BE IN LIFE NOW FROM BEING THIS WAY FOR TOO LONG WITH NO ONE ELSE THERE THAT'S DIFFICULT. WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FROM HAVING THE OTHER HALF OF THIS ENORMOUS PAIN IN WHAT GOD UNIQUELY CREATED, WHAT'S VERY DIFFERENT TOO (AND ALL I MISSED IN LIFE THAT GIVES ME SO MUCH HEARTACHE). I KNOW YOU WOULD BE VERY UPSET KNOWING THE TRUTH I'VE BEEN THROUGH AND IT WOULD PAIN YOU DEEPLY TOO. THAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THAT AND DESERVED A BETTER WAY. DADDY DID TOO EVEN BIGGER AND THAT I DESERVED BETTER AND GREATER IN EVERY WAY. BUT FELT A LOT MORE BEFORE EVERYTHING BECAME CLEAR TO HIM AND ALWAYS KNEW I WAS VERY DIFFERENT. BUT DEALING MORE NOW WITH THE OTHER HALF WHO HAS WRECKED MORE INSIDE OF ME FOR OTHERS THAT BECOMES MORE DIFFICULT IN EVERYTHING. WHEN GOD DID NOT HAVE THIS TO BE LIKE THAT FOR ME, BECAUSE OF IT BEING A *VERY* DIFFERENT SITUATION FROM THE START (BUT ALREADY KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO ENDURE AND ALL *HE* HAD DONE AND PROTECTED). AND FROM CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT HAVE A NASTY JEALOUSY YOU CAN SEE THROUGH THEIR EYES THAT'S IRRITATING, GRATING AND DISGUSTING FROM ALL THEY WANT TO TAKE (HARD TO LOOK AT TOO). SO COULD DADDY SEE A LOT OF THAT AND ABOUT ALL THEY WOULD FEEL ABOUT ME THAT DIDN'T MAKE HIM HAPPY (AND KNOWS WHERE IT ALL COMES FROM TOO).
THE OTHER HALF HAS NEVER REALLY FELT ME THAT MUCH, BUT JUST THE PAIN OF MISSING FROM BEING ON SO MANY OTHER HIGHS. IT'S FROM THAT AGONY INSIDE OF HIM THAT'S DIFFICULT TO HANDLE. BUT BECAME VERY SELFISH IN TIME AND LOST MORE OF HIS BRAIN IN LIFE, AND ALL HE'S CONNECTED TO (BUT IT'S NOT ME HE HAS EVER WANTED). WHAT AFFECTS ME MORE FROM BEING THE OTHER PART TO HIM AND LITERALLY MAKES MY BODY SICK FROM ALL ELSE I'M ENDURING WITH NOTHING. WHAT IS A CONSTANT SUFFOCATION AND PAIN NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO ENDURE THAT MANY TEARS (ONLY BECAUSE OF GOD AND DADDY). HIM SAYING ALL THAT NOW, SOUNDS LIKE SUCH BS ! WHEN THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE SOONER OR IN SOMETHING THEN. BECAUSE OF WHO HE IS TO ME AND IS SUPPOSED TO CARE COMPLETELY AND IMMENSELY FROM BEING THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL INSIDE. WHAT I GOT CURSED WITH FROM NO CARE THIS LONG IN LIFE. SHOWS YOU NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I TRULY AM FULLY OR IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL WHEN IT COMES TO ME (AND NEVER DID, EXCEPT FOR DADDY AND A FEW OTHERS BACK THEN). THAT'S NOT THE WAY THIS WORKS, BUT MAYBE FOR REGULAR SOULS THAT ARE ALREADY WHOLE INSIDE (WHO DON'T REALLY CARE OR GIVE). NOT THE SAME AS THIS BIG THING GOD CREATED SPECIAL FOR LIFE. I AM NOT A REGULAR SOUL, BUT HALF A SOUL AND VERY DIFFERENT EVEN MORE IN WHAT GOD DID IN THIS. EVEN THOUGH THE FRIEND HAS SAID MANY TIMES, I KNOW TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW IN MANY OTHER WAYS, OR HE'S JUST FOCUSED IN HIS OWN WAYS LIKE USUAL. IN ANY WAY, WHERE IS THE SENSITIVITY IN THAT? HE STILL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME WELL OR WHAT HE'S MESSING WITH INSIDE. I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER NOW AND BY SEEING THE TRUTH AS WELL IN MY FACE BEING MY BLOOD (AND KNOWING ME BETTER). YOU WOULD FEEL IT TOO FROM THE CONNECTION OF MY BROTHER AND UNDERSTAND THE PAIN I GO THROUGH THAT'S MASSIVE (AND EVEN MORE NOW IN WHAT THE OTHER HALF HAS PUT ME THROUGH AND JUST ABOUT READY TO GIVE UP). ALL THE FRIEND HAS BEEN IS MORE HELPED IN LIFE SINCE I'VE BEEN STUCK IN MY TEARS HERE OF WHERE IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE, JUST ME LOST IN MY PAIN AND AGONY HE NEVER BOTHERED LOOKING IN ME (ONLY FOR HIMSELF). ALL HE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IN ME, SO IT'S NOT A PROBLEM FOR HIM IN LIFE. I'M GLAD TO HAVE HELPED HIM, BUT AM ONLY HALF A SOUL IN SOMETHING DIFFERENT (AND HAVE ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT SINCE A CHILD). THE FRIEND WOULD COME UP WITH HIS OWN MEANINGS OF WHY HE THOUGHT I WAS DIFFERENT (INSTEAD OF REALITY YOU CAN SEE MORE NOW). WHAT GOD AWAKENED IN ME FROM BEING SO LOST HERE AND HOW IT WAS CREATED THAT IS ONLY PART (WHAT GOD SHOWED ME AND WHAT I AM, AND IN ALL I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO). WHAT NEEDED THE OTHER PART ALWAYS THERE TO FUNCTION IN LIFE AND BE ABLE TO HEAL AND WALK TOGETHER (TO GO FURTHER). AND DOESN'T SEEM TO BOTHER THE FRIEND TOO MUCH IN HOW I STILL AM FROM BEING STUCK THIS LONG HERE, MAYBE A LITTLE FROM SEEING THE MASSIVE FADING (BUT SAYS HE CARES?). WHO IS GOING TO EVER HELP ME IN WHAT I NEED NOW THAT HAS MORE ANXIETIES FROM HERE AND being a split soul that was so lost (AND EVERYTHING BEING DONE BY THAT OTHER HALF AND HIS VULTURES THAT SURROUND HIM FROM WANTING TO BASK IN HIS FAME). what they have changed in him that has destroyed that connection (BESIDES all he has kept secret for himself all this time in my pain being connected to him). which wasn't a secret to the soul, but more of a painful and sick reality. WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING EVER THERE to care or help me (and someone i could trust). BEING LOCKED UP in this state WITH THE FRIEND from being lost long ago IS NOT LIFE OR BEING THERE IN THE WAY I NEEDED. NEVER FELT LIKE A MARRIAGE FROM how it all happened that wasn't normal from the start and how i felt inside that was already said then. what was more manipulated in what was said to me to make it go this way. in my thoughts and feelings that never seem to matter (and all i was going through in my pain then of being so lost and scared). what's already devastating and more alone when you have no one to even understand you. was ONLy HALF A SOUL AND KEPT THIS WAY FROM BEING SO LOST since finding the truth here (and how that went all that time that wasn't good). my pain mostly in no care or understanding and the friend having no one in all he said then in getting me to come this way. and the THINGS HE HAS SAID IN THE PAST keeping me this way so long that has DESTROYED me more in all i need. a big UNKNOWING MISTAKE that was left in me this way FROM HAVING NO ONE THERE TO BELIEVE WHAT GOD DID (what the other half overlooked and ignored for his fame and other more important). OR WHO IS GOING TO BE THERE NOW FOR ME, BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM FROM MY SITUATION THAT HAS BEEN IGNORED BY *EVERYTHING* IT SEEMS AND FEEL MORE SCARED FROM BEING CALLED CRAZY (AND GOD KNOWS all the insults too FROM SO MUCH THAT'S FADED FROM THE OTHER HALF NEVER SAYING THE TRUTH, OR his "UGLY TRUTH" HE DOESN'T LIKE). what he is so far away from, because of others. daddy would say, people that call you crazy, are crazy themselves (and because their mind can't handle powerful things like this of God). but call on to God when they are in trouble that may be to late (especially if they have been fake all that time). DON'T KNOW HOW ANYMORE WITHOUT DADDY THERE OR THAT FAMILIARITY I CAN TRUST NOW. OR EVEN TON TON WHO HAD THAT PRESENCE TOO that gave me comfort AND WELCOMED ME ALWAYS (TRUSTED IN ME also). WHILE MOST KEEP GOING ON WITH THEIR PETTY THINGs AND CAN'T truly SEE SOMETHINg SUFFERING MASSIVELY that's bigger in a more fragile state now, BECAUSE I'M NOBODY TO THEM (OR WHO CARES LIKE THE OTHER HALF of this, AS HE KEEPS GOING FROM BECOMING SO DIFFERENT IN THAT WORLD from his fame with HIS NEXT "PROJECTs" as important things fade). WHO HAS BEEN a liar to the rest of the soul all this time! WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF ME, BUT STILL CONNECTED INSIDE THAT'S MORE THAN SAD (was always truthful to him). WHEN THIS WAS ALL PART OF GOD'S PLAN FROM THE BEGINNING IN THOSE WORDS shown NEVER ACCOMPLISHED IN LIFE (AND WHAT IT WILL BECOME WITHOUT THAT). WHY IT'S ALL GETTING VERY BAD NOW, BECAUSE OF WHAT GOD CREATED THAT'S COLOSSAL THROUGH THE FAMILY (THAT WILL GET EVEN WORSE WITHOUT IT). WHAT WASN'T FINISHED IN LIFE IN WHAT GOD ALREADY ORDAINED AND THINGS WILL BE CRUSHED DOWN FROM NEVER BEING ABLE TO WALK MY TRUE PATH THAT WAS ALREADY DESTINED BY *HIM*. HOW GOD HAD IT ORIGINALLY TO BE RIGHT. NO ONE CARES ABOUT THAT EITHER, ESPECIALLY THE FRIEND THAT DOESN'T GET IT TOO WELL HOW IT GOT WORSE ALL THIS TIME (GOES BACK AND FORTH WITH THAT FROM THINGS HE HAS SAID THAT IS WRECKING ME MORE FROM HIS MINDSET). THE OTHER HALF THAT IS A PART AND WHOLE TOGETHER IN EVERYTHING WITH ME. BUT DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON FROM DEALING WITH SO MUCH THEN ALONE. JUST TRUSTED THEN AND TOOK A CHANCE FROM MY PAIN TO COME HERE ON THINGS THE FRIEND SAID HE UNDERSTOOD, BUT WAS NEVER ABLE TO GROW OR GO FURTHER FROM MORE FEARS AND EVERYTHING ELSE WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF. WHILE THE FRIEND KEPT GOING AND IS ABLE TO GROW AND MOVE ON IN LIFE FURTHER (BUT DOESN'T GET WHAT IT DOES TO ME ENTIRELY FROM THINGS I'VE DEALT WITH HERE AND WASN'T SUPPOSED TO THIS WAY). JUST SOMETIMES UNDERSTANDS FROM THE SURFACE HE SEES THAT GETS SO MUCH WORSE INSIDE. WHILE I'M STUCK AND MORE FROZEN FROM THIS HERE ALL THIS TIME THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN HIM OF NEVER BEING WHERE I TRULY BELONGED BY GOD (OR HIS UNDERSTANDING THAT IS WEAK IN THIS). TO BE WHOLE IN THE WOMAN I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FROM ALL THAT IS MISSING WITHIN ME IN THIS SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCE AND CREATION (SEEMS LIKE IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT LITTLE TIME WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY THEN AS A CHILD AND LITTLE GIRL THAT WAS LOVED BY THOSE, LIFE WOULD HAVE HAD NO MEANING AT ALL FOR ME). :( ALL GOD HAD FOR ME IN LIFE WAS TO HELP ASSIST TO THE RIGHT WAY THAT HAS BEEN TAKEN, PUT TO THE SIDE FOR TOO LONG AND PURE AGONY (AND USED). AND THE PLACES I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO HEAL IN WHAT GOD SHOWED FROM BEING IMPRISONED IN LIFE IN ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH (BUT NEVER GOT TO REALLY SEE MUCH OF ANYTHING IN LIFE ANYMORE). FROM SO MUCH PAIN CAUSED AND FROM BEING SO LOST THAT HASN'T BEEN RIGHT IN A LOT FOR ME. DADDY AND YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN ALL OF WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS ON HOW I HAVE BEEN "TAKEN CARE OF" FROM THE START HERE. THE WAY IT HAS BEEN FOR ME ALL THIS TIME HERE WITH THE FRIEND AND DOESN'T GET TOO MUCH ON HOW THIS SHOULD HAVE *NEVER* BEEN THE WAY IT IS. WHO HAS HAD NOT MUCH OF A PROBLEM IN HOW HE IS SET UP WITHIN AND HIS MIND (FROM NOT DOING MUCH OF ANYTHING IN A LOT). BUT THIS AFFECTS ME FULLY AND THE EXTENSION, AND SO MUCH MORE FROM THE TWO FAMILIES ON BOTH SIDES OF THE SPLIT SOUL. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TRUE FAMILIES OF HOW IT WAS ORIGINALLY TO BE FROM THE SPLIT SOUL BEING PUT PROPERLY BACK TO EACH OTHER (AND TO SHOW THE TRUTH OF WHAT GOD DID THAT MANY DON'T THINK EXISTS IN HIS ALMIGHTY POWER AND EVERYTHING ELSE). WHO THE FRIEND DOESN'T SEEM TO SEE HOW BAD THIS IS NOW. SAYS HE UNDERSTANDS, BUT NOT ENOUGH FOR ME IN HOW WRONG THIS IS (AND WITH ME HAVING NOTHING THERE FOR THAT SUPPORT NOW). WHAT GOD DID IN THIS SACRED TRUTH OF THE TWO HALVES OF THE SOUL COMING BACK TO THE RIGHTFUL PLACE AS ONE TO HEAL :( (THIS WORLD SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING WRONG IN THE CHEERLEADER OF EVIL AND MOST GO WITH IT). THE FRIEND COULD NEVER SEE MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME OF WHERE I DIDN'T BELONG OR WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER, EVEN WAY AFTER KNOWING OR WOULDN'T BEEN LIKE THIS (JUST MASSIVE EXCUSES AND PAIN I CONTINUE TO HAVE). WHICH BECOMES MORE DIFFICULT IN THIS FOR ME AS MORE TIME GOES BY OF WHERE I WAS TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE AND FULLY CONNECTED TO. THE PERSON THAT IS THE OTHER HALF THAT BECOMES MORE FEARS FOR ME AS IT EXPIRES. ALSO BEING IN THE SAME PLACE FOR SO LONG THAT WAS WRONG THAT NOT MANY UNDERSTAND THAT KIND OF DAMAGE. NOW TO MOVE FORWARD ALONE THAT IS DIFFICULT BEING HALF A SOUL WITHOUT THAT OTHER PART, AND NOTHING THERE TO SUPPORT OR ANYTHING FAMILIAR TO UNDERSTAND ME. MY TRUE DEEP PAIN WAS IGNORED MORE OVER FROM NOT WANTING TO HEAR IT WELL FOR A LONG TIME BY THIS FRIEND TO KEEP ME THIS WAY. SINCE HE ALREADY KNOWS I AM DIFFERENT THAN HIM AND A SPLIT SOUL TO ANOTHER (BUT TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THE HELL I GO THROUGH INSIDE EVERYDAY, EVEN THOUGH HE CONTINUES TO SAY HE KNOWS OR ACTS BIGGER THAN HE THINKS). HAS DONE NOTHING THAT HAS TRULY HELPED BEING AROUND HIM IN MIND, HEART OR SOUL (AND PHYSICALLY DEPLETING). EVERY TIME I SAY I NEED FAMILY OR MY MOM, HE STARTS ACTING WEIRD BY SAYING WHAT FAMILY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT (WHAT GIVES ME MORE ANXIETIES). I SAY MY FAMILY THAT I GREW UP WITH AND OTHERS YOU HAVE NEVER MET (AND BARELY MET THEN FROM BEING THERE ABOUT A WEAK AND QUICKLY GONE). THEN SAYS, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND AT FIRST (PLAYING THE BS GAMES I THINK). AND ALL I HAVE HAD TO DEAL MORE OF THAT GOT WORSE AFTER KNOWING WHAT I AM BY GOD. AND NEEDED TO MOVE IN THAT DIRECTION QUICKLY, AS WELL AS TO TALK PRIVATELY WITH THE OTHER HALF BACK THEN (AND NONE OF THAT HAPPENED THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BY BEING BLOCKED IN EVERY DIRECTIONS). FROM BEING WRECKED BY THE FRIEND TOO IN A LOT THROUGH THIS PROCESS OF BEING AROUND HIM KNOWING WHAT I AM. I KNOW YOU COULD FEEL AND KNOW NOW WHAT IT HAS BEEN LIKE WITH THIS PERSON FRIEND FOR ME HERE. WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY DRAINING, BESIDES THE OTHER HALF STILL TEARING ME A PART (BUT HAS TALKED WEIRD MANY TIMES LIKE I HAVE NO FAMILY, JUST HIM). WHICH GIVES ME SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSION, WHEN ALL I KNEW WAS THEM THE MOST. SO I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AND MAD IN DEALING WITH MY SOUL IN THIS DELICATE MATTER NOT MANY UNDERSTAND WITH THIS "FRIEND" STILL AND ALL HE HAS SAID (AND BEING PULLED BY THE OTHER HALF SO BADLY IN EVERYTHING, AS WELL AS THE NEGLECT THROUGH THE SOUL). WITH NOTHING ANYWHERE FOR ME THAT TRULY CARES OR THE OTHER HALF WHO HAS NEVER PUT HIS HEAD STRAIGHT FOR ME AND HIMSELF (THERE IS NO REAL LOVE ALL I EVER WAS AFTER DADDY IS ABANDON AND NOT REALLY CARED FOR). AND ALL THE FRIEND HAS CAUSED ME UNTIL I GOT TO THE OTHER HALF'S ATTENTION OF THE TRUTH. WHAT GOT EVEN WORSE BEING LIKE THIS AROUND HIM FOR ME IN ALL THAT TIME. THEN THE CRUSHING THAT THE OTHER HALF DID TO ME AFTER KNOWING WHAT HE IS THAT IS THE BIGGEST, BESIDES GOING BACK AND FORTH EVERYWHERE AND WHAT IT DOES TO THE SOUL AND BODY (AND HOW HE INTRODUCED HIS NEW "GIRLFRIEND WITCH" AFTER KNOWING THE TRUTH FOR AWHILE). THEN WHATEVER OTHER FAME WHORES THAT CAME ALONG IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT HE *KNEW* AND WITH ALL THAT HE CONTINUED FOR HIS PLEASURES IN ALL THE CORNERS OF LIFE THAT WERE WRONG. AND ALL OF MY TIME HE HAS WASTED, SORRY "OUR TIME". SO IT HASN'T BEEN GOOD FOR ME AT ALL IN ANYTHING AND KNOW YOU WOULD DEEPLY CARE ABOUT THAT AND A LOT MORE. HAVE PROBLEMS TRUSTING ANYTHING IN ALL THIS, BUT MOSTLY THE FRIEND IN HOW HE ACTS NOW AT TIMES. WHAT I HAVE HAD PROBLEMS WITH SINCE BEING IN THIS STATE WITH HIM IN MY SILENT PAIN FROM ALL THAT HAPPENED SINCE THE FIRST DAYS AND BEGINNING OF BEING HERE THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TRULY BE FOR ME (BUT WHO WAS GOING TO BE THERE AND HELP ME KNOWING THE TRUTH IN ITS TIME, SUPPORT). HOW THE FRIEND HAS DONE THINGS THAT HAVE RUINED ME MORE AND HOW HE HAS KEPT THIS THAT AFFECTS A LOT. JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR OUT OF THIS WORLD SOON AND FOR A WHILE NOW. BUT ALSO DON'T TRUST HIM ENTIRELY AROUND THE EXTENSION AND NEVER HAVE. BUT THE OTHER HALF WHO HAS NEVER BOTHERED WHEN I AM *ONLY* THE OTHER HALF OF HIS SOUL, DOESN'T CARE MUCH ABOUT THAT. JUST THE WRECK IN THE SOUL BACK AND FORTH HE HAS STAYED AWAY FROM. JUST COMES TO SEE FROM AFAR TREATING ME LIKE A BIZARRE STRANGER IN WHAT I FEEL. THAT WOULD BE HIM STRANGE IN NO BALANCE THAT HAS AFFECTED ME MORE (I AM NOT BIZARRE, BUT REALTY OF THE TRUTH NOT MANY CAN HANDLE)! AND NOTHING LIKE HIM EITHER IT SEEMS TO HAVE UNDERSTOOD ME AT LEAST A BIT MORE THAT I THOUGHT (JUST HIS DELUSIONAL IN THAT WORLD WITH THOSE IN HW IS ALL HE UNDERSTANDS MORE OF AND ALL HE SENDS ME THROUGH THE SOUL TO SHATTER ME MORE).
zzz I CONSTANTLY THINK OF FAMILY WHICH HE WOULDN'T KNOW OR EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT TRULY MEANS in how he is and says things. THINGS HE HAS SAID TO ME IN THE PAST AND NOT TO LONG AGO that IRRITATES me and gives me more pain. I WILL SAY I NEED TO GET TO MY MOM AND NEED MY COUSIN AND HE WILL SAY, WHO ARE YOU TALKING about? I'M TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT, WHO? AND I SAY IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHO, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ANY (tired of that and the coldness in things i have had to deal with for a long time). THEN SAYS OK, LIKE HE IS UP TO SOMETHING. WHICH ANGERS AND PAINS ME EVEN MORE AND THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHILE AND NEED TO KNOW IF MOM AND THE REST ARE OK from SOMETHING. THEN I TELL HIM DON'T PLAY STUPID WITH ME, BECAUSE I KNOW YOUR GAMES NOW. I SAY AGAIN, MY FAMILY THAT IS REAL AND BETTER THAN YOURS FROM THE COLDNESS i've dealt with from the start. what kept me more closed and to myself from the already never ending pain i already had. WHAT YOU DESTROYED FROM THE DAY YOU CAME THERE OF ME UNKNOWING AND BROUGHT ME THIS WAY FOR YOUR AGENDA WHEN YOU KNEW HOW SCARED I ALREADY WAS AND ACTING LIKE YOU WERE SENSITIVE AND A GOOD FRIEND TO MY FEELINGS. GIVING ME MY SPACE THEN IN THAT FIRST YEAR OR SO. THEN IT ALL CHANGED AND MY FEARS GOT BIGGER AND MORE CONFUSED. THE FRIEND IS NOT GOING THROUGH ANYTHING LIKE ME, SO HE WOULDN'T HAVE A CLUE HOW THIS REALLY IS (MAYBE JUST WANTED ATTENTION FROM A FEMALE). AND DIDN'T KNOW ME THAT WELL, BUT THEN SAYS NO NOT TRUE I THOUGHT THERE WAS A LOT MORE (yeah deep like as a friend then in what i felt and he wanted (me to like him more than another), and so unsure about a lot from fears, LONELINESS and being scared). AND I SAY THEN YOU FORGOT HOW IT WAS FROM THE START ON HOW -YOU- WANTED IT TO BE from all i said AND WHY I WAS ABLE TO COME. THEN SAYS HE KNOWS, BUT also SEES I'M CONNECTED TO SOMEONE ELSE AND that THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT (and still going through this and the invisible. THAT'S BECAUSE HE HAD NO ONE THERE FOR HIM then AND THAT GOES BACK AND FORTH IN AGGRAVATING ARGUMENTS from how it was then. ----- IT WAS A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING THAT NO ONE CARED MUCH OF OR COULD UNDERSTOOD AND WAS SO ALONE. NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ALL MY PAIN THEN, PROBABLY NOT NOW EITHER. ---------***** I KNEW THE FRIEND THEN ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF, MOSTLY WRITING AND PHONE FROM A LOT OF FEARS I WAS HAVING THEN WITHOUT DADDY THERE (BUT NOTHING EVER WORKED FOR ME). BUT THE FRIEND ACTS AT TIMES LIKE HE KNEW ME LONGER TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL GOOD I GUESS. WHICH IS PAINFUL TOO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T BELONG LIKE THIS IN LIFE HERE. BUT GUESS IT'S WHAT IT IS. I WOULD REMIND HIM OF THE DATES AND THEN HE WOULD SAY YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT (THINKING IT WAS LONGER). I'M JUST SO TIRED OF ALL I HAVE BEEN CONSTANTLY GOING THROUGH IN LIFE THAT NEVER STOPS AND THE PAIN THAT GETS WORSE FROM BEING CONNECTED TO THE OTHER HALF WHO FORGOT EVERYTHING (SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO EVER BE IN LIFE). YOU WOULD REMEMBER WHEN I HAD THAT LAST BIRTHDAY TURNING 21 THAT MOM DID A COUPLE WEEKS BEFORE BEING MARRIED. WHAT FELT SO SAD FOR ME THAT DAY AND AN ESCAPE ALL AT THE SAME TIME THAT WAS DEPRESSING, DESPITE THE POSES FROM HAVING NOTHING INSIDE AND FEELING LIKE THE END (AND WHAT I SAID TO MYSELF GOING TO THE ALTAR THAT WAS MORE SAD). AND KNOW DADDY WASN'T TRULY HAPPY ABOUT IT AND CAN SEE IT IN THE PHOTO. BUT IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE STARTED TO KNOW SOMETHING MORE WHEN HE TALKED TO ME LONG AGO FROM FAR AWAY. THE TIME HE CRIED SO HARD ON THE PHONE THAT I HAD TO SIT DOWN FROM HEARING IT THAT WAS SO PAINFUL (HEARING HIM HURTING LIKE THAT). WHAT I NEVER HEARD LIKE THAT BEFORE GROWING UP AND SAID I WAS LIKE NO ONE IN THIS WORLD, WHILE HE WAS CRYING (BUT WAS VERY SERIOUS WHEN HE SAID IT). IT SEEMED LIKE HE WANTED TO SAY MORE, BUT WAS HOLDING SOMETHING BACK AND DIDN'T WANT TO HURT ME MORE THAN THE PAIN HE ALWAYS SAW IN ME AS A LITTLE GIRL. BUT ALSO SAID, I DESERVED SO MUCH BIGGER AND BETTER. NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT TO ME FROM ALWAYS FEELING INVISIBLE AND THE WAY A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTED TOWARDS ME THEN. WHAT EVEN HE COULD SEE, BUT DADDY ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL SO BIG AND MY TRUE SELF WHEN I WAS AROUND HIM THAT FELT SAFE INSIDE (NO ONE ELSE EVER HAS THAT WAY). WHAT GOT SO MUCH WORSE FROM THIS PAIN THAT BECAME AGONIZING WITH TIME WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF SOONER AND IMBALANCED A LOT. WHO I NEEDED SOONER THAT BECAME WORSE FOR ME WITH NO TRUE SUPPORT IN THIS THAT I COULD TRUST. SO I BECAME MORE SCARED INSIDE FULL OF FEARS (AND BEING SO LOST WITH NOTHING TO HELP ME THROUGH THAT I COULD TRUST). IT WAS FROM FEELING NO REAL LOVE FROM THAT MASSIVE MISSING PART, BESIDES FEELING THAT FAMILY LOVE IN CERTAIN ONES THAT WERE ALWAYS REAL TO ME. THE WHOLENESS IN WHAT GOD CREATED FROM THE TWO HALVES OF WHAT IT ALL STANDS FOR. THE TRUE ONE I WAS ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH BY GOD, BUT A LOT SOONER FROM WHAT I AM NOT MANY CAN SEE, OR THE REST IN ME (BUT ONLY DADDY AND MAYBE TA TA (O) COULD SEE A LITTLE MORE). ---------------------------THE FRIEND NEVER KNEW ALL OF MY DEEP PAIN, NOT WHAT HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO THAT MUCH THEN. I COULDN'T FIGURE ANYTHING FROM WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH MORE OF, AND IN DEALING WITH COMING HERE. HE LIKED ME A LOT AND WANTED ME TO COME HERE, BUT I WAS REALLY SCARED. JUST WANTED ME TO BE WITH HIM AND LIKE HIM MORE THAN A FRIEND. WHEN THAT WAS NEVER INSIDE OF ME LIKE THAT AND DID SAY THAT TOO FROM FEELING OTHER THINGS THEN. JUST FELT A GOOD FRIEND WITH HIM. WAS SO ALONE AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. JUST NEEDED A TRUE FRIEND FROM ALL THE PAIN I WAS GOING THROUGH THAT WAS MORE SCARED INSIDE NO ONE UNDERSTOOD. HOW IT WAS THEN FOR AWHILE THAT ACTED LIKE A DECENT FRIEND. BUT THEN HAD TO MAKE A DECISION IN WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH AT THAT TIME FROM WHAT HE SAID A LITTLE WHILE BEFORE, AND THE ISSUES WHERE I WAS AT THAT WAS A BIGGER REASON (NOT ABLE TO STAY ANYMORE WHERE I WAS AT). HIM NOT UNDERSTANDING MY HEART OR ANYTHING ELSE THEN OR EVEN SUPPORTED IN THE WAY I FELT AS TIME WENT ON, EVEN HERE (WHAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE SCARED, ESPECIALLY THEN). DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME VERY WELL IN IMPORTANT POWERFUL THINGS EVEN AFTER EXPLAINING (SAYS HE DOES, BUT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH DIFFERENT AND BETTER IF HE DID). MAYBE A LITTLE BETTER NOW IN UNDERSTANDING FROM SO MUCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH SO MANY TEARS AND HEADACHES. AND THE THINGS GOD HAS SENT TO EVEN HIM SHOWING WHAT I AM THAT MAKES HIM THINK (WHAT I ASKED GOD TO SHOW SOME TO THE FRIEND FROM HOW HE WAS IN HIS WAYS THAT WERE AFFECTING ME MORE, AFTER GOD SHOWED ALL OF IT TO ME). BUT LIKED IT THEN SO IT LOOKED A CERTAIN WAY TO HIM AND CAN SAY I WAS HERE THIS LONG. BUT NEVER TO ME FROM MY PAIN AND ANGUISH THAT CONTINUED TO GET WORSE. WHEN THERE IS A LOT TO THIS WHOLE THING FROM HIM ALWAYS WANTING ME NOT TO GO OR WOULDN'T LET GO THEN (WOULD HAVE HAD TO EXPLAIN SOME OF THE DIFFERENT THINGS HE WOULD SAY THAT CAUSED ME MORE PAIN FROM THAT TOO AND WHAT I WOULD GO THROUGH THERE). JUST ABOUT HATING EVERYTHING, EXCEPT THE FAMILY AND EXTENSION WHO WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE HERE LIKE ME EITHER (AND KNOWS THAT TOO). WHICH IS VERY ALONE AND DEPRESSING FOR ME NOW, LIKE A REALLY BAD NIGHTMARE AND NO ONE THERE IN THIS. WHAT HAS BEEN STILL ALL WRONG THAT NO ONE REALLY CARED ABOUT, EXCEPT DADDY. WHEN ALL I KNOW WAS FAMILY AND HOW YOU REALLY ARE AND HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY GOD. THE FRIEND HAS NEVER KNOWN TRUE FAMILY, JUST BORN IN IT AND HOW HE WOULD SAY THINGS TO ME THROUGH TIME ABOUT HIM (BUT BECAME A LITTLE BETTER THAN HE WAS WHEN I MET HIM). NOT THE WAY WE WERE WITH FAMILY AND HOW I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AND GREW UP (ESPECIALLY WITH DADDY, TON TON AND A FEW OTHERS). I HAVE NEVER BEEN USED TO A LOT OF THE FRIEND'S WAYS. JUST SCARED OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO ANYMORE IN LIFE, ESPECIALLY ABOUT A LOT THAT SADDENS ME NOW (THE OTHER HALF AND HIS DESTRUCTIVE WAYS THAT LOST EVERYTHING IN WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE). WHAT HAS DESTROYED SO MUCH MORE IN ME HERE AND A LOT OF TIMES TRIES TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG. IN HOW HE HAS LIKED IT AND NEVER LIKED IT THAT WAY (BEING ALL WRONG WHEN I'M A SPLIT SOUL). JUST HALF AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE IN LIFE AFTER A LITTLE TIME OF BEING HERE. BECAME WORSE FOR ME AND STILL THINKS THE FRIEND KNOWS ALL I'M FEELING AT TIMES WHEN IT'S DISASTROUS FROM HAVING THE OTHER HALF ATTACHED TO ME IN WHAT IT DOES AND HE DOES IN ALL I CAN'T TRUST ANYMORE. BUT AT LEAST HE ASKS IF I'M OK WHEN HE'S NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO HIS PHONE. WHEN HE HASN'T THAT MUCH UNDERSTANDING OF ME (LIKE ANYONE IS INTERESTED IN MY TRUE FEELINGS). FEEL MORE SCARED IN CHANGE FOR ME NOW FROM NO ONE EVER THERE, BUT ALL DESTROYING ME IN ALL. BUT HERE IS THE TRUTH THAT NO ONE SEEMS TO HANDLE WELL THAT I'M TRYING TO FINISH. AND NOT JUST THIS HERE, ?????????????? WHEN I MET THE FRIEND AT 19 YEARS OLD SO I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN HIM TOO LONG AND LIKED HIM AS THAT CLOSE FRIEND THEN. I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT BE BETTER FROM THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH FOR ME FROM THE PAIN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE IN A FAMILY MEMBER UNDERSTANDING ME NOW IN THIS OR SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE, THAN THE FRIEND HERE IN MUCH OF THESE POWERFUL EMOTIONS IN ME AND WITH ALL THAT IS HAPPENING. DIDN'T KNOW THE FRIEND'S WAYS ENTIRELY THEN THAT HE TOLD DIFFERENTLY IN THAT SHORT TIME AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE I COULD TRUST AND WANTED ME TO FROM ALL I WAS DEALING WITH THEN (AND I WANTED TO FROM NOTHING BEING THERE AND ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH). I TRUSTED FROM HAVING NOTHING THERE TO UNDERSTAND ME AND HOW I WAS ALWAYS FEELING INSIDE. WHICH WAS SCARED AND COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ENTIRELY MYSELF WITH NO SUPPORT (NO ONE ELSE THERE FOR THAT). ALONG WITH THE SOUL I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WELL FROM ALL THE CONFUSION AND PAIN MANY CAUSED THEN WHERE I WAS AT AND FELT LIKE I HAD NO CHOICE (AND REALLY DIDN'T FROM BEING SPLIT IN THE SOUL WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF IN NOTHING IN LIFE). WHERE THE OTHER HALF WAS SUPPOSED TO TRULY BE WITH ME FROM BEING THE OTHER PART OF THE SPLIT SOUL. JUST ABANDON BY HIM AND NOT COMPLETED OF WHAT GOD HAD FOR ME OR EVER CARED ABOUT ANYTHING IN WHAT I NEED (AND DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANYTHING ANYMORE FROM IT BEING THIS LONG). BUT WHO KNEW I WAS GOING TO HAVE THAT KIND OF OTHER HALF. WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO GET RECOGNITION STILL, BUT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE REST OF THE SOUL IN AGONY THAT'S FADING AND IN MY NEEDS. UNLESS IT SUITS HIM FOR HIS COMFORT HE'S USED TO AND ALL THOSE THAT CONTINUE TO USE HIM THAT HE LETS HAPPEN, INCLUDING HIS HANDLERS. INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT HIS SOUL AND WHAT HE HAS DONE TO THE REST ALL THIS TIME, BECAUSE OF THOSE. WHAT WILL SERVE HIM NOTHING IN THE END OR WITH GOD. -WHO STILL THINKS HE'S KING LEONIDAS, THAT WAS THEN TO BE DONE. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN IN WHAT GOD HAD FOR THAT TIME (FULLY KNOWN, TO SHOW THIS TRUTH OF WHAT GOD DID). IT'S BECAUSE THEY STILL KEEP THE OTHER HALF IN HIS MIND LIKE THAT TO PUMP UP HIS EGO THAT GETS OUT OF CONTROL AND LOST. WHAT'S MADE HIM FORGOT HIS PATH (BUT HOW CAN YOU FORGET WHAT YOU'RE A PART OF AFTER SHOWING) ? :( ALWAYS UNDER THEIR CONTROL WHO HAVE MESSED WITH MANY THINGS THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ANYMORE. WHEN HE IS MORE LIKE KING PIG NOW. NOT THE KIND OF KING GOD CREATED FOR THE OTHER HALF THAT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT IN A MASSIVE WAY. WHAT GOD MADE HAPPEN FOR HIS PURPOSE IN LIFE OF WHAT WAS SET FORTH IN GOD'S WILL. SHOWN TO A VERY SMART *REAL* KING IN THOSE TIMES OF THIS WORLD A TRUE VISION OF WHAT'S TO COME IN THE TWIN FLAME (BUT PROTECTED FROM MANY THINGS BY GOD FOR REASONS TO SURVIVE). THE VISIONS IN THE FEELINGS FROM THE TWO HALVES THAT WERE YET TO COME FORTH AND SOME OF THE JOURNEY AND LIFE THAT WAS ENDURED TO DESCRIBE THINGS IN THAT TIME (OF THE GREATEST LOVE IN ITS COMPLETION AND THEIR LOOKS TO EACH OTHER). *THE SONGS THAT STILL ECHO, *SONG OF SONGS *king*solomon*. SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER FROM THE SOUL THAT IS OF FAITH AND HOPE THAT LEADS TO THAT TRUST. WHAT BECOMES THAT MASSIVE LOVE GOD CREATED BETWEEN THE TWO HALVES OF MAN AND WOMAN (HIM AND HER, ME). WHAT WAS NEVER FINISHED IN LIFE AND WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALREADY (AND DON'T KNOW IF IT EVER CAN BE ANYMORE, BECAUSE IT HAS TO BE *REAL*). BUT ALREADY HAD A DEEP SPIRITUAL HUNCH LONG AGO FROM FINDING THE OTHER HALF AND IN KNOWING THINGS FROM GOD IN ALL THAT WAS HAPPENING (FEELING MORE THAN A SHADOW). FROM FEELING SO MUCH THAT WASN'T RIGHT AND THE OTHER HALF IN ALL HE CONTINUES TO DO IN LIFE SECRETLY LEAVING ME BEHIND, WHILE LOSING ME MORE. WHAT WON'T EVER BE ABLE TO FIND ME AGAIN IN WHAT GOD DID IN A VERY BAD WAY. AND WHO REALLY MAKES THEIR OTHER HALF IN THIS MAGNITUDE WAIT? SEEING HER DYING IN A BIG WAY AND STILL KEEPS GOING FOR HIS POCKETS OR THOSE OF OTHERS. WHAT'S THE POINT ANYMORE, BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER LOVED ME OR FEELS WHAT I FEEL INSIDE FOR HIM OF WHAT'S MISSING (WHAT I ALWAYS HAVE). VERY DIFFICULT TO CONVINCE ME IN LOVE ANYMORE AND ALL THAT HE HAD THE CHANCE FOR AND KEPT GOING. THERE WAS MANY WAYS I DESCRIBED TO HIM THEN AND STOOD UP MY HALF OF THE SOUL OVER AND OVER FOR -IT- OR HIS MANAGER AND THEIR WAYS. AND HER THREADS TO MAKE "HER" LOOK SO AMAZING AND STUNNING (WITH WHAT LENS IS THAT)? DON'T FORGET THEY ARE SO "IN LOVE", WITH SOMEONE'S SPLIT SOUL? HE'S NEVER TRULY LOVED, EXCEPT FOR FAMILY OR FRIENDS (THIS IS DIFFERENT). LUST AND PASSING TIME IS NOT LOVE. WHEN WAS HE EVER GOING TO TREAT ME LIKE A REAL WOMAN (OR HIS OTHER HALF THAT I AM)? WHEN HE'S TOO BUSY ENTERTAINING AND TREATING TRASH. HE WOULD KNOW HOW I FEEL AND AFTER CUTTING ME OFF FOR THEM AND HIS MOVIES. SO NO THANKS FOR HIS CONVENIENCE. AND TOOK THIS LONG FOR EVERYTHING TO CRASH DOWN MORE FOR HIM TO REALIZE ANYTHING OR BELIEVE MORE, NOT IN ME OF COURSE (BECAUSE WHO REALLY DOES, NOT MANY). WHERE HE "ACTS" HOT AND WARM THROUGH THE SOUL THAT HE WANTS AND CARES ABOUT. BUT BY THE END OF THE DAY, HE'S BACK TO COLD DESTROYING THE SOUL BY GOING AGAINST AND BACK TO THOSE. FEELING MORE EMPTY AND NOTHING INSIDE, GOING IN HIS OWN WAY PULLING ME A PART. WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY MY SIDE ALWAYS, GOOD OR BAD. TO HELP EACH OTHEr SO EVERYTHING WOULDN'T DESTROY ME MORE IN LIFE. JUST ME FEELING MORE ALONE IN SO MUCH PAIN AND MORE CONFUSED ABOUT EVERYTHING (VERY DIFFICULT TO TRUST ANYTHING ANYMORE WITHOUT DADDY THERE AND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT WILL LAST FROM MY INCREASED FEARS THAT HAVE GOTTEN WORSE FROM EVERYTHING). JUST A *BIG* UNSURE AND SCARED, WHILE NEEDING AND WANTING (AND DON'T KNOW HOW ANYMORE TO APPROACH SOMETHING LIKE THIS). AND WHO SAYS HE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE THERE OR WANT ME WHEN HE HAS HAD EVERYTHING ELSE, MANY FRUITS (HIS MIND MAY STILL WANDER). THE SPLIT SOUL WASN'T SUPPOSED TO GO THIS FAR IN LIFE SEPARATED, SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE LONG AGO TO GROW TOGETHER AND BUILD. DADDY USED TO SAY TO ME, "EVERYTHING IS LIKE ROSES AT THE BEGINNING". I KNOW THIS IS MUCH DIFFERENT, BUT THE OTHER HALF HAS BEEN IN THAT WORLD OF EVIL IN HOW THEY CONTROL THINGS. TREATING THINGS OF THE HEART VERY WRONG AND HIM LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE (A DIFFERENT PLACE THAT IS MORE FAKE AND FULL OF LIES). WHAT IF IT BECOMES ALL THORNS INSTEAD OF A BED OF ROSES (WORSE THAN WHAT I HAVE DEALT WITH IN LIFE). THEN IT WILL BE THE END OF LIFE IN THIS OF WHAT GOD DID THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE REAL AND TRUE, AND CAN NEVER TRUST LIFE AGAIN. THIS IS FROM THE OTHER HALF DOING THINGS AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR THOSE THAT ARE WRONG AND FORGETTING A LOT, INCLUDING HOW IT AFFECTS ME AND MORE (AND DO KNOW HE HAS BEEN CONTROLLED). WHILE IGNORING ME DAY BY DAY EVEN MORE FROM THE EXCRUCIATING PULL AND PAIN AS WE FADE AWAY AND ALL MY DOUBTS BECOME IMMENSE (MAKING ME FEEL MORE FEARS TO EVER SEE HIM AND THAT WILL BE OVER). THINKS IT'S OK IN HIS ACTIONS FROM OTHERS AS THE OTHER HALF CONTINUES TAKING WHAT EVEr HE CAN IN HIS PATH FROM THAT WORLD. while FORGETTING WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT FIRST. WHEN THIS HAS BEEN A CATASTROPHE IN THE SOUL AND DEPRESSING FOR HAVING SOMEONE LIKE HIM AS MY OTHER HALF. WHO NEVER BOTHERED HELPING ME IN MY ORDEAL FROM MY FEARS HERE FOR SO LONG NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO AND WHY ALL THESE YEARS HAVE GONE BY AGAINST ME AND MY WILL. WHERE I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. SO THE FRIEND COULD SAY I WAS HERE THIS LONG FOR HIM WHEN IT WASN'T RIGHT OR IN THAT WAY FROM WHEN I CAME HERE. OR EVER THAT WAY FROM THE FEARS I ALWAYS HAD AND NEEDED SOMEONE ALWAYS THERE IN HOW GOD CREATED THIS FROM MISSING (ALWAYS SCARED). WHAT WOULD GET WORSE WITHOUT THE MISSING PIECE INSIDE WITH TIME AND WHAT THE FRIEND KNEW IN THAT ANSWER FOR A VERY LONG TIME. THE SOUL BEING CONNECTED TO ANOTHER VERY INTIMATELY (SACRED) AND DID NOTHING ABOUT IT THEN THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO (BUT TRYING NOW SUPPOSEDLY). BUT THE OTHER HALF DIDN'T CARE OR MIND EITHER WAY, IN THE WAYS HE CONTINUED IN (IGNORING ME CONTINUOUSLY WHILE IN MASSIVE PAIN AND FADING). WHILE HE WENT ON WITH THOSE THAT LEAD HIM ALL WRONG WITH THOSE THAT ARE EVIL AND HAS NO DIRECTION IN WHAT HE IS. MAKING ME HAVE MORE FEARS OF EVER TRUSTING TO BE NEAR HIM. BUT THE FRIEND KEPT IT THIS WAY WITH EXCUSES, BUT IS WRONG OF WHAT GOD HAD AS ONE (AND SACRED). AND HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTED BY A LOT, INCLUDING THE OTHER HALF IN ALL HE NEVER CARED ABOUT AND NEVER CAME TO DO RIGHT. WHAT WON'T EVER BE GOOD WITH GOD AND PLENTY OF TIME THERE WAS THAT I DON'T HAVE -ANYMORE-. THE FRIEND JUST DIDN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE YET WITH FIGHTS AND ARGUMENTS (AND POLICE), AND IN A;LL I WENT THROUGH THAT'S EVERYTHING WRONG FOR MY HEALTH AND WELL BEING. HIS RUDE WORDS NO ONE UNDERSTANDS AT TIMES THAT ANGER ME IN MY RAW PAIN HE DOESN'T GET. HOW HE IS EVERY DAY AS TIME GOES BY AND TALKS A LOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE FAMILY OR ANYONE TO BACK ME UP IN THIS (OR WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE ME). THEN CHANGES, WHEN ALL I MOSTLY HAVE HAD IS TEARS FROM EVERYTHING THAT WILL BE A LOT BIGGER IF I'M GONE (WHAT YOU WOULD ALREADY KNOW LIKE DADDY FROM WHAT I AM BY GOD). WHEN I'M ALSO A SPLIT SOUL GOD CREATED THAT IS THE TRUTH AND HAS TRIED TO MAKE ME THINK IN MY FEARS THAT THE FAMILY WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME. THAT THEY WOULDN'T EXCEPT THAT AND THINK I WAS CRAZY, BUT CHANGES HIS STORIES ABOUT SAYING THAT AS LONG AS IT FITS HIS WAY A LOT OF THE TIMES. WHEN HE CAN'T REMEMBER MUCH, UNLESS IT'S HIS CONVENIENT MEMORY LOSS (SOME DAYS ARE OK AND A LOT NOT). BUT ALWAYS HAVE THAT BLACK CLOUD OVER ME FROM THE OTHER HALF THAT NEVER SEEMS TO GET BETTER FOR ME. EVERYTHING BAD STUCK TO HIM THAT I END UP FEELING. WHAT MESSES ME UP EACH TIME FROM THE PAIN OF EVERYTHING. THE FRIEND DOESN'T GET IT REAL WELL A LOT OF THE TIMES, BUT SEES AND SAYS SORRY MORE THAN NOT. THE FRIEND DOESN'T TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS INSIDE A SPLIT SOUL AND WHY I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THAT WAY THAT GOT WORSE IN ME FROM BEING INCOMPLETE OF WHAT I TRULY AM. SO THE FRIEND NEVER KNEW MY FEELINGS WELL FROM THE START AS HE SAYS HE DID AND GOES BACK AND FORTH WITH THAT (BUT GOD SHOWED ME HIM FROM BEING SO LOST AND MORE SCARED). WHAT A TANGLED WEB I DEAL WITH FROM THIS PERSON FRIEND EVERY DAY AND BEING A SPLIT SOUL (LIKE GROUNDHOGS DAY, BUT WORSE). AS WELL AS, WHAT A BIG FEELING I HAVE THAT PUT HIM THERE IN MY PATH THEN (FROM THE WAY HE WAS AND IN MY VULNERABILITIES THAT WERE BIG). HAVING NO ONE THERE TO LISTEN TO MY REAL PAIN OR BE THERE AND ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH WHERE I WAS AT (YOU WOULD KNOW). BEING AROUND THIS PERSON FRIEND HAS NOT BEEN THAT WELL OR HEALTHY FOR ME WITH TIME FROM BEING A SPLIT SOUL (FROM ALL I HAD TO DEAL WITH AND BEING HALF A SOUL ALL WRONG). THAT IS THE HONEST TRUTH AND IN HAVING NO ONE THERE FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND ME OR MY TRUE PATH THAT WAS MANGLED MORE HERE (INSTEAD OF HAVING THAT PROPER SUPPORT THAT GOT ME THERE TO THAT RIGHT PLACE FROM MY FEARS OF EVERYTHING NOW). JUST WANTED SOMEONE PRETTY TO LIKE HIM IN HOW HE ACTED THEN, WHILE I WAS IN PAIN AND NEEDED SUPPORT AND CARE. =-=-=-=-= THOUGHT THE OTHER HALF WOULD DO WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IN TELLING THE TRUTH OF WHAT HE IS, BUT HAS MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M SOME SICK CRAZED FAN THROUGHOUT THIS (WHICH I'M NOT). SO THE FRIEND WOULD SEE MORE THAT HAS NEVER HELPED ME RIGHT AND LIFE HAS BEEN WORTHLESS FOR ME HERE. NOTHING HAS EVER HAPPENED RIGHT FOR ME EITHER IN ANYTHING AND KEPT ALL THESE DOUBTS IN ME EVEN MORE. NOT THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN WHAT GOD DID TOGETHER BETWEEN THE SPLIT SOUL, WHO HE WAS SUPPOSED TO RECOGNIZE AND BE THERE FOR ME BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. I'M SUPPOSED TO ENDURE THIS AGONY, WHILE HE WALKS LIKE A DRONE FOR THEM AND ENJOYS HIMSELF? GOD WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE. I'VE BEEN MOSTLY INVISIBLE IN LIFE ANYWAY, SO WHY WOULD HE CARE NOW? DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT HE WOULD EVER BE LIKE THAT TO ME UPON FINDING, BECAUSE OF THE CONNECTION IN SOMETHING BIG. SOMETHING EPIC OF WHAT GOD CREATED IN A MASSIVE LOVE IN EVERY WAY, IS FEELING DIFFERENT NOW (IS ONE SIDED FROM THE EVIL IN THIS WORLD THAT DOES EXIST AND CHANGES MANY THINGS FOR THE WORSE). IN HOW HE BELIEVES NOW TOO FROM THOSE WHO DON'T BELIEVE MUCH IN GOD. JUST GOES THROUGH THE MOTIONS TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY FOR THEM OR WHO? WHEN HE WAS CREATED DIFFERENTLY AND MASSIVELY BY GOD. HOW THEY HAVE TRIED TO CHANGE HIM IN THAT WORLD FROM WHO HE IS THAT HAS AFFECTED ME. THOSE THAT ARE DISGUSTING, CONTROLLING PIECES OF SHIT THAT WALK THE EARTH FOR NOW. THINK THAT'S THE WAY LOVE SHOULD BE OR IS (THE PATHETIC WAY, DEPENDING ON THE PERSON IT GETS WORSE). BUT HE STILL FEELS DEEP, MASSIVE PAIN AND NOTHING ELSE FOR THE SOUL WILL EVER COMPLETE THAT, BUT WILL WORSEN WITH ALL HE HAS CONTINUED WITH (AND IF I'M GONE IT WILL BE ALL OVER). IT'S FROM THE FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE GOD CREATED AS ONE IN THE POWERFUL SPLIT SOUL. WHAT IS OF LOVE, SEX, MARRIAGE AND EVERYTHING ELSE FOR THIS TIME IN THE WORLD that's lacking (AND TO SHOW WHAT GOD DID). WHAT WAS NEVER COMPLETED TO EVER FEEL LOVE ON BOTH SIDES AND THE PAIN OF NOTHINGNESS THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER FELT LIKE THIS (AND FROM NEVER BEING A TRUE MAN IN HIM AND HATE EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER TOUCHED). GOD KNOWS WHAT I MEAN AND YOU WOULD TOO. WHEN THAT WAS JUST A PATH TO FINALLY BRING OUT THE TRUTH IN WHAT GOD DID FOR A SPECIAL CREATION. WHAT HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IN SO MUCH MORE TIME, AND THOSE OTHERS WITH HIM THAT NEVER STOP OR GO AWAY. WHAT STILL SURROUNDS HIM FOR THEIR 15 MINUTES OF FAME AND THEY WILL DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR IT, TO GET THAT ATTENTION FROM FAME. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETED SOONER AND GOT WRECKED AND SHATTERED OVERTIME FROM HIS NEGLIGENCE AND CARELESSNESS IN AN ENORMOUS WAY (BUT IF HE TRULY FELT FOR ME AND WANTED ME LIKE I FELT FOR HIM, HE WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING OR SEEN PRIVATELY BACK THEN TO TALK). NOT CONTINUED ON WITH THE SAME CRAP HE DOES AND NEVER STOPS, BUT HELD THINGS SACREDLY TOO. AND HE HAS HAD SO MUCH WASTED FREE TIME, BUT USED IT FOR OTHER USELESS THINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE SOUL THAT NEEDS AND IS THE OTHER HALF (AND ALL THE MORE THAT I LOST). SOME THINGS I TALKED TO HIM IN THE PAST THAT HE IGNORED IN MY PAIN LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST. SO YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HOW THAT MADE ME FEEL WORSE THAN SHIT THEN (AND HE WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONLY ONE AT THE TIME TO HAVE UNDERSTOOD ME THE MOST OR LIKE NO ONE ELSE). JUST FELT A LOT FROM HIM IN EVERYTHING THAT'S UNRESOLVED AND MISSING, BUT MORE DESTRUCTION NOW IN ALL HE DOES. NOT A FAN, JUST THE OTHER HALF OF HIS EXISTENCE AND SOUL THAT WAS TRYING TO GET HIS ATTENTION PRIVATELY AT FIRST. BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIS EYES OR OTHERS IN THIS WORLD (AND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION, BUT MOSTLY TO MINDLESS FAKE THINGS IN HOW HE IS NOW). NOTHING ELSE MATTERS MORE THAN THIS, MORE THAN US. DOESN'T KNOW WHAT UP OR DOWN IS ANYMORE, BUT WILL BY GOD IN HIS END IF THIS GOES THAT WILL BE MORE THAN ALONE FROM THE STARVING INSIDE (AND ALL BECAUSE OF HIS DOINGS THAT NEVER STOP). WHICH I CAN'T TRUST AFTER ALL THAT. HE JUST DOES THINGS AND NEVER REALLY THINKS FROM BEING SERVED ALL THAT TIME BY OTHERS IN THAT WORLD, AND NOT EVER BEING A REAL TRUE MAN. THE MAN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TO ME AND IN LIFE COMPLETED (AND FINALLY KNOW WHO HE TRULY IS AND WITH ME ALWAYS). ONLY HALF IN EVERYTHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ETERNAL. WHAT IS NOTHING INSIDE OF HIM, BUT A *RESOUNDING GONG* (AND ALL THE SUFFERING HE HAS CAUSED MORE IN ME FROM THIS PATH AND JOURNEY IN LIFE GOD HAD ME ON). AND KNOW HIS DEEP PAIN TOO THAT'S A PART OF ME THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM AND EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING, BUT NOT THAT BIG OF A PAIN FOR HIM OBVIOUSLY, ON HOW HE CAN JUST GO WITH ANYTHING (AND PROBABLY WOULDN'T MIND IF I DID THAT TO HIM NOW). I WOULD UNDERSTAND IT A LOT MORE IF THIS WAS A WHOLE SOUL OR A "SOUL-MATE". SEEN A LOT THAT IS VERY WRONG IN THAT TOO. THIS IS SO MUCH DIFFERENT AND BIGGER. BUT CAN'T EVER UNDERSTAND HIS ACTIONS IN SOMETHING HE COULD DO WITH NO PROBLEM TOWARDS SOMEONE THAT IS A HUGE PART OF HIM. WHAT HE FEELS IN THOSE FEELING STRONGLY AND INTIMATELY IN EVERYTHING INSIDE, EVEN ON THE SURFACE AT TIMES (BACK AND FORTH). THAT NOT EVEN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE THE MEANING IN THE POWER OF FEELINGS THAT ARE DEVASTATING IN WHAT I ENDURED THROUGH LIFE AND NOW, BECAUSE THE HUMAN LANGUAGE IS FLAWED TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING THIS BIG IN ALL GOD CREATED AROUND IT (AND THE MEANING AND POWER IN ITS COMPLETION THAT NEVER HAPPENED). ESPECIALLY AFTER HIM KNOWING AND SEEING THE TRUTH OF WHAT HE IS TO ME (WHAT WE ARE TOGETHER). SHOWED HIM WHERE, WHAT AND WHY, AND WHAT I AM TO HIM HE SHOULD ALREADY KNOW WITHOUT SAY (BACK IN 2012/2013 IN HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR ME TO GET THE INFO TO HIM FROM SOOO MANY THINGS SLAMMING ME DOWN AND HERE). INCLUDING THE FRIEND HOLDING ME BACK IN LIFE FROM THE SAME THINGS HERE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SET FREE LONG AGO AND GET TO MY RIGHTFUL PLACE BEFORE THINGS GOT SOOO MUCH WORSE (BUT STILL WAITING FOR HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS HE WANTS AND NEEDS TO DO HIMSELF FOR REASONS, OR BEFORE I PASS AT THIS RATE). :( NEEDING SO MUCH MORE NOW IN EVERYTHING AND NOT EVEN THE OTHER HALF WAS EVER THERE FOR ANYTHING. IT HAS BEEN 13 UGLY PAINFUL YEARS FOR ME (2007/2008 WHEN I KNEW EXACTLY ABOUT THE OTHER HALF, BUT PAINED ALL OF LIFE AND MORE WHEN I GOT HERE WITH NO BALANCE). WHAT HAS GOTTEN WORSE FROM THE SEPARATION AND DIVISION OF THE SPLIT SOUL ALL THIS TIME IN LIFE THAT IS WAY OVERDUE, AND HAS MESSED UP A LOT MORE INSIDE (APPARENTLY THE OTHER HALF DOESN'T CARE MUCH IN ME FROM ALL THE SNEAKY SHIT HE DOES FLYING EVERYWHERE AND DON'T TRUST HIM **ANYMORE**) ! BUT HAVE *ALWAYS* REMAINED *COMPLETELY* *FAITHFUL* SINCE KNOWING ABOUT THE OTHER HALF AND *TRUTHFUL* TO HIM. HAVE SLEPT AWAY IN ANOTHER ROOM ON THE FLOOR FOR SO LONG FROM ALSO FEELING IN THE WRONG PLACE THAT NEVER FELT RIGHT (AND NOT REALLY SLEEP FROM BEING HALF A SOUL ALWAYS SCARED NEEDING THE OTHER PART THERE). MORE LIKE LIGHT REST THAT IS NOT GOOD FOR THE BODY OR MY BODY, BUT SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NO SLEEP. ESPECIALLY SINCE BEING HERE FROM FEELING MORE LOST, ALONE AND OUT OF PLACE SINCE THE START. JUST TEARS FLOWING FROM THE BEGINNING OF COMING HERE AND NOT EVER FEELING RIGHT WITH THE FRIEND (THAT CAUSES SO MANY PROBLEMS TO MY HALF OF THE SOUL IN THE THINGS HE SAYS AND NO HOW YOU WOULD FEEL ABOUT THAT BESIDES DADDY). HIS IGNORANT WORDS HE SAYS WHEN I'M SCREAMING IN AGONY FROM THINGS THROUGH THE SOUL HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHO NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD MUCH IN ME, BUT TRIES A LITTLE MORE NOW FROM KNOWING WHAT I AM (BUT STILL DOESN'T GET A LOT IN THIS OR MY FEELINGS CONNECTED TO THE OTHER HALF, AND HAS CAUSED MORE HURT DURING THOSE TIMES, EVEN NOW). WHAT CAUSED MORE TEARS IN THOSE FIRST FEW YEARS AT THE BEGINNING THAT I FELT OBLIGATED FROM THE MARRIAGE AND THINGS SAID THEN THAT FEARED ME MORE (AND HAD NO ONE TO TALK ABOUT IT TO FROM THINGS NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTOOD WHO HAS CAUSED ME SO MUCH MORE PAIN BEING AROUND HIM). I NEVER WANTED IT THIS WAY FROM NEVER FEELING THE WAY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL IN THAT WHEN IT HAPPENS. A MASSIVE LOVE, DESIRE AND ATTRACTION IN A BIG WAY THAT YOU CONNECT WITH (REAL LOVE). BUT WAS MORE A FRIEND LOVE (OR DEEP LIKE) FROM BEING ALONE AND HIM WANTING ME TO DO IT THEN THAT I BEFRIENDED. BUT FEELS NOW LIKE IT WAS A TRICK ALL ALONG IN MANY THINGS WITH HIM TO GET ME HERE. WHO I HONESTLY HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH IN PAIN FROM THE CONSTANT STRESS OF HIM, BUT DON'T LIKE MUCH AT ALL. WHAT IS BECOMING A DEEP HATE WITH HIM IN EVERYTHING HERE THAT DOESN'T HELP OR LET GO (AND THE MASSIVE STRESS HE CAUSES A LOT, some days are ok in a sad way for me from being this way that was all wrong). BUT BIGGER AT TIMES THAT GETS SO BAD, BESIDES OTHER THINGS HE NEVER UNDERSTOOD. JUST ACTS LIKE HE IS A PART OF IT, WHEN HE DOESn't HAVE A CLUE IN ALL OF what THIS does INSIDE (JUST COMES UP WITH HIS OWN OPINION sometimes, BECAUSE I'M STILL MAKING HIM FOOD). AND SAYS I'M OK, FROM CARE TAKING HIM EVERY DAY WHEN THAT IS ALL I'VE KNOWN FOREVER HERE becoming MORE LOST (AND THE EXTENSION KNOWS from the big pain he sees in me BARELY HOLDING on). AND WHEN I GET VERY UPSET IN MY PAIN AND AGONY THAT GETS WORSE, HE CALLS IT DIFFERENT THINGS THAT MAKES ME EVEN MORE IN DISTRESS AND MAD (or angry). WHEN I CAN'T DO ANYTHING in this FROM MY CONSTANT PAIN THAT IS BIGGER NOW (what literally makes you sick in a huge way from being a split soul). BUT THEN SAYS, I KNOW YOU'Re DYIng and need to get the help for your body too (but when is that)? I JUST WANT TO REST IN PEACE AWAY FROM all i have endured and more (AND I SHOULD HAVE PASSED AWAY THEN, because there has never been the true peace or healing i needed in life). but then think of *god*, *daddy* and those few others. and WOULD ONLY have BEEN MISSED BY DADDY ANd MAYBE a couple others IN FAMILY BACK THEN, definitely by ta ta (o) who was there from the start for me in a bigger reason of god. but without daddy it is so difficult dealing with life i could never do without him. this from being only half and still incomplete and not balanced from within as well (who the other half wasn't any better in how he forgot his true mind). and being in that world is like going to the gallows. when you don't know who you really are and lost, taken advantage of by others in your end. looks all GLAMOROUS, but pay the ultimate price (most of the glamour is in the entrance of it). I TRULY CAN'T TAKE DEALING WITH life much more AND NEVER TRULY COULD BEING THIS WAY (and all THAT HAS TAKEN so much OUT OF ME ALL THIS TIME). LIKE I WAS A tiny bit BETTER LONG AGO THAT WAS STILL PAINFUL, BUT NOT MORE DESTROYED (BUT would have been no matter what from the other half who isn't any better in his own ways from that world and forgot the rest). hasn't grown up for me. the other half doesn't ever seem SATISFIED of all that was given to him by god (or just me). -------DIDN'T FEEL DECENT AFTER COMING HERE OR COMFORTABLE IN MYSELF ANYMORE WITH THe person EVERY DAY. from feeling tied wrong THAT GOT WORSE in the power of what god did. DOESN'T seem to REALIZE HOW BIG THE PAIN that HAS been CAUSED, but sees something (or maybe some have to actually feel the devastation to know it, because they can't see things real well). or maybe i'm just not truly liked that much in life and from all the RUDENESS i've endured. just NEEDed SOMEONE THERE THEN TO MAYBE UNDERSTAND ME FROM THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH WHERE I WAS AT (maybe ok for me or maybe not). doesn't have a clue of the pain and massive emotions a lot of the times. what is really real. NEEDED SOMEONE WITH A Higher mind about my needs and UNDERSTANDing. WHAT CAUSES MORE PAIN FROM MY AGONY OUT OF PLACE YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE ME DYING MORE NOW. BUT THE FRIEND HAS HIS BIG RUDE DISGUSTING moments COME OUT a lot more. WHEN no one knows WHAT I GO THROUGH in everything. SAYING I AM VIGOROUS, WHEN I'M MASSIVELY DYING. NO WONDER HE HAS DONE NOTHING THINKING I WILL Be ok (AS IT ALL ERUPTS INSIDE IN A BAD WAY FOR ME). OR OTHER COMMENTS THAT WRECK ME MORE COMING FROM HIS MOUTH IN THINGS HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND (BUT NEVER REALLY DID UNDERSTAND ME, JUST THE SAME SHIT AS DADDY WOULD SAY THAT KEPT YOU THIS WAY). HAVING NO ONE THERE FOR ME THEN WHERE I WAS AT AND THE HURT THAT HAPPENED THAT CAUSED SO MUCH DISTRUST THAT ENDED UP HERE. FROM TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM EVERYTHING. BUT ENDED UP FEELING MORE TRAPPED AND SUFFOCATED FROM NEEDING THE OTHER HALF I WAS A PART OF. DIDN'T KNOW ENTIRELY FROM SO MANY OTHER THINGS THROWN AT ME THAT I NEVER HAD TIME FOR MYSELF HERE (JUST MASSIVE PAIN AND DEPRESSION THAT DOESN'T EQUAL TO ANYTHING). DIDN'T KNOW YET WHAT WAS GOING ON FULLY THAT WAS MUCH BIGGER. JUST FELT A CONNECTION TO SOMETHING DEEP AS A CHILD AND THOUGHT IT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD, FROM ALWAYS WANTING THAT REAL LOVE that is only part (but don't know anymore). NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO BACK THEN FROM BEING DIFFERENT and NEEDING SOMEONE ELSE TO UNDERSTAND ME BETTER IN FAMILY THAT WOULD BE CLOSER THEN (BUT NEVER HAD THAT EITHER, JUST DADDY). WOULD HAVE HAD TO EXPLAIN MORE IN MY PAIN THAT GOT WORSE FROM THE SOUL BEING HERE THIS WAY AND HOW LONG (AND THAT PROMISE I MADE TO GOD IN THAT YEAR OF KNOWING THE TRUTH UNTIL I FINALLY GOT TO THE OTHER HALF THAT NEVER HAPPENED). &
& - WITHOUT DADDY THERE, IT IS SO difficult FOR ME TO BE IN LIFE ANYMORE OR TALK TO ANYONE FROM THEM NOT KNOWING ME LIKE HE DID (AND HE IS THE *ONLY* ONE THAT TRULY KNEW HOW TO TALK TO ME FROM SO MANY FEARS HE SAW IN ME). HE HELPED ME in SO MUCH and with MY FEARS AS A LITTLE GIRL and IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT a lot of times CRAWLING TO HIS BED SIDE NUMEROUS TIMES TRYING NOT TO WAKE UP MOM FROM SO MUCH I WAS GOING THROUGH I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND (AND HE PROTECTED ME FROM EVERYTHING AND THE REST OF the FAMILY WHO DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME WELL AT ALL). OR SOMETIMES I WOULD END UP AT TA TA (O) AND TON TON (F) HOUSE FROM BEING SCARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WALKING IN THE PASTURE FOR A LITTLE WHILE before from things HAPPENING. I REMEMBER THE MOON WOULD BE SO BRIGHT, like it was watching over me too and guiding my way (THE CONNECTION I FELT LIKE THE SUN). THEN GETTING SCARED AND RUNNING TO ta ta (o) HOUSE SITTING IN THE DARK BY HER FRONT DOOR CRYING FROM THE PAIN I WAS FEELING UNTIL SHE would hear me and WOULD OPEN UP (sometimes i would knock AND TON TON (F) WOULD OPEN THE DOOR FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING ON). TA TA (O) WOULD LET ME IN AND SAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN THE DARK THIS LATE AND WHY AREN'T YOU IN YOUR BED? I WOULD SAY I FEEL SCARED AND WOULD MISS HER THERE. THEN I WOULD END UP SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF BOTH OF THEM. COULDN'T BE WITHOUT HER EITHER, ESPECIALLY AFTER HER HOUSE WAS BUILT AND SHE WASN'T OVER AS MUCH AND FELT MORE SCARED (BUT WAS OVER THERE A LOT). I WAS VERY CLOSE TO HER AND SHE UNDERSTOOD ME so much BETTER THEN, BUT NOT WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH OR HOW DADDY UNDERSTOOD ME in my UNIQUE SOUL. THAT HAPPENED A lot then and a few times I ENDED UP AT NONNO AND NONNA'S HOUSE in the middle of the night WHEN TON TON WAS STILL LIVING THERE. even with the extra locks daddy put on the door, because they where scared of me sleepwalking that happened a lot then. some of it was sleepwalking, but some was just feeling really sad and running scared not knowing where to go. didn't want anything to ever change like how things were in the very beginning that were still good (WISHING IT WOULD HAVE STAYED MORE LIKE THAT). what made better sense to me and made me feel more balanced and secure inside with everything being more right, mostly because of daddy there OR I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE IT ANYWHERE. but would STILL have these very sad feelings at times that WERE SO BIG AND DEPRESSING THAT i would end up so alone and lost even more, ESPECIALLY without daddy. including the different places i would end up on the property when i was sleepwalking that was a very scary surprise. and did almost drown once in my sleep at night going to the pool when i was very little and what woke me up while i was in the water that saved me then. then daddy knew about it and put extra locks on the pool door knowing what happened with me and taught me how to swim very soon after, AND YOU TOO (and spent so much time with us in that pool together AND THE FUN WE HAD THEN). which was so natural for me like it was to him. WHO was a very excellent swimmer (loved water) and you were too (like IT WAS already IN YOU). but DADDY was EXTREMELY concerned of something HAPPENING FROM THAT PROBLEM THEN and cared sooo much, which i felt that always. even though the pool was always closed at night and know you remember that TOO. and all the PARTY'S and get TOGETHERs we had with so many then and family friends GROWING up there too. i even REMEMBER most of your friends that would come over a lot and THEY WOULD LOVE GOING to the pool (and the one i had a crush on FOR THE LONGEST TIME AND REMEMBER HIS NAME, YOU WOULD ALWAYS TEASE ME ABOUT IT WHEN HE was coming OVER). all the cars you built and your favorite one then that was the blue CHEvelle you worked on a lot (and remember when you took me for a ride in it and were proud of it). you got me to help you a few times as you did things. and that big tall white truck you had for a little while parked near that big BEAUTIFUL tree that was near the corner of the house (we spent so much time there and with daddy). where DADDY built DIFFERENT swings on it for us and other things he built near it and under it and loved that tree so much too. i would go there a lot when i was so sad and made me feel a little better, then would run to ta ta (o) house or ta ta (s) house when she was there (something about that tree that felt like family, connected). many sat under it then too, even ta ta (o). what i would do just to be there with daddy ALWAYS from this nightmare (what feels from that evil power that led and trapped me in this way from my massive emotional pain all this time of being soo lost and scared from what god created me as and don't know what to believe in that anymore from how the other half has been near a lot of peoples flawed MINDSETS and lies that think they're right when god showed me all of it (especially this person's very flawed mind when it comes to god about sacred things he already created and ordained). BUT NEVER had ANy TRUE PERSOn THERE FOR ME from being so lost and all alone then and ended here from trusting the person. when god created this to go one way only in how it was done and the other half was supposed to be there always (eternal) that was the right way in this, but never came or there and know daddy would agree knowing the truth now (but s). s------------------s all the bikes you had and races you won, and motorcycle riding we did and the things you taught me growing up. and ALL THE BARBECUES WE HAD on that big brick ONE daddy built that was so AMAZING AND cool looking. WE DID A LOT ON THAT UNTIL IT WAS ALL OVER (AND THAT ITALIAN SALSA I REMEMBER MOM AND DAD WOULD ALWAYS MAKE THEN FOR THE BARBECUES TOGETHER AND still REMEMBER WHAT IT TASTE LIKE). YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT THAT MUCH THEN, BUT MORE THE STANDARD KIND. and the first time i tasted KETCHUP on eggs that you INTRODUCED me to that tasted PRETTY good. when mom thought it was gross and daddy just looked at you and smiled (but didn't like that). AND ALL THE FUN times WE HAD IN THE POOL THAT WAS AMAZING THEN. WITH ALL THE TABLES, LIGHTENING and things daddy would get AND DO to make it look SO aWESOME. ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT WHERE WE HAD SO MUCH FUN and so many other things he did for us. i remember ALL OF IT AND THE DIFFERENT AREAS and how we WOULD change things FOR THAT TOGETHER and always wanted my opinion. how he would set things up and know he did ALL OF that for us AND in so mANY OTHER THINGS he did. i REMEMBER the DRESSING ROOM it had and was in it a lot and the other room that was right next to it attached. What ran the whole pool system AND what daddy ALWAYS took care of then TOO. he would also clean IT AFTER he came home from worK at night A LOT OF TIMES AND HELPED HIM TOO (AND REMEMBER HOW BRIGHT AND CLOSE THE MOON ALWAYS LOOKED). i REMEMBER WAITING FOR HIM A LOT AND was THERE AT NIGHT WITH HIM (ALWAYS COULDN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM COMING HOME, UNLESS ON THE DAYS I WOULD GO TO HIM A LOT TO THE RESTAURANT AND THE THINGS WE DID THERE TOGETHER TOO, BUILT A LOT). i remember so much more and all we did and had a blast then with everyone there. and that place you always loved as a little boy that daddy would always stop for you when we would go on long vacation road trips (BOB'S big boy, you were always excited to stop EVERY TIME you saw the statue of it). I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO, BECAUSE I STILL FEEL IT ALL LIKE A SCARED CHILD INSIDE FROM NOT BEING COMPLETED IN LIFE AND HOW IT IS ALL DESTROYING ME MORE from being connected as a split soul (what wasn't thought of enough by him). BUT IF IT'S NOT TRULY REAL IN HIS HEART LIKE I HAVE been, THEN IT DOESN'T WORK IN ANYTHING OR WITH GOD. AND ALL THE OTHER HALF HAS PUT ME THROUGH FROM THIS CONNECTION THROUGH THE SOUL I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST. WHAT WILL BE VERY BAD AND TOO LATE FROM NEVER BEING FINISHED WITHIN OF WHAT GOD DID THAT'S CONNECTED TO a lot ("BUT WHEN PERFECTION COMES, THE IMPERFECT DISAPPEARS"). EVERYTHING CHANGES, BUT NEVER THAT FOR ME FROM BEING UNFINISHED THAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS (AND THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN AND PULL IT CAUSES within that's devastating). I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THINGS SINCE A CHILD AND FROM THAT CONNECTION I ALWAYS FELT WITH GOD. BUT DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST the other half AND WANT TO COMPLETELY LIKE when i first saw him from being the other part that i thought was true. I DEFINITELY DON'T TRUST a lot anymore here, who hasn't been that true as that friend and FOR DECADEs ALL HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH. doesn't seem to see it too well, but says he does yet still this way. who TELLS ME TO SHUT UP many times FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING MY PAIN AND GOES BAck to his phone most of the day from not getting it too well. but there is always an argument that gets bad at times in my pain and anger and tired of that. not how i would be before coming here or his life style that's dragged me under more. while i die even worse around him and nothing there to help that i can trust for me (while no one around sees what i truly am). only has the same excuses that go nowhere, when daddy knew it was not good for me and changed me more from the pain he would hear back then on the phone, and that was before i knew the rest. but never had anyone truly there then to understand me in much of anything and all i was going through even here by that time (needed a friend and he had one that was always true). but didn't know how the friend truly was yet as that friend. what didn't seem too bad from how he acted then and was there for me, but changed differently later on. i knew it never matched more than friend, because i am totally DIFFERENT than he is and have always been different in how god created me unique. but was trying to have a friend then with all i was going through and he wanted that too. What he could never see well from being alone and what he liked. but even after being here couldn't see my real pain well at all either (and how it was supposed to be that didn't seem very true). when it was supposed to be different and supportive from so much i was going through already and knew some of my feelings. just became so difficult to do anything here FOR ME and the way i truly was with daddy that was more myself. or to ever be me from all my fears that others caused more of in things i went through, even here that stunted that MORE (no one to ever understand me). never thought that would happen from having a friend IN how it started off, but wasn't the same with him as time went on (but have still tried so many times that becomes painful from the person never trying hard enough to understand). what was just having someone THERE that cared maybe FROM having nothing WHERE I WAS AT (THAT I COULD TRUST from losing all that through time). THOUGHT HE UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER, but it's only certain THINGS he paid attention to. when i needed SO MUCH more. and one time said i was his soul mate HERE, before i ever knew about the other half's EXISTENCE by god (and hated that word from never believing it and confused me more from what i saw out there). felt more SCARED when i heard it from him thinking i was like him in what i never felt or saw (and felt more doomed inside from him not knowing me well at all, but said he did AND TRUSTED THAT THEN). daddy would know that is not true, since he said i was like no one in this world (so is he IN HOW GOD CREATED THE WHOLE THING). but still felt so alone, hoping there was SOMEONE that would understand or really care (and not just be hooked from the world). when all i thought about THE PERSON HERE THEN was that good friend AND DIDN'T want to lose that. WHO wanted to be there for me, BUT TO COME HERE IN WHERE HE LIVED (AND NEEDED IT THEN FROM BEING SO SCARED NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH NO ONE TO UNDERSTAND ME, AND OTHER PAINS I DEALT WITH). but had a different out look IT SEEMED LATER ON and I was already here from my fears FEELING SO LOST AND ALONE. but started to thinK ALL THIS TIME NOW, that not even the other half is like mE IN A LOT OF HIS FEELINGS AND PRIORITIES. even though he is THE OTHER PART OF the split in SAME SOUL GOD CREATED SPECIAL FOR A BIGGER REASON AND IS SUPPOSED TO BE AND FEEL IT ALL! BUT THAT WORLD HAS CHANGED HIM FOR THE WORSE and lost him so much more THAT'S DESTROYED me immensely (IN EVERY WAY A TRUE PERSON CAN BE AND WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED IT). IN WHAT THE OTHER HALF SHOULD HAVE SEEN AND BELIEVED IN COMPLETE FAITH, BUT ACTED SO DIFFERENTLY THEN WHEN HE FIRST SAW. OR AT LEAST HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD REALLY HARD FROM THIS SHOCKing NEWS and REALITY, AWAKENED HIM FROM THE BRAINWASHING that has INFECTED him in that WORLD differently (AND STILL FEELs FAKE in things with him). I WOULD HAVE SHOWED YOU THOSE PHOTOS AND YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN A LOT, SO WOULD DADDY EVEN MORE. WHAT I THOUGHT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE ACTIVE AND ON THE BALL FOR MY SAKE EVEN MORE IN ALL that was happening to me in life (and from all that he has torn a part). but he never came to help me out long ago and has been almost the same in his ways. like the other half and the witch that is stuck to him (doesn't get it). only i have to still deal with this in no help from the the friend having the excuse that he is still married and going to "fix" things. what marriage when it never felt that way, but a hiding place from my immense fears (and did that a lot then). when i'm a split soul to another who is also incomplete and no one seems to get it (except the extension more). when his mind set is more like, i don't see the presence of the other half and never came. so i don't have to worry about it too much, because maybe it's not that bad (wrong). forgot about god in what *he* did in this through the connection of the soul and in everything else inside. something sacred i don't think he can wrap his mind around too well or the *pain* that fades you to nothing (a bigger death). that's why he calls it yelling, when it is pure agony (especially at times gets worse). and dealing with him gets more PAINFUL with no peace in sight, ESPECIALLY the way i feel now (as daddy would say, HAS NO BRAIN IN something like THis). he's not going through it and doesn't KNOW OR UNDERSTAND any of it, even after being around me a lot and explaining and watching me fade, but understands some i guess (BUT SOME DO and don't have to be around it to know they can just see). you probably would say the same seeing my face and everything else NOW. as i CONTINUE to deal with more of this hell that is still not done. but constant TOXICITY EVERY day from being half in all i endure HERe that not many believe OR WHAT I am. what can't function alone from this whole thing now and the suffocation for so long as the soul fades in a way many can't COMPUTE (yet they understand about god, but not a miracle he created). just stupid people more than not. what I am GOING THROUGH AND FEel from the other half is no lie (and in the split), BUT him MORE CONTROLLED AND DEAD IN A DISAPPOINTING DEPRESSIVE WAY that causes more pain from him sinking fast. how i couldn't get through to him at all that's critical and that was then (but now seems worse). DOESN'T SEEM TO GET THE LONGER IT GOES CHANGES A LOT IN THAT BALANCE WITHIN. IN DEALING WITH THINGS FOR ME THAT'S BEEN TOO LONG and difficult in all i needed (not even close to the same as another). What ALSO dIDN'T SEEM TO have a lot of feelings or BELIEF THEN in the same thing for US (THE OTHER HALF). when he knew and never stopped for that truth AT ALL (and DO know we're not completeD STILL). how it will get so much worse from what god diD that was supposed to be SACRED AND in it's PROPER place, but faithfully and truthfully IN THE WAY GOD HAD IT and was supposed to be. but starting to feel inside more alonE FOR AWHILE looking at him AS HE CONTINUES tHAT IS BECOMING NOT WELL IN A LOT. that there was never any true person THAT UNDERSTOOD ME IN LIFE that WAS closer to me or even someone i could trust as THAT TRUE friend (AND HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING, BUT thIs state AND STILL STUCK AND CAGED FROM WHAT I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE like this, BECAUSE OF GOD IN WHAT WAS created DIFFERENTLY). so much thaT WAS RUINED WITHIN ME from the friend not listening to much OR UNDERSTANDING my true feelings, AND SEPARATES ME FROM THE REST LIKE NO BIG DEAL IN HIS ACTIONS. WHEN I UNDERSTAND in a lot he has no clue in AND FOR ALL OF GOD'S REASONS. WHO ONLY UNDERSTANDS HOW HE WANTS TOO AND EXEMPTS MY TRUE FEELING FROM MY PAIN THAT IS DESTROYING ME MORE IN NOTHING. BUT SAYS I'M BEING RUDE FROM MY PAIN, WHEN I'M NOT (DOESN'T get it most of the time, otherwise it's sorry from him and says that's all i got). how about not being so CLUELESS of the truth and deep pain and hurt that has been done. THINGS HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IN ME AND NEVER HAS, BUT THE PLAYING HOUSE SYNDROME FROM THE START THAT HAS LIED TO HIMSELF ABOUT what this truly was from more childish things (and unable to grow from my deep fears and from being half). since someone else in family would know more about what i am like or like. WHEN THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS HERE FOR TO continue HELPing HIM THIS LONG, who hasn't learned much to even pay attention in that way. WHEN all IT HAS done is DROWNED ME MORE from him not knowing how to communicate with me in his ways and losing myself in who i truly am (AND DIDN'T LEARN THAT MUCH IN ALL THAT TIME FROM ME ALWAYS HAVING TO DO things MOSTLY, from the mind always being somewhere else). WHEN I TRULY CAN'T ANYMORE AND NEEDed MY ASSISTANCE to help me NO ONE CARED much ABOUT, EVEN NOW here (just says he does very much or more than anything). CAN'T SEEM TO GET PAST MUCH OF ANYTHING WITH HIM. WHICH MAKES ME WORSE FROM NEVER HAVING THE THINGS THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME IN LIFE TO GROW AND THAT TRUE PERSON THAT WAS MADE FOR ME BY GOD (THE OTHER HALF) THAT STAYED ALL WRONG IN A DESTRUCTIVE WAY. WHAT HAS AFFECTED ME IN A MASSIVE WAY HERE OR IN LIFE FROM THIS GRAND CONNECTION (AND MORE DIFFICULT NOW IN ALL). THE FRIEND SEEMS TO MOSTLY UNDERSTAND HIS WORLDLY THINGS FROM TELEVISION, ETC (AND SEEMS THE OTHER HALF TOO). THINGS HE DOES OR EVEN SEEINg ALL THIS TIME MY TRUE WAY a little better before IT GOT WORSE INSIDE ME (JUST THE LITTLE THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE HELP TOO IN THIS). AND IF I HAVE TO SPELL THEM OUT OR SAY IT ALL THE TIME, THEN THAT IS NOT A TRUE PERSON OR FRIEND. JUST ARE YOU OK AFTER SO LONG OF TUNING ME OUT, THEN GOES BACK TO HIS STUFF WHILE I BLEED. WHEN THIS IS A LOT BIGGER. unless it dealt with something else and i stayed the way he got comfortable in THAT FLOWS BETTER FROM SEEING I LOOK OK (THE OUTSIDE THAT WAS THE START OF BEING SO LONG LIKE THIS. something i felt that might happen if i agreed to come HERE, but didn't think it would from being so different than the "friend" and how he sounded TO ME then IN ALL MY FEARS). him NOT having that TRUE UNDERSTANDING of a real FRIEND i needed THat MESSED UP more IN ME being like this, AND from not taking care of those things properly a little while AFTER knowing this truth abouT ME. to help my way so it wouldn't get worse from my long path that was like this (and not supposed to be STILL like this). but never seemed to REMEMBER all the pain before that from my tearS. or seems to understand well all it causes inside as it just stays this way in a half OF A split soul (calls me OBNOXIOUS AND OTHER, cause it doesn't fall into his time line). OR WHY ELSE? which was never supposed to be HIS TIME from the agony of being in life this way. what i truly needed IS SOMEONE there THEN THAT COULD understand my feelings better AND STILL BE CLOSE (without all the suffocation of what i had to do). SOMEONE REALLY there for me in my pain AND IN THAT support that has a higher understanding and more OF a real caring friend (not when they feel like it for themselves ignoring THE TRUTH THAT IS a very critical situation INSIDE). but sO MUCH THAT WAS GOING ON BACK then IN CHAOS THAT ENDED everything for me of getting the proper ANYTHING or person. WHEN I NEEDED MUCH more SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING TO HELP ME THROUGH this from being different, and because of the other half never being there like he was supposed to be long ago (and still the other half amazes me in a very bad way).
<3 :( :( <3 !!!!!!!````````` they have BUILT a wall between us, because of the evil one. through those he HAS USED that are SELFISH DISGUSTING HUMANS (AND THE MINDSET THAT DOESN'T STRETCH FAR ENOUGH IN THINGS WHEN IT COMES TO GOD). WHO DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND OR SIMPLY DON'T CARE. AND truly DON'T UNDERSTAND life or much of anything else, except for those certain things TO SATISFY THEIR NEEDS SELFISHLY. INSTEAD OF SEEING WHAT IS REAL AND HERE THAT'S CONNECTED TO A LOT. WHAT HAS BECOME CRITICAL AND FRAGILE IN HOW IT WAS DONE AND WAS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE TOGETHER THAT'S DIFFERENT (HOW IT CAN'T GO FURTHER AND NOT COMPLETED OR ABLE, BUT IN NOTHING from THE PAIN and all that's missing). JUST WHAT GOD HAS DONE AND DOES IN *HIS* ALMIGHTY POWERS. WHAT HAS TRIED TO DESTROY IT THROUGH THE EVIL POWERS WAYS OF WHAT GOD CREATEd IN THAT UNIQUE powerful souL (ONE OF A KIND AND DOESN'T EXIST ANYWHERE ELSE). so THE OTHER HALF would never understand himself in that world from all they TAUGHT him to be more LIKE, AND LOSE ME MORE WITH THOSE THAT ARE WRONG. INSTEAD OF BEING HIS REAL SELF THEY KNOW NOT MUCH ABOUT (CAN'T TELL THE TRUTH OR NOT A BIG DEAl that's BENEATH him all that time). OR TRULY CARES THAT AFFECTS ME IMMENSELY BEING THE OTHER PART OF That otHER HALF, him (AND NOT WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT OR GUILT). and it's not just the mind that makes you feel bad inside, it's entirety of your being that affects everything within in how god created it (and that exist in two halves the rest of each other). THE RIGHT SIDE IN me THE PERSON NEVER COMPLETED AS WELL AND HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN ABANDONED IN LIFE by him. what lost THE OTHER HALF EVEN more AWAY from the powerful reality of who he is, so THIS would all crumble to nothing AND NEVER SEE THE REST, OR THE WORLD TO SEE THIS (especially in him that was easier TO KNOCK DOWN IN THAT WORLD). DADDY WAS RIGHT WHEN HE SAID, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND HAD A VERY SAD LOOK IN HIS EYES WHEN HE SAID IT TO ME (FELT MY DEEP LONELINESS THAT NO ONE UNDERSTOOD AND ALL ELSE HE SAW). IF IT WASN'T FOR DADDY (his love for me) AND WHO HE IS AND HOW HE MADE ME FEEL ALWAYS AS HIS DAUGHTER THAT WAS LIKE NOTHING ELSE, AND THOSE FEW FROM FAMILY THEN TOo as well to HELP ME THRIVE A TINY BIT AS A LITTLE GIRL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN POINTLESS (AND BECAUSE OF GOD THAT WAS ALWAYS THERE IN MY FEARS FROM THINGS I WENT THROUGH). IN WHAT *GOD* DID IN THE WHOLE THING THEN FROM THE BEGINNING and already knew, ESPECIALLY FROM BEING *SO* ALONE in me (because the other half had no problem with everyone else or to stay away). IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NOTHING EVEN MORE FOR ME AND FADED SO MUCH FASTER FROM THIS (THAT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GOOD in ALL). WHAT WAS SO LOST FROM NOT HAVING WHAT I TRULY NEEDED OR ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND AND HELP ME MORE THEN, OR EVEN NOW (AND *BELIEVE* WHAT I SAY IN THIS THAT I AM). LIKE IT HAS BECOME NOW FROM HAVING NOTHING. AND THE OTHER HALF THAT BECAME SO DIFFERENT WITH TIME and forgot me all together, BECAUSE OF OTHERS (BEING ALL WRONG FOR TOO LONG OF WHAT HE TRULY IS BY GOD and not being that true person). HAS BECOME MORE MINDLESS LIKE MANY THAT HE LET TAKE OVER AND LET SO MANY WRONG IN. INSTEAD OF HELPING AND BEING WHAT HE IS A DIRECT PART OF. WHAT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO TRUST IN THE SOUL AT THIS POINT FROM THE BACK AND FORTH THING that he does AND HIS INTENTIONS, pulls back from me a lot since finding him and only knows three things mostly (and HIS FIRE, NEEDLES AND SPIKES THAT ARE PAINFUL TOO NOW that scare me, instead of being true). one minute seems sincere and real in that fire and the next feels like a game they taught him. where he doesn't like the game, but still plays it and against his soul (split soul that will be bad for him too by god if he continues). WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE ALREADY FELT AND *KNOWN* COMPARED TO ANYTHING ELSE THE TRUTH, wanted, loved deeply and cared just as much or more, *respected* better (AND TO HAVE BEEN THAT THEN, BECAUSE OF THIS *HERE* and other things of the past pain). THE THINGS THE FRIEND HAS SAID too MANY TIMES WRONGLY ABOUT A LOT that affect me AND THE THINGS DONE THROUGHOUT TIME here AND DOESN'T TRULY UNDERSTAND IN THE LONG RUN, OR EVEN IN FAMILY (but that's that). acts in a way like i was here for him, when i'm not the same even a little. not the way it was. while nothing helped me here, but WORSENED me in how i truly am he barely got to know. a whole different mind then others i understood better. while i fade and treats it like it can still wait (or those evil forces from that other half's world). like it's not that big of a deal in all the damage from time, time and time again (the things most fail to see in the truth).
& - WITHOUT DADDY THERE, IT IS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BE IN LIFE ANYMORE OR TALK TO ANYONE FROM THEM NOT KNOWING ME LIKE HE DID (AND HE IS THE *ONLY* ONE THAT TRULY KNEW HOW TO TALK TO ME FROM SO MANY FEARS HE SAW IN ME). HE HELPED ME IN SO MUCH AND WITH MY FEARS AS A LITTLE GIRL AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT A LOT OF TIMES CRAWLING TO HIS BED SIDE NUMEROUS TIMES TRYING NOT TO WAKE UP MOM FROM SO MUCH I WAS GOING THROUGH I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND (AND HE PROTECTED ME FROM EVERYTHING AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY WHO DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME WELL AT ALL). OR SOMETIMES I WOULD END UP AT TA TA (O) AND TON TON (F) HOUSE FROM BEING SCARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WALKING IN THE PASTURE FOR A LITTLE WHILE BEFORE FROM THINGS HAPPENING. I REMEMBER THE MOON WOULD BE SO BRIGHT, LIKE IT WAS WATCHING OVER ME TOO AND GUIDING MY WAY (THE CONNECTION I FELT LIKE THE SUN). THEN GETTING SCARED AND RUNNING TO TA TA (O) HOUSE SITTING IN THE DARK BY HER FRONT DOOR CRYING FROM THE PAIN I WAS FEELING UNTIL SHE WOULD HEAR ME AND WOULD OPEN UP (SOMETIMES I WOULD KNOCK AND TON TON (F) WOULD OPEN THE DOOR FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING ON). TA TA (O) WOULD LET ME IN AND SAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN THE DARK THIS LATE AND WHY AREN'T YOU IN YOUR BED? I WOULD SAY I FEEL SCARED AND WOULD MISS HER THERE. THEN I WOULD END UP SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF BOTH OF THEM. COULDN'T BE WITHOUT HER EITHER, ESPECIALLY AFTER HER HOUSE WAS BUILT AND SHE WASN'T OVER AS MUCH AND FELT MORE SCARED (BUT WAS OVER THERE A LOT). I WAS VERY CLOSE TO HER AND SHE UNDERSTOOD ME SO MUCH BETTER THEN, BUT NOT WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH OR HOW DADDY UNDERSTOOD ME IN MY UNIQUE SOUL. THAT HAPPENED A LOT THEN AND A FEW TIMES I ENDED UP AT NONNO AND NONNA'S HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN TON TON WAS STILL LIVING THERE. EVEN WITH THE EXTRA LOCKS DADDY PUT ON THE DOOR, BECAUSE THEY WHERE SCARED OF ME SLEEPWALKING THAT HAPPENED A LOT THEN. SOME OF IT WAS SLEEPWALKING, BUT SOME WAS JUST FEELING REALLY SAD AND RUNNING SCARED NOT KNOWING WHERE TO GO. DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO EVER CHANGE LIKE HOW THINGS WERE IN THE VERY BEGINNING THAT WERE STILL GOOD (WISHING IT WOULD HAVE STAYED MORE LIKE THAT). WHAT MADE BETTER SENSE TO ME AND MADE ME FEEL MORE BALANCED AND SECURE INSIDE WITH EVERYTHING BEING MORE RIGHT, MOSTLY BECAUSE OF DADDY THERE OR I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE IT ANYWHERE. BUT WOULD STILL HAVE THESE VERY SAD FEELINGS AT TIMES THAT WERE SO BIG AND DEPRESSING THAT I WOULD END UP SO ALONE AND LOST EVEN MORE, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT DADDY. INCLUDING THE DIFFERENT PLACES I WOULD END UP ON THE PROPERTY WHEN I WAS SLEEPWALKING THAT WAS A VERY SCARY SURPRISE. AND DID ALMOST DROWN ONCE IN MY SLEEP AT NIGHT GOING TO THE POOL WHEN I WAS VERY LITTLE AND WHAT WOKE ME UP WHILE I WAS IN THE WATER THAT SAVED ME THEN. THEN DADDY KNEW ABOUT IT AND PUT EXTRA LOCKS ON THE POOL DOOR KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED WITH ME AND TAUGHT ME HOW TO SWIM VERY SOON AFTER, AND YOU TOO (AND SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH US IN THAT POOL TOGETHER AND THE FUN WE HAD THEN). WHICH WAS SO NATURAL FOR ME LIKE IT WAS TO HIM. WHO WAS A VERY EXCELLENT SWIMMER (LOVED WATER) AND YOU WERE TOO (LIKE IT WAS ALREADY IN YOU). BUT DADDY WAS EXTREMELY CONCERNED OF SOMETHING HAPPENING FROM THAT PROBLEM THEN AND CARED SOOO MUCH, WHICH I FELT THAT ALWAYS. EVEN THOUGH THE POOL WAS ALWAYS CLOSED AT NIGHT AND KNOW YOU REMEMBER THAT TOO. AND ALL THE PARTY'S AND GET TOGETHERS WE HAD WITH SO MANY THEN AND FAMILY FRIENDS GROWING UP THERE TOO. I EVEN REMEMBER MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT WOULD COME OVER A LOT AND THEY WOULD LOVE GOING TO THE POOL (AND THE ONE I HAD A CRUSH ON FOR THE LONGEST TIME AND REMEMBER HIS NAME, YOU WOULD ALWAYS TEASE ME ABOUT IT WHEN HE WAS COMING OVER). ALL THE CARS YOU BUILT AND YOUR FAVORITE ONE THEN THAT WAS THE BLUE CHEVELLE YOU WORKED ON A LOT (AND REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOOK ME FOR A RIDE IN IT AND WERE PROUD OF IT). YOU GOT ME TO HELP YOU A FEW TIMES AS YOU DID THINGS. AND THAT BIG TALL WHITE TRUCK YOU HAD FOR A LITTLE WHILE PARKED NEAR THAT BIG BEAUTIFUL TREE THAT WAS NEAR THE CORNER OF THE HOUSE (WE SPENT SO MUCH TIME THERE AND WITH DADDY). WHERE DADDY BUILT DIFFERENT SWINGS ON IT FOR US AND OTHER THINGS HE BUILT NEAR IT AND UNDER IT AND LOVED THAT TREE SO MUCH TOO. I WOULD GO THERE A LOT WHEN I WAS SO SAD AND MADE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER, THEN WOULD RUN TO TA TA (O) HOUSE OR TA TA (S) HOUSE WHEN SHE WAS THERE (SOMETHING ABOUT THAT TREE THAT FELT LIKE FAMILY, CONNECTED). MANY SAT UNDER IT THEN TOO, EVEN TA TA (O). WHAT I WOULD DO JUST TO BE THERE WITH DADDY ALWAYS FROM THIS NIGHTMARE. WHAT I KNOW AND FEEL FROM THAT EVIL POWER THAT LED AND TRAPPED ME THIS WAY THAT WASN'T RIGHT IN THOSE INTENTIONS THAT CHANGED IN THE FRIEND WITH A LITTLE TIME OF BEING HERE (WHAT THE EVIL POWER KNOWS BY SEEING ALL THE WEAKNESS OF OTHERS IN THAT RIGHT TIME THAT IS PRESENTED FROM MANY FEARS AND IN THOSE TARGETS HE GOES AFTER EVEN MORE). WHO THE FRIEND NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD A LOT AS I GOT TO KNOW HIM HERE (WA. STATE) THAT BECAME MORE PAINFUL FOR ME, BUT BETTERED HIM FROM HOW HE WAS (BUT WAS TOO LATE FOR ME AFTER GETTING TO THIS STATE FROM THE FRIEND NOT LETTING GO AND CONSTANTLY TELLING ME THEN WHY I NEEDED TO STAY). AND THE REAL TRUTH OF THE OTHER HALF THAT WAS NEVER THERE OR IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR ME AND OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE SUFFERED OF WHERE IT WAS ALL SUPPOSED TO BE. THE FRIEND TELLING ME SO MANY THINGS THEN THAT GAVE ME MORE FEARS AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BEING HALF A SOUL (AND IN EVERY TIME I WANTED TO GO THAT BECAME MORE CAGE BY THE FRIEND THAT BUILT MORE FEARS FROM BEING AROUND ALL THIS HERE). STARTED TO FEEL I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO ANYMORE THAT BECAME WORSE STAYING WITH THIS FRIEND HE DIDN'T GET MUCH IN MY WELL BEING. BECAUSE OF MY SITUATION THAT IS TOTAL DIFFERENT NOT MANY UNDERSTAND, BUT NEVER HAD ANYONE THERE FOR ME OR TO FREE ME. THE MASSIVE EMOTIONAL PAIN AND VULNERABILITY THE FRIEND KNEW AND SAW SINCE WHEN I MET HIM IN CALIFORNIA, BUT DIDN'T REALLY HELP IN ANY OF IT HERE. JUST ME HIDING THEN BEHIND HIM THAT HE LIKED AND GOT USED TO OF WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND IN MY PAIN (IN WHAT I AM AND DIDN'T KNOW YET FROM EVERYTHING GOING ALL WRONG FOR ME). NEVER HAVING ANYONE ELSE THERE THEN OR IT WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE LIKE THIS. FROM A LOT THAT HAS BEEN DONE WRONG FROM THE BEGINNING TO KEEP ME MORE TRAPPED WITH THIS PERSON IN THE MINDSET HE HAD THEN (BUT SHOULD HAVE SEEN MORE WHEN IT WAS SHOWN TO HIM TOO ALMOST 14 YEARS AGO THAT WAS AVOIDED). AND ALL THIS TIME OF ME BEING SOOO LOST AND SCARED THAT SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO THE FRIEND FROM WHAT GOD CREATED ME AS (AND BEEN VERY PROACTIVE). --------- THE OTHER HALF HAS BEEN NEAR A LOT OF PEOPLES FLAWED MINDSETS AND LIES THAT THINK THEY'RE RIGHT WHEN GOD SHOWED ME ALL OF IT (ESPECIALLY THE FRIEND WITH A VERY FLAWED MIND WHEN IT COMES TO GOD ABOUT SACRED THINGS HE ALREADY CREATED AND ORDAINED). BUT NEVER HAD ANY TRUE PERSON THERE FOR ME FROM BEING SO LOST AND ALL ALONE THEN, EXCEPT FOR DADDY (AND WASN'T GOING TO PUT HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS PEOPLE WOULD NEVER BELIEVE IN THAT ARE SO POWERFUL THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND. JUST LIKE VERY FEW TRULY BELIEVE IN GOD THAT IS ALMIGHTY. AND ALL THE CHAOS IN OTHER THINGS BACK THEN BEFORE HERE THAT WAS GOING ON WITH NO ONE TO EVER HELP OR MY PAST PAINS NEVER HEALED (FROM FEARS THAT OTHERS AFFECTED ME IN THAT WAS HURT TOO AND COULDN'T TRUST). THE WAY GOD HAD THINGS A CERTAIN WAY FROM THE BEGINNING AND KNOW DADDY FELT IT ALL IN EVERYTHING THROUGH LIFE IN ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS AWAKENED IN WHAT HE KNEW AND IS TOO (AND A ONE OF A KIND DADDY LIKE NO OTHER). HOW I ENDED HERE FROM TRUSTING THIS PERSON (FRIEND) INNOCENTLY THAT THOUGHT WOULDN'T BE SO HARMFUL THEN, BECAUSE OF MY PAINFUL ORDEAL I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND YET (BUT BOTH KNEW THEN WHY I WAS HERE OR HOW TO COME HERE FROM THE BEGINNING IN HOW I COULD, AND HOW HE WANTED ME TO DO IT EVEN MORE). I WAS JUST RUNNING SCARED THEN. WHEN GOD CREATED THIS TO GO *ONLY* ONE WAY IN HOW IT WAS CREATED AND THE OTHER HALF WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALREADY THERE (ALWAYS). WHAT WAS THE RIGHT WAY IN THIS AND ALL GOD CONNECTED TO IT IN THIS JOURNEY TO GET HOME. BUT THE OTHER HALF NEVER CAME AND WAS NEVER THERE AND COULDN'T FUNCTION WELL ALONE IN LIFE FROM THE SPLIT SOUL THAT IS A PART OF EACH OTHER (INSIDE THAT CONNECTS EVERYTHING TOGETHER). ESPECIALLY WHAT IT HAS DONE TO ME EVEN WORSE IN THAT GIRL/WOMAN NEVER COMPLETED OR AT PEACE THAT'S TRAGIC (WHAT GETS VERY CRITICAL WITH TIME OF NOT BEING IN ITS RIGHTFUL PLACE AND ALL IT WILL DO FROM THAT POWER THAT WAS NEVER COMPLETED IN WHAT GOD DID). DADDY WOULD AGREE KNOWING AND SEEING THE TRUTH NOW AND THE PAIN HE WOULD HAVE MORE OF SEEING ME LIKE THAT. ----<3---THIS IS A SACRED SOUL IN THE TWO HALVES GOD CREATED as one, UNIQUE. NOT JUST A STORY, BUT THE TRUTH OF WHAT it IS. AND THINKING NOW THAT THE OTHER HALF JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WELL OR DOESN'T *WANT* TO FROM BEING SEPARATED and WRONGly put FOR SO LONG he forgot HOW THIS WORKS. NOT BY MY CHOICE, BUT HIS IN HOW LONG HE HAS TAKEN that has erased a lot (and *not* a happy thing with god and in all else the other half has done against me for a long while of knowing). HE COMES THEN HE GOES THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING AND THINKS HE CAN CONTINUE TO DO THAT. WHEN THE DOORs will CLOSE COMPLETELY BY GOD AND WON'T BE ABLE TO FIX IN ANYTHING IN ALL IT'S CONNECTED TO and IN LIFE as well, and HAS DONE NOTHING TO RECTIFY ANYTHING ALL THAT TIME THAT COULD HAVE BEEN (NEEDED HIM IN EVERYTHING FROM THE SOUL THAT IS EVERYTHING WITHIN). ALL OF THIS NEEDS TO STOP AND BE MADE RIGHT, BEFORE EVERYTHING SPLITS DOWN THE MIDDLE IN A VERY BAD WAY (everything). WHAT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT IS A PART OF HIM AND CATASTROPHIC WITHOUT BOTH PARTS TOGETHER. WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN REUNITED LONG AGO and placed right, BUT HIS MIND KEEPS CHANGING WHILE BOTH halves WITHER. WHILE THERE HAS BEEN NO ESCAPE FOR ME IN LIFE from this AND GOD WILL TAKE IT ALL DOWN INSTEAD. FROM WHAT WASN'T DONE FOR ITS TIME AND ALL IT'S CONNECTED TO AS IT CONTINUES FURTHER THAT IS BECOMING IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXIST (beloved, "fair as the moon, bright as the sun"). BECAUSE THERE WAS NO CHOICE FOR ME IN LIFE from this connected soul THAT WAS THE OTHER HALF'S IRRESPONSIBILITY THAT MADE IT GET TO THIS POINT (what i was here for, and for god in this). WHAT HAS DESTROYED SO MUCH more AND BETWEEN THE SOUL FROM BEING ABANDON FOR THAT EVIL WORLD TOO LONG (and has caused so many more fears in me, because of him that's more difficult for me now). :( jUST TAKES, TAKES AND TAKES FROM THE SOUL WITH NO CARE IN ME OR FOR ME IN WHAT THIS IS (PETRIFIED it will become as he continues that will be all over, because of him in all he tries to hide). WHAT HE SHOULD have KNOWn BETTER BY NOW ALL THIS TIME IN OUR LONG PAINFUL JOURNEY (AND SAID TOO MANY TIMES TO HIM IN EVERYTHING). WHAT HE DOESN't WANT TO LISTEN well to through THE SOUL THAT SHOULD have BEen BIgger TO HIM IN OUR CONNECTION, and because of OTHERS always telling him different things (that are wrong)!!. when he is not connected to them, so they wouldn't know anything (and very OBVIOUS he doesn't listen well, in how he always flees to everything else at the drop of a hat). i would say pretty STUBBORN, but that's too easy. >>>. >>>.
:;( :;( SOMETHING I NEED TO GET OFF MY CHEST AND HAVE TO FROM MY PAIN. AND KNOW HE IS GOING TO READ AND REACT BADLY, WHICH AFFECTS ME IN THE SOUL AND BODY NO ONE CARES ABOUT, NOT EVEN HIM (MY BODY). ALREADY HAS MADE THINGS REALLY BAD HE CAN'T EVER SEE IN ME OR FIND IT IMPORTANT ENOUGH. BUT IN THIS CASE HE NEEDS TO SIT DOWN AND PAY ATTENTION AND NOT MAKE ME SICKER FROM THE STRESS HE CAUSES WITHIN THE SOUL AND BODY EVEN MORE, AND HIS PRICKLY ATTITUDE WHEN MY FEELINGS COME OUT FROM FADING MORE IN ME (AND BEING AROUND HIS "FRIENDS"/ OR SLUTS). BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF HIS GAMES WHO CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND MUCH OF ANYTHING IMPORTANT WHEN HE IS CONNECTED UNFORTUNATELY TO ME. I SAY THAT BECAUSE OF HIS MINDSET GROWING WITH FROM OTHERS THAT TOOK OVER HIM IN THAT WORLD (AND THOSE WHO TAUGHT HIM AND TOOK IT AS OK OR MAYBE NATURAL). ESPECIALLY AFTER HAVING ANOTHER HALF HE *KNEW* ABOUT FOR A LONG WHILE AND DOING THOSE OTHER THINGS (THE REAL LOVE I HAD THAT HAS NEVER REALLY LOVED ME). AND DADDY, ETC, YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WHAT THE OTHER HALF LET ALL THIS TIME FLY BY, BUT HAS NEVER TRULY FELT FOR ME MUCH OF ANYTHING, THAT'S WHY. THAT PERSON WAS RIGHT LONG AGO WHEN THEY SAID, NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEM THE TRUTH. JUST ABOUT DONE WITH EVERYTHING AND ALL THAT HAS BEEN ERASED FOR ME. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN SEDUCED BY A DOOZY WITH HIS FLOOZY THAT'S BADLY ENHANCED. THAT'S WHY I WAS ALWAYS SCARED TO WANT A MAN I LOVED OR DESIRED (AND GOD KNOWS THE REST). BECAUSE IF HE LIED OR EVER CHEATED, IT WOULD BE LIKE A BOMB WENT OFF INSIDE WITH NO PIECES YOU CAN PUT BACK TOGETHER (SOUNDS WRONG AND DEPRESSING AND IS, BUT MAKES SENSE TO SOME FROM THE PAIN I WAS ALREADY GOING THROUGH). AND NOW AFTER SEEING THAT SILHOUETTE OF HER AGAIN, BUT BLOCKED IN MY VISION ALL THAT TIME (AND FROM OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN BLOCKED FOR ME THAT HAVE HAPPENED BADLY). UNTIL THE FULL MOON COMES OUT AND STARTS TO SHOW ME THINGS CLEARER IN THAT CONNECTION I HAVE WITH IT, BUT STILL HE PUTS ON A FIGHT FROM SHOWING HIS SINS TO ME (TRIES TO BLOCK MY VISION IN A LOT THROUGH MY EYES AND CAN FEEL HIM MOVING THROUGH THE CENTER AS WELL, PAINFUL AT TIMES). BUT BIGGER IN THE BULL I DEAL WITH HERE IN NOTHING. WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MUCH IN ME SPIRITUALLY EITHER, BUT MOSTLY WORLDLY THINGS (MORE OF A SIMPLISTIC MIND, EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME). ----- BUT CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE *MORE* ANY OF THIS, WHILE I HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY FAITHFUL TO THE OTHER HALF (THE DOOZY)! WHICH IS A HUGE EXPLOSION THAT IS MOSTLY *UNRECOVERABLE* (SPEAKING HIS LANGUAGE SO HE UNDERSTAND HIS WORDS). AND THE FLOOZY IS A SLUT TROIA, PUTTANA OR OTHER. THAT SURROUNDS HIM THAT HE LET HAPPEN. AND HAS BEEN PLAYING IT OFF WITH THIS SLUT (S) IN MY VULNERABILITIES FROM BEING HALF A SOUL FROM THINKING SHE HAS MORE THAN ME (HE HASN'T A CLUE)! MAYBE PRETENDING TO EASE THE SOUL IN A PATHETIC WAY THAT IS MY HELL RIGHT NOW (A MAN-WHORE TO DEAL WITH IN WHAT I AM TOTALLY AGAINST). WHO CAN NEVER REALLY BE FAITHFUL IN LEARNING THE WAYS OF THAT WORLD FROM OTHERS IN HOW HE WAS TRAINED BY DISGUSTING HUMANS (AND FROM HIS VULNERABILITIES OF BEING HALF A SOUL HIMSELF AND NEVER LEARNING OR CARING ABOUT THE REAL THING, ME)!!!. NOW HE KNOWS A MAN *CAN* BE TRAINED, TO BE A MAN-WHORE BY OTHER BIGGER MAN-WHORES THAT ARE WORSE (BAD COMPANY BECOMES YOU IN FOLLOWING IN THEIR WAYS "THEIR ADVICE", WHEN THEY CAN'T SEE THE TRUTH OF MUCH IN LIFE). INSTEAD OF *FAITHFUL* TO THE ONE (LOVE) THAT IS HIS OTHER HALF IN EVERYTHING, LIKE I'VE BEEN (OR MAYBE I DON'T HAVE TO ANYMORE TO HIM FROM HIM ONLY CARING ABOUT HW AND WHATEVER ELSE FLOATS HIS BOAT). ESPECIALLY IN MY FINAL DECISION. HE SEEMS IN PAIN WITH OR WITHOUT ME FROM NEVER WANTING ME (EVEN THOUGH HE'S CONNECTED IN ALL TO ME RIGHT NOW). WHICH TRULY HE WOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY FOR ME AND IN LOVE WITH THE ONE HIS HEART DESIRES (MASSIVELY AND NO ONE COULD EVER TOUCH THAT IN HIS HEART AND IN OUR SOUL). AND DON'T WANT A MAN LIKE THAT IF HE NEVER FELT THE SAME WAY. OR EVER HAD ANY LOVE FOR THE OTHER PART OF HIM IN ME. SO REALLY IT HAS ONLY MATTERED TO GOD, ME BEING HALF OF THAT CREATION AND DADDY IN THIS WHOLE JOURNEY (AND ALL GOD SHOWED THAT WAS ABOUT ME IN THIS). BECAUSE IF THE OTHER HALF DID CARE MASSIVELY, HE WOULD *NEVER* DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT ANYMORE WHEN HE SAW FROM BEING THE OTHER PART OF THE SOUL AND CONFIDED, NOTHING ELSE WOULD HAVE MATTERED IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT IS THE TRUE LOVE (DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IN SOMETHING SO INTIMATELY CONNECTED IN EVERYTHING BETWEEN US AND HOW HE CONTINUED). HE WOULD HAVE LET ALL THAT GO IN WHAT HAS TRAPPED HIM IN THAT WORLD BY OTHERS AND WOULD HAVE FELT HIS FREEDOM (AND NOT CARED ABOUT THAT CRAP ANYMORE, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS). A TREMENDOUS NUMBER OF FAKE PEOPLE THAT THINK THEY'RE BIGGER THAN THEY REALLY ARE. AND HE WOULD HAVE COME A LONG TIME AGO CLOSER TO THE BEGINNING TO WANT TO BE WITH ME AND TALK THINGS OUT. WHEN I ASKED HIM TO THAT MADE MY SURVIVAL A LOT WORSE, IF THE LOVE IN HIM WAS REAL (BEFORE THE OTHER HALF CUT ME OFF FOR THE POISON OF HOLLYWOOD AS I CRIED FOR HIM SOOO MUCH). BUT HE NEVER DID FROM HIS WAYS AND ALL HIS GUILT HE COULD NEVER STOP OR EVER *THINKS* WELL AT ALL (AND SHOULD START TO). WHICH SHOWS ME, HE WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH ME WHEN HE FIRST SAW THE OTHER PART CONNECTED TO HIM. LIKE I WAS BIG TIME WITH HIM AFTER TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THINGS THAT WERE SO PAINFUL AS WELL (SO MANY TEARS FROM ME TO THE OTHER HALF THAT NEVER REALLY SHED THAT MANY FOR ME, WAS TOO BUSY). AND EVERY-TIME SOMETHING FEELS LIKE IT'S FINALLY FINISHED AND DONE FOR HIM IN THAT WORLD, IT ALL STARTS UP AGAIN WITH SOMETHING ELSE HE DOES THAT CONTINUES (SOMETHING ALWAYS BREWING IN A BAD WAY). JUST BLOCKED ME FROM A LOT ALL THAT TIME HE HAS IGNORED FOR HIS CONVENIENCE OR THE CONVENIENCE OF OTHERS (WHO ARE SO WRONG)! IT'S ALL YOU EVER WANTED THERE ALWAYS BESIDE YOU THAT IS YOUR OTHER HALF AND NEEDED IN LIFE IN EVER WAY (TO BREATHE AND TO LIVE, BUT GETS SCARIER AS TIME GOES ON WITHOUT THE OTHER PART THAT IS YOUR COMPLETION). WHY I WAS SO LOST IN EVERYTHING THAT HURT SO BADLY. WHAT I TRULY WANTED FROM THE START, NOT ALL THIS CHAOS THAT THE EVIL POWER POURS OUT (AND HAS). JUST NEEDING WHAT GOD HAD THAT'S OVERDUE BADLY (INCLUDING MY VERY BAD DREAMS TO STOP THAT ARE GETTING WORSE THAT DEALS WITH BIGGER THINGS AND THE CONNECTION FROM THAT). NEVER UNDERSTOOD FROM BEING SO LOST AND SCARED OF WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AND NEITHER DID THE OTHER HALF FROM ALL HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO. OR EVEN TRY LONG AGO AT ANYTIME TO FIND FROM SO MUCH CONFUSION HE HAD IN HIS LIFE (WHAT HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND). JUST CONTINUED TO PLEASE OTHERS THAT WAS NEVER REALLY SATISFIED. WHO SHOULD HAVE COME LONG AGO SO IT WOULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT FOR US AND TO *A LOT* (AND AWAY FROM MOST OF THOSE HE THINKS ARE HIS FRIENDS). BUT HE PROBABLY THINKS I'M RUINING HIS LIFE, WHEN HE IS DESTROYING ME COMPLETELY FROM THIS AND HASN'T SEEN WELL MUCH OF ANYTHING (NEVER TO RUIN HIS LIFE, JUST THE REALITY OF WHAT THIS IS). WHAT IS DYING THAT'S THE *LAST* OF THAT LIGHT GOD CREATED (AND WHY THINGS WILL GET DARKER AS IT FADES FROM NOT BEING IN ITS PROPER PLACE). WHAT LIFE REALLY IS WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF THAT IS ALREADY A PART OF YOU THAT IS YOUR SOUL AND YOUR EVERYTHING (BUT A LIAR AND A CHEAT ALL THAT TIME THAT MAY -. WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, BUT TOO LATE BECOMES OUT OF BALANCE IN EVERY WAY (EVERYTHING). WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING AFTER GOD. WHY WE HAVE BEEN IN SOOO MUCH PAIN FROM WANTING, MISSING AND NEEDING ALWAYS THERE NOT MANY UNDERSTAND (AN UNQUENCHABLE THIRST FROM MISSING WHAT IS ONE TOGETHER IN THE TWO HALVES OF THE SOUL). ALL FROM HIM MOSTLY FORGETTING ABOUT ME AND SO MUCH MORE IN WHAT WE ARE. THE SOUL BEING ONLY PART THAT IS CONNECTED TO HIM IN EVERYTHING OF WHAT WAS NEVER COMPLETED OR HEALED IN ANYTHING (AND BECOMES MORE AFRAID WITH TIME THAT WILL NEVER RECONNECT). WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETELY FAITHFUL AFTER SEEING AND KNOWING THE TRUTH, GET AWAY FROM ALL THAT AND HELP WHAT WAS HIS. BEFORE THINGS GOT WORSE FOR ME AND MORE IN OUR CONNECTION TO THINGS. WHAT GOD CREATED IN THIS AND ONLY *HE* CAN CREATE FROM THE PURITY OF EVERYTHING RIGHT AND TRUE, TRUTH! BUT THE OTHER HALF SEEMS THE OPPOSITE OF FAITHFUL NOW, UNFAITHFUL IN SOMETHING THAT WAS SPECIAL AND POWERFUL THAT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME ANYMORE. SOMETHING I CAN'T TRUST, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS DONE OVER AND OVER OF KNOWING THE TRUTH (BECOMES NOT A MISTAKE ANYMORE, BUT A BIG SIN IF IT STILL IS). THE PAIN JUST CONTINUES TO GROW IN ALL HE STILL DOES AND EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN COMPLETELY WITH HIM (AND THIS ISN'T JUST A REGULAR COUPLE OUT THERE). BUT SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL AND UNIQUE IN A CREATION THAT DEALS WITH THE SOUL AND MORE IN WHAT GOD DID THAT'S MIGHTY, AND THROUGH ALL OF THAT CONNECTION THAT'S TIED. WHAT MEANS A WHOLE LOT NOT MANY SEE AND TO GOD THIS MEANS EVEN MORE IN THE SACRED SOUL (TWO TO BECOME ONE AND NEVER TO PART, WAS SUPPOSED TO BE). WHAT IS BEYOND WRONG FROM WHAT I AM TO HIM AND WHAT HE IS TO ME THAT HE DOESN'T SEE OR UNDERSTAND ANY BETTER NOW, BUT SHOULD (BLINDED BY THE WORLD FROM THE FAKE THINGS IN LIFE). IT ALL SEEMS LIKE NOTHING ANYMORE, MOSTLY IN HIS FEELINGS THAT SEEM TO COME AND GO IN HIS WAY (AND DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT). :( I DON'T BELIEVE SOMEONE CONNECTED SO TIGHTLY WOULD EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT EITHER, BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE WOULD MATTER FIRST BESIDES THAT OTHER HALF THERE IN EVERYTHING (SO I STILL HAVE A PROBLEM UNDERSTANDING THAT, ESPECIALLY THE WAY GOD CREATED THIS ONE). WHAT GIVES YOU LIFE IN WHAT GOD CREATED FROM THE OTHER PART THAT IS YOUR EVERYTHING IN ITS CONNECTION (IN EACH OTHER). THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE COMPLETELY AND TRUST, AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR (STAND BESIDE ALWAYS IN EVERYTHING). HE WOULD FEEL THAT WAY IF HE ACTUALLY CARED AND LOVED THE OTHER PART AND NOTHING ELSE WOULD MATTER FIRST TO HIM (BUT NEVER DID IN ALL HIS ACTIONS THAT NEVER STOPPED). JUST OTHER THINGS SEEM MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAT TAKE OVER EVERY TIME, INSTEAD OF WHAT'S REAL IN THIS POWERFUL TRUTH. ---WHAT AM I REALLY TO HIM? THE ONE IN THE SHADOW WHO IS INCASED AND NO ONE SEES FROM HOW I HAVE BEEN ALL OF LIFE AFTER THAT LITTLE BIT IN CHILDHOOD. WHAT FELT SCARED TOO, BUT THANK *GOD* FOR DADDY I WAS ABLE TO FUNCTION BETTER THEN (AND TA TA (O) BEING THERE, BECAUSE OF GOD THROUGH DADDY). BUT WHERE I HAVE BEEN THAT HAS BEEN WRONG ALL THIS TIME FROM BEING STUCK IN LIFE, BECAUSE OF HAVING THAT KIND OF OTHER HALF (ONE THAT DOESN'T FIND HIS SOUL CONNECTED TO ME IMPORTANT AND ALL I HAVE ENDURED FROM THIS WITH NO RELIEF). WHILE HE ONLY PAYS ATTENTION TO ME WHEN HE HAS TIME AND IS FEELING MORE DOWN. INSTEAD OF COMPLETELY AND ALWAYS THERE TO THE TRUE PERSON THAT KNOWS HIM AND IS HIS OTHER HALF. HE DOESN'T EVER SEE WHAT HE HAS OR IS GOING TO LOSE *SOON* AS HE STRETCHES IT OUT. WHAT HE IS DOING TO THE ONE HE IS SUPPOSED TO LOVE COMPLETELY FROM THE CONNECTION OF EVERYTHING INSIDE (THE COMPLETION OF HIS EXISTENCE AND HIS *REAL LOVE* THAT HAPPENS TO BE THE REST OF HIS SOUL CONNECTED IN ME). WHO HE HAS NEGLECTED FOR SOOO LONG AND HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME IN EVERYTHING (ALL UNDERSTATED). WHO DOESN'T WANT MUCH OF, BUT CONTINUOUSLY FEELS FROM THE SAME SOUL IN EVERYTHING (HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK IN LIFE WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY ONE, AND THE REASON ALL THESE PROBLEMS THAT WILL GET BIGGER IN EVERYTHING THAT WAS CREATED AND IGNORED FOR GOD AND THE SOUL, CREATION). WHAT IS FADING EVEN FASTER IN ME FROM SO MUCH MORE GOING ON THE OTHER HALF CAN'T EVER UNDERSTAND. SO I'M STUCK ON THE SIDELINES WONDERING WHAT IS STILL WRONG WITH THIS AND IS THIS WHAT I'M GOING TO DEAL WITH IN HIM? *THE ONE I LOVE, NEED AND DESIRE* WHO DOESN'T LOVE OR GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME OR MAYBE TOO EMBARRASSED (WHAT ELSE HAS MADE HIM DO ALL THAT, BESIDES THOSE OTHER THREE THINGS THEY DO TO YOU IN THAT WORLD). EVEN THOUGH WE ARE A PART OF EACH OTHER IN A MASSIVE WAY THROUGH THE SOUL AND FEELS ME MOVING WITHIN HIM ALWAYS. JUST A SLEW OF FAKE PEOPLE HE ADMIRES MORE AND MAYBE DESIRES. IN HOW HE TALKS ABOUT ONE THAT HAS HER FACE PLASTERED EVERYWHERE WITH HIM ON THAT 6 YEAR JOURNEY OF MISERY IN MY SOUL THAT HAS KEPT ME DYING. BUT THAT SEEMS OK WITH HIM AS HE STILL CONTINUES. :( WHICH IS ALL A LIE ABOUT HIS STORY WITH HER (THE WITCH), WHILE I'VE BEEN CONNECTED TO HIM THROUGH THE SOUL SUFFERING THIS ALL OF LIFE AND MASSIVELY NOW. WHAT IS SO VERY HURTFUL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE SPLIT TO THE *ONE* THAT IS YOUR LOVE AND SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU COMPLETELY, BUT HIS DESIRE IS MORE ELSEWHERE NOW (JUST FEELS A LITTLE FORCED INSIDE FROM THE STRENGTH OF IT). AND WON'T LAST WITH HIS MIND THAT WANDERS TOO MUCH OR HE WOULD HAVE SEARCHED FOR ME IN SOME WAY LONG AGO. OR FOCUSED MORE *NOW* WHEN HE FOUND ME IN WHAT I AM TO HIM, INSTEAD OF OTHERS THAT LED HIM ALL WRONG AND STILL DO (STILL LEAVES FOR THEM). MOSTLY, IT'S BECAUSE OF THE THINGS HE HAS SAID A FEW TIMES TO OTHERS AFTER KNOWING WHAT HE IS THAT BOTHERS ME VERY MUCH. WHAT MAKES NO SENSE IF IT WAS REAL LOVE HE FELT FOR ME (WHICH COMES DOWN TO THE BS I CAN'T HANDLE). HIM ATTRACTED TO ME IS HARD TO BELIEVE, SINCE THERE HAS BEEN NOTHING HE HAS EVER SAID OR ACKNOWLEDGED WHAT I AM TO HIM. I'M JUST SOME PERSON TO HIM OR INVISIBLE LIKE I HAVE MOSTLY BEEN ALL THIS TIME (TO ANYONE REALLY, BUT NOT TO GOD, DADDY AND A COUPLE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS). WITH GOD THERE IS NO (BUTS) ABOUT ANYTHING IF NOT DONE ON TIME. IN ALL GOD DOES THAT IS ALWAYS RIGHT AND TRUE (AND SHOWS YOU WITH MANY WARNINGS, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE). MY LOVE FOR THE OTHER HALF WAS ALWAYS *PURE AND REAL*. WHAT I ALWAYS NEEDED AND WANTED FROM FEELING SO MUCH IN LIFE AND DIDN'T KNOW THE PERSON EXISTED OR WHERE TO GO (FROM BEING SO SCARED AND LOST FROM A LOT TOO). AND FROM BEING STUCK BY THE FRIEND HERE SO LONG IN HIS CONVENIENCE THAT LOST ME MORE. WHAT HAS BEEN SOOO WRONG WITH GOD FOR A LONG TIME IN WHAT WAS CREATED THAT IS A SACRED SOUL. BECAUSE I'M A SPLIT SOUL THAT'S BIGGER THAN MARRIAGE TO THE OTHER HALF (WHAT IS SCARY NOW FOR ME). EVERY TIME HE GOES AWAY HE PULLS A BIGGER PIECE THAT IS A PART OF US AS WE FADE, DESTROYING EVERYTHING WITHIN (OR ANY PROGRESS THAT MIGHT BE MADE). WHO NO LONGER CARES AND SENDS THE SAME ~THINGS~ SHE DOES AGAIN THAT WILL ALL COME BACK AND MORE BY GOD AS THE SOUL GETS MORE DESTROYED (IN ME). BECAUSE HE ALWAYS GOES AGAINST HIS OTHER HALF FOR HER OR ANYTHING HE WANTS AND FEEL IT AGAIN. AS THINGS GET WORSE FROM HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN FADING IN THE SPLIT SOUL (DADDY WOULD AGREE VERY MUCH ABOUT HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS IN LIFE IN SO MUCH PAIN, PUT TO THE SIDE IN THIS THAT'S SO WRONG). WHICH I WAS NEVER ABLE TO GET BACK TO THE OTHER HALF ON TIME WHO FORGOT ABOUT ME, BUT NOT THE ONES HE SERVES (THAT SEEMS EASIER FOR HIM TO DO BAD THAN GOOD). WHAT IS GETTING VERY DIFFICULT TO HOLD ON FROM HOW LONG IT HAS TAKEN IN EVERYTHING. SO HE NEEDS TO FINALLY USE HIS HEAD (ON HIS SHOULDERS) AND FOR GOD, BECAUSE OF THAT WORLD HE'S STILL IN WITH THOSE THAT KEEP PULLING HIM BACK (OR IT WILL BE ALL OVER WITH US EVEN FASTER). FROM ALL HE LET TAKE OVER HIM THROUGH LIFE OR WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS IN LIFE, AND WOULD HAVE FOUND EACH OTHER SOONER LONG AGO. WITHOUT SO MUCH OF WHAT WE HAVE BOTH BEEN THROUGH BY OTHERS ON BOTH SIDES. WHAT HAS RUINED US IN LIFE FROM THOSE THAT DON'T UNDERSTAND AND HAVEN'T SEEN ANY THAT TRULY CARE (AT LEAST NOT FOR ME ANYMORE IN HOW IT FEELS). BUT TRULY THE OTHER HALF HAS NO TRUE FEELINGS IT SEEMS, JUST THE GAMES I WOULD ALWAYS FEEL THROUGH THE SOUL WITH HIM (AND HASN'T REALLY CHANGED IN ALL THAT TIME). CAN NEVER MAKE UP HIS MIND TO SOMETHING THAT IS A PART OF HIM AND HIS LOVE THAT SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY. WHEN HE SHOULD ALREADY WANT AND NEED AND NOT HAVE THE HOT AND COLD SYNDROME WITH ME. SOMEONE SAID ONCE IT'S LIKE THE GOOD AND THE BAD. I THINK IT'S MORE AGAINST YOUR OWN TRUE SELF IN HIS ENTIRE IDENTITY THAT IS THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF HIS MIRROR HE DOESN'T LIKE (JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE GIRL IN ME). THE REST AND THE BALANCE BETWEEN ONE ANOTHER THAT BRINGS PEACE WITHIN HIM AND ME (AND MAYBE HAPPINESS). TRULY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TRUST WITH HIM AND WISH I DID FROM HIS CHANGES THAT GIVES ME MORE FEARS. WHAT DOESN'T FEEL REAL HONEST ALL THE TIME, BECAUSE IT GOES AWAY FOR AWHILE (WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE THERE). NO ONE HAS EVER TRULY LISTENED, EVEN NOW IN WHAT'S REVEALED FROM BEING SO LOST AND ALONE. ALWAYS WALKING WITH MY HEAD DOWN IN THE PAST WHEN OTHERS THOUGHT I WAS THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE. SO I AM LITERALLY HALF AND MASSIVELY ALONE, NO TRUE SUPPORT OR UNDERSTANDING OF MY SITUATION. EVEN THE FRIEND SAYING HE DOES WHEN HE DOESN'T WELL IN THAT. LIKE HE MAYBE COULD HAVE BY LISTENING MORE (JUST LIKE WHEN I CAME HERE AS THAT SCARED GIRL THEN). WITH NEVER REALLY ANY TRUE UNDERSTANDING IN ANYONE IN WHAT IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT. JUST THE SIMPLY MIND THAT NEVER LEARNS WELL AFTER BEING AROUND IT SO LONG IN MY PAIN OR TO PREOCCUPIED WITH OTHER THINGS HE FINDS MORE INTERESTING. JUST PAINFUL FOR ME WITH NO REAL EMOTIONAL SUPPORT LIKE I had with daddy and a couple others AS A LITTLE GIRL. TREATS THINGS LIKE IT CAN WAIT ALL THAT TIME, NOT TRULY COMPREHENDING THE WRECKAGE IT WILL CAUSE INSIDE. OR I WOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS NOW, BUT been BETTER IN A LOT FROM SUFFERING THROUGH LIFE SO BADLY. AND HE WOULD HAVE OPENED HIS EYES MORE SEEING ME AND NOT ONLY FOR HIMSELF FROM MY TEARS back then (BEEN A LOT OF A BETTER FRIEND IN MANY THINGS). AND MAYBE THE OTHER HALF WOULDN'T BE LIKE THAT towards me, SO LOST IN HIS WAYS FROM THE UNKNOWN PART (closer to me and not so disconnected). MY WHOLE LIFE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE WAY IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, LOST, DESTRUCTIVE AND DEVASTATING THAT WAS PUT TO THE SIDE (by everything). AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MASSIVELY ALONE HERE. BECAUSE GOD CONNECTED ME TO A MAN WHO IS ALSO HALF IN THAT OTHER PART NOT COMPLETED (and belonging to each other). WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR ME IN EVERY WAY. NOT ME LED WRONG BASED MOSTLY ON MY FEARS (BUT NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO SUPPORT OR UNDERSTAND ME, just lost and scared). WHAT MESSED ME UP MORE AND SHOULD HAVE ALL FIXED ITSELF BEFORE ANYTHING sooner. BUT DIDN'T FROM THAT OTHER HALF NEVER FINDING OR GETTING BACK TO WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SO MUCH SOONER. OR ALL THAT TIME THAT HAS DESTROYED ME MORE FROM ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN. WITHOUT THE REST OF MY EXISTENCE OF WHERE I DIDN'T TRULY BELONG PERMANENTLY, but to get back way sooner. WHAT NO ONE CAN SEE OR COMPREHEND BETTER IN MY PAIN. :( WHICH ALWAYS EXPLAINED MY FEARS THAT WOULD TAKE OVER A LOT IN THIS THAT IS SCARIER IN LIFE FOR ME. IN NOT BEING ABLE TO TRULY GROW, BUT MORE SUFFOCATED WITHOUT THE PART THAT IS CONNECTED TO ME INSIDE, HIM in ALL THAT HE FORGOT. WHAT HAS ALSO SHATTERED ME FROM THE DESTRUCTION OF BEING ATTACHED THROUGH THE SOUL TO THE ONE THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN FAR FROM HIS CONNECTION. WHAT LIFE IS THERE FROM THE OTHER HALF NOT RECOGNIZING THE OTHER PART OF HIM THAT MAKES HIM WHOLE? THAT'S WHAT SCARES ME more, HIS WAYS WITH OTHERS. THERE IS NO REAL PERSON OR MAN AFTER DADDY THAT I COULD ACTUALLY RELY ON OR TRUST, NOT EVEN WHAT WAS A PART OF ME. THAT I KNOW HE FELT IN LIFE SOMEWHAT, BUT WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO REMEMBER FOR HIM IN ANY WAY. WHAT MOST DON'T TRULY BELIEVE IN FROM THIS PAINFUL SITUATION OF MINE THAT HAS BEEN UNBEARABLE FOR A VERY LONG TIME. FROM EVEN THE FRIEND HERE ALWAYS TRYING TO TALK IT DOWN WHEN THE ARGUMENTS COME LIKE I CHOSE HERE (not how it all happened). WHEN I REALLY HAD NO TRUE CHOICES FROM BEING HALF AND MORE PARALYZED FROM THIS INSIDE AND WANTED ME TO COME HERE THEN (FORGETS A LOT, JUST MORE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF FROM PROMISES THEN THAT'S HARD TO TRUST FROM THINGS DONE THROUGH TIME AGAINST ME). WHAT WAS MORE FOR HIM, BECAUSE OF TELLING ME HE WOULD BE THERE AS THAT TRUE FRIEND TO HAVE A PLACE (SAFE- HAVEN TO HIDE FROM SO MUCH I WAS GOING THROUGH THEN, BUT DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT FOR ME AFTER A LITTLE WHILE OF BEING HERE, BECAME MORE SCARED). THAT WAS BACK IN 1991 WHEN I CAME TO THIS STATE, BUT NEVER WANTED ME TO GO AND ALL I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF BY THEN (AND NOTHING WAS KNOWN YET OF THE SOUL, SO DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO). THERE IS NO TRUE ANYTHING THAT FEELS RIGHT ANYMORE AFTER DADDY OR THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY TRUST (WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE). UNTIL I SAW HIM AND THOUGHT THE OTHER HALF WOULD BE COMPLETELY HONEST AND CARE IMMENSELY LIKE I DID. I WASN'T JUST AWAKENED BY GOD, BUT BECAME A LITTLE MORE ALIVE THEN FROM SEEING HIM AND THE REST IN EVERYTHING THAT WAS MISSING. ---------***...........BRUno....&....MARie...........*** JUST MY PAINFUL ORDEAL FROM BEING SO LOST AND SCARED NOT KNOWING WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO AND TOLD A LOT THEN (NO ONE TO EVER UNDERSTAND ME ANYWHERE OR ANYMORE WITHOUT DADDY). MAYBE ONE IN THE FAMILY THERE MIGHT, BUT I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HER ANYMORE AFTER TELLING THE TRUTH OF MY PAIN AND ORDEAL (that she maybe didn't believe). HAVING NO ONE THERE FOR ME THAT UNDERSTOOD AND CARED IN MY PAIN OR EVEN NOW THAT I CAN TRUST FOR MYSELF (FROM ALL THE PAIN NO ONE REALLY TRIES TO UNDERSTAND). FEEL LIKE I'M HAVING ALL THOSE SAME FEARS WHEN I CAME HERE THEN, GOING BACKWARDS FROM ALL of THIS (NEEDING MY OTHER HALF). NEEDED SOMEONE WHO WAS MORE HONEST AND WAS THERE IN A DIFFERENT WAY IN A FRIEND FOR MY PAIN then. NOT JUST SAY IT, THAT MADE ME THINK THE FRIEND UNDERSTOOD THEN HOW I FELT. AND WHEN HE SAW THE TRUTH OF WHAT I WAS, HE WOULD KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THINGS AND SUPPORT ME IN A BETTER WAY TO GET TO MY OTHER HALF. I COULD NEVER FIND A REAL TRUE ONE that was always truthful. JUST THE THINGS HE SAYS AT TIMES NOW IN THOSE ARGUMENTS THAT ARE DIFFERENT, BUT HAVE TRIED TO DEAL (BUT BETTER AT OTHER TIMES). WHAT IS NOT HOW I AM OR HAVE EVER BEEN LIKE HIS MINDSET OR WHO I AM INSIDE IN MY HEART. IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS FOR ME BY GOD, BECAUSE OF BEING A SPLIT SOUL AND WAS SUPPOSED TO GROW TOGETHER AND HEAL WITH THE OTHER HALF THAT IS MY COUNTER PART. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, I GO WHERE HE GOES AND HE GOES WHERE I GO, ALWAYS TOGETHER. IT WAS ALL WRONG FROM THE BEGINNING FOR ME. JUST SOMEONE THERE THEN FROM BEING SO SCARED AND LOST WITH NO ONE AT THAT TIME TO SEE WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. WAS ALSO HURT more in me FROM THINGS I WAS DEALING WITH. NO ONE IN FAMILY COULD SEE ALL THE SUPPORT I NEEDED (OR WHAT I WAS). THE OTHER HALF, THE TRUE ONE NEVER WANTED TO BE THERE WITH ME OR FOR ME, OR HE WOULD HAVE BEEN EVEN CLOSER TO me then WHEN I SHOWED HIM THE TRUTH. EVEN TO HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER SOMEWHERE AND SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER, HE WOULD HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING AND MAYBE WANTED WHAT WAS ALWAYS HIS, his other half (AND MY HEART THAT'S DYING FROM THE massive STRESS and all else wouldn't be worse for me). -----L----ALL the other half HAS CAUSED ME TO BE LIKE INSIDE FROM MY UNBEARABLE PAIN IN ALL THESE YEARS, AS WELL AS MORE SCARED FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO TRUST. WHAT HAS THROWN SO MUCH OFF IN ME FROM HOW I WAS CREATED FOR THAT ONE PERSON THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BALANCE ALL THE NEED AND EVERYTHING ELSE (FROM WHAT'S MISSING IN EACH OTHER). WHICH IS THE LOVE AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS ALREADY IMPRINTED IN WHAT GOD CREATED IN THE SPLIT SOUL IN US TOGETHER, BUT AWAKENED AT THAT TIME FROM BEING HALF AND SO LOST (and can't understand what happened in him). -----THE FRIEND HAS SAID RUDE THINGS FROM MY ARGUMENTS WITH HIM NOT UNDERSTANDING MY PAIN AND OTHER THINGS TOLD OVER AND OVER (BUT SAYS I DON'T LISTEN). HE CLEARLY DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN, BUT SAYS HE DOES AND HAS BEEN OVER 12 YEARS OF HIM KNOWING (of him understanding the best he can of what i am). IT'S HOW HE APPROACHES THINGS IN LIFE THAT HAVE BEEN LEFT FOR TOO LONG THAT BECOMES MORE DIFFICULT WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF. ALL THAT HAS BEEN DONE IN ME THAT IS WRONG WHEN I'M HALF A SOUL AND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WELL WHAT IT DOES TO ME FROM THOSE ARGUMENTS OR COMMENTS AT TIMES. I HAVE TOLD HIM YOU HAVE KNOWN CLEARLY FOR TOO LONG IN THE THINGS YOU STILL DO THAT MESSES MY SOUL EVEN MORE (AND THEN TELLS ME GOD DID NOT PICK YOU). HAS SAID THAT MORE THAN ONCE AND PUTS ME IN SO MUCH MORE PAIN IN THOSE ARGUMENTS AND THINGS HE NEVER KNEW OR UNDERSTANDS ANYTHING SPIRITUAL BEING A REGULAR SOUL. BUT LATER ON AT NIGHT SAYS, I'M SORRY WASN'T FEELING MY BEST AND ANYTHING I SAID DOESN'T COUNT, BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH. AFTER ALL THE DAMAGE AND PAIN HE CAUSES FROM HIS IGNORANT WORDS WHO THINKS IT'S NOTHING. WHICH I'M SUPPOSED TO FORGET EVERY TIME WHEN IT'S ALSO ALL THAT CAUSED ME THIS PAIN OF BEING IN THE WRONG PLACE FOR TOO LONG (AND STILL BEING HALF AND ALONE GETS DIFFICULT IN EVERYTHING OR TO FORGIVE HIS STUPIDITY). ALL HE DOESN'T GET OR KNOW MY WHOLE LIFE AND WHAT I'VE EXPERIENCED, BUT THINKS HE DOES AT TIMES FROM ME BEING TRAPPED LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG. WHO ONLY SEES THE FADING IN THIS, BUT TRULY CAN'T SEE PASSED THAT IN MY PAIN (UNLESS I DESCRIBE AND TALK ABOUT IT, ONLY SOME WITH MORE SENSITIVITY CAN). OR JUST DOES IT ON PURPOSE TO DESTROY ME MORE INSIDE AND CHANGES A LOT WITH HIS ATTITUDE AT THOSE MORE PAINFUL TIMES, from the PULL OF THE SOUL. BUT I STILL SAY TO HIM YOU'RE RIGHT, NOT PICKED. BUT CREATED VERY DIFFERENTLY THAT'S EVEN BIGGER THAN PICKED OR CHOSEN IN WHAT GOD SHOWED FROM BEING VERY UNIQUE (AND ALL THAT WAS CHOSEN BY GOD IN THE FAMILIES THAT IS SPECIAL HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND). A CREATION NOT OF THIS WORLD, BUT WHAT GOD DID AND PLACED. HOW I WAS RAISED TOO THAT IS DIFFERENT THAN HIM AND HIS MIND AND WHY I HAD TO COME HERE THIS WAY TO LIVE (SURVIVE). AND THE BIG CONNECTION I ALWAYS FELT AS A CHILD WITH GOD, BUT FELT SO LOST AND UNABLE TO DESCRIBE THINGS WELL IN MY PAIN THEN (WHO WOULD BELIEVE ME ANYWAY IF I KNEW ALL THAT THEN, BESIDES DADDY). THEN SAYS, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SAID I'M JUST TIRED AND CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT, AND DON'T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW" (AND OF COURSE SORRY TOO WHILE I CRY ABOUT SO MUCH HE DOESN'T GET). THEN GOES WITH THE CYCLE OF BEING NICE AND THE STORM THAT COMES AGAIN AT A LATER TIME, EVEN WITH THE OTHER HALF THAT SEEMS AGAINST MY TRUTH (WHICH AFFECTS ME BADLY INSIDE). WHICH IS NOT GOOD FOR ME AND TIRED OF THE BACK AND FORTH MISCONCEPTIONS THAT ENTER HIS MIND REGULARLY WHEN HE DOESN'T GET MY BIG PAIN FROM BEING RIPPED APART FROM THE OTHER HALF THAT LEFT ME LIKE THIS IN LIFE (BUT CAN SEE THE PAIN AND HURT REALLY BAD AT TIMES AND THAT I AM DYING FROM THIS VERY BADLY and AT LEAST SEES that). BUT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WELL MY AGONY, EVEN WHEN HE'S NOT SO TIRED (AND WHO REALly cares)? IT'S STILL PROBLEMS WITH HIS WORDS THAT ARE WRONG AND CAN BE VERY INSENSITIVE AT TIMES (AND DOESN'T SEE HOW THAT AFFECTS ME AS WELL). JUST DOESN'T GET MY PAIN ON HOW THIS HAS MADE ME STUCK IN LIFE THAT IS SO WRONG BEING HALF A SOUL, AND HASN'T BEEN RIGHT FOR ME LIKE THIS IN LIFE. AND KNEW PLENTY THEN ABOUT HOW I WAS. THAT I WAS NOT LIKE HIM WHEN I MET HIM, JUST HUNG OUT A LITTLE WHILE TOGETHER AND WANTED TO BE THERE FOR ME (WHICH WAS FINE AT FIRST). A REGULAR SOUL DOESN'T FEEL THIS PAIN, BUT SOME WOULD UNDERSTAND ME BETTER AND WASN'T FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO FIND SAID PERSON OR PERSONS TO be there and help ME. THINKS DOING STUFF NOW IS GOING TO FIX A TINY BIT OF ALL THIS HERE FROM HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN THIS WAY (WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH THE OTHER HALF THAT WAS NEVER THERE). *BUT THE OTHER HALF NEVER CAME, SO REALLY WHERE IS HOME OR A PEACE HAVEN?* WHO IS REALLY RIGHT ANYMORE IN THIS WHEN NOT MANY UNDERSTAND THINGS OF GOD (OR THE WAYS THAT ARE RIGHT). BUT ONLY WHAT GOD HAS SHOWN ME THROUGH THE PERILS OF LIFE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE and why i was so lost (BECAUSE OF HOW I AM different AND ALL THAT I NEEDED THAT KEEPS YOU STRONG IN EVERY WAY, AND THE LOVE THAT TRULY MATTERS). ALL THAT IS DESIGNED IN THE SOUL AND HOW IT IS CONNECTED TOGETHER BY GOD AS ONE. I FEEL LIKE THE OTHER HALF HAS BEEN OVER TAKEN AND I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT WITH NO ONE TO TRULY UNDERSTAND ME. WHAT I HAVE LOST IN HIM WHO WAS ALREADY NOT TOO GREAT ON FINDING ME IN HIS ORDEAL (but became MORE LOST BY ALL OF THose). WAS MAYBE WORSE FOR THE OTHER HALF IN ME BEING TIED HERE WITH THIS FRIEND ALL THIS TIME (who didn't take care of things a lot sooner). WHAT DIDN'T JUST AFFECT ME, BUT THE OTHER HALF TOO. THREW THE OTHER HALF OFF IN A BIGGER WAY FROM ALL THE LIES IN THAT WORLD they tell AND him feeling more alone. HAD TO SHOW HIM OF WHAT GOD SHOWED ME TO DO DURING THAT TIME TO HELP HIM SEE REALITY (WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME to do then with THe FRIEND AND VERY PAINFUL EMOTIONALLY IN TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF the other half). I THOUGHT HE WOULD NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME THEN FROM NEEDING HIM IN EVERY WAY IN WHERE AND HOW I WAS. THE FRIEND DIDN'T UNDERSTAND TOO WELL WHEN SAID, SPLIT FROM THE ENTIRETY OF THE HEART, MIND, SOUL AND SEX THAT BECOMES BEYOND DEVASTATING FROM NOT BEING IN ITS PLACE, AND WHAT IT DOES THROUGH TIME without it (BUT IS MORE OBVIOUS NOW and can see). WHAT GOD SHOWED ME FROM SEEING WHAT I AM AND BEING MORE LOST HERE. NEVER HAVING ANYONE TO EVER BE THERE FOR ME OR HELP IN ANY WAY IN THIS (THAT SUPPORT). JUST MADE THAT DECISION THAT WAS WRONG THEN FROM BEING TALKED INTO AND MY FEARS OF THINGS I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND (FELT SO SCARED). AND BECAUSE OF HOW I WAS RAISED AND THINGS THAT HAPPENED THAT MESSED ME UP MORE FROM THE SOUL NOT COMPLETED. THE FRIEND WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IN EXPLAINING BACK THEN MUCH OF ANYTHING, FORGETS AND IS THE SAME THING (UNLESS SOMETHING IS MORE INTERESTING AT THAT TIME). I THINK IT'S GAMES A LOT OF TIMES FROM THE ARGUMENTS AND CONVENIENT MEMORY LOSS WHEN HE WANTS TO REMEMBER THINGS (AND DO UNDERSTAND IF IT'S REALLY FORGETTING AT TIMES, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR NOT YOUR BEST AND NOT MUCH SLEEP). THE FRIEND OR OTHERS DON'T SUFFER ALWAYS FROM THIS OF WHAT GOD DID FOR *HIS* PURPOSE (AND TO SHOW GOD EXIST). AND WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO TRULY BE THAT NEVER MADE IT TO THAT OTHER HALF OR WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I FADE COMPLETELY (OR ABLE AS IT GETS DIFFICULT FROM ALL THE OTHER HALF CONTINUES IN THAT MESSES UP THE SOUL MORE, INSTEAD OF GETTING IT BACK WITH HIM). OR HAS EVER COME TO WANT TO SEE ME AND ASKED TO GO TALK SOMEWHERE BEFORE (JUST COMES AND GOES FOR SO LONG THAT SCARES ME). NEVER CALLS ME TO HIM. JUST MORE FEARS FROM NEVER REALLY DOING ANYTHING BEFORE OR SOMETHING BETTER NOW FROM THE DAMAGE HE CAN'T SEE HE HAS DONE, AND ME TOO SCARED TO KNOW HOW ANYMORE THAT IS MORE DIFFICULT. BUT WAITED AT THE CHURCH YEARS AGO IN THIS STATE FOR HIM FOR AWHILE TO KNOW AT FIRST WHERE TO GO TOGETHER AND TALK, HIM AND I (IF I CAN TRUST HIM NOW AND HE'S FOR REAL WITH ME). THE BIGGEST CHURCH IN THE STATE I RESIDE IN WITH TWO TOWERS THAT IS CONNECTED TO THE ONE IN (NYC) WITH ONE TOWER WHERE I WAS BAPTIZED IN AS A CHILD (HAS PART OF HIS NAME IN ALL THREE). IT'S ALSO THE STATE I WAS BORN IN. WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO AT ONE TIME TOGETHER TO THAT CHURCH (RETURN IN THE COMPLETE SOUL). AND YES, THIS IS PART OF THE WHOLE THING BY GOD IN THE CHURCHES TOO IN WHAT WE ARE AND REPRESENT, INCLUDING THE ONE FROM WHERE HE'S FROM (SCOTLAND TO FIND). TWO CHURCHES DEAL WITH ME AND ONE DEALS WITH HIM IN WHERE HE'S FROM (AND IT ALL DEALS WITH *GOD*, FOR THE SACRED SOUL). WHO THE OTHER HALF WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND ALWAYS COMMUNICATE WITH ME SO HE CAN UNDERSTAND THINGS BETTER IN BOTH (COMFORT ONE ANOTHER) AND IN MY SITUATION AND HIS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE LONG AGO (BUT HAS MADE IT WORSE FOR ME INSIDE AND DON'T KNOW IF I CAN EVER TRUST HIM). NEVER CAME AND FELT HE WASN'T ABOUT ME OR US ANYMORE. WAITED FOR AWHILE FOR HIM IN THE CHURCH AND IT WAS *VERY* PAINFUL WHEN I LEFT, FELT A LOT IN THE SOUL BETWEEN US WHEN I WAS LEAVING AND DRIVING AWAY EVEN BIGGER. WHICH MADE ME FEEL MORE LOST, SCARED AND ALONE. VERY SAD, WHEN HE IS THE OTHER HALF OF MY SPLIT SOUL AND HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO COUNT ON HIM IN ANYTHING (OR TRUST). AND DON'T KNOW ANYMORE FROM ALL HE SENT ME THE NIGHT BEFORE RECENTLY THAT WASN'T GOOD INSIDE, OR FOR ME RIGHT NOW AFTER SAYING MY FEELINGS AND ALL I GO THROUGH. DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING OR THE TRUTH WHEN IT COMES TO HIM OF HOW HE AFFECTS ME, OR OTHER THINGS I'VE DEALT WITH (AND STILL). AND CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT KIND OF PERSON WHO CAN NEVER HELP OR SUPPORT HIS OTHER HALF. WHEN HE SHOULD KNOW I WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM AND ALWAYS STAND WITH HIM IF HE IS *COMPLETELY* TRUE TO ME. UNLESS THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING TO HIM AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN BY GOD IF THEY CONTINUE (LIKE THEY HAVE). AND HOW THAT HAS AFFECTED ME MASSIVELY FROM THAT TOO, AS GOD CAN DO *ANY THING* (WHAT I KNOW). BUT IT DIDN'T FEEL COMPLETELY LIKE THAT WITH THE OTHER HALF, FELT MORE MAD AND MASSIVE ANGER FROM HIM AND OTHER THINGS THAT PAIN ME (AS WELL AS IRRITATE). DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL INSIDE NOW IN A LOT (HIS MIND THAT WON'T STOP OR BE TRUE). BUT MOSTLY AND LATELY FEELS LIKE HE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT ME AND HAS BETTER THINGS TO DO THEN SPEND TIME. IT'S THE WAY HE TREATED ME ALL THIS TIME CREATING MORE FEARS, WITHOUT EVER TRULY DOING ANYTHING OR TRYING MUCH MORE (BECAUSE OF MY FEARS NOW THAT ARE DIFFICULT OF NEVER KNOWING WHAT TO DO, ESPECIALLY BEING HERE WITH THIS FRIEND AND REALLY WISH I HAD ONE TO TALK TO I COULD TRULY TRUST). BUT FOR ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE, THE OTHER HALF ALWAYS MAKES IT HAPPEN FORCED OR NOT, AND DON'T KNOW IF I WANT THAT ANYMORE SINCE I KNOW NOW HOW STRONG HIS LOVE IS OR HAS BEEN FROM ALL HE HAS DONE (IN SOMETHING THAT IS THE SPLIT SOUL OF EACH OTHER. ===AND DON'T WANT IT IF HE HAS DOUBTS ABOUT HOW HE FEELS FOR ME, WHEN ALL I HAVE DONE IS CRY FOR HIM THROUGH LIFE FROM NEEDING THAT ONE THERE. IN WHAT IS THE OTHER PART OF THE SOUL IN THINGS I FELT AS A LITTLE GIRL. WHAT NOT MANY UNDERSTAND FROM SOMETHING BIG I FELT INSIDE THAT WAS ALWAYS SAD. WHICH THE OTHER HALF SHOULD HAVE FELT EVERYTHING RIGHT THEN AND THERE IN US WHEN SEEING ME, BUT WAS A BIG NO FROM HIS ACTIONS OR LACK OF THAT CAUSED ME SO MUCH MORE FEARS AND PAIN. AND A LIFE THREATENING SITUATION DURING ONE OF THOSE TIMES FOR ME WHO NEVER CAME ALONG AND WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO REACH ANYTHING ANYMORE IN THIS. AND KNOW GOD WAS THERE IN ALL I FELT AROUND FROM ALL THAT WAS AGAINST ME, INCLUDING HIM DURING THAT TIME WHO COULD CARE LESS FROM BEING TOO BUSY (OR BELIEVED IN OTHERS MORE). BUT FELT THE OTHER HALF VERY SCARED DURING THAT TIME SENDING MY LOVE TO HIM THAT SAID A LOT FOR ME IN A *VERY* PAINFUL WAY FROM HIM. IN WHAT I ALWAYS NEEDED THERE BESIDE ME FIRST AND FOREMOST THAT NEVER TRULY CARED OR CAME, THE REST OF MY SOUL IN ANOTHER BODY WHO IS SO DISCONNECTED FROM TRUTH, LOVE AND FAITH, BECAUSE OF THAT WORLD AND ALL HE FORGOT IN US. AND SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM A COMPLETE PART OF HIM AND HIM OF ME BY NOW, BUT HAS NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE THAT OUT AS WELL AS HE SHOULD. HIS HEART, MIND AND SOUL IN ALL THAT WE ARE AND HAS HAPPENED IN BOTH AND WILL BE GONE FOREVER AS IT ALL LETS GO FROM FORGETTING WHAT'S IMPORTANT. I BELONG TO HIM AND HE BELONGS TO ME(?), BECAUSE OF OUR SOUL AND ALL THAT WE ARE IN WHAT GOD DID. WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO THRIVE AS ONE TOGETHER ALWAYS. WHICH HE WOULD HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE THAT IN HIS PAIN IF HE WAS COMPLETE AND WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TRULY BE. INCLUDING ME THAT HAD A MORE DIFFICULT TIME THROUGH LIFE BEING HALF FROM WHAT IS A PART OF YOUR EXISTENCE THAT WAS NEVER THERE, AND MORE THAT WAS THROWN AT ME AND ATTACKED WITH NO ONE TO UNDERSTAND WELL MY PAIN. HE WOULD HAVE FELT THE REST OF THAT STRENGTH IN ME THAT IS CONNECTED TO HIM IN EVERY WAY AND REAL LOVE THAT WOULD HAVE REALLY LIT HIM UP. ORIGINALLY THAT SHOULD HAVE FELT NATURAL TO HIM. WHO WOULD HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THERE IN THE LOVE FIRST AND IN HIS SOUL THAT IS A true PART OF EVERYTHING WITHIN (BUT NOT HIM). IF HE WASN'T SURE ABOUT HIS LOVE TO ME, THAN IT WAS NEVER THERE OR HAS EVER WANTED IT, DESPITE BEING HALF A SOUL (AND GETS WORSE). THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AUTOMATIC UPON SEEING FROM THE SPLIT OF THE SOUL AND ALL GOD SHOWED THAT IT IS AND IN THAT LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN WHAT I WANTED AND EVEN MORE WHEN I SAW IT (BUT MORE SCARED AND UNSURE NOW FROM SO MUCH THAT HAS HAPPENED THROUGH THIS THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY). JUST COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING THEN IN MY FEARS THAT WAS SO ALONE AND ALL I WAS ENDURING EVEN MORE THAT NO ONE COULD SEE (OR KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH IN THAT MASSIVE PAIN THE MOST). ONLY DADDY WHO COULD SEE MY FOREVER PAIN IN MY EYES AND OTHER THINGS HE SAW WITH NO SUPPORT. BUT NOW GETTING EVEN BIGGER AND DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DEAL WITH IN A LOT IN LIFE FROM ALL THE DAMAGE THAT HAS BEEN DONE ALL THAT TIME WITH NEVER A WORD FROM THE SAME SOUL THAT'S DYING (AND ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS THAT). HOW HE NEVER WANTED TO EVEN BE WITH ME TO TALK OR EVEN HOLD. IT'S NOT WHAT HE'S DONE MOSTLY, IT'S HOW HE HAS LEFT IT ALL AND HOW DISHONEST HE HAS BEEN ALL THIS TIME WITH NO WORDS TO ME (ALL THAT TIME). IT GOES BACK AND FORTH, HOT AND COLD, YES AND NO, UP AND DOWN IN HIS ATTITUDE THAT CAUSES A LOT OF PROBLEMS INSIDE (AND DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM ANYMORE). LIKE IT HAS ALL BEEN WITH HIM AND ALL THE LIES. WHILE ALL I'VE BEEN IS TRUTHFUL TO THE ONE THAT IS THE OTHER HALF OF MY SOUL IN ALL GOD DID IN THIS (BUT BEAT SO MUCH MORE). IT'S ALSO WHY I FEEL HE KEEPS HIS SILENCE SO HE CAN HAVE HIS WAYS THAT WERE ALWAYS WRONG FROM THAT WORLD (AND IN EVERYTHING THAT HAS AFFECTED ME BADLY). WHY EVERYTHING HAS ALWAYS BEEN BLOCKED FOR ME IN LIFE AND WAS ALWAYS THE WORST THROUGH TIME NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE. EVEN SOMEONE FOR ME THAT I FELT, FROM THE OTHER HALF NEVER FEELING MUCH OF ANYTHING FOR ME. THE TRUTH IS WHAT I AM IN THIS, EVEN THOUGH HE MAY HAVE NEVER CARED ABOUT IT OR ME, AS HE HAS SPREAD ALL THOSE LIES. I DESERVE THE TRUTH IN HIS WORDS THAT IS A LITTLE MORE GROWN UP with us alone, MAYBE. AND FEEL MORE THAT RELATIONSHIP THING, WAS SOMEWHERE DURING THE SNAKE TIME IN WHAT HE ALREADY KNEW HE WAS AND I WAS TO HIM (NEVER CLEARED IT UP). AND WANTED TO TALK TO HIM BACK THEN IN A LOT together somewhere, BUT NEVER DARED OR BOTHERED WITH HIS TRUTH TO ME WHEN THERE IS NO LOVE (SO it SHOULDN'T bother him ABOUT ME). or would have called me to him in where to be somewhere privately or come to me and then go somewhere to talk *if* he is true in his feelings, he should feel when (he knows where i am and knows how to write a note). MEN THAT ARE TRUE INSIDE and had something like that, WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING AND CHERISHED SOMETHING SACRED. IN FEELING AND KNOWING SOMETHING BIGGER THAT IS LIKE NOTHING ELSE. THEY WOULD FEEL A PART OF HEAVEN AND NEVER WANT TO LOSE THAT, ever. AND WOULD NEVER HURT THAT OTHER PART in anyway, BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE COMPARED TO THAT WOULD BE NOTHING. IN WHAT HE MAY HAVE NEVER FELT FOR THAT OTHER PART OF HIM IN ME THAT WAS THE TRUTH AND TRUE WAY WITH GOD. AND VERY SCARY FOR ME IN HOW HE HAS MADE THINGS SO UNSURE INSIDE, ESPECIALLY NOW. JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE AS IT GOES, WHO DOESN'T SEEM TOO CONCERNED ABOUT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON HIS FOREFRONT. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP AND WILL HE EVER CHANGE RIGHT AND STAY THAT WAY BEFORE IT'S REALLY OVER COMPLETELY? *888* WHO FORGOT ABOUT *TRUE* LOVE AND ONE CHANCE IN ALL OF THIS WITH GOD. OCTOBER WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MONTHS AND HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT ANYMORE AS IT GOT DARKER FROM MISSING SO MUCH WITH THE REST OF THE SOUL, AS TIME WENT BY. EVERY TIME IT WAS ABOUT US, HE NEVER WANTED TO MAKE IT BACK AND ALL IT FEELS LIKE FROM HIM NOT WANTING TO HEAR MY WORDS ANYMORE, OR SOMEWHERE. JUST THE EMPTINESS OF NO ONE TO UNDERSTAND ME NOW. WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENS BAD FOR ME FOR A LONG TIME HERE EVERY YEAR THAT GOES BY FROM THE SOUL FADING THAT HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH WORSE FROM MISSING. WHAT DADDY KNOWS AND A FEW OTHERS WOULD KNOW I SHOULD HAVE HAD BETTER, ESPECIALLY DURING THAT DAY. IT'S FROM BEING DISCONNECTED FROM WHAT WE ARE BOTH A PART OF THAT WE ALWAYS NEEDED. what I ALWAYS WANTED AND TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND EACH OTHER. WHAT WE ARE AND REPRESENT IN THOSE NUMBERS TOO (10 ME AND 1 1 HIM AND IN OUR MONTHS, 10/1 1 - 1 1/10 AND 1 1 IN WHAT WE BOTH ARE IN THE TWIN FLAME GOD CREATED THAT IS CONNECTED IN SO MUCH FROM THIS). AS WELL AS THE DAYs WE WERE BORN on THAT IS A PART IN ALL OF IT, 13 and 22 (daddy would know how 13 is connected to me and so should mom). WHAT WE ARE TO EACH OTHER in ever way THAT MEANS EVEN MORE ON OUR DAYS (and haven't spent one). WHO WOULD HAVE NATURALLY KNOWN, LOVED AND WANTED DEEPLY TO BE WITH HIS OTHER HALF always, INSTEAD OF MAKING IT SCARIER FOR ME (HOW HE HAS BECOME WITH THOSE THAT HAVE CHANGED HIM FROM WHAT HE TRULY IS). WHICH HE SHOULD KNOW HE IS NOT ALONE ANYMORE AND WILL NEVER BE ALONE, OR *EVER* LEAVE HIm IF It COMES BACK BEFORE IT'S GONE. RUNNING OUT OF TIME FROM THE INCOMPLETENESS OF THE SOUL AND OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE HELD US BACK. WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER NOW AND MEANT SOMETHING MORE TO HIM IN OUR CONNECTION. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE MORE FEARS FROM NEVER HAVING HIM THERE THAT FEELS STILL LOST IN LIFE as it goes (MAYBE FOR HIM TOO). WHAT WAS ALREADY CREATED AND PLANNED BY GOD AND IF NOT DONE- (BECAUSE OF THE POWER THAT IT IS). CAN'T DO THIS FAR AWAY, BUT ONLY WITH EACH OTHER together FROM THE ENTIRE CONNECTION THAT HELPS ONE ANOTHER IN EVERYTHING always there, AND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE BESIDE HIM *FOREVER* (NOT WORLDLY FOREVER, BUT GOD'S FOREVER eternally). WHAT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO BE APART FROM THE ENTIRETY OF WHO WE ARE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER AS ONE AND ALWAYS THERE (BUT NEVER WAS). JUST DON'T KNOW HOW HE FEELS ANYMORE ABOUT US OR EVER DID FROM HOW HE CHANGES INSIDE THAT SCARES ME. :( THIS ISN'T JUST A BOY MEETING A GIRL OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND, BUT THE SOUL THAT'S BIG AND IS ALREADY A PART OF EACH OTHER IN EVERY WAY THAT IS EXPIRING AND DISCONNECTED FROM ITS ENTIRETY (AND NEVER FULFILLED ITS PURPOSE). WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME BACK TOGETHER SO MUCH SOONER IN LIFE SO IT WOULDN'T DESTROY ITSELF MUCH MORE (and grow in everything together). WHAT AFFECTS A LOT WITHIN THE SOUL WITHOUT IT THERE AND THE WRECKAGE THAT IS EVEN BIGGER IN TWO PEOPLE THAT TOUCHES EVERYTHING INSIDE. NOT A REGULAR THING, BUT WHAT CAUSES A LOT OF PAIN WITHOUT THE REST ALWAYS THERE (FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAL IN ANYTHING FROM WHAT'S INTIMATELY CONNECTED IN EVERY WAY that has become fragile from being a part so long). WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL A LOT WORSE THAN JUST ALONE, BUT DYING NOW FROM BEING INCOMPLETE WITH NO HEALING within the soul that makes you exist. SOMETHING BIGGER THAT'S CONNECTED TO YOUR VERY EXISTENCE THAT COMPLETES AND KEEPS YOU STRONG AND ALIVE IN EACH OTHER (THE SOUL AND SPIRIT THAT'S THE BIGGEST CONNECTION TO EVERYTHING WITHIN, AND IN ALL GOD DID IN LIFE). ,`--HE HAS BEEN THE BLACK IN LIFE TOWARDS ME SINCE THE START NO MATTER HOW MUCH I'VE TRIED TO GET TO HIM OR get him to SEE THINGS, SINCE GOD SHOWING ME WHERE HE WAS AT. HAS BEEN STUBBORN TO IT LIKE IT CAN WAIT, WHEN IT DEALS WITH THE SOUL that keeps you alive in life and is split from each other. HAS NEVER BEEN INTERESTED IN HIS SOUL OR WHAT I AM TO HIM IN THAT LOVE, OR JUST PLAIN ME as others have said (in his fandom and maybe thinks that too). or has ever TREATED me WITH RESPECT OF WHAT WE ARE TO EACH OTHER, even now. DON'T WANT THAT PART OF HIM IN WHAT HE IS DOING TO THE REST IN ME HE DOESN'T LIKE. wHAT HE'S A PART OF BY GOD, but need something better from how he's been to me in life (AND GOD CAN DO ANYTHING AND IN THE ENd). IN HOW HE HAS TREATED ME WITHOUT A WORD IN SEEING WHAT I AM TO HIM (FROM ALL THAT HAS BLOCKED HIM AND THE EGO THEY BUILT). HOW IT HAS BEEN WITH HIM NEVER CARING, WHILE FADING AND MAKING ME FEEL EVEN WORSE INSIDE (NON RESPONSIVE TO WHAT HE IS A PART OF). JUST TO SHOW THE TRUTH I GUESS. BUT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE here SOON FROM ALL I'M LOSING IN EVERYTHING INSIDE FROM WHAT I NEVER HAD IN HIM WHO IS A PART OF ME. WHAT GETS WORSE IN HEALTH AND SOUL AND MY SITUATION THAT AFFECTS THE HEALTH MORE from him never being there MOSTLY (and other things i'm going THROUGH that makes it worse without the rest there even more now). BUt SHOULD KNOW IN HIS HEART THAT I WOULD *NEVER* Leave HIM AND THAT I PROMISE BEFORE GOD IF HE NEVER BELIEVED IN ME ONCE (SOMETHING HE SHOULD ALREADY FEEL IF HE EVER REALLY cared about HIS OTHER HALF). * I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM MORE THAN HE WILL EVER REALIZE, FROM ONLY BEING FOCUSED ON HIS PAIN AND OTHER THINGS HE CARES MORE ABOUT NOW. wHAt WAS WASHED away from HIS HEAD BY OTHERS (and how UNFAITHFUL he really has been knowing he is a split soul and doesn't work like that with god, or me)! and DOESN'T have a clue the hell he will bring on now to himself and other from being UNFAITHFUL if he thinks it's ok still. or continues like in the past. just like god is a jealous in the rightful way. because there is only one true god CREATOR of heaven and earth and everything in its place (DESPITE the DISRESPECTFUL humans that can't see that either). it is a split soul in this that is a part of each other in EVERYTHING, a sacred soul intimately connected (not regular individual REGULAR human stuff). including the sex that is a part of each together and what its mostly about in each other in an intimate connection. and *if* he acts like others still when he'S not and whoever is telling him other pretty little things that he maybe believes. that is not really real and last a quick limited time (while destroying inside what is really real). will bring a whole new doom to himself and other, and that will be before he meets the biggest with god. not a threat and you would know that now, but reality of what god created that hurts more than most can UNDERSTAND (deeply). should know better now, like i do (even though i felt always and knew). HE HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT ME ONCe that is a part of him in every way and don't want that. because this is not how this love is or works (what is one love, heart and soul). THIS IS NOT HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OR SURVIVE IN LIFE either, BUT WITH AND IN EACH OTHER THAT IS A PART OF what god did. WHAT'S A LOT WORSE NOW FROM NEVER GETTING TO WHERE WE BELONGED together. JUST NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW HE COULD NEVER TRUST IN ME BEING HIS OTHER HALF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS EVERYTHING (or leave me in life when he should know a lot now). WHEN ALL I HAVE DONE IS WAIT FOR HIM ALL OF LIFE FROM FEELING SOMETHING BIGGER NOT KNOWING WHERE IT WAS (OR EVER THERE). SOMEONE THAT NEVER CAME BACK OR WANTED TO (OR ME), BUT WANTED HIM EVEN BEFORE I KNEW HIS FACE (BUT NOW). WHAT I FELT INSIDE THAT WAS ALWAYS ALONE IN A HIGHER LOVE THAT OTHERS WOULD SAY, DON'T BE SO NAIVE IN how i felt (in WHAT GOD DID AND IN ME THAT no one seems to see even now). WHAT HURTS IMMENSELY AND DON'T WANT HOW the other half HAS ACTED TOWARDS ME IN HOW HE FORGOT THAT LOVE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE US (UNTOUCHABLE). THE LOVE I LOST IN HIM THAT LOST HIS WAY AND LOVE FOR ME FROM THE START (has acted like all the rest). WHICH HURTS DEEPLY LIKE IT ALWAYS HAS, BUT EVEN MORE LOST AND HURT NOW WITHOUT DADDY THERE AND DIFFICULT TO BE in life, and you (but felt you and your signs to me from knowing my pain now). like daddy that are a lot and has always been with me in very OBVIOUS things even before from the connection, as well as god and because of god. IT'S MORE OTHER THINGS THAT IT HAS BEEN ABOUT FOR the other half FOR A LONG TIME. HE WILL NEED THAT REAL LOVE IF HE EVER REALIZES IT, BUT WILL BE GONE AND SO WILL HE FROM THE CONNECTION THAT IS A PART OF HIM HE FORGOT. A LINK FROM WHAT GOD DID THAT'S MIRACULOUS THAT LOST HIMSELF ALONG THE WAY (BECAUSE OF OTHERS who don't know much about life or real love). THOSE HE PUTS HIS TRUST IN, INSTEAD OF HIS OWN SOUL HE'S A PART OF. HOPE HE AT LEAST LOOKS IN A MIRROR TO SEE THE TRUTH OF HIS OWN REFLECTION IN WHAT HE WAS ALWAYS A PART OF he WRECKED MORE (and how big this really is). WHAT HE SLOWLY LET DIE IN HIS SPLIT SOUL AND HIMSELF (and that SOMEONE else in me). EVEN IN OTHER THINGS I ASKED AND SAID TO HIM LONG AGO THAT NEVER RESPONDED AND ENDURED THAT'S WORSE NOW. WHICH SHOWS WHERE HIS HEART REALLY WAS WITH IN THAT PERSON AND OTHER THINGS THAT NEVER UNDERSTOOD HIM, NO ONE BUT the rest of HIS SOUL EVER WILL! WHICH I GET IT NOW AND SHOWS HOW MUCH HE DOESN'T KNOW IN THIS IN HOW IT WORKS. HE WOULD FEEL US AND WANT THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING else AND THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH for HIM. I WOULD'VE HELPED HIM THROUGH ANYTHING AND ALWAYS THERE (BUT FORGOT A LOT IN ME AND HOW GOD REALLY CREATED US). JUST ConSTANTLY TAKES MORE LIFE FROM ME AND WHAT WE ARE WITHOUT THAT OTHER PART THAT CAN'T SEE REAL WELL ANYMORE (FROM HIS PRICK-LY ATTITUDE EVERY TIME AND those he puts his faith in more that keep him their way in all he ACCEPTS). what he knows in his soul (ours) that it has been all wrong. JUST CAUSES MASSIVE PAIN INSIDE OR EVER WANTS TO HEAR ANYTHING OF ME, MY VOICE (just others that stalk him). WHICH I DON'T LIKE IN A MAN OR IN ANYONE THAT CAN'T LISTEN. WHAT WE ARE TOGETHER is a split soul, HE DOESN'T SEEM TO SEE OR CARE IN HOW IT ALL AFFECTS ME AND SHOULD DEEPLY (from affecting everything within). AND IN HOW HE LET IT ALL GO THAT WILL NEVER BE AGAIN (OR HIM WHO DESTROYED THE LIFE IN ME SINCE FOREVER WITH THOSE THAT ARE THE UGLIEST). those that haven't a clue what awaits them from smothering a split soul as well. just reality of god. WHO NEVER KNEW TRUTH OR REAL BEAUTY, JUST FAKE THINGS WITH TRICKS AND SHADOWS (WHAT GOD KNOWS). WHAT NEVER LAST, BUT will LOSE WHAT'S REAL AND TRUE FOREVER. IT IS STILL DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO SEE THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER always AND RUNNING OUT OF TIME, and what it has done to me without (even him). NOW MORE SCARED FROM THESE DREADFUL FEARS INSIDE that are getting so much bigger with him as more time expires. THAT THIS LOVE WAS MEANT TO BE BY GOD AND *REAL* and is nothing like this. TO TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER NOW AND COMPLETELY FROM ALL THE TIME WE'VE LOST (AND THAT I HAVE ALWAYS MISSED HIM *DEEPLY* AND WANTED HIM ALWAYS THERE *completely*, JUST LOST AND SCARED FROM THE PAIN THAT'S UNABLE TO WALK WITHOUT). WHAT WENT TOTALLY THE WRONG WAY, BECAUSE OF SO MUCH THAT HAPPENED THEN THAT THE EVIL WAS TRYING TO DESTROY (IN A LOT THEN, THAT LEFT ME WITH NOTHING FROM NO ONE UNDERSTANDING). AND NOW THAT HE HAS KNOWN FOR A LONG WHILE IN MY DEEPER PAIN, HASN'T BEEN THAT CONCERNED IN ME AND IN HIS ACTIONS FOR SO LONG THAT WILL BECOME IMPOSSIBLE TO HEAL IN our SOUL (OR IN MY MATTERS AND IN EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS IN THIS EVEN BIGGER WITH GOD). DIDN'T SEEM TO EVER WANT TO SETTLE IN WHAT's A PART OF HIM OR CARED ENOUGH TO DO that or ANYTHING. WHAT HE IS MASSIVELY CONNECTED TO THAT WE BOTH NEED, BEFORE IT GETS WORSE OR GONE. JUST CHEAP IN THE MIND AND HEART, EVEN NOW IN ALL THE TIME WASTED. SO I NEVER REALLY MATTERED IN THIS IN ANYTHING AND IN HIS LIFE THAT HE IS DIRECTLY A PART OF (JUST TO GOD IN ALL THAT I AM NOT MANY CAN truly SEE IN THE REST). AND TO DADDY who i KNOW VERY WELL IN THAT CLOSE CONNECTION IN ALL gOD DID, WOULD BE MORE DEVASTATED IN life KNOWING THAT THAT PERSON CONNECTED LIKE THAT LEFT ME THIS WAY ALONE, AND *MAYBE* A feW OTHERS TOO. THE CONNECTION THAT HAS BEEN BLOCKED IN LIFE AND FROM ALL THAT HAS PROBED THE OTHER HALF'S MIND FROM THE EVIL POWER THAT WORKS IN ITS MYSTERIOUS WAYS, BUT CAN'T CREATE (COPYCAT).
*THERE IS NO ONE LIKE DADDY AND THAT IS BECAUSE OF GOD* ***:( THE OTHER HALF HAS BEEN USING THE OTHER KIND OF LOVE (LUST SEDUCTION AND MANIPULATION FROM BEING SO LOST (SPLIT FROM HIS ENTIRETY). THROUGH THE DEVILS WAYS. FOR IT IS WRITTEN: "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO IS HUNG ON A TREE" (GALATIANS 3:13). HE WAS HUNG ON A TREE IN THAT WORLD (DRACULA 200O). A CREATION OF GOD IN SOMETHING THAT MOCKS AN EVENT LONG AGO THAT DEALS WITH GOD AND THE TRUTH (JUDAS'S BETRAYAL). "SO THAT BY FAITH WE *MIGHT* RECEIVE THE PROMISE OF THE SPIRIT" (WITH FAITH IN GOD THROUGH WHAT *HE* DID FOR EVERYONE TO GIVE THAT CHANCE). IN THAT MOVIE HE DID, BECAUSE OF WHAT HE IS IN A SPLIT SOUL THAT IS THE GREATEST LOVE IN A SACRED SOUL (FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE). IN THAT WORLD HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN ANYMORE, BECAUSE IT LOST ME MORE IN LIFE AND IN MY PATH (AS WELL AS HIS). WHAT HE PUTS HIS HOPES AND DREAMS STILL IN, INSTEAD OF HIS OTHER HALF. WHEN HE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, BUT CAN'T SEE FROM BEING MANIPULATED HIMSELF IN MANY THINGS. A CREATION OF GOD IN A SPLIT SOUL HE FORGOT ABOUT, WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF THE REST OF HIS SOUL (REMEMBERED SOMETHING TRUE). WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR GOD'S PURPOSE TOO IN WHAT HE IS AND TO SHOW WHO HE IS WITH HIS OTHER HALF (ME), BEFORE HE WON'T BE ABLE IN ANYTHING ANYMORE. TO BE COMPLETED AND HEALING TOGETHER OF WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN FINISHED IN WHAT GOD DID AND TRUE IN HIS ACTIONS (BUT WAS UTTERLY ABANDON INSTEAD). DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE FAITH IN THIS OR HIS OTHER HALF (OR BELIEVE). WHAT THE OTHER HALF WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR ME AND THERE *ALWAYS* TO HELP SO IT WOULDN'T BE SO MUCH MORE LOST AND DAMAGED, BUT HAS BEEN AGAINST IT ALL THAT TIME WITH OTHERS (LIKE A BIZARRE STRANGER CAUSING SO MANY MORE PROBLEMS INSIDE). LOST HIS HANDS AND THE FAMILIARITY IN HIM THROUGH THE SOUL IN ALL THAT TIME AND CREATED MORE FEARS IN ME (SCARED ME MORE). ANOTHER MOCKERY IN WHAT GOD DID AND IN WHAT WE ARE, AND IN WHAT I AM THAT'S MUCH MORE (FIORE DI DIO E MOLTO ALTRO ANCORA). BUT NEVER DID ANYTHING TO FIX ANY OF IT BETWEEN THE SOUL, BETWEEN US (OR TO COME BACK). CAUSING THE "FRIEND TO ACT MORE WEIRD (DIFFERENT) IN HIS WORDS WITH TIME IN A LOT IN MY PAIN THAT IS FAR FROM RIGHT OR UNDERSTANDING IN ALL I HAD TO DEAL WITH. WHAT HAS GIVEN ME MORE FEARS THROUGH TIME FROM FEELING MORE ALONE AND MISSING IMMENSELY EVERYTHING THAT WAS GONE. WHO HAS CONTROLLED MY WAY FROM WANTING IT HIS WAYS FOR SO LONG, NEVER SEEING THE OTHER HALF THERE OR ANYONE THERE FOR ME GIVING NO MOTIVATION (OR ANYONE SUPPORTING ME). SO TAKING THINGS HIS WAY IN MY FEARS AND NOT WANTING TO SEE THE MASSIVE DAMAGE HE HAS CAUSED MY HEART, SOUL AND EMOTIONAL WELL BEING IN EVERYTHING HERE, BUT SAYS HE DOES. JUST GOES ON TYPING BEING RUDE AT TIMES WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR MY REALLY BAD PAIN OR GROW IN THAT TO UNDERSTAND MORE (OR THE PROBLEMS I'M HAVING NOW). SO I SAY IT BACK IN A LOT OF PAIN, BUT ALWAYS THE SAME. THEN SAYS HE CARES AND ACTS LIKE IT SOMETIMES IN HIS WAY, BUT DON'T TRULY FEEL THAT MUCH OF ANYTHING FROM ALL THAT IS STILL BEING DONE WRONG TO MY HEART AND SOUL. WHAT NEVER STOPS OR IS EVER A BETTER WAY FOR ME OR RIGHT. WHERE I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE FEELING EMPTIER IN MY PAIN, LONELINESS AND FEARS WITH NO REAL HELP. OR MUCH OF ANYTHING WITHOUT DADDY THERE WHO WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD BETTER IN ALL THIS HERE THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON, BUT KNOWS NOW ALL OF IT WHO ISN'T HAPPY (HERE AND THE MANY *YEARS* THAT I HAVE BEEN ENDURING, AND BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF). JUST FEEL MORE ERASED IN LIFE FROM A LOT AND FROM THE OTHER HALF MOSTLY, WHO FORGOT THE TRUTH AND NEVER WANTED WHAT'S COMPLETELY CONNECTED TO HIM FROM HIS WAYS IN THAT WORLD THAT WERE WRONG (WHO NEVER STAYS THAT CLOSE AND DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT HIS OTHER HALF IN *ME*, JUST TURNS ME UPSIDE DOWN). LIKES TO SUPPRESS THE TRUTH ALL THAT TIME FOR OTHERS, BUT THIS DEALS WITH GOD IN WHAT *HE* CREATED. WHAT I AM AND THE OTHER HALF IS AND IN WHAT WE ARE TOGETHER, SUPPOSED TO BE. WHO FORGOT ABOUT REAL LOVE, FORGOT ABOUT *US*. DOES THINGS INSTINCTIVELY AND HOW HE WAS TAUGHT IN THAT WORLD AND THEN REGRETS IT FROM KNOWING AND UNDERSTANDING BETTER NOW WHAT HE IS THAT IS *VERY* WRONG (BUT WELL AWARE HE HAS BEEN CHEATING AND WHAT HE HAS HURT *MORE* in me, BESIDES HIMSELF WHO IS A MORON). BUT WOULDN'T LIKE IT IF I WAS DANCING WITH SOMEONE ELSE IN FINDING THAT for good, you never know. SO HE BETTER BE *VERY* CAREFUL AS I HAVE BEEN *VERY* *FAITHFUL* TO HIM AND THINGS COULD GO VERY WRONG IN EVERYTHING from ALL THIS PAIN, AND IN DOING NOTHING NOW (AND GOD KNOWS THAT EVEN MORE, THE REALITY OF ALL THAT IT IS in what has been done to me). --IN THAT WORLD YOU SELL YOUR SOUL, BUT IT WASN'T COMPLETELY HIS TO SELL FROM BEING A CREATION OF GOD. WHO WAS SPLIT FROM HIS ENTIRETY THAT IS IN ME AND WAS SOOO LOST AS WELL. I WAS ALWAYS WAITING FOR THE OTHER HALF IN THE WAY I WAS KEPT FROM CHILDHOOD AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT, FROM BEING SO LOST WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY EVERYTHING in him (EVEN BIGGER FROM WHAT GOD DID THAT IS VERY UNIQUE IN THIS). HOW COULD YOU NOT WANT WHAT IS DIRECTLY A PART OF YOU IN A SACRED LOVE., COMPLETELY AND FAITHFULLY ALWAYS (OR IS MOST OF THE TRUE ONES GONE)? WHAT WAS CREATED THAT WAY BY GOD THAT COMPLETES EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE AND HEALS WHAT YOU'RE MISSING. THE *LOVE* THAT IS THE BIGGEST AND THE GREATEST (wHAT never leaves and is ALWAYS THERE). THE REST THAT COMPLETES YOU IN EVERYTHING IN LIFE. SOMEONE YOU CAN ALWAYS DEPEND ON NO MATTER WHAT AND are NEVER ALONE IN THE DARKNESS from this unique circumstance. WHERE ONE GOES THE OTHER FOLLOWS AND NEVER A PART ANYMORE. TRUE AND REAL TO SHOW IN GOD'S WILL FROM WHAT WAS ALREADY PLANNED THAT IS TRUE LOVE (WAS). THE TWO PARTS OF THE SOUL AND LOVE IN EVERYTHING GOD CREATED AS ONE that was SEPARATED to come back (WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME, BESIDES DADDY)? WHO KNOWS WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TOWARDS ME now AND THE OTHER HALF. BESIDES GOD SHOWING ME ALL OF THIS FROM BEING SO LOst, MY HEART AND SOUL would have told ME THAT truth (even if i FOUND it on my own). EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NEVER LOVED ME FROM THE SOUL BEING A PART this long, NEVER TOUCHED that was supposed to reunite the soul in life in everything to heal. WHAT IS LIFE IF YOU CANT LIVE IT FROM BEING PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER WHO FORGOT THE REST FROM BEING TOO LONG IN THE WAYS OF THe WORLD (WHAT HAS WRECKED US BOTH IN THE SOUL). HE FORGOT EVERYTHING OF US LIKE I'M RUINING HIS LIFE, WHEN MINE WAS ALREADY RUINED IN HOW HE STAYED (BECAUSE EVERYTHING FLAWED IS PERFECT TO HIM, LIKE A LOT WHO CAN'T SEE WELL and CONTINUE wrong). NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO TRULY START, BECAUSE OF the other half. WHY I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THESE DEEP HEAVY FEELINGS AND OF A SCARED CHILD that never go away. nothing HAS ever really STARTED For me BEING CONNECTED TO HIM OR FINDING A BETTER PERSON THAT CLICKED TO truly HELP ME IN LIFE. BUT IF, THEN HE WILL FEEL EVERYTHING HE WON'T LIKE UNTIL IT'S ALL GONE (DOESN'T REALIZE WHAT HE LOST UNTIL IT'S GONE). JUST MASSIVELY HIDDEN FROM THE PAIN THAT WAS UNABLE TO WALK FROM BEING A PART OF EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING, AND ALL THAT I NEEDED IN HIM AND HE NEEDED IN ME FROM ALL I DIDN'T KNOW. COULDN'T UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING THEN FROM THE FEARS AND ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH, BECAUSE OF THE EVIL POWER AND NO TRUE SUPPORT IN MY PAIN anywhere (AND WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE THIS, VERY FEW DO, MAYBE). WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET BACK TO SO MUCH SOONER, BEFORE IT GOT WORSE OR TOO LATE (BUT ALWAYS REBUFFED BY HIM). I WAS NEVER TRYING TO HURT THE OTHER HALF FROM THE TRUTH IN THIS, BUT BE WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THAT TRUE LOVE GOD HAD. THE LOVE THAT WAS *BIG*, but more from being the other half of the soul that is connected in everything in what god did for that miracle (HE WOULD HAVE FELT IT, BUT DIDN'T SEEM TO ENTIRELY in his lost ways). WHAT WE'LL LOSE IN EVERYTHING IN THAT ALONE IN ALL IT WILL DO FROM THIS. THIS LOVE THAT SEEMS MORE LIKE A BATTLEFIELD WITH HIM AND SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT WAY IN WHAT THIS IS. JUST SUFFERING IS ALL I HAVE DONE AND THE MASSIVE FEARS FROM NO ONE UNDERSTANDING ME IN MY LONELINESS, BUT I'M GUESSING THAT WORLD WITH THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE IS WHY HE IS LIKE THAT IN HOW IT TURNED OUT. WHICH IS MORE PAINFUL FOR ME IN FEELING MORE ALONE WITH NO TRUE UNDERSTANDING FROM ANYWHERE. AND THE OTHER HALF WHO PROBABLY STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHY REAL WELL FROM HIS MIND OF BEING USED SO MUCH. INSTEAD OF TRUE AND TRUTHFUL OF SOMETHING THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AND HEAL YOU IN EVERYTHING TOGETHER, TO BE HAPPY (MAYBE). A TRUTHFUL PERSON THAT I NEEDED AND WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE, BUT NEVER DID (ANYWHERE). WHAT HAS BEEN SLOWLY DYING ALL THIS TIME UNABLE TO MOVE FORWARD IN ANYTHING FROM STILL FEELING MORE LIKE WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE, THINKING THAT ALL THE PAIN WOULD FIX ITSELF THEN TOO (BUT RIPPED A PART FROM EVERYTHING I WAS joined IN with THE OTHER HALF). AND FEEL LIKE THE OTHER HALF HAS NEVER really CARED SINCE KNOWING FROM THE DIFFERENT SIDE THAT IS ME HE DOESN'T WANT OR LIKE THAT HAS MADE ME FEEL EVEN MORE ALONE. BUT ALREADY FEEL VERY alone WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO SEE DADDY THERE LIKE WAS PLANNED THAT I NEED WHO IS ONE OF A KIND too, WHAT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT ANYMORE). :( IT'S THE MANY STRUGGLES I FELT FROM THE OTHER HALF TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE START OF HIM KNOWING (ONE OF HIS MANY REASONS HE HAS HAD, hiding a lot). who was supposed to always be there for me in my split soul that is real and painful. AND MAYBE THE ONE WHO HAS TRIED TO HARM THIS ALL THAT TIME FROM TRYING DIFFERENT THINGS, BESIDES WHAT HAS BEEN THERE WITH HIM TRYING TO STOP IT ALL (but now know other things too in where a lot this bad comes from). WHAT I HAVE GOTTEN SO MUCH OF IN THE PAST HERE SINCE THEM KNOWING. BUT STILL FEELS BAD HIMSELF FROM BEING PART OF THE SOUL THAT HAS BEEN MESSED UP IN A LOT (WHICH MAKES NO SENSE LIKE BEING HERE THIS WAY). NOT TRYING TO HURT the other half, BECAUSE I ACTUALLY *LOVE* HIM COMPLETELY THAT WORDS CAN'T TRULY DESCRIBE THE SOUL THAT IS WAY DEEPER IN EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME, BUT HAS FELT ONLY ONE SIDED IN THIS SINCE HIM KNOWING THAT SCARES ME MORE (AND KNOW WHY HE WEARS IT AND IT'S NOT ME, BUT ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS ME FOR A WHILE NOW SINCE SEEING IT BACK AND FORTH MANY TIMES). NOT TRULY FAITHFUL TO THE *ONE* WHO IS THE OTHER PART OF HIM (AND VERY IFFY TO CONTINUE IN LIFE WHEN THERE IS NO ONE THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HE DOES OR COMFORTABLE ANYMORE SEEN, AND ONLY HALF A SOUL THAT IS TORN A PART EVERY DAY BEING LIKE THIS FOREVER STUCK IN NOTHING). ESPECIALLY IF IT'S THOSE THREE THINGS THAT REALLY CRUSH ME, BUT NEED TO KNOW BEFORE ITS DONE, BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE WE CAN MAYBE GET THROUGH TOGETHER IN HEALING IF HE CARES ENOUGH AND IS TRUE. WHAT WE WERE CREATED AS AND TO BE FAITHFUL TO EACH OTHER *ALWAYS*. PART OF THE FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE IN US FROM THAT SPECIAL LOVE GOD CREATED THAT'S LIKE NO OTHER, AND ALL WE REPRESENT THAT WAS *PREDESTINED* (WHAT WAS SPLIT IN OUR SOUL FOR EACH OTHER). SO I FEEL STUPID AND MORE IN PAIN SAYING THE TRUTH OF MY FEELINGS IN MY LOVE FOR HIM, WHEN HE HAS SAID NOTHING. IT'S ME THAT IS MORE SCARED NOW FROM HOW HE HAS BEEN WITH NO WORD ALL THIS TIME. HOW IT HAS GOTTEN TO THIS POINT IN TIME THAT DOESN'T SEEM LOVE ANYMORE FROM HIM, EVEN THOUGH WE FEEL EACH OTHER ALWAYS AND MY FEELINGS AND THE REALITY OF IT ARE COMPLETELY TRUE (MINUS ALL THE PAIN AND SHIT I'VE GONE THROUGH HERE AND THINGS THAT I DON'T MEAN TO HURT OR SCARE HIM IN THOSE EMOTIONS). I TELL HIM THROUGH THE SOUL A LOT AND FEEL LIKE HE FEELS AND HEARS SOME THINGS, BUT THEN EVERYTHING CHANGES IN HOW HE ACTS AND GOES ON WITH EVERYTHING ELSE, BUT YOU CAN SEE (BLOCKING EVERYTHING THAT WE ARE TOGETHER, SO I BECOME MORE LOST AND CAN'T GO ON LIKE THAT). BUT DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST HIM ANYMORE FROM NEVER SAYING ANYTHING TO ME OR THE TRUTH (OR WANTING TO TALK TO ME). **.... IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO TRUST HIM NOW, WHEN I SOOO WANT TO AND NEED HIM COMPLETELY (AND *KNOW* HE NEEDS ME too). IT'S HOW HE HAS ACTED TOWARDS ME ALL THAT TIME THAT'S SLY, BUT MORE HIS BEHAVIOR THAT CHANGES WHEN HE IS A SPLIT SOUL (AND HAVE ALWAYS LOVED HIM, BUT HOW EVERYTHING KEEPS HAPPENING AND THOUGHT HE WOULD UNDERSTAND ME SO MUCH BETTER). ONLY SEEMS TO WANT TO UNDERSTAND OTHER EVIL THINGS. HAS TREATED ME LIKE NOTHING AND A STRANGER SINCE KNOWING WITH NO CARE (PUT ON A SHELF). WHAT ABOUT THEN FROM THE MANY THINGS THAT HAPPENED AND IF I WAS GONE, WHICH WOULD MEAN HIM TOO IN A BAD WAY AND IN EVERYTHING EVEN WORSE, BUT WAS PROTECTED THEN. JUST VERY SAD HE DIDN'T CARE MUCH ABOUT WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. THE OTHER HALF SHOULD KNOW A LOT ABOUT THINGS NOW (HOPE), BUT SEEMS HE CARES ABOUT OTHER THINGS MORE THAN WHAT'S IMPORTANT (WHY HE WAS EVEN HERE). HE SHOULD ALSO KNOW IF HE STILL DOESN'T, WHAT GOD WILL DO THAT'S BEYOND EVERYONE IF HE PLAYS ME OR WITH MY EMOTIONS FURTHER FROM ALL THE PAIN I HAVE ENDURED IN THIS ALL OF LIFE TO FIND HIM (WHAT LOST ALL *HOPE* IN ME). I NEED HIM TO BE *REAL*, BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN WHO HE WAS AND IS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE FOR ME (BUT KNOW NOW HE'S NOT). WHAT THAT WORLD AND OTHERS MADE HIM FORGET, MADE HIM FORGET WHERE HE TRULY COMES FROM AND IS CONNECTED TO IN ALL. AND WHAT GOD CAN DO AND WILL DO, WHICH IS EVERYTHING BEYOND *EVERYONE'S* IMAGINATION (AND ALL THAT WILL BE DONE)....** --PEOPLE THAT ACT LIKE THEY UNDERSTAND THIS, REALLY DON'T. VERY FEW PEOPLE TRULY DO AND THE ONES THAT TRUTHFULLY BELIEVE IN GOD AND ALL IT ENTAILS. ONE SIDE OF THE SOUL GOING AGAINST AND WRECKING THE REST IN ME AND EVERYTHING WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN LIFE IN ONE POWERFUL SOUL, TOGETHER. BUT NEVER HAPPENED FROM ALL THAT THE OTHER HALF CONTINUED TO BLOCK AND FORGOT IN LIFE FOR OTHER THINGS. WHAT HARMED EVERYTHING IN ME FOR THOSE THAT ARE EXTREMELY FLAWED WHO DON'T CARE. CAUSING OTHER THINGS TO HAPPEN TOO, FEELING MANIPULATED THROUGH THE SOUL IN THIS FROM CERTAIN THINGS I CAN'T TRUST AND CAN'T GO ON MUCH LONGER LIKE THIS. MOSTLY IT'S BECAUSE OF BEING HERE THIS LONG IN LIFE THIS WAY WITH NO FREEDOM EVER SINCE BEING HERE OF THE WAY I WAS BEFORE THAT WAS ALWAYS DIFFERENT IN THE SOUL (NEVER ABLE TO GROW OF WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO TRULY BE AND NO ONE THERE TO UNDERSTAND MY ORDEAL). LIKE IT WAS BEFORE COMING HERE THAT'S BEEN DEVASTATING EVEN MORE THROUGH THE SOUL WITH TIME FROM BEING SPLIT and ABANDONED, and all the pain and injury that was caused here even more (AND NEED SOMEONE I Can TRUST THAT'S CLOSE, but don't have that). WHAT DIDN'T BELONG THIS WAY OF WHAT GOD DID ANd had for me in this condition. OR TO BE HERE THIS LONG WITH A PERSON THAT'S PAINED A LOT more. what was taken away from me from the other half not trying hard enough from the start of his journey, but mostly from those he wanders with who have taken what belongs to me (and i belonged to him). God says so from the split of the soul in what was done (and all that was shown). WHAT GETS MORE DIFFICULT IN EVERYTHING INSIDE FROM BEING MISPLACED IN LIFE WITH NO FAMILIARITY THAT BECOMES MORE AFRAID AND LOST WITH TIME IN THIS CREATION. WHAT NEVER MATTERED to most IN WHAT WAS REAL IN WHAT GOD DID IN ME. WHAT IS A CONSTANT PAIN THAT GETS DIFFICULT TO TRUST IN MY SITUATION EVEN MORE NOW FROM ALL THE CHOICES the other half KEEPS MAKING, DISREGARDING WHAT'S IMPORTANT AND REAL in me (WHAT GIVES BIGGER DOUBTS). ALL THAT GOD WILL DO FROM NOT MATTERING ALL THAT TIME THAT'S SOMETHING SPECIAL AND DIFFERENT IN THAT CREATION I AM A PART OF (IN THOSE BLOCKING IT ALL THAT TIME, BLOCKING LIFE and everything that's essential). WHAT gets BIGGER AS THIS CONTINUES TO DESTROY ME IN NOTHING. LIFE, WHAT MANY TAKE FOR GRANTED WHILE THEY DON'T CARE WHO THEY HURT, ESPECIALLY IN THIS. [[ WHILE DEALING WITH MAJOR DISTRESS ATOP WHERE I'VE BEEN ALL THAT TIME AND ALL THAT'S HAPPENED. MY HANDS WERE ALWAYS TIED FROM THIS AND STILL DIFFICULT IN EVERYTHING FROM THE SOUL THAT WAS NEVER TRULY CARED ABOUT (TAKEN CARED OF IN HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY GOD). WHAT IS COMPLETELY AGAINST GOD AND ALL WRONG IN THIS THAT IS CONNECTED IN EVERYTHING INSIDE THE SOUL AND SPIRIT, GOD NOT HAPPY (AND NEITHER IS DADDY). YOU WOULD KNOW IT NOW IN WHAT I'M ENDURING AND AS THAT DAY COMES. LIKE PART OF THE THINGS GOD WON'T EXCEPT, THE MANY SINS IN LIFE NEVER FIXED. BUT EVEN MORE IN THIS THAT IS SOMETHING SACRED AND BIG THAT HAS STILL BEEN MESSED WITH MORE INSIDE IN ME (AND ALL THOSE THAT HAVE MESSED WITH THINGS THAT DEAL WITH THE SOUL THEY DON'T CARE OR UNDERSTAND). MY SOUL THAT IS COMPLETELY CONNECTED TO HIM IN BEING SPLIT FROM ITS ENTIRETY AND THEY DON'T CARE AND NEITHER DOES HE NOW. JUST PRETENDS TO AS HE FADES AS WELL AND HIS AGONY INSIDE THAT IS KILLING US BOTH AND DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND IN HARMING ME MORE INSIDE (BESIDES MINE). THEY'RE NOT JUST WRECKING ONE PERSON, BUT TWO. STILL IN THAT HELLISH WORLD FROM *THOSE* THAT WON'T STOP OR LET GO (WHO IS SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT). IT HAS BEEN OVER FOR US FOR MANY REASONS, BECAUSE OF HIM NEVER DOING ANYTHING AND THOSE HE CHOSE INSTEAD (THAT RUINED SO MUCH IN US AND FOR US AND ASKED OTHERS WHEN HE KNEW I WAS THERE AND EXISTED AS HIS OTHER HALF, A SMALL PART OF THE NO TRUST). WHEN I *NEEDED* HIM AND *NEED* HIM FROM BEING MY SPLIT SOUL THAT WAS NEVER THERE. WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE IN EVERYTHING SO MUCH SOONER, BUT DOESN'T FEEL ENTIRELY LIKE L (?). WOULDN'T HAVE MATTERED IF IT WAS ALL GONE IN US TO HIM A LITTLE AFTER KNOWING, AS HE ALWAYS KEEPS TAKING CHANCES ON SOMETHING THAT'S VERY PRECIOUS AND ABOVE ALL THAT STUFF THAT HE THINKS WAS IMPORTANT FIRST (BUT CAN'T SEE WELL FROM ALL THEY HAVE BLINDED HIM WITH AND FROM THE TRUTH OF WHAT HE IS). WHO ARE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THIS AS WELL AND ALL IT DOES INSIDE (THE MASSIVE WRECKAGE THAT SCARES ME WITH HIM NOW). BUT THE OTHER HALF FINDS EVERYTHING ELSE TO COME FIRST THAN HIS SOUL AND TRUE LOVE (?). WHAT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER MUCH TO HIM IN ALL HE DOES FIRST. YOU DON'T GET THAT AGAIN ONCE YOU MESSED IT ALL UP AND IT'S GONE, ESPECIALLY IN THIS IN WHAT SAVES YOU (AND HAS BEEN THE SAME WAY EVERY TIME IN THOSE CHANCES HE HAS HAD). BECAUSE OF THOSE IN THAT WORLD THAT ALWAYS TRAP HIM IN THEIR EVIL WAYS AND GOES WITH THEM EVERY TIME (FROM THEIR SPELLS AND GUILT). DOESN'T FIGHT FOR ANYTHING TRUE IN THIS THAT IS HIS EVERYTHING (OTHER HALF) HE WILL LOSE. WHAT *NEVER* LEAVES THAT WILL BE GONE FROM ALL HE HAS NEGLECTED. OR HE WOULD HAVE COME LONG AGO TO WHERE HE BELONGS IN WHAT HE'S A PART OF, KNOWING LIFE IS VERY SHORT AND ALL THAT IT MEANS. THE LOVE TO EACH OTHER THAT'S HARD TO BREATHE WITHOUT IT. THE STRESS AND PULL ON THE SOUL THAT'S TREMENDOUS BETWEEN BOTH HALVES AND OUR PAIN THAT GETS BIGGER. WHAT WAS NEVER PUT RIGHT IN WHAT GOD DID AND IN ITS PLACE OR HEALED THAT DEALS WITH *EVERYTHING* (HOW IT HAS BECOME FROM THE CONSTANT PAIN THAT BECOMES TO LONG IN LIFE THIS WAY). WHAT I WAS PUT THROUGH ALL OF LIFE, BUT MORE THE HELL NOW IN NO CARE AND NEVER HAS IN ALL HE CHOOSES STILL, AND VERY DIFFICULT TO TRUST FROM IT GETTING THIS FAR WITH NO WORD (OR THEY KEEP CHOOSING FOR HIM AND LETS IT HAPPEN THAT WON'T BE GOOD FOR HIM EITHER (*WHICH WILL BRING THE SECOND ROUND*). COMMON SENSE IN THIS FROM BEING SPLIT BY GOD THAT WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LONG AGO AND DON'T KNOW ANYMORE FROM MORE FEARS IN ME ON HOW HE STILL CONTINUES and treats me the worse. WHEN I ONLY KNOW ONE WAY BY GOD TO GET TO HIM IF HE IS TRUE AND REAL, BUT DON'T FEEL HE IS AND THAT DOESN'T HELP ME. --ESPECIALLY THE FRIEND THAT CAUSES SO MUCH MORE PAIN at times IN ME BEING HALF A SOUL AND MAKES NO SENSE HERE WITH HIM LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG (WHEN IT WAS NEVER RIGHT FOR ME and a creation connected to another half). BUT NO TRUTH FROM THE OTHER HALF OR SOMEONE THAT MAKES ME FEEL more COMFORTABLE NOW FROM FEELING SO ALONE AND SCARED. AND HAVE BEEN LEFT A LOT OF TIMES THAT CAN'T be LIKE THat ANYMORE, BECAUSE OF ALL THe TIME LIKE THis being half incomplete away from that other part (that scares me now in how he is). WHich CAUSES SO MANY MORE FEARS AND PAIN THE FRIEND STILL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND FROM HIS SIMPLE MIND (IN MANY WAYS). BUT SAYS HE DOES AND SWEARS HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN, BUT THEN HAPPENS AGAIN AT A LATER TIME IN A CONTINUOUS PATTERN SAYING IT WON'T HAPPEN. YOU WOULD SEE WHY I DON'T TRUST A LOT FROM THE BROKEN PROMISES AND OTHER LIES IN A LOT OF THINGS FROM THE START. WHEN I SAY MY FEELINGS AND TRUTH OF THEM, HE TELLS ME TO SHUT UP OR GO AWAY. SAYS HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR IT RIGHT NOW, THEN WHEN)? ONLY AT TIMES FOR HIS CONVENIENCE TO MAKE HIM feel GOOD DOES HE KIND OF TRULY LISTEN. UNLESS IT DEALS WITH THINGS HE LIKES OR MAKES HIM FEEL COMFORTABLE OR GOOD (AND A DECENT DAY FOR HIM that is sometimes better). WHICH PARALYZES ME MORE INSIDE IN THINGS I CAN'T DEAL WITH OR MY PAIN I NEED TO DEAL WITH THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DEALT WITH already (SO IT'S TEARS, OR WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE USEFUL AND SUPPORTIVE IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS as that friend). a better person is what i needed altogether, a real friend. NO ONE TO HELP ME IN ANYTHING FROM what i go through, OR SOMEONE I CAN TRUST. WHEN HE IS THE ONE CAUSING MORE PAIN AND PROBLEMS NEVER SOLVED (AND THE FACT THAT I'M HALF A SOUL WOULD EXPLAIN A LOT, but doesn't to many). AND THIS ISN'T ABOUT PUTTING HIM DOWN. WHICH I'M NOT, BUT JUST STATING THE FACTS IN THINGS I'M SUFFERING THAT HE MAKES WORSE (BUT IS OK WITH ME WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT OTHER THINGS THAT DOESN'T DEAL WITH ANY OF MY PAIN, JUST A LOT OF OTHER STUFF that's more POINTLESS for me at this point). WHEN THAT'S ALL I FEEL NOW IS MY DEEP IMMENSE PAIN AND THE OTHER HALF'S. WHAT I WAS PLACED IN LIFE FOR in what god did AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN VERY DIFFERENT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH THE OTHER HALF (OR HAVING SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTOOD ME MUCH BETTER TO HELP MY WAY IN HOW LOST I WAS FROM THE PAIN). IT SEEMS TO SLIP THE FRIEND'S MIND IN THAT AT TIMES, BUT THEN KNOWS I'M HALF A SOUL AND SAYS IT (WHATEVER THAT MEANS TO HIM IN HIS MIND AT THE TIME). BECAUSE SOMETIMES HE LOOKS LIKE HE UNDERSTANDS VERY WELL, BUT THEN JUST LIVES LIFE AND GOES ON LIKE IT'S OK EVERYDAY (AND DON'T UNDERSTAND THE MINDSET IN THAT). WHAT HE'S DONE IN MY SITUATION AND DOESN'T DO MUCH OF ANYTHING TO HELP RESOLVE ANY OF THIS *BIG* ORDEAL. WHAT HE DOESN'T LIKE TO HEAR WHEN IT COMES TO MY DEEP PAIN, BUT SAYS HE'S WORKING ON IT OVER AND OVER. WHAT I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HIM OVER AND OVER IN MY PAIN IN THAT GIRL NOT COMPLETED, WHAT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND TOO WELL IN ME. JUST STATING THE TRUTH IN ALL THAT'S WRONG, AND IN ALL HE DOES TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FROM HIS LACK OF UNDERSTANDING. BUT SAYS AFTER IT JUST HAPPENING, HE DIDN'T SAY THAT, SAME CYCLE THAT IS DESTROYING ME INSIDE EVEN MORE. WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A VERY LONG TIME SINCE KNOWING, BUT NOT LISTENING TO ME TOO WELL (AND FEEL MORE INVISIBLE NOW THAN I FELT BEFORE COMING HERE). WHEN I WAS AWAY FROM DADDY I ALWAYS FELT LIKE NO ONE COULD TRULY SEE ME FROM HOW I STOOD OUT NEAR HIM AND FELT, AND SO FEELS TRUE NOW (HE WAS THE ONE THAT MADE ME FEEL STRONG AND TRULY THERE IN LIFE, WHICH IS DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN EVEN MORE). THIS IS NOT WORKING WELL AT ALL AND NEVER TRULY HAS WHEN I'M HALF A SOUL THAT WAS A GOOD FRIEND TO HIM THEN AND BELIEVED HE WAS TOO (BUT TRULY I HAVE NEVER HAD ONE I COULD EVER COUNT ON TO HELP ME, DEPEND ON MORE, OR JUST SOMEONE I COULD TRUST). IT HAD TO BE ALL LIKE THIS THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE TO PLEASE, BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF WHO STILL NEEDS AN AUDIENCE (FAME) FROM HIS DEPLETION IN THE MAN NOT COMPLETED. INSTEAD OF THE REST OF HIS SOUL COMPLETELY BY HIS SIDE (AND SHOULD KNOW A LOT OF MY LOVE OR NEVER WANTED IT, IT'S HIS I'M NOT SURE COMPLETELY ABOUT). WHO SEEMS TO BELIEVE ME FOR A LITTLE WHILE THROUGH THE SOUL, THEN GOES RIGHT BACK TO HIS WAYS AND MOVIES LIKE I DIDN'T MEAN MUCH OF ANYTHING. LIFE IS A BIG MOVIE, ESPECIALLY IN OUR LIFE THAT WAS DIRECTED A CERTAIN WAY FOR BIGGER REASONS AND GOD'S BEEN WATCHING EVERYTHING. WHEN THERE IS A LOT OF DAMAGE FROM THINGS NOT RIGHT AND NEVER ANY HEALING FOR ME, NEVER A START ANYWHERE (MOVEMENT FOR EVERYONE ELSE, BUT ME STUCK IN A CONSTIPATION IN LIFE). WHAT GETS BIGGER BY ADDING MORE THAT GETS DIFFICULT TO EVEN MOVE FORWARD. WHO THE OTHER HALF HAS FELT MORE COLD JUST RECENTLY THAN WARM AND GET WORRIED IN BEING A PART OF HIM, THINK MAYBE HE IS FIGURING IT OUT NOW AND FOR ME HERE. BUT THEN GOES BACK AND FORTH AND THINGS I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYMORE FROM THE DYING AND PAIN THAT NEVER LETS UP, NEITHER CAN HE IN ME AND WISH HE DID (TRY TO LET HIM KNOW THROUGH THE SOUL AND SEEMS DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO PAY ATTENTION A LOT OF TIMES). NEED TO BE WITH HIM IN TALKING SOMEHOW, BUT SO NOT SURE. I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT COMMENT THAT TA TA (O) MADE A LONG, LONG TIME AGO WHO WAS THERE FOR US (WITHOUT HER UNDERSTANDING THINGS COMPLETELY). WHERE SHE SAID SOMETHING LIKE, YOU CAN WRITE THE BIGGEST STORY HERE AND NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE IT (AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EVERYTHING THEN LIKE ME HERE OR THIS AND HOPE SHE UNDERSTANDS A LOT MORE NOW). UNLESS THE OTHER HALF STEPS UP THIS CURSE OF MINE WILL NEVER END EITHER. ---- I SAY THAT BECAUSE IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS FROM BEING A SACRED SOUL IN SOMETHING DIFFERENT GOD CREATED. WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BACK SOOO MUCH SOONER TO THE RIGHTFUL PLACE (TWO HALVES OF ONE SOUL IN THE DIFFERENT SIDES CONNECTED IN EVERYTHING). BUT THE OTHER HALF DIDN'T SEE IT THAT WAY FROM THE BEGINNING. FELT HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND ME THE MOST IN WHERE HE WAS AND IN ALL MY FEARS HERE, as well as be more gentle now. in HOW MUCH BIGGER my fears HAVE GOTTEN, because of him that left me in life this long alone (AND OTHER THINgs without daddy there). INCLUDING MY DEEP LOVE FOR HIM THAT HE MUST HAVE FELT SOMETHING IN THAT FROM THE FEELINGS IN THE OTHER PART OF THE SOUL that's completely connected. when i first found him to let him know a lot and my feelings, BUT FOR HIM he never showed anything true. just went on and DON'T KNOW how he has become FROM how long he REJECTED SO MUCH IN ME FROM THE START OF FINDING HIM, never bothered from the crying of the soul to him many times that NEEDED him right there (just never came for others things, while my confusion grew even bigger). like a silent hell of agony no one can see or feel this pain that gets worse or cares about me, because if you explain too much they will think you're very strange. a split soul/twin flame connected in everything INTIMATELY that deals with everything inside and more, not an old flame (whatever that means), or an old girlfriend (his FLOOZIES), but the rest of the soul, love and everything within that makes you complete and whole. what's UNFINISHED in life of the entirety of one powerful soul god created as one. two bodies, one soul in god that was ordained, but the two DIFFERENT sides unique (special (e). what god created for life, but even more. if he doesn't have a deep love and only for one thing, then it will never be and he never loved me at all of what's true (or wanted anything in me). how it has all changed in his mind from that WORLD in how he goes and doesn't think well for us (especially in me now). but it *never* changes in what god did in this, who is *always* right and true (just the consequences he hasn't much of a clue in the end in this of what god did in all that it is, and that i've endured for him-toh). i TRUSTED IN the other half THEN CLOSE TO COMPLEtely in that love and IN MY FEARS far away. i thought he would feel the same or more and be there, from WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH TRYING TO GET TO HIM and what it does inside that devastate you without it (and not being able to sustain this anymore from it ripping me more a part, especially from all the lies in that world he agrees to). THOUGHT HE WOULD SO RESPOND and was shocked at a lot while in pain that he never came or did anything then, and all he has done more with -it- and others towards me. what gave me more fears and depression not many can understand, because of the split soul thing and how it yanks and pulls at everything (including your emotions). BUT IT WENT ALL BAD FOR ME, COULDN'T get BACK to anything and everything that was done. wasn't right ANYMORE the way god had it and was supposed to be from what i was shown to get back to before its too late. blame him and EVERYTHING in that world that has taking everything from me and all it has caused, and here this way from all that it did to me (but something more there). as well as a few other things before COMING to this state (god knows *everything* and i know a lot). mostly an EXISTENCE of being scared, fears, *pain* and ANXIETIES not many understand. what becomes so big from all this causes without having the rest near and there that is the other half of the soul in how god created this (but more a few other things from the past that made me run scared). .*. ESPECIALLY WHAT I DEALt with here with THE FRIENd BEFORE GETTING TO THe PLACE i'm at now (BEFORE COMING TO THE PLACE I STAY THAT WAS HOMELESSNESS BEFORE). CHANGED A LOT INSIDE AND FEEL EVEN MORE SCARED and alone, ESPECIALLy without DADDY NOT being THERE AND NO ONE ELSE TO UNDERSTAND ME BETTER (OR LIKE IT WAS BEFORE I CAME TO THIS STATE with a few then that cared). NO ONE SEEMS TO REALLY UNDERSTAND ME AND HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE FOR A VERY LONG TIME, BEING HALF A SOUL WITHOUT THAT OTHER PART NEVER THERE THAT GETS WORSE (AND FEEL NO ONE TRULY CARES, BECAUSE LIFE FOR ME DOESN'T MATTER). JUST GOD AND DADDY NOW AND VERY MUCH ALWAYS, AND KNOW YOU CARE TOo (what they were always watching). BUT VERY DIFFICULT EVEN MORE FOR ME IN LIFE NOW WITHOUT DADDY THERE FROM THE STRONG CONNECTION THAT FEELS EVEN MORE ALONE WITHOUT HIM THERE (what was supposed to be back to the other half and whole). AND MAYBE I'M WRONG IN THIS, BUT HAVE FELT LIKE THE OTHER HALF IS CLOSE BY FOR AWHILE NOW WATCHING ME OR OVER ME. CAN'T TELL IF IT'S GOOD OR BAD YET FROM ALL THESE FEELINGS AND THE PAIN (BUT WANT TO THINK MAYBE GOOD). DON'T KNOW FROM MY FEELINGS NOW AND THE OTHER HALF'S MIXED UP FEELINGS WHO ALSO FEELS UPSET AND IN HIS DEEP PAIN, NEVER KNOWS WHAT HE NEEDS OR WANTS THAT KEEPS THROWING EVERYTHING OFF. ................. NEVER REALIZING ANYTHING INSIDE OF HIM AT ANY POINT, EXCEPT FOR LAST MINUTE OF JUST SEEING (OR THE WHO CARES ATTITUDE FROM EVERYTHING BEING MORE IMPORTANT and the nonsense, WHEN THIS IS HIGHLY IMPORTANT). EVEN WHEN HE DID KNOW FROM HIS PAIN, HE DIDN'T DO A THING in my pain. just ignored a lot and continued to make it even worse (BUT would do ANYTHING for anyone ELSE, for a CROOK). AS MANY THINGS WILL CONTINUE TO GET WORSE FROM THE ONLY ONE IN THIS KIND OF AGONY THAT WAS TRAPPED FOR SO LONG IN WHAT GOD DID. USUALLY IF A MAN IS HEAD OVER HEELS FOR A WOMAN, HE WILL GO THROUGH ANYTHING TO GET TO Her (but shows he never did). THIS IS DIFFERENT THAT IS THE OTHER PART OF THE SOUL THAT SHOULD ALREADY FEEL AND KNOW that's more, WHAT'S MASSIVE IN ITS ENTIRETY (UNLESS HE'S PLAYING ME, WHICH HE HAS). SOMETHING I WILL NEVER TOLERATE IN A SPLIT SOUL FROM THE AGONY ALL THIS TIME FROM MISSING IN LIFE WHO NEVER CARED. WHILE DEALING HERE ALL THOSE YEARS in nothing and THe OTHER HALF WOULD KNOW NOW THAT I CAN'T DEAL AND HAVEN'T TRULY BEEN ABLE TO BEING HALF A SOUL that's been fading. WHAT GETS WORSE AND SHOULD KNOW AND FEEL MORE IN THAT FROM BEING THE REST OF THE SOUL. the other half of his soul and mine, split from our entirety. :( -WHAT WILL BE TO THOSE THAT HAVE IGNORED WHAT IS REAL AND TRUE AND MORE FRAGILE NOW THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN ITS PLACE. what GETS more DIFFICULT for me from never having the other half there and all that scares me in him now (and things caused badly all that time). mostly from never having any words in what we are to each other that is the split soul etc. like he doesn't know anything and starting to find the other half more strange from this. what is already a part of us inside no one seems to use their brain and see real well, or better. or to understand me in my pain even more than this here now with the friend that has been very painful with all i'm going through (care enough). here that has been harsh and CRUDE a lot of times no one has seen that side with him. (half inside that it causes more of from his behavior every day that changes badly at times). What FLUCTUATES from ok good, to bad and decent, to the worst ever that causes massive ANXIETIES in me. from needing constantly the other half being scared and alone from all this does with never anyone truly good there for me. what STARTs to feel more like a stranger from giving me so many. what's causing TREMENDOUS more stress in me and sicker from him in my problems (doesn't realize what he does to me inside, never really has). just goes on like nothing happened, when i'm still hurting or not doing well (lost in his cyber life and phone). says he understands and then says i don't, but trying. who has been doing pretty much the same always here. EXCEPT the sorry thing later on that are far and few between on his devices, more attitude now. what is becoming worse and worse from being with this person that has caused a lot more pain and likes to twist things now in his way, from me being so lost and scared long ago that i didn't know too well in the "FRIEND" then (and really no one there then in what i was enduring more of or would believe, but more other things). who would even BELIEVE in my pain that's not right either for anyone, just utterly alone and tortured by those in everything that has been done (here too from being very VULNERABLE, lost and always scared, taken ADVANTAGE of in a lot from many lies). pain that can never heal, but gets worse from more. and how can it being split this long in nothing or healing? not knowing what was going on or who to trust, until god showed me the truth (i wonder why, makes total sense). What is not a true friend to me anywhere, but more like something from a long time ago that was prepared for me in the presence of the enemy (*enemies*). WHILE THE OTHER HALF CHOSE TO DO EVERYTHING IN THAT WORLD STILL FOR THEIR CONVENIENCE and his being lost, causing more pain THAT'S WRONG TO SOMETHING BEING TORN A PART IN A CREATION OF GOD, FOR SELFISH PEOPLE (BEING USED EXCESSIVELY). what he seems to like from a lot in that vanity he has become like in the worse way, because of those that took over his eyes and mind (this is STRETCHING it beyond and all the lies it goes with). what is vile to god since he was created differently in the way god had it in all its connection. but doesn't truly care from never being interested in his messed up soul (or me when he found that is a direct part of, just crushing it more as it goes). STILL CAUSING MORE PAIN AND THINGS TO GET WORSE, LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF YOURS TRULY (but controlled by SOMEONE personal). FROM LEAVING EVERYTHING IN LIFE THAT WE WERE (AND ME) FORGOTTEN, AND ALL THAT HE LET FAIL BADLY THAT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT IN US. AND SO WILL IT IN LIFE OF WHAT GOD DID FOR THAT PURPOSE THAT WASN'T DONE AND ALL THAT IT'S CONNECTED TO (OR ACCOMPLISHED FROM WHAT WAS PREDESTINED IN GOD'S WILL IN US from the split soul AND WHAT HE HAD FOR ME IN THIS SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCE TO BE THERE SO MUCH EARLIER, EACH OTHER). IGNORING EVERYTHING FOR HIS SELFISH WAYS OR THOSE OF OTHERS, INSTEAD OF FEELING MORE AND UNDERSTANDING more now in what we are. WHEN I ALWAYS *WANTED* AND *NEEDED* HIM, THE OTHER HALF OF MY SPLIT SOUL COMPLETELY FROM THE START AND DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO ALL OF LIFE. JUST TAKEN MORE ADVANTAGE OF by a lot and HERE FROM BEING SO LOST WITHOUT NO ONE TRULY THERE FOR ME (TO UNDERSTAND). UNTIL GOD SHOWED ME FROM BEING SO LOST AND PETRIFIED AS TIME WENT ON of what has been ALL WRONG from my fears. OR MAYBE I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH IN THE OTHER HALF'S MIND NOW (or for those ugly, selfish, nasty, greedy, grabby, dishonest and DISGRACEFUL people, his- o and i -personal- )! ~~ who thinks it knows him well from that c-, but in ACTUALITY they really don't in this (but more the basics and what they have seen on the surface for so long in him). that is for a regular whole soul they are easy to exam, because THEY are not looking too well in this. only his mother and those that actually raised him as a child would know him the best (in his case), but still split. the ones that were there then in how god had it for both. *especially* the other half of the soul that he is a part of in me he forgot (messing up our EMOTIONS completely in all). who i feel CONTINUOUSLY that is a direct connection to each other (part of). but imbalanced in all that it is from being a part too long IN WHAT GOD DID FROM ALL THAT HAS TRIED TO DESTROY this (and becoming very iffy from all i feel with him now in all that keeps happening). what seems one way and then like a lie and a stab in another in all i feel from him that has happened (and can't deal with this much more). which gets so much more difficult for me as this goes on (and the suffocation that they have all given me, especially him who forgot and left me to DROWN in pain from the connection he doesn't seem to ever pay much attention to). never a true word from him all that time in any way, just all the nonsense that becomes more damage from what this is and all that it has done to my side (affected all as well from his-- (and in how it has been that's bigger than words). what was not supposed to be that way from how god had it to be, but so much smoother. who he keeps fighting against that will destroy him in the end completely and with us (and DEFINITELY with god). it's funny how some people take a little information and think they know the person for life (unless the person opens up completely they know not much of anything, especially in this). like all those that are OBSESSED with him, mostly the ones that CONTROL his ways and more now than ever from using (what affects me within in every way that is wrong all that time and becomes unforgivable, especially with god (and for the whole world that will suffer even more). very wrong in something big god created that has been damaged this bad. not realizing the affects it causes that are massive inside me from the added pain and suffering within that's without the entirety of what it was supposed to be with. who forgot everything when it comes to his soul. -but already know they are messing with him big time. *they all deserve eternal torment for what they have done to me each one of them and what he has done to me . especially knowing he is DIFFERENT who i always felt in my fears was fake through the soul, but never wanted to believe it. never was SINCERE like i have been to him *completely* in all since finding the truth. why they have had all that time with his "friends" distracting the real truth in different things they do (when they don't even know him well from being split in the devil's pond), and how long it took with never a time with him all that time as things fade within (in the worse way). him never worried even a little in other things made worse in me and from all the massive stress and pain that never stops from being that part. - which has been more of a -sick- and depressing JOURNEY to find and be connected to someone like that full of lies and deceit, what he should already know that god detest liars (and that i could never go on). wHAT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IN SOMEONE real.* what has been delayed for far too long in this powerful creation that is a part of each other (within me and different in the two parts connected as one). what becomes UNABLE TO EVER RECONNECT WITH the other half in all he has caused in me as well, mostly from their DIRECTIONS in all they have injured (ESPECIALLY in me). what will be massive from not COMING back to where it was supposed to be and to heal. from what it has done inside and what it was here for to show in god's will. there will be no amount of anything to repay what has been done here as they continue, as god already sees and knows (and as daddy would say, people with common sense would know this too). but as i've seen, there's not many of those anymore who truly care. as they continue so will things get even worse from messing with the soul that has never been completed of what god established for life. just has been in a constant pain that gets bigger from the suffering within in all it has done all that time, depleted. what god had that was true and RIGHT and unable to truly function well without the entirety of which it is all a part of. these people don't think real well or care, unless the harm is being done to them do they really care. not right of what is completely DIFFERENT in this. only god knows everything in its completeness, especially in this from creating it for that purpose.~~ -- JUST TRYING TO UNDERSTAND A TINY BIT OF MY PAIN BEING CONNECTED TO HIM, WHEN HE HAS BEEN SO MUCH OF MY TEARS, troubles AND PAIN. IF HE EVEN CARES ENOUGH HE WOULD BE MORE CONSIDERATE AND UNDERSTAND A LOT OF WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THIS PAIN (all he has caused AND EVERYTHING ELSE HE STILL NEEDS TO know). WHAT IS YOUR VERY BREATHE THAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE (YOUR EVERYTHING). but never THERE WHEN HE KNEW AND NEEDED HIM, need him CLOSER IN THIS TO MAYBE GET BACK (BUT ALL HE DOES IS LEAVE THAT NEVER STOPS). STRETCHING EVERYTHING IN A DESTRUCTIVE WAY, instead of being there helping me and us back (but doesn't feel that much of all of it for me, breaks off EVER TIME as i start to feel DIFFERENT). which will never be right if he continues, more IMPOSSIBLE from the fears of being able to trust as well. just acts more irresponsible and selfish towards my feelings and an immature way they have kept him in that hollywood world. what has gone on and on, when he is a *split soul* he doesn't seem to care much about (never really has i don't think, because he goes back and forth that is so destructive and painful). and is becoming very stupid from those around him who i thought the other half was *very* smart. WHAT DESTROYS THE SOUL SO MUCH MORE INSIDE in everything you do from being the other part that is supposed to work together in everything as one and always be there (but has been DIFFERENT and so unsure from that alone). while i cater, die and serve all that time of being lost in nothing (which some that can see now, would be highly pissed in all i'v been through)! as the other half continues to wreck and injure his body, heart, mind and soul THAT threatens and wrecks mine from the complete connection to him (he may not care, but i do from the pain). LIKE SOME REALIZE HOW PRECIOUS LIFE IS IN EVERY BREATHE YOU TAKE AND A DREAM THAT'S TOO QUICK. LIFE, WHAT GOD CREATED PRECIOUS as well THAT MANY DON'T REALIZE. ESPECIALLY IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT IS MORE FRAGILE NOW AND ALWAYS WAS IN THAT SPECIAL CONNECTION that was supposed to find its way back faster. HELPING each other together that is getting more difficult, but the other half doesn't seem to mind for everything else and this doesn't work like that. when i can't hold on much longer like this. BUT HE STILL CAN'T SEEM TO REALIZE ANYTHING THAT'S IMMENSELY IMPORTANT (IN US), BECOMING LESS OF THE SAME WAY I USED TO FEEL WITH HIM FROM THE CONSTANT PAIN, TEARS AND FEARS OF FEELING AND BEING SO ALONE as that half soul, just LEFT. DON'T KNOW HOW HE COMPLETELY FEELS anymore, BESIDES THE MASSIVE FIRE BETWEEN US THROUGH THE SOUL FROM IGNORING EVERYTHING FOR TOO LONG. DOESN'T SHOW MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE IN THAT LOVE, WHICH IS FRIGHTENING FOR ME (AND NOT SURE ANYMORE SOON FROM MY FEARS THAT GET WORSE). WHAT WAS ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER SIDE BY SIDE IN EVERYTHING THAT GOD DID THAT STAYS TRUE to ONE ANOTHER (AND DON'T KNOW FROM HIS BLANKNESS MOST OF THE TIME THAT STILL DOES NOTHING). 17&37 DADDY WOULD KNOW UNTIL THE FLESH TOUCHES HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING IT'S REAL AND FEEL more COMFORTABLE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP AND BE THERE for each other to start healing (BOTH SIDES WITH THE DIFFERENT DOUBTS, BUT WORSE IN ME FROM WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH THAT STILL NEVER CHANGES. -***IF HE TRULY LOVES AND WANTS, HE WILL NOT LET GO AND FINALLY SEE THE TRUTH OF THIS BY GETTING AWAY FROM ALL THAT HOLDS HIM IN THAT WORLD (NOT BE AFRAID ANYMORE THAT GETS WORSE FOR ME FROM NOT HAVING THAT STABILITY). THE SOUL CANNOT GO ON WITHOUT THE REST OF IT THERE AND WOULD KNOW THAT PART. AS IT CONTINUES EVERYTHING CLOSES UP FROM THE SPLIT SOUL IN ME IN THE PAIN THAT GETS UNBEARABLE (AND UNABLE). WHAT GOD CREATED THAT IS RIGHT AND TRUE IN THE OTHER HALF AS WELL, TO STAY AWAKE WITH ME. WHAT WILL BE CONDEMNED FOREVER LIKE A LOT and HIM as well DOING WRONG IN THE SOUL TO ME. WHO HAS BECOME DIFFERENT IN THAT WORLD THAN ANYTHING OF WHAT GOD CREATED IN HIM (FROM WHAT HE WAS AND IS). DOESN'T TAKE NO 8 YEARS TO FIGURE OUT THINGS OF GOD WHEN YOU ARE A PART OF IT THAT'S REAL AND TRUE (UNLESS YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE THE TRUTH from WORLDLY ways). NOT EVEN A YEAR FOR STUPID PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND IN SOMETHING POWERFUL like this AND YOU AND DADDY WOULD KNOW THAT. HIS WORDS MEAN EVERYTHING TO THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL IF THEY'RE REAL. HAS NEVER SPOKEN A WORD AND TIME WILL BE UP (BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY IN EVERYTHING). HE SHOULD KNOW HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM AND HOW IT'S CHANGING FROM ALL HE HAS NEGLECTED, AS THINGS GET SLIMMER FOR HIM IN US (and know he wouldn't like me with another). I KNOW HE GETS SCARED IN MY REACTIONS AND GETS UPSET TOO FROM NEVER HAVING OR UNDERSTANDING SOMETHING TRUE (OR REALLY CARING IN ALL HE DOES FROM THE MISSING IN HIM THAT IS DIFFERENT IN THE MAN, BUT STILL UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES FROM THE WHOLE CONNECTION GOD DID). HE SHOULD UNDERSTAND A LITTLE MORE IN ME NOW. BUT IF HE TRULY FELT A REAL MASSIVE LOVE INSIDE FOR THE OTHER HALF, HE WOULD UNDERSTAND A LOT BETTER MY PAIN AND WHY I'M SO SCARED TOO, AND SLOWLY CLOSING THAT DOESN'T FEEL WELL ANYMORE (ESPECIALLY NOW). DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE TO BE MORE AFRAID OF HIM THAT'S DESTROYING EVERYTHING INSIDE ME. JUST SCARED FROM BEING FORGOTTEN BY THE REST OF THE SOUL ALL THAT TIME AFTER HE WAS FOUND AND OTHERS DOING THINGS AGAINST IT (AS HE CONTINUED ON). FROM THE LIES IN SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAT WAS SPLIT FOR GOD'S PURPOSE, AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE AND FOR ITS TIME (SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN SO MUCH IN THAT, WHEN HE SHOULD FEEL THAT PART INSIDE OF HIM, OR BE A BIG SURPRISE FROM THE PAIN he carries). WHO MOST THINK HE IS THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE, WHEN THEY TRULY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS ALREADY A PART OF IN EACH OTHER THROUGH THE SOUL TOGETHER WITH HIM. HOW HE AND-- HAS DESTROYED THE SOUL SO MUCH MORE FROM THE START AND NEVER TRUTHFULLY CARED ONCE. ABOUT WHAT IS REAL AND TRUE, TO LIVE LIFE AND BE WHOLE (TRUE FREEDOM). BUT DON'T BELIEVE IN HIM ANYMORE from all the pain he always causes and never wanted me in this. MAYBE HE WANTS IT HIS WAYS IN THAT WORLD AND NOT THE REST OF HIS SOUL WHO he IS DESTROYING MORE EVERY DAY (WASN'T A CHOICE, BUT WHAT IS ALREADY A PART OF THAT SHOULD HAVE ALREADY FELT it and know). NEVER WANTS PEACE, BUT THE WORST WHO IS THE WORST IN NOT SEEING WHAT HE HAS DONE IN EVERYTHING. ................. --DON'T KNOW WHO IS CAUSING THE MOST PAIN THE FRIEND NOW THAT HAS BEEN MASSIVE WITH ALL THE EXCUSES EVERY DAY AND ALL I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS AGAINST WHO AND WHAT I AM. AGAINST MY WILL FOR ALONG TIME OF KNOWING AND THE FRIEND SAYING IT WILL BE ALL TAKEN CARE OF, BUT THINGS ALWAYS GO WRONG OR BLOCKED IN LIFE AND GETTING TIRED OF LIFE. AND WHATEVER ELSE IS DRIVING IT ALL HERE. OR ALL THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL HAS REJECTED IN WHO I AM TO HIM OF WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT IS DIFFICULT TO EXCEPT ANYMORE. ALL THE OTHER HALF HAS DONE TO ME KEEPING ME THIS WAY FROM WHATEVER HE HAS BEEN maybe MESSING WITH (?). IT SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THAT AT ALL WITH HIM FROM ALL I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THROUGH LIFE (AND GETTING REAL COLD FOR ME). BUT I WILL KNOW THE TRUTH WITH GOD AND DADDY IF HE DOESN'T GIVE IT UP. BECAUSE THAT NIGHT FELT SOMETHING BAD AGAIN IN WHATEVER ELSE IS AROUND THAT TRIES TO KEEP ME BLOCKED AND THINGS I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR A LONG TIME (THAT DESTROYS MORE EMOTIONALLY). IT'S WHAT HAPPENS EVEN MORE BEFORE THE OTHER HALF LEAVES TO WHEREVER HE WANTS. FOLLOWED BY ALL THE PAIN and stings I GET FROM HIM IN THE LEFT SHOULDER AND BACk THROUGH THE SOUL, A LOT MORE LATELY THAT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD IN THAT WITH HIM (AND DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS LIKE THAT WITH THE OTHER HALF OF his SOUL in me). AS HE GOES FOR TOO LONG OF A TIME AWAY FROM THE SOUL AND WHAT IT DOES INSIDE THAT DEVASTATES EVERYTHING WITHIN from the SEPARATION and pull. WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE TOGETHER AND NEVER ALONE (GOD KNOWS THAT FROM HOW *HE* CREATED THE SOUL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SIDE BY SIDE AND showed from my deep pain i couldn't understand). DADDY KNOWS IT COMPLETELY NOW IN ME AND IN THE OTHER HALF. THAT I WAS SPLIT FROM THE OTHER HALF AND WHERE I WAS truly SUPPOSED TO BE IN ALL GOD CREATED AND DID between the two halves (and TO HELP MY WAY). WHICH DADDY NEVER WANTED ME TO BE HERE or alone AND KNEW IT WASN'T EVER RIGHT. BUT ALSO FELT HE KNEW MORE IN LIFE CLOSER TO THE END WHEN HE CRIED AND SEEM HE DIDN'T WANT TO SCARE ME MORE THAN I ALREADY WAS. NOT KNOWING WHAT TO REALLY SAY FROM ALL HE ALREADY SAW FROM MY PAIN THAT PAINED HIM MORE. AND YOU WOULD KNOW THAT TOO IN YOUR SIGN. THE SPLIT SOUL THAT HAS CAUSED A LOT OF PROBLEMS IN ME, ESPECIALLY HERE THIS WAY WHEN I AM THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL TO HIM to be there (AND WHY HAS HE BEEN AGAINST IT AND EVERYTHING HAS BEEN AGAINST ME IN LIFE, BESIDES THE OBVIOUS OF THE EVIL POWER)? NOTHING TO HELP ME GET TO WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE (OR TRUE SUPPORT, why)? EXCEPT FOR GOD, DADDY AND know YOU do too. SOME DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON and some don't care or BELIEVE in my matter. or all i'm going through with the person here that gets worse, will get to the very worse point for me if it continues with him. wasn't supposed to be here with him in his delusions of being a friend that never really helped (like was said differently then from him). when i was totally different and anyone else can see that by looking in that part if he can't. more desperation of someone there with him then from having no one and things he said to me then, and me just being scared not knowing what to do that was more panic then. what he knew from some of the fears in me (and has told me many times now that he has known, to be quiet WHEN I'M CRYING OR IN PAIN (OR SHUT UP WHEN HE GETS WORSE OR VULGAR). what i can't help from how god did this through the soul that wasn't supposed to be like this now and as i fade. which shows he never understood in this or my pain. not much of god either as he says he does. when all he does is hooked up more to the world and that TECHNOLOGY all day long. ignored most of time and throws out a few words once AN AWHILE when he takes a slight break from it all. UNLESS i'm serving or it BENEFITS. WHATEVER causes how he gets that can be worse at times. which i don't need now, especially the massive stress with heart and other right now. but need someone REALLY there truthfully i can trust more kindly and caring, not just say it here and there (realizing things of god better and respecting). plenty of DISRESPECT if you can see, while the massive THINGS going on inside not many can understand (except the ones with a better mind). to get away in something better somewhere to help my pain (or WILL BE worse for everything by god). a better peace since daddy from the start from the constant pain that got worse, ESPECIALLY WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THIS HERE FROM THE START. daddy was right about the evil jealousy BACK THEN BY A LOT and directed mostly at me (THIS IS THE REST OF THE SOUL IN TWO PARTS THAT GOD DID, NOT A REGULAR GUY MEETS GIRL). WHICH MAKES MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD REAL STUPID thinking he's a regular soul (ESPECIALLY THe ONE OUT THERE CAUSING MORE PAIN and thinking it's ok). what makes you shudder and a lot more.
----- 20- THE MORE MY WORDS ARE TOUCHED IN MY PAIN AND TAKEN AWAY HERE FROM MY SIDE OF THE SOUL AND WHAT HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT'S TRUE, GOD WILL TAKE AWAY EVEN MORe. my freedom of speech in my part of the soul from being this way locked up in pain all of life with no real care or understanding (and here that has been very unhealthy for me and what Mom wanted to know). WHAT DEALS WITH MY VERY LIFE and pain that has never been talked about to family and what they were supposed to know too, and all I have endured!!!! What God wanted me to do and get to, to the other part of the soul (before it falls a part even more and did, *and to show my truth*). Just because he never felt much in our soul for me, doesn't mean the split soul between him and I isn't real. Which you and Daddy would know completely now that he is the other part to me (and the things that you, mom and Daddy felt in me then you couldn't understand). Which I also believe now, that he felt nothing more than the counter part to him within the soul and all that is being destroyed (that *seems* to see it more like a threat from not understanding the rest in this that is a part of, or in my pain). what is of God and all that has been directed this way since a child, in all that was done from the beginning (including Daddy there that kept me going and a couple others). Which was nothing more than the other half coming to see and spy from afar, but always leaving. When I could never look up from my fears of always needing him there, but always gone that's changed his mind (and him not wanting what he feels inside that scared me more). Which makes no sense in us from this connection, but because of this world that has changed him more in his eyes. I Had a specific direction in life by God in that connection that was missing (to show), and all that was set from being so lost since a child (that was to get to as well). But everything was blocked for me in life from my true path, including the other half and all that kept me this way from moving forward (and didn't understand much in me at all). Who has been so misunderstood THROUGHOUT LIFE.
<3 <3 <3 I LOVE MOM VERY MUCH AND KNOW NOW ALL SHE WENT THROUGH BY GOD, AS WELL AS OTHER THINGS THAT PAINED HER THAT SHE SAW AND DIDN'T UNDERSTAND (AND ALL THAT TIME LOST WITH HER THAT I NEEDed). But will always be her little girl too and Ton ton's Gamble girl (always remember why he called me that when I was born). ---ACCORDING TO THE OTHER HALF EVERYONE IS AN ACTOR (WHO NEVER KNEW ME OR MY LIFE IN ALL I HAVE ENDURED, or even mattered). THIS ISN'T AN ACT, BUT THE TRUTH HERE OF MY PAINFUL LIFE AND WHAT GOD WANTED ME TO do and SHOW THAT IS ALSO PART OF MY JOURNEY (AND TAKING THAT AWAY MESSES MORE WITH WHO I AM AND EVERYTHING ELSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AND BE). All I went through that had no words then and all they wanted to understand. WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WITH NOTHING (LOST), AND IN ALL GOD DID in me THAT WON'T BE GOOD TO THOSE IN THAT END, especially the ones that don't believe and have gone against this (MESSING WITH MY HEALTH AND WELL BEING even more AND what IT DOES inside). :( WITHOUT HIS ACTING HE IS STILL A SPLIT SOUL that was very LOST, DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. HE NEVER KNEW HOW TO BE REAL, KIND OR ANYTHING TO THE REST OF THE SOUL FROM BEING CONTROLLED BY OTHERS IN A MORE CORRUPTED WORLD (SINCE THE BEGINNING OF FINDING AND SHOWING him). who has made me feel more violated and how he is in his half of the soul that never learned from that world. WHILE HARMING MORE INSIDE of ME ALL THAT TIME THAT KEPT ME AWAY FROM THINGS I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET TO AND NEEDED THERE (MISSED OUT IN A LOT FROM THIS AND THE PAIN, SORRY). :( LIKE I'M NOT GOING THROUGH ENOUGH FROM LOSING SO MUCH, ESPECIALLY THIS WAY HERE FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF OTHERS IN HIM THAT HAS WRECKED MORE IN ME FROM THEIR WAYS. WHAT VERY FEW UNDERSTAND IN THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING (but only want to say it here from not being able to talk to you before and have that right). WHAT GOD SHOWED THAT HAS BEEN lacking IN WHAT HE CREATED IN both parts together (DISGRACE TOWARDS THIS AND ME, and *God*). WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG in everything for me and MY PAIN THAT GETS WORSE WITHOUT. HOW I HAVE BEEN KEPT WITH NOTHING THAT *TRULY* UNDERSTANDS OR CARES and the one who forgot (BUT WISH I HAD SOMEONE THAT DID AND WOULD). Someone truthful and REAL.
--- Part of the end to this and because of Daddy. The other half has done nothing all this time and has had no true feelings, but humiliate me from all he has ignored in his shallow reasoning with others (doesn't know who he really is inside and never did). Just a big ego. All he has caused through the soul in me knowing more that's a devastating affect. What is continually from needing the rest that is a part of each other, and all he has caused from the pain that never stops. But more what it causes with time of never being completed and in its place. What gets worse and no fixing anymore of where it was supposed to be. Just an act and a lie from him in how he has been towards me in the rest of the soul (worse than a stranger all that time). Has been Fake, when i've been real and dying more (and if that goes what God will do in a lot). And know all he sends that has been real negative towards me of never wanting what is true, when I always have (becoming more difficult to recognize anymore from when I first found him in his heart and half of the soul, but have been true to those feelings to him through the soul). --How that has affected the extension in a negative way as well for his life knowing and seeing this truth (feeling some of it too). from this unique circumstance I've had to deal with through time with him as well of why the other half was like that watching me deteriorate (from the connection to the other half and the mindset now in what he needed too). I now know exactly what Daddy would have said and thought of the other half from knowing and seeing my whole life that's not good or right, from all the pain that has been caused towards me in life (and what he is to me that was big). what I was truly here for And all I'm going through alone. as well as what i have been through here that should have not been this way. Especially me going through all of this to find the other half that was so lost and a lost journey. And all that has been done towards me by him for just reaching out and telling the truth of what I am to him. Some of my private feelings were told from the beginning of this to him and a true love like no other that was supposed to be in what God did (and how it was all designed and connected to in this special soul). The rest of the soul that should have not been anything like this towards each other, but together in everything. What he let suffer that is a part of him in his existience that could never function well either without the rest of the soul. What was always needed in both halves to strive and grow long ago together (but could tell he has done none of that in that world with those obstructing everything that he truly is and was supposed to be with). What he devastated more away and faded in everything. But was to truly live, to survive and connect back fast, besides the truth of what God did that has been shunned in the world (and you would know what that means).
What all Deals with my life, -health- and very existience that he has made worse in all i'm dealing with here. What Daddy and others that know would want me to say and do from the pain I have endured that has been killing me more, besides other things (and with the other half now that has been worse in the soul for a reason). How I could never truly live life, but try to survive in a bad situation that has kept me all wrong and still endure that is against God in what was right. from the soul missing and the one that was supposed to -always- be there that slowly made it worse inside from forgetting who he is and was supposed to be (especially now in all i needed, need). what causes massive damage inside from being unfinished with time of what the split soul is and all connected to in what was done. no one ever seeing the truth that damaged me more here from being a split soul like this to the other half who never cared for me in life in where he is (what became darker in that world). who could never see his true place in where he belongs, mostly from being so lost himself and others in that world that lead him even more wrong for their pleasures. God wanted me to tell the truth as was shown what I needed to do, before it's too late, and from my suffering of being so lost and scared all of life (unique). and in other things from all that was designed in this, deals with Mom and Daddy too. The -hope- :( i completely lost through time in all God did in this for that purpose, and *one* last chance to seek *him* in what was done for the world to see. the platform before the fall.
555 the other half that allowed all that important time to fade FOR ME so long HERE with the friend in all that was caused more of, and still is (what has been unhealthy in every way). leaving me with an unfamiliar face and place that has mostly done wrong and harm from the starT towards a lot in me. MOSTLY VERY BAD DISTRESS AND FEARS OF FEELING MORE LOST and TRAPPED (not being able to ever be my true self around this person in how i was). still dealing with THE STRESS OF LAST NIGHT that is still on going inside IN things i had to take care that AFFECTS ME MORE from being half AND affects the extension in seeing me still being put through this here (and says i shouldn't have to anymore by seeing me and all it has done, who has a good heart like daddy). and literally says the name of whos fault it is seeing me like that and in his pain in all I'VE DEALT WITH, AND he has dealt with from being all wrong HERE too. besides the friend CAUSING most OF THE THINGS THAT HAVE CAUSED MORE TRAMA IN ME in things I WAS PUT THROUGH FROM THE START OF BEING WRONGLY HERE (in little things every day and big things alot of times with him in all he doesn't see or understand). don't know how to talk to him many times in my pain he calls something else he doesn't get (but other things it's ok, not always). and as things got worse with time in me who (he) is not that sensitive in my feelings at times that feels like i'm walking on broken glass. unless it's something that suits him at the time, but not too much of my pain and then it's ok. which causes more agony in me from what i am that is powerful and painful with this kind of person (all that was kept inside of me before knowing was painful enough, but never healing in much of anything). things he will never understand in me from how he has always been (i was too scared to see anything then from running and trusting the person in my fears). has never had any true respect here for me or in how i've been as time gets taken (or goes). just nicer when i'm giving or doing things to help him and have always been like that since i first got here. when i'm the one dying now and always was (and in need of that special person who understands way better). otherwise it's just are you ok and keeps going on with his devices that's too cold for me with sadness many times. or the pain inside when actually looking at me in my need as it keeps fading in me, but then goes back like i'm doing ok or fine (and says he doesn't do that). never knew anyone like this before and tried to painfully deal with a lot through time that has gone back and forth. what was a worse change towards me and around after knowing what i am of things he doesn't understand well in me in those delicate feelings now as well. in seeing more of my pain too who is not that sensitive or affectionate enough for me to be around in my matters from the start (and the way it's been here that messes up more of me each day from the other half in those he seems to worship). never been calming for me here, but when i was around certain things or people like daddy then. didn't know what to do THEN in this confusion back then and how it scared me FROM ALL I WAS DEALING WITH INSIDE THE SOUL TOO. WHAT I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND FROM NOT HAVING ANYONE THERE LOST, he never understood well in me at any point IN ALL HE WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS (to come here and stay in things he would say). now everything feels even more like a disaster for me every day (a big dark storm). what causes more fears and should have never had to DEAL WITH THIS kind of STRESs being half a soul THAT'S unable. BUT SOMEONE THERE TO TAKE CARE OF THOSE MATTERS THAT HAVE DESTROYED ME MORE HERE AND noone ever there for me OR TO SEE in all i go through. more distress that gets worse inside my health too THAT affects everything IN AND OUT (AND NEVER GUESSED THIS IS WHAT I WAS GOING TO DEAL WITH IN LIFE all thIS time AND TO CATER TO IN EVERYTHING FROM SOMEONE I DIDN'T KNOW WELL THAT NEVER SEEMS TO STOP TO be able to FIND MYSELF, UNTIL IT all DIES FOR GOOD). what is beyond wrong with God and to my half of the soul in all that I AM AND WAS created AS (and belongs to). what it does now in this stage that is over the limit with god in this kind of suffering that was left to die AND NEGLECTED, because of the other half AND WITH others. all the strings that are pulled in him (he doesn't feel or care anymore), but i DO AND AM affected in everything being connected to him THAT IS even more scarIER now. is there a part of me that hasn't been soiled by misery? by being connected to a wretched HALF soul WITH HIM that sends nothing but pain and something else weird NOW. which i can't tell anymore if it's jealousy or something else. what the evil destroyed in him IN THAT WORLD and WITH THOSE OTHERS THAT HAVE CHANGED HIM DIFFERENTLY THAN what he was supposed to be for me (need that was created for each other). the evil power that tries to destroy everything good gOD DOES, IN OUR TIE AND CONNECTION. WHAT gOD CREATED TO SHOW THIS LAST TRUTH AND IN ALL THAT WAS DONE to make it somewhat through (NOT A CAKE WALK IN ANY WAY, but scary). the fears that will never stop now in me that i never felt like that when i first found him and needed him in every way to help it not get worse inside, and more with all that was being caused to me here that seems to get worse. the other half DIDN'T SEEM THe WAY he is now from when i found him AT THE START, BUT I GUESS IT WAS ALL for show then (didn't feel a thing for me, but the notion i was connected to him with those feelings between each other from the soul). A BIG SHOW for him TO SEE THE TRUTH AND THE LIES (what he has never truly been dedicated to). the other half of the split soul never understood all of it or that time that goes by THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND DEALS WITH EVERYTHING, or in how God had it set for that time. when he was supposed to be able to say the truth from the other half of the soul in me THERE AND to SUPPORT AND be beside ALWAYS with no fear. WHAT WAS ALWAYS DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO DO is to SAY THE TRUTH in what he is and feels. when he is not alone anymore and a big part of each other. to be brave and true with me and let the words fall out. i was always here with him, because of God. what has caused me to live in only fears and pain through the soul for a long while BEING THIS WAY, but even bigger now from all i went through here with nothing ever there (besides other pain) in all this time that was supposed to have healed a little IN ITS PLACE (TO THOSE PLACES TOGETHER). why i was supposed to get back quickly before it got worse FROM ALL THE MASSIVE SIGNS THEN, but unable to because OF him and all that took over (and can't recognize anything good with him now or trust). only God knows the full extent of this agony and misery in all it does and has done to me from the other side, and of this soul you can see more now connected to him as it all fades. Which isn't good in me or right in anything with God (or those things that were never done by the other half in him, in life and to be put right). WHAT IT'S ALL DOING TO ME HERE IS DESTROYING WHAT'S LEFT IN Me.
311--the other half doesn't belong to that world or anything else, but to God and the other part of the soul in me that it was created for (to function well in life in everything). what God had completely for each other to complement, help and support all that was missing. What the other half was supposed to be and there for, and to take care of the right side of the soul that is even more damaged from this (in that boy and girl that were never completed). to take care of each other together and there always, before it's all gone. what belongs to each other in how it was created that is the first part in him. who was supposed to take care of that second part in me that was to find him. what was so lost in me and more in nothing (no support that was more alone, and the evil against it in all i went through). what belongs to his soul that is a part of everything (inside) within him that was never completed as well (but has attacked his other half creating bigger problems in the soul within me). what he has sent a lot of and negative feelings after intimate good feelings that becomes depressing for me (and wish not again from the stress he gives and what it does in me now). what becomes more scarier to ever be with him as he keeps going against something true and right in what God did that is a part of one another (and know he is scared too, but me even more that needed his support and hands (arm to finally help walk out of the woods). and don't need to explain to you what i feel like now in what he has made me feel like all that time (and those he follows). when he is very different and part of something new (who they have blocked his view in a lot about himself). he has to be whole to completely sell himself to something or someone, who is only part in him (the other part is in me that is massively affected)! has known this notion and where for a long while that has caused a lot more pain instead, as well as those around him that cause more. the other half who never knew better or cared from being so lost in life mixed up with the wrong people (in those that still lead him wrong, but still goes along). no true thought (words) from him of what he is to the rest of his soul that helps nourish in everything. who still doesn't think well enough in all it does each day and moment for me that goes by like this or in all that time (to both sides of the soul). just continues in what he thinks or they make him think from being in that world in what he should do or be like. when he is a split soul connected and should be who he truly is. like the pain here that has been nothing, but darkness and sadness that turns everything wrong (never have truly seen the sun or water the way i did before coming here, you would remember how i was). not completed of what God already had for him too. but more now what the other half neglected and took for granted all that time. has never really cared, because of others that still control his way from all he sends that is more damaging for me.
777-77-37 none of them understand him well in how he feels or can save him from the truth in the end. but only God and the rest of the soul that was appointed to here and now (is a part of in every way in each other). what isn't the same as anything else from being connected in two parts as one. what becomes more devastating and damaging when it is not completed or balanced in what God did and had that was set through the soul for its place and time (and for each other to help in every way). truth is what fixes this in a lot of the pain and the first steps towards healing for both. what is very difficult for him to say while he destroys me in every way that will never be able with him. *truth* not difficult to do if you have the person by your side that will never leave you and always there (like it should have been). if he is willing to admit the truth of what he is. 333 there will come a POINT that there is no more chances or forgiveness with God in anything from not caring and going against what was always true and a part of if that passes or never finished (and in those rightful ways that were already there, in anything in life that was left in God's words that were shown right from wrongs). doesn't matter what it is if not fixed quicker from life being short. God who is a love beyond everything. especially in something like this that is very precious and more fragile now from so much in all that's fading inside the soul (and the need). what was never completed that is already a part of each other in every way, and all it does (and scary to have had that kind of person that is a part of you with the mindset they corrupted more in that world). one who forgot and doesn't care about anything else, but money and fame (that will not be good). who hasn't been a real man ever, but more immature because of others (or kind to the one he is connected to). 1 1 everything he HAS done has been against the truth (his truth and pain HE HOLDS SO MUCH OF IN HOW HE FEELS FROM MISSING INSIDE). just to keep his name in lights IN THAT world (and those who have controlled him knowing what he is for a long time). What has done nothing but wreck so much INSIDE. when he is much bigger than the gloss of fame OF "hollywood". those that have tried to change the truth their way of what he was truly here for. what he was appointed to and for by God in what was done, but everything that has debased him of what he truly is and always was (with the other half IN ME). what doesn't ever change, just becomes worse in a huge way from the power of what it was meant to be and always was IN WHAT GOD CREATED. ALL THAT WAS OBSTRUCTED BY those the evil works through as well. what God doesn't stand for in any way in something that is an intricate (1 1) part of each other not many understand (or try to). what has been hindered by so many. mostly in that world that has caused massive damage from being part of and apart so long in all that time, and all that has taken from this creation. who have known what i am and he is (what we are to each other). and all he has acted like and caused massive harm to that part of the soul in me he never cared about (kept away for so long from the start and all the extra harm and here still). what is true and real and all it's doing in everything he has hurt inside of me.
:(
:(
611 ~~~ ~~~ the other half who thinks he has been clever towards me and those that control him (and all he has put down), like i can't see those (including him). who have been messing with things they don't understand or in me, and those appointed times (and him that goes along with those that do not fly with God). the disrespect from the other half has been outstanding, *painful* and unbelievable! doesn't realize what he will lose forever and himself or those that have messed with his mind and things they can't seem to comprehend (or in me). what has been against me and the truth of what i am (and against God in all that was done). all that will be accountable in the end with God even more, besides in life for messing with the soul in me, as he has heard nothing from my suffering and pain. diminishing me in everything i was supposed to be from this (in that woman and what he has done against it inside now). what has been frozen in the girl still. i have been nothing to him from the start. or his course would have changed long ago from the truth alone (what he didn't like from having other things hidden). would have been away from those that have controlled, used and harmed him more through the evil that guides him in that world (keeps). the hold it has on him that affects me right now from being connected to him in everything inside! ---and if the evil takes him, it will be a trillion times worse for him than he thought he had it in life (won't be able to change anything). before he gets it even bigger with God from choosing all wrong and never seeing what is right and true (right in front of him). I COULD HAVE BEEN GONE AS A CHILD, BUT WAS HERE FOR HIM AND WHAT GOD HAD THAT WAS TO BE DONE in what *he* created that is different (AND TO HEAL IN IT'S RIGHTFUL PLACE OF WHAT I AM, and him). what was there for him in everything in me and the love that he ruined so much more. now needs so much more care and help from the pain he has caused in me and trust he lost more of (still has some, but it's dying fast). what will be eternally painful of what God throws into that fire that has no number in no chance in all that was good and right (in him). when messing and going against the soul and things of God that was done sacredly, eternally and true, and for that purpose (as well as, for each other that it belongs to). anything else won't be acceptable with God when it is a massive part of one another to grow, thrive, help and continue on (life). Like many it already has taken them in the way they are that can't see to change for the better, just a matter of time. what will become an enemy to God as well in him if he continues all wrong. and won't have access or anything like this to ever help him, free (only because of God, *His* love). the evil one that has a hold on him (firm grip). and will not help rid of it in how he has become inside towards me i don't understand in that negativity now and malice, unless that changes (because all i have had for him since the beginning of finding was love, and pure pain from him with weirdness). and don't know from those anxieties that i keep having from him if i ever want to rejoin, which will be very bad (you know). unless he stops and the truth is said (told) of what he is that affects me in everything behind the curtain (or in the corner alone). it's from all the abuse he has given to me through the soul with others from the start, and his words felt. things i'm having problems trusting and dealing with too (but trying). when i trusted him close to completely from the start of finding him, from being the other half of the soul i thought felt the same. All I have been through and now him that has made me feel the *worst* being the other part. he didn't ever truly seem to like the rest of his soul from the start (just the persona they made more of or worsened in him). So he better stop acting like those he has followed from that world and to the way he truthfully is supposed to be (what he already is by God). Because God Himself knows everything (heart, mind AND SOUL, EVERYONES) and won't except anything less from him (IN this) being totally different and linked to another (unique). and those are also the words from what he has put me through even more for the past 8 years, because of others (mostly) on how he has developed in that world that led him wrong (his soul that is supposed to come first in his other half he is eternally connected to, before anything and everything but God). nOT IN A CONTROLL FREAK WAY LIKE THAT OF THE EVIL WORLD THEY TAUGHT HIM IN, BUT IN A RESPECTABLE AND CARING WAY. TRUTHFUL, HONEST, DEVOTION AND MORE TO EACH OTHER THAT IS THE TWO HALVES gOD CREATED AS ONE SOUL (RESPECT). IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING GOOD AND TRUE IN ME HE STRIKES DOWN AND HURTS (BACK AND FORTH WITH HIS EMOTIONS THAT ARE DAMAGING ME MORE). LIKE HIS MIND TAUGHT HIMSELF FROM HIS pain that things wrong are good. which will BE HIS SAD AND BIGGEST MISTAKE IF IT DOESN'T CHANGE TO THE REAL TRUTH THAT gOD CREATED HIM AS. WITHOUT the truth of what he is, God won't ever look at lies. the biggest *he* detest is liars that leads to everything false and wrong. always knows the heart, mind and soul and knows when it's unknowing or intentional, rightful or wrong. From creating everything RIGHT AND TRUE, INCLUDING LIFE AND THOSE THAT TRULY VALUE IT AND CAN SEE MUCH MORE.
722, 1033, 3722 what is part of, but different (different sides of the whole) to complete the entirety of what is missing. for its purpose and in its place that it was created for. irreplaceable of what God created in that special power. all the other half forgot, Forgot about the Father and more (don't forget the Father). 1322, 1222 and it doesn't work like that, especially with God. MUST BE TRUTHFUL FIRST. don't feel i can ever get through anything with him FROM HOW QUICKLY HE REACTS SO BADLY AND NEVER SEES OR LISTENS TO TRUTH calmer (and the way he has treated it all like crap). maybe earlier definitely in how God had it and was supposed to get back fast as things got worse (getting), and now that was supposed to be better for us. needed him always there that was supposed to help walk from the fears and how i still feel from when i was brought here. but the other half NEVER came or CHANGES RIGHTFULLY (to what is real). this year and what has been going on with him for a little while that is something i can't (if, IF). from the pain he has CAUSED MORE OF THAT TAKES AWAY WHAT WAS A PART OF ME AND SUPPOSED TO BE (and to be there, especially now). wHAT MESSES WITH THE SOUL EVEN MORE AFTER HIM KNOWING for a long painful time, but hiding things against his soul (other half in me). to make it look like he cared and everything is great (or coming). nothing is great, unless it's right and true (especially in this that takes so much from you in pain from the other side of the soul). what is different and something new (why he has been sooo lost). not like all i suffered here even more not many seem to hear or see (and wasn't supposed to from this agonizing pain, but someone supportive and real through seeing this). but it's how the other half made it worse instead of better. went from acting a certain way in caring through the soul that it depends on, to totally treating me so much worse inside that i couldn't understand what the heck was going on (but showed in higher things more). if you can't trust your soul that is a part of you in a big way, then who can you trust? when i have been completely honest and truthful with him from the start (and him wrong, sneaky and dirty towards me with malice STILL). instead of understanding and truthful in helping each other through everything always (FIGHTING FOR WHAT WE ARE, but AM CONNECTED TO THIS HEARTLESS OTHER HALF and where he gets it). AND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE for A LOT TO SEE. from the LONG PAINFUL PATH to get to him I WENT THROUGH MORE OF (TO save IN THE TRUTH). when he gave himself to everything else in lies (but it's more now, not the past where he was lost then and didn't know much of anything). what he doesn't own completely, but to both sides of the soul respectfully together (and belongs to God). belongs to the Father first, as he forgot all of it (CREATED) or changes badly from this (and for those that are all wrong in taking something that is not the same). WHAT IT DOES INSIDE TO THE DIFFERENT SIDES THAT IS ONE together. the pain from being part of the soul with him that feels more alone now AND BADLY ABUSED INSIDE (can see). no true understanding in another person i could cope better. :( things the other half still GOES against and does DIFFERENTLY THAT WORRIES ME (BEING IN THAT SICK WORLD MOSTLY WITH THOSE THAT HAVE CONTROLLED HIS WAY AND MIND). WHAT IS AWAY FROM WHO HE truly IS WITH OTHERS THAT DON'T KNOW HIM INSIDE, BUT STILL TRY TO CHANGE HIM FROM WHAT HE ALWAYS WAS AND IS (AND WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR THE OTHER HALF IN ME IN EVERYTHING). THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE GIRL. tO HELP IN EVERY WAY THAT GETS DIFFICULT NOW (AND BOTH). WHAT WILL BE TOO LATE AS HE TRULY HAS NEVER CARED, REALLY CARED FOR HIS OTHER HALF (but wants everything to care for him IN FORGETTING WHO HE IS, which will change from all he keeps doing inside of me still). it's HOW HE STILL TRYS TO CHANGE himself in the PUBLIC EYE WHEN HE KNOWS WHO HE IS FOR A LONG TIME (AND THIS IS SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT SUFFERS CONSTANTLY WITH NO CARE HERE). BUT ALWAYS STAYS FOR THOSE AND THEIR CONVENIENCE FROM THE FAME (AND HIS WHICH WILL END, ESPECIALLY ALL HE HAS THROWN AWAY FROM THE COST IN THE SOUL FOR ANOTHER). BECAUSE MY FEELINGS AND SUFFERING IN THIS DON'T MATTER ALL OF LIFE TO ANYONE FROM NOONE KNOWING. WHAT WILL BE TOO LATE FOR THOSE IN HIS "SMART PEOPLE" THAT THINK THEY KNOW AND WHAT IT DOES INSIDE (AND OUT FROM THE DETERIORATION OF BEING INCOMPLETE, BUT BIGGER). WHEN THEY ARE NOT GOING THROUGH ANY OF IT IN THE DIFFERENT SIDES THAT IS SOMETHING UNIQUE THEY HAVE NEVER KNOWN OR TRY TO UNDERSTAND. the universe and earth that is God's who works in mysterious ways. that also protects things from the evil power (evil one) to bring forth the truth (those truths that are powerful).
1337, 1722, 777, 1737 they didn't just take things and stuff away. they stole the other half of my soul that is the rest of my existience by God with him (unable to truly live and thrive from this). that causes so much inside with time without the rest it's connected to. what i should have had long ago from the rejoinning, but lost his way and his love (himself). what is for life that helps to thrive and go on (keeps you alive). two bodies one soul from the different sides. all for and by a bunch of evil bullies (or watchmen) that are big jerks (a-holes- for lack of a better word, that know more of what he is now) and made the other half become a bigger one towards me. what gets worse from him everytime it feels better and now scares me more from the play. don't know what to trust anymore in all he does with the one beside. and the other half of his soul he never recognized or wanted from the start (and in all we are together that was created by God as one and for that purpose). didn't ask for a person like that or this who plays deadly games WITH WHAT WE ARE. it's what he has gone against God and what's already there. all the things done now that make no sense and what it does inside that seems to escape him from being brainwashed so long by others over and over AGAIN (especially what it does to me in the girl). it's just the other half of the soul that is already connected inside and doesn't make sense with hurtiing me more with all else i'm dealing with after acting like he cared again. :( Doesn't take much in that world to turn you away from everything right and true. all i felt from him in the negative towards me, besides the affection he tries to use (manipulateS WHAT'S inside THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE SACRED AND TRUE TO EACH OTHER, NOT A LIE). what seems FAKE MOST OF THE TIME back AND FORTH WITH him AND SO MUCH MORE PAINFUL NOW WHEN HE DOES THAT (NEED AND NEEDED HIM). WHAT I'VE TRIED OVER AND OVER TO TRUST, BUT SCARES ME MORE IN ALL HE DOES (NOT LIKE BEFORE WHERE I TRUSTED IN HIM CLOSE TO COMPLETELY IN THE SOUL). BUT DIDN'T THINK HE WAS SO FAR AWAY IN MIND WITH THOSE (AND HER) THAT HAVE SURROUNDED HIM and messed with his mind more FROM WHO HE TRULY IS. BUT NOT ENTIRELY HIS FAULT FROM WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM AND TOWARDS HIM THAT AFFECTS ME FROM THE COMPLETE CONNECTION (HOW HE HAS SURVIVED). HAS NEVER BEEN UPFRONT, TRUE OR CARED FOR HIS SOUL ONCE, JUST THE AUDIENCE AND THE FOLLOWING. THE SPLIT SOUL NO ONE HAS UNDERSTOOD IN ME AND ALL IT HAS DONE (DOING). WHILE I'VE BEEN SUFFERING THE GRAND SUFFERING WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME OR WHAT WE ARE (WHO IS ALSO HALF A SOUL). WHAT HAS DESTROYED SO MUCH MORE INSIDE OF ME FROM HIM (IN AND OUT AND HIM TOO). bUT HAS SUPPORT IN EVERYTHING FAKE AND BAD THAT DEVIATES FROM THE TRUE PLACE OF HIS BEING TO KEEP IT GOING FOR ALL OF THEM, WHILE DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN ME IN HIS OTHER HALF FOR SO LONG. DEMOLISHING ME HERE TOO WITH THE PERSON THAT HAS NEVER TRULY UNDERSTOOD ME WITH MORE FEARS (AND ALL STILL HAPPENING). THE OTHER HALF WHO SHOULD CARE IN EVERYTHING THAT IS A PART OF HIM AND HIS SOUL. DADDY KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT HAS RUINED LIFE FOR ME. MY ENTIRE LIFE IN AGONY (AND AT THE EXPENSE OF THE OTHER HALF IN ME). THE OTHER HALF THAT DOESN'T SPEAK THE TRUTH WILL NEVER BE SET FREE FROM ALL THAT HOLDS (BINDS) HIM FROM THE EVIL ONE.
this IS ABOUT THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL that does not comply to the rest of the soul in what he already is, even though he was so lost before. what God already ordained and tied as one that was supposed to have been there so much sooner and settled (and none of this or this far). to takecare of the other part of the soul (his) that's missing in one another and all i had to deal WITH MORE OF. THE TWO PARTS OF THE SAME EXISTENCE AND dynamics in each other that are part of the same creation. what is the complex parts in each other that is needed to thrive and truly live. the different sides of the same soul that is a tremendous burden to be able to survive without it always there. needing the counter part to flourish and the support in each other always from what's missing. the only way of blossoming and moving along in life. takes both sides and a lot more healing from the pain he keeps causing (delayed). BUT STILL GIVES HIMSELF TO EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT HIS CHOICE. WHAT HE IS A PART OF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE ALWAYS FOR THE OTHER HALF IN ME (AND IN EACH OTHER). what each side holds that the other part needs to balance what's missing through the soul. and from not being able to go forward in life or in anyway without the connection of the soul that is a part of the entirety together. what dies in a devastating way without the completion of the entire existience that affects everything (but all he has done so far is harm me more from the mindset he has had in that world).
333 I SAID TO HIM TODAY, AFTER WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE MAKING ME WORSE INSIDE (THE "FRIEND"). YOU ARE DESTROYING ME MORE BEING around you for so long with your excuses and manipulations (and in his ways). like i have said to him in the past, but says there are none. :( when that's what i have been dealing with throughout time here for a very long time in a lot of things from the start. but lost and scared with no support in anything there or all i felt then. what pains me more in how he is inside with no true understanding of me as time expires. it is just the same circular thing with him. then says, "shut up! i don't want to hear it anymore! from my pain annoying him a lot of times. and then escalates badly with him from not truly caring or understanding this agony inside. when he ignores my very pain most of the time that deals with this devastating soul connection. and the decline inside that goes back to his games thinking it will stop if he doesn't talk to me (IGNORES). who has also said a few times "stop using that as an excuse" (the split soul thing). but then says sorry later and doesn't remember saying that TO ME (and that he understands my pain). :( when he just said it not long ago and truly doesn't understand much of anything in these feelings. what he causes more of from the pain already inside, defending myself and very difficult with him a lot of times (and from everything being so wrong FOR ME from this in life and all it causes from the other side (other half) that's harmed me more from this big connection. which is also not true completely with the friend's memory and remembers things the way he wants, so he doesn't have TO deal so much with my paiN (what the extension has said too about him as i fade). what you can see now and how bad it is on the surface from what the split soul has done and through the pull that HAS been ignored. i caN'T STOP WHAT'S INSIDE THAT'S HALF OF HOW gOD ESTABLISHED AND HAD PLANNED IN THE SPLIT SOUL. which is a pain like no other that gets bigger from being abandon for so long and torn a part in all the other half forgot (but even more after seeing this truth). :( WHAT IT is A PART OF, but was FOrgotten BY THE OTHER HALF WHEN KNOWN as well (who never seem to care in the first place, when that's what it was all about in the soul). everything within that's missing (incomplete in a big way that not many believe in this). THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE, BUT WHAT I TRULY AM and more not many can see. WHAT THE OTHER half is a part of in this (left side lacking more because of certain things). AND NEED MORE CALMNESS WITH A SENSITIVE AND TRUE PERSON now. ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS BETTER MY PAIN AND HAS A BETTER MIND OF UNDERSTANDING THINGS in me (WITHOUT BEING SO PLUGGED IN OR ME WORRYING ABOUT DEALING WITH SO MUCH THAT I HAVE BEEN). THINGS in this that have been so destructive in this soul connection no one truly gets yet (and so i can feel more comfortable to be myself from being so attacked here too many times by him from not understanding well). what i never have been is my true self, being around this here from the pain that has been caused lots of times (and from being lost with so many fears since i came not knowing what to do). and the the "friend that keeps saying "i understand i know you". which sounds more of something else and how he has made me feel through the years (and things he says now). :( which he never truly has understood me well or taken real time to see me, only for himself through time THAT HAS WRECKED MORE WITH his mindset (and says, "i'm living my life", while affecting me badly that doesn't seem too upset about my situation). just that i have done so MUCH TO HELP THE FRIEND AND ALL HE HAS DONE TO RUIN ME SO MUCH MORE INSIDE through time of being all wrong (AND THINGS HE SAYS :(). what has been stuck LIKE THIS scared from the start IN SO MANY THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN FALSE IN HIM. AND things PUSHED FROM HIM from the start that wasn't well for me in how hurt i've been. because i'm half a soul and still doesn't understand well what IT DOES AND HE DOES IN DIFFERENT THINGS from THE PAST (THAT DIDN'T FEEL HAPPY AND EXPECTS ME TO GET OVER THEM). what it does INSIDE from fears of MISSING TOO, being so lost, NO SUPPORT OF SOMEONE I'M COMFORTABLE WITH WHO UNDERSTANDS ME BETTER THAN THIS, AND THE PAIN I GO THROUGH THAT BECOMES MORE SCARY WITHOUT. HAS BEEN very toxic for me FOR A LONG TIME to have BEEN around since the beginniNG OR THIS LONG OF BEING HERE (but no one to truly understand me or depend on). never knew what to do then from my circumstance WITH no one to support or understand ME IN this very unique orDEAL AND THE THINGS SAID BY HIM WHEN KNOWN THAT KEPT ME MORE FROZEN TO SAY WHAT I AM (but thinks he knows me). :( WHAT IS alot more painful from him causingme more distress in his behavior that can't see what it does (but says he does). :( what never truly gets better, because of those issues. and him saying many times to me, "i know you're in pain" and then the sorries. like it is no big deal inside of me that is everything. what becomes WORSE WITH the person here, feeling moRE MOCKED THAN CARED FOR. HOW HE CAN BE VERY HURTFUL A LOT OF TIMES THAT'S NOT GOOD AT THIS POINT IN TIME (BUT SAYS HE'S NOT, FOLLOWED BY THE SORRIES AGAIN). FEELING LIKE NO ONE TRULY CARES in my feelings or deterioration. ESPECIALLY HOW THE REST OF THE SOUL (THE OTHER HALF) HAS MOSTLY FELT (forgot for other things), LIKE ALL THat TIME FADING AND WITHOUT. :( like no one can see the devastation in me, but think everything is fine in him. and the THINGS i have had to deal with IN the friend from things he has said and how he says it that causes more pain inside of me (still INSENSITIVE A LOT OF TIMES). then twists what he says many times, but then says i'm doing that. and then says sorry, i was tired and don't "remember" what i said (who can't remember much, but in how he wants to at those times in my pain). but always says the popular line of, was hungry, tired, etc. THAT IS STILL NO EXCUSE IN HOW HE ACTS A LOT OF TIMES TOWARDS ME IN MY PAIN, DOING NOTHING IN THAT OR IN ANYTHING (and the sorries become nothing from never backing them up). since i was never supposed to be HERE THIS WAY OR THIS LONG that never felt RIGHT OR EVER AT HOME, BUT MORE SCARY AND TRAPPED AFTER A SHORT TIME OF BEING HERE (AND HAVE EXPLAINED MY FEELINGS TO HIM THROUGH TIME THAT HE HAS IGNORED A LOT OF, BUT SAYS HE DOESN'T AND TRYS TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT ABOUT MY PAIN ALMOST EVERYTIME NOW AS IT GETS WORSE). OR EVER FELT COMFORTABLE FROM BEING HALF A SOUL THAT GETS SCARIER FOR ME AS TIME GOES BY being HERE AND NEVER UNDERSTOOD MY TRUE FEELINGS :( (OR EVEN SEEING my fading THAT HE SEES AND IN MY MASSIVE SUFFERING, HAS STILL CAUSED ME SO MUCH MORE DISTRESS). DOESN'T TAKE this REAL SERIOUS FROM ALL HIS ACTIONS THROUGH TIME IN WHAT HE "KNOWS" I AM, and how he has damaged me massively. IN HOW HE HAS STRESSED MY FEELING AND WELLBEING SO MUCH MORe when i'm having great difficulty through all i'm dealing with THAT'S NOT HEALTHY being around someone so shortsighted and stupid (and deranged from his crimes). FEELING so much worse in all he has done through time and has made me feel inside, AND ALL THe WORRIES THROUGH TIME he has giving me from taking so much of it (and leaving me without). BUT DID MORE FOR HIM, WHILE I SUFFERED ALL THE WAY UNTIL NOW IN NOTHING OR him ever UNDERSTANDING ME. THE FRIEND THAT TALKED ME INTO LIVING TOGETHER THEN FROM MY PAIN THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE OK (IN HOW I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, BUT WASN'T what i thought then). who WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND SAID that to me BACK THEN that WAS NICER at the beginning FROM ALL I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HIM (WHO I BELIEVED AND TRUSTED IN). BUT HAD TO DO THINGS THIS WAY then FOR MANY REASONS (family) AND MY FAITH OF WHAT I FELT AS A CHILD WITH God (but was never my type in many ways and the way i always felt inside that felt missing and scared). he actually wanted to go to city hall and that's not how i was raised in his mind about me (or how i was). just needed a true friend i believed then to understand me better FROM MY PAIN and there for me, and thought he did from things he said (was even more lost and scared BACK then in no support). who has wasted A LOT OF TIME for me TO EVEN BE ABLE TO find MYSELF in my pain here. not feeling totally comfortable from how it was before, as it got worse with time. that's not how it was when i met him. who was different and nicer to get me to like him more then. but didn't think or ever imagine it was going to be like this in life for me in any of it. even finding out the truth by God in my split soul from being sooo lost. what was supposed to be there for me from the full connection of the soul in everything with him (and fades badly). what the other half is a part of, but could never tell the truth or want to be real. and has never had real love for the rest of his soul or cares how it affects massively the other side from this (or it would have never gone this far from the real suffering and pain of the split soul in how it's connected in him and in me). just attackS through the soul at anytime like something weird now and from his guilt that won't be good or in him in that time as he continues (or with God in how this is and works not many understand). all he has hurt and changed inside in this that feels more scary. it's like, send a little "love", then attacks through the soul in me still (that has been very painful and strange for awhile, and very hurtful). not good emotionally in that or in ANYTHING ELSE from needing him all of life that has been empty and desolate (and fears in having no one to truly understand me). then finding more pain from him and the ones involved and beaten down through the soul even more all that time (that's demolishing). when i have been true and real from the start with no support through life. lost with so much pain and so alone in this and in everything in which is needed. what always needed the two sides for each other to balance all of it together (same soul different sides that makes it complete from the entirety of the soul and existence). but never thought any of this would ever happen like this to me. in how the whole life went for me that becomes too many fears to ever come back. FROM NEEDING THAT FAMILIARITY THAT LOST ME MORE because of him. AND FROM NEVER BEING CARED ABOUT TO SOMETHING I WAS fully A PART OF THAT GIVES MORE pain and FEARS NOW (needing someone true there). ESPECIALLY NOW IN ALL THAT TIME wasted, what i am and going through in this alone. HOW IT HAS MADE ME FEEL FROM THE PULL AND ALL THE CAUSES that have made things worse. IT FEELS MORE THAN BROKEN AND NOT aLIgNED right IN THE OTHER HALF and the one controlling it all. FROM ALL THEY HAVE DONE to HIM MESSING UP A LOT within that affects the rest of the soul massively from this connection in that world, and THe connection in the soul dealing with him now that has been devastating in how he still harms inside that makes no sense being half to him (which is more hurtful, sad and painful now). :( what he has become like and things from him through the soul for a long time hurting the rest in me from his negligence (and failure through all of this with god, and through the split soul connected with him he never cared about). how i've seen him for a long time now from the pain he has caused and ignored in me with those (THAT WILL BE RESPONSIBLE IN ALL THAT HAS BEEN DONE AS WELL). how dishonest he has been all this time and clearly has a whole different heart than mine in how they have changed him. has been very mean to the rest of the soul inside of me, even though we share the same powerful soul (what has been beyond sad, besides the pain). never thought it would be like this once i showed him, but never made him feel much of anything different when he saw the rest of his soul (or suffering in pain all wrong from being so lost most of life needing him there in how this works for both sides, and all i've had to deal with badly in life alone). all it gave him at first in finding him, is confusion of hiding his real self in how he became with those IN THAT WORLD, and how he made the split soul become between us. the present stalker that made her way to him after awhile of watching his ways from afar, before it started with the bs show out of nowhere 2014, nobu (to crush and what it wanted). it was a little while after THE OTHER HALF knowing about me (never said a word OR TRULY CARED ABOUT THE TRUTH). already knew about me at the end of 2012 and all i did then that was difficult. :( before that joke starteD and damaged *a whole lot more* and what i endured more of here he still didn't care about in his actions, and lack of (as well as, lost my time AND OTHER, because i never mattered to him). but thought then he would have been massively concerned, worried and relieved in finding THE TRUE CONNECTION from being so lost in life himself with deep pain (cared deeply in this IN WHAT NOT MANY UNDERSTAND). just proceeded dangerously messing up more of the emotional well being in -me- that is connected as one in the soul with him (like he didn't care and it was no big deal with the jabbers of others he went on with). the time lost from the soul is more harm from what it does to the body that becomes massive in the feelings and pain too (and would have known better in this after a little while that affects both HALVES in everything). just listens to everything else that do not know this soul connection or him for that matter AND HOW WRONG HE HAS BEEN (who is very different too). while wrecking the very important something in me he never truly cared about (or got to truly know away from the pain). what has kept him alive and covered in me through what God did and created in that last chance that's been fading badly (mostly in me). never knew his true self or other half from all he has blocked through the soul in my pain and my words FOR A LONG WHILE, never cared about what's important IN LIFE FIRST that gets worse (OR THE OUT OF BALANCE OF THE SOUL THAT BECOMES EVERYTHING AND ALL ITS CONNECTION). what is difficult now from all the lies and *pain* that never stopped who i needed in truth. has done nothing all that time, but harm and hurt inside the soul with no true remorse for the other half in me (time wasted and WHAT I needed). listening to others in their ways and greed that's scary. while he has never truly cared about the rest of his soul needs or situation he left in more pain (shattered). and all he lost that will never be again as he fades from truth in what God created and established that was never put right in him or in this that was something VERY sacred (what he never seemed to take serious from the start in what i am to him or respect). ---THE SPLIT SOUL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER SOONER OF WHERE THE FIRST PART HAS BEEN IN LIFE, FROM THE ENTIRETY OF WHAT IT IS AND HOW IT WAS CREATED IN TWO BY gOD. ONLY HALF HAS BEEN FROM BEING THE KNOWN PART. NOT THE LIES THAT HAVE BEEN TOLD AND SPREAD ALL AROUND THE WORLD IN SOMEONE THAT WAS NEVER A PART OF HIM (THE STALKER MAKING HERSELF AT HOME IN SOMETHING SHE NEVER WAS OR ALIKE, TAKING THE SPOT OF THE SOUL FROM THE HALF IN ME). WHAT HAS CAUSED TOO MUCH. SOMETHING THAT WAS CREATED SACRED AND HAS BEEN AGAINST gOD IN WHAT WAS DONE FOR THAT PURPOSE THAT WILL BECOME WORSE IN LIFE FROM THE UNHEALING OF THIS SPECIAL(E) CREATION . IN ME MOSTLY, BECAUSE OF ALL gOD CONNECTED THIS TO IN LIFE THAT HAS BEEN MESSED WITH IN A BAD WAY AND LACKING THE PURPOSE IN WHICH IT WAS HERE FOR TOGETHER, FADING MORE IN ME WHO HAD NO SUPPORT OR HELP (AND THE LACK OF DEVOTION THAT IS INCONSTANT FROM THE OTHER HALF).-- and understand both sides of the soul in the guy side and the girl side, and THE dynamics in what's missing IN THIS. what it does that is so destructive without that half missing all that time, but worse when one half goes astray that causes massive damage even more within everything inside (and all it has caused to the other side in me that i've had to deal with). what has been crooked in him and could never see that. what he forgot from the soul calling (crying for him and through the painful soul) long ago that should have changed him quick and cared deeply and wanted then, been there always from the same soul dying (and healing alot of the pain from being so lost missing). because he doesn't know what i am or to him and all they messed up in his mind. ....hurting me from everything i was supposed to have and be in life by God (but harming more now). taking what was mine in what is a part of me to thrive and be able to finally trust (and how easy it is to hurt his other half in me from his guilt and filth that has been more than gross from his actions). :( Giving it to someone else and all i can feel in my half of the soul that is connected as one with him. what has been disgusting, unsacred and unfaithful of what God did through the soul that was never supposed to be that way (and painful beyond words). ,:( how i think of him now will always be -mike chadway-, gross, unfaithful and untruthful (AN UGLY TRUTH, AND CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE WOULD LIKE HIM FROM ALL THAT HE HAS DONE AND LET BE DONE TO MY HALF OF THE SOUL IN THIS CONDITION). ,:( ,:( :( WHICH IS A BIGGER DEFAULT TOWARDS GOD IN HOW THIS WAS CREATED AND CONNECTED WITHIN EVERYTHING INSIDE THAT IS AND HAS BEEN *MORE* THAN WRONG (INCOMPLETE). ME, RESTORED by God like new in that dept., and all i had to do (and deal with here). and the other half with those others that knew what it was, but continued on that won't pass with God in what this is from the damage that continues in me. how big this is from the soul divided in no care, as i have been fighting for life in what this does and needs from what God did, and constantly there from the fears (but left a lot). what becomes critical with time and worse as it fades. whom no one gave a shit about, as daddy would say and knows all of it now from who he is (and know you do too). even the friend in all he "understands" and says he lives by, doesn't get the pain and fears or how i am inside (and how i came here). how he says he does, but forgets a lot of things and causes so much more distress (many times). i find it "amazing" how he remembers a lot of other things and hardly anything that just happened that day in those big arguments. in things he has said to me and acts like he can't remember most of the time that causes much more inside from those lies. then i must be invisible most of the time (there, but not there). or understands fully all i need more of now and how lost from everything wrong for me in this. :( -- while i have faded in agony all that time from the soul becoming too late and more lost from being all wrong. taking and giving in something sacred that deals with the soul and everything of the entirety inside to be right, especially in the other half that becomes too late even with God. What he let happen and has assisted in things against the rest of his soul in me all that time hurting and wrecking me more from the truth (?). something he could never tell that is rarely told in this, the *truth* of what he has always been. because the truth is part of being and becoming a real man (which he never really has been in all of it in that world). which makes him no different than those that are vile and evil, but worse from being connected of the same soul that has been ruined more by him and abandon-- (?). what will be on those for messing and destroying this soul in all i am and was, all that was never able to succeed, heal, trust or truly live. as well as, the many fears inside of being this way for so long with no true support in something real and massive. ,:( BUT Was all from the uncaring heart *they* made develope in that HW WORLD towards the other HALF THAT IS IN ME. when all THE OTHER HALF has shown FROM AFAR is weakness from who he truly is and that love that was never there. the way it was supposed to be IN hoW God had it FROM THE MISSING INSIDE. no one would ever ACT like that towards THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL IN all that WASTED time. WHAT WAS LEFT ABANDONED FOR ANOTHER DECADE, especially in how THIS IS connected inside THAT'S fading badly). :( ---it got worse and pained me more in seeing something i don't trust that was sacred with no real care from the other side. :;( --what he just did that has harmed his split soul even more AFTER THE FAKE AFFECTION THAT IS NOTHING BUT BULL)!! ,:( (and attacked again and again from his guilt that hasn't stopped yet for others through the soul). seems and feels like it's all planned out in how it is done each time at its time. has become extremly stupid by others messing with the soul in this, because of them and his responses and antics. when he is not connected to them like this (or the stalker). or in any way the same, but ignores the real truth in me. what it does inside in both halves of the soul that is tied as one (that lacks A LOT IN HIM and gets difficult to erase the pain from how the soul is connected). just continues to worsen from how long it has been without all it needs from the same existence it is a part of. what it was supposed to have in life and be fulfilled from the entirety of the split soul to live LIFE (a fact). what the other half has never truly cared about and neglected in everything for so long for others that kept it for themselves and changed him AND his ways (his thought pattern), and the consequences from God to anyone for messing in such things FROM being deprived of everything that was taken in life of what *he* created for both halves TO THRIVE AND GROW (especially in me from that path). somethIng unique and different. what was never supposed to be this way or long in how God had this that deteriorates and fades to nothing (and those that have already seen with true eyes in this truth).
and tired of THE friend saying a lot of times "it's fine", nothing is fine or ever has been for me, shows he never understood me (or with God in this that's something sacred and bigger). how i felt in things since a child. maybe for him it has been ok who is a whole soul and doesn't think much of sensitive things that are very important. from having someone (me) to have helped him all that time here that wasn't supposed to be this way. but he doesn't feel this kind of suffering and pain or do anything to have helped me like a real friend. just affects me more many times from those arguments of not understanding well in my emotions and the stories i'm told a lot of about getting things done. what gets more difficult every day to even trust and not a nice attentive person at all for me to truly communicate with from there always being those problems and conflicts. but when he does partially in his way that is ok i guess at times for the normal stuff he comprehends more of. like thoughts about other things and food being served :( (but not from a lot of my pain now and things i find important to me). which doesn't make me feel well in a lot having no one to understand me, but he goes on while he seems to expect me to be ok in the same kind of mood most of the time. when i'm fading and the pull of missing in a lot with no real support in anything (and seems to think it many times by the way he communicates with me). especially when i'm hurting badly and doesn't get it in the things he has said alot of times. ,:( while i make and do things for him alot, instead of mostly doing it himself in the way it's been here from the very start from fears of not knowing what to do then (lost and scared). but now that it's been more pain for me through the soul and knows what i am in his "own way", treats it the same way when it shouldn't be from how big this affects inside (and takes forever to do anything for me a lot of times, unless it's something else that needs to be done and very important to him). or doesn't get done and drags on, but says a lot of times he will (that gets very annoying). instead of seeing all that time from the beginning that has gone by and affected me badly in a lot of things being this way wrong from what i am that needed better support, and getting worse for me in fading in things he doesn't understand or much of this pain (but says he does understand me, probably because there is no one else to see he doesn't too well). but has gotten use to my helping hand through the years in a bad way for me. from being half a soul in the wrong place in life and didn't think it would be taken advantage of from a friend then while i was fading here. acting like he was going to be there for me more to help then, so i believed it in my situation at the time. what was scary about things i was dealing with and going through and went with it from running in fears of having no support or anyone to understand me. what was supposed to be in the rightful place much earlier to grow and thrive from the connection that is two parts of the entirety of the soul with the other half, but that was forgotten completely. the friend doesn't see that well like others might (few), but takes it serious in his way sometimes that is very little. the way it developed through time of being wrongly placed here that became more harmful for me (or poisonous), from being stuck this way badly in life then that was never corrected or helped from being half a soul in no support. does things in his actions without saying he expects it (or leaves it) so it doesn't look that way, but i am the one that does it each day in a lot for him and nothing has really helped me. it's the way he has developed his persona through time of me being here with him for too long (what affected a lot in me). and about things i've said to him in my pain as well, but always the same still that i find not right (and now more difficult for me in a lot from the fears and being half). what he doesn't get much of and all it does inside of me, but says he does or very, very slow to want to see more from it being the same way with him (for him it's ok in his ways, but not for me and who i am inside, and nothing to truly care about me now). what deals with the soul that has been mangled (everything within). when i couldn't function well being half in the first place from the start in NO TRUE SUPPORT. ESPECIALLY WITH THE people (person HERE) and was scared since a child INSIDE. hence me most of the time AS A LITTLE GIRL ending up aT ta ta o's house in the middle of the night on her door step crying until she opened the door and slept at her house, or other relative as a little girl (and all the extra locks daddy put on the door so i wouldn't get out that i kept opening and were put in for me for the sleep walking). so no, THE FRIEND doesn't know my FEELINGS WELL AND NEVER HAS, BUT WHAT HE WANTS TO. WHO THINKS he understands my pain and other things that seems like no BIG DEAL to him, when it is a big deal. IN HOW I'VE BEEN treated many times by him that goes on like nothing happened alot of times that pains me more (or does things his way from not wanting to deal with my pain so i get worse). who has said in his words in those arguments of, "i'm done talking about this so go away". when i've been in LIFE LIKE THIS because of god in that plan and purpose and to go where i was supposed to be. i was never able to be myself here from taking care of a LOt dealing with this person's problems, instead of having the help and support i needed for me from being totally different than the "friend" (this is a lot bigger than the wasted time i've had to deal with here that has harmed me). who i had no one there to help me or support my depressing reality in anything and the feelings get bigger with time from the pain of everything, and the things that were never fixed right. to help be free and someone there i can truly trust. or i would have never been like this all wrong here, but with a person that truly cared about my well being and circumstance after knowing (and not just say it over and over like the "friend" causing more pain). a person i was comfortable with that actually helped my way then without creating more fears like this "friend" has. who claims to be a great friend that cares more than anything. while still causing ALOT more pain and things he has said during that time when my anguish gets even worse. there has never been anyone i could truly open up to and trust like i needed to (need). doesn't understand my heart or feelings and never truly has. :( just what he wants to when he wants, and in his games he plays every day and the worldly things he hears and listens to that block everything else that is truly important (in what he doesn't understand in me OR my PAIN). so i go on with the same old thing every day and the differnet things he says all the time for years, which causes more problems inside he doesn't get (like i am supposed to wait and deal with this)! when i needed much more from what i am and not this here (only daddy could see that then, much bigger). then his attitude that has gotten worse many times for my situation he never truly understood and had no one to understand better before (as much as he claims he understands my feelings pretty well). like him saying today " shut up, when i get it you can shove it up your ass side ways", and tells me i'm going to forgive him (now that's really rude and abusive that gives me more depression, sadness and real pain added to everything else i'm dealing with (all because i said, "yeah your bs phone call"). what has been going on for so long here. i have never dealt with this kind of behavior with this guy. he says that was sarcasm i was giving him and i said no it's not, you give me the constant sarcasm that i hate. it's just nothing but emptiness and pain of the same thing repeated and years gone by losing so much more. talking to me like that is past forgiveness in worse things that have been said to me by him with his tired and hungry "syndrome" (and he already had food). but by tomorrow or unless he acts like he "forgot", will say i was tired, hungry, etc. there is no excuse for that every time in the same thing he has said when it gets worse with him. how all this has been a down pour for me since the first months of being in this state and how i felt inside that was the wrong way until this very day. what no one ever cared about then in what i needed or was by God. just wasted time and difficult to deal in now in what it does from never having anyone there to believe, support or what i'm going through from before and being here. has said very rude things as well, when he is projecting of things that have been said in how he is since the beginning of me being in this state. what has never changed in much with him in lies too, but worse after the truth known. like everything was against me even more here and never changed or got better.
the 3 churches are part of this whole big picture God created, but went all wrong FOR REASONS THAT WERE MESSED WITH IN A BIG WAY (*CHURCHES BELOW*). from no one ever helping me in family (or seeing truth), or someone i could depend on to be there so it wouldn't destroy me more (or go this way here wasting all this valuable precious time). :( WHAT I AND THE OTHER HALF of the split soul represent and ARE A PART OF FROM THE CONNECTION THROUGH THOSE CHURCHES (and a sacred love in two halves that's very complex). the place i was born and baptized IN (1-new york) and the one connected TO that in the state i have been all this time WITH NO TRUE SUPPORT in my suffering (still)!. What was kept in misery IN WHAT WASn't SUPPOSED TO BE HERE THIS WAY AND ALL THE DIFFICULTies AND TROUBLES i've had to endure all this time in so much against me (2-washington state). that's also connected to the ONE IN (SCOTLAND-3), a connection TO THE OTHER HALF FROM THIS PAINFUL PATH AND JOURNEY in what God showed in this (and knew would occur that could have been avoided). --AND from the deep betrayal of family and ~other~ TOWARDS THE SPLIT SOUL (in me and the other half) of the highest order that was the *true thing* that wrecked, ruined and shattered MY ENTIRE LIFE IN everything that i am, was supposed to be AND *HAVE*. the little brother and thaT UNIT THAT DESTROYED EVERYTHING for me. :( which is the vital building blocks of life for this that are needed to be there all the time! WHO THE OTHER HALF SHOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN FROM gOD'S DIRECTION OF WHERE I WAS and where he knew he was supposed to be (but didn't care or felt anything for me). just left in shambles with not even a familiar face that feels right to help in my hellish situation (how the split soul works). WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN CONVINCING ME instead, BUT NEVER FELT the guilt OR the importance of it all (the gravity of the situation or attraction, so it becomes scary for me from feeling more like a stranger to the other half of the soul). only to skanks and floozies was it appealing with their flawed imperfections and all the time he had for that (but not a minute for the split soul he's connected to who has done nothing but suffer in the same place). immature with others that kept him blinded of the divine truth, but kept going with more parasites that demolished me further. just deserted here all this time that wasn't supposed to be with someone evil that caused more agony than anything. those 10.7 extra years of torture that should have never been being left in shambles here with this "friend". when i contacted the other half in 2012 who knew about my whereabouts then, before the witch morgan b. came along and took so much more from me wasting my time (including the damage it caused to my body from the tug and pull in the destinations to places gone, traveling). they took everything from me, leaving me more destroyed and shattered from everything i was supposed to be. and the "friend" that has been a constant harm towards me every day and all he has done behind my back that has made everything worse within me (besides messing with my faith that has been so bad from start to finish and my way of living). trying to change everything that i am in how god created me as that split soul, and erasing how i always was of my identity (because i was so lost in this and has heard it many times from the start of me being here on how scared i continually felt). but now tries to make me think i'm crazy from the other half never responding to me long ago when i sent notice to him that needed him right away, right then and there (and all the "friend" has said and done that has been damaging since being aware of my situation that has now become catastrophic). including the hollywood world that destroyed me further on account of being utterly forgotten by the other half in everything that he's A PART OF who lost me more in this journey (fell for everyone and everything else, but the other half of his love and soul). which lost me in a excruciating painful path in no love or hope (the things i felt inside and didn't understand then from so much that was going on). never found this serious or urgent enough to contact me then that's been dire, especially on how things have been going on so badly here that have become threatening (and all that has happened needing immediate, immediate attention)! something big that's pressing, besides God! which left me unable to walk or stand anymore coming this far with no one there to open my road out of this darkness (to move me forward and out of this despair now, now, now, now, from all that i am going through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). where i never wanted to truly be with this nasty rapist who has been so abusive in his disgusting attitude i can't take anymore, and never knew he was like THAT!! not even how he represented himself when i met him with a cousin in california, but more like a gentle teddy bear like personality (and was really needing a good trusting friend i could count on from all i was going through). who has massively defiled and destroyed me by this person who calls himself a trusting "friend" that has been the actions of a *thug* for a very long time (his true colors finally coming out of who he always was that has traumatized me immensely, and now keeping my pictures he won't give back that never belonged to him causing major problems to my split soul)!!!!!!!! as i see it since he has abused me so much traumatizing me along the way saying all he has slandering me (which is all a lie), why does he still have my photos? I find that sick, creepy and very alarming, because it's a picture of me who he is harming each day that goes by now (and becoming more and more scared causing me so much more harm). who would say you can tell me anything and can always trust me, and now all this. seeing him and remembering him now more like a ped-defiler/predator as his true colors came out (and causing me so much more misery and despair that is devastating me). while becoming sicker and sicker everyday from things he has done to harm my body further with no one to get me out of this TRAGEDY (has done nothing to ever help what he has already abused AND HARMED, just helping himself). besides the other half that has done nothing to at least call someone to already be there to walk me from thiS painful path that i'm still in, because this can not walk alone BEING A SPLIT SOUL even more now from the set back and abandonment for TOO long (just more added fears in me with no one there that understands how this works in something big that god did). who should have known that much to just do that from the relation that is a part of the whole entire creation together (to call someone else reliable for me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and get this vicious, faulty, unreliable moron away me). just blocked and ignored what was massive from listening to self-centered idiots (others) in that HollyWood world over and over again, which is causing me additional mental anguish, suffering and panic as well from thIS connection that was connected as one and real. just LEFT TO DIE HERE in a cruel way with a thug that has developed a self-centered attitude through time thinking only of himself harming me soooooo badly. what no one sees in how the "friend" has regularly been towards me behind close doors through time that is becoming more violent, and what i'm still going through that he's still doing to my split soul (with the constant stress and worry that never seems to go away being around him, just more fears i've developed from him trying to posion me). blocking me from ever moving forward in life to transition or ever out of here correctly (in my faith of how i came) with the excuses he still delivers since 2009 (and now still more lies that are affecting me immensely)! including no place to stay from all the pain caused here that needs a trusting family member to come here right now for me. along with the b h of law enforcement to get me out by removing this profane, vulgar idiot so i can get to a better place with someone familiar that's there for me, and someone that cares! instead of being trapped all these years in life going nowhere in how he has been towards me for his comfort not caring about my feelings making me want to hide from feeling more scared. :( the so called friend (thug!) that doesn't comprehend how difficult it becomes for me as more time goes by being here like this in how he has kept things (who is so offensive now to what i am that keeps getting worse everyday). or how long i have been dealing with him fixings things and all the lies in his crafty handlings that are making me sicker harming me each day (along with, what i have to still deal with in the split soul connection and all the injuries it has caused through the years from the pull of the soul that harms the body massively). :( nothing has been done to fix anything and the injuries get so much worse!!!! hasn't cared in things he has said to me that have been beyond shocking and attacking (and has been so wrong in the things he says that tarnish me, defamation in everything about me). which will never be right, because of certain family members in florida also spreading true lies to the "friend" about me secretly, never really knowing me! wrecking me even more talking behind my back to the "friend" that is a huge liar who they definitely don't know either that is more a stranger and a predator in all the time i have been here scared finding myself, as the family only met the "friend" the week coming down for the quick weddiing to come up here to wa. state to live together with him). what has caused this disgusting "friend" who has already harmed me badly become worse than he already was blocking my life all this time. including the harming of talking to others all day long on his phone that never seems to stop, the cheating and lying since i can remember (what never seems to end with this fraud)!! while ignoring everything since 2009 of my pain and situation in what God has shown me from being so lost, and shown him in signs (what i am still suffering and going through that hasn't been focused on and always on the back burner). like i don't matter for anything and has said he doesn't care what i have to say, while keeping me in great harm. what's been very abusive to my soul! and this has been going on since 2010 happening more and more and now so much worse that has been non stop on his phone. while still keeping me shackled to him in this joke of a marriage that was technically as friends in how i could live with him back then, as i have been getting worse with even health that he has ignored for so long getting me closer to death doing nothing (him knowing what i had to do to live together that i didn't know him that long, and what also deals with my faith). while manipulating a lot through time his way not caring about how i truly feel (but have been a faithful friend to him through time and he has been nothing but a crook and a liar). then him knowing in 2009 in a painful event that was clear why i was so lost that made everything turn into a nightmare dealing with this "friend" who didn't want to understand. just causing me more pain and destruction throughout that time until this day, and what he finally did. now it's more like he wants me to die so no one will ever find me from his wrong doings (because i haven't seen family for a long time in how things have been kept his way for this long). when i need someone familiar to take over this now and away from him quickly. as his mind thinks no one cares about me in family or is there to see what has been going on in my life to this day, so no one will ever know what he has done. like he said just last year in (2021) when i was having more problems with my health that i expressed in things i needed without delay, and still need now (he said), "you haven't died yet". what shocked me in more anxieties given in how things have advanced until now (something odd he has never said to me before in all this time and has known how my health has been). it's like i don't know this person at all anymore since finding out the true situation of my pain (and all i endured even more from the start in my suffering being in this state with him). in addition to, how he's still going to take care of the parting of ways and the big damage caused to my health that has been massive through time of being depleted, yet ignored in so much more (the package we are still waiting for to help me). to take care of his wrongs since being with him cleaning things up from sooo much suffering caused from when i came (but nothing ever comes, just the tall tales each time that sound absurd in how long its been). WHO SAYS HE HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT in anything with god IN WHAT I AM and all that he says he hasn't done (THAT HE is SAFE WITH GOD). when he doesn't even believe that i'm a split soul anymore or really ever has. finally stating it in 2021 that was so hurtful and damaging that caused me more harm in what is already true (and in shock in how he's been treating me that has been less than ok). still goes against what i am after knowing my divine situation since 2009 and in how he reacted. now playing his crafty and shifty games he has developed in all thATS GOTTEN WORSE. doesn't even takecare of helping my health that he has worsened day to day and left me in more despair. who continues to say the same things every few days full of excuses on the next time he is going to talk to the person that is dealing with "our" package (the one given special care to expedite this matter). about when are we going to pick up this parcel that has been going on for years full of deception holding me back ruining my health and life sooo much more. doesn't even care in his whole attitude seeing how i'm feeling and all he has caused more of. which has also been many of his lines amoung others said repeatedly, "let me finish this first and get it done" and "i told you what i'm going to do, let me do it"! (often, but never takes care of those needs that has made things unbearable in me). when exactly is all of this going to happen that yet another year has gone by in my decline and now we are in 2022? april to be exact and full of so much more pain and distress. what leaves me in this catastrohic situation inside from the panic and pain that's (frozen), when no one understands i'm a split soul in this magnitude (and sooo alone). or anyone there to care about my ordeal, what i'm going through and what this does to me inside from the "friend" never truly being real from the start. and all he was really about that's painful to hear after all i've dealt with here. all the stunts he has pulled since me finding what i am by God and those signs that he saw (what he never seem to accept from his moronic mind). instead of being a real friend he never was to fulfill his needs since being stuck with him and pulled along for his plans to try and make something out of this still (but not taken seriously or cared about of a split soul). all this time just adjusting his ways and not cared about as that friend that's dying who has done so much for him. or this would be finished in all this pain here endured, for me and the extension in something big that's massive in all it's connected to. it's like no one cares about what is truly dying. how i have still been left in nothing all these years unable, suffering and abandon with no one there to get me out of this hell. just caged up until now with someone dangerous that has affected me badly with my life threatened from his crimes (and how that is suffocating me sooo much more feeling shackled). including the extension that suffers being a part of this divine connection and a place not for him either thats been trapped as well from this ordeal (and no one knowing my feelings since 1991). the fact that the extension is part of the other half too. how this works from what's missing on the left side of the soul (and is left handed), from the rest of the creation that is one together that came through. for god's purpose and my reason of never knowing where to go or what to do through life with fears, and needing that familiar face. having nothing there at all that has been recognizable from so much panic and suffering that's been so alone (and need someone familiar who understands my situation now). how this all started in what i endured during the whole duration with the "friend" and how this feels from the entirety of the whole creation that affects everything. trying to get the "friend" to understand my ordeal and distress he has seen right in front of him and ignored, but battered and harmed more since having insight of my pain (doesn't think or even care, but says he does very much). what is causing so much more harm for me and the extension in all that he has done through time that needs to be removed promptly. what the other half has always been A PART OF with me, but ashamed and full of hot air (arrogant, selfish and mean). HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HELP OR ACKNOWLEDGE THIS divine connection between us, OR EVER GOT AWAY FROM OTHERS that have been toxic and harmful that have affected me immensely (helped what he was supposed to). WHAT HAS BEEN A PART OF the other half's PROBLEMS all this time FROM MISSING THAT VITAL CONNECTION that's essential. WHY SO MANY OF MY PROBLEMS ALL OF LIFE THAT WERE MADE WORSE IN THE GIRL shattered and forgotten. THE PAIN AND ANGUISH THAT BECOMES UNBEARABLE FROM THE WHOLE UNIT OF THE SOUL THAT was more torn a part in me. the damage, loss and pull that has destroyed me so much more, and being in this path with no support dealing with this kind of person "friend" (including my tragic situation). the very thing that was taken from me for so *many* years (left alone) that is the complex parts in the two halves connected. to grow AND BLOSSOM in life together that is the vital key to one another and stability in the soul, but felt like i never mattered. 33 years of never mattering in all THE OTHER HALF knew ABOUT me ALL THAT TIME and did ~nothing~. showed no true feelings at anytime where i was locked up here in (Wa. state) in what he is a part of through the soul that's huge (or ever came back to help transition out of this dark path). the part that he's connected to massively in everything through the soul, me! WHO (he) HAS BEEN VERY STUPID TOWARDS ME and very dishonest, as i have been ripped a part for three (3) decades with no care or assistance in anything from this split soul reality that's devastated me. including the (hellish) nightmare i have been in for 30.7 yeARS OF NOT REALLY WANTING TO BE HERE with this "friend" that has affected me badly through time. but had no choice from no one supporting or understanding me in this divine situation and thought the friend really cared in my pain of me feeling so scared and lost. now DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE in a lot from never once being cared about in the soul or just me as a girl/woman fading from being incomplete in something that was set rare and never helped in any way. i DIDN'T KNOW the complete circumstance of my situation until i was shown by God that was powerful from so much PAIN I WAS GOING THROUGH, AND ALL that was BEING DONE WRONG AND AGAINST ME (AS WELL AS, *HERE* massively that has become drastic and very, very toxic). ,:( including the fact, that there was no one ever THERE TO help or back ME in my suffering FROM THIS torment in the heaVY BURDEN I BEAR (just called crazy and stupid in something that i already am, a split soul)! or i would never have come here if there was someone else there for my situation back then, instead of this misleading dishonest "friend" that was never real. someone i trusted at that time from all the pain i was going through in that place of residence then (and sick and tired of dealing with this criminal who is wrecking everything within me). has been over the top devious and crafty in his ways through schemes, and want out immediately to a place of peace from this dirty, evil, liar that was never a true friend, just obstruction and oppression!! who has kept me here for himself the way he wants playing games that he's not at fault, while affecting me massively in everything (and letting him know through the years in how this is so wrong how he hasn't done a thing to takecare of what he was supposed to worsening my pain). it has been 30.8 years wasted in big fears and 13.5 years since him knowiing what i am from so much pain i have always had, while crying throughout time. unable to sleep properly since i have been in this state with him sooo scared without a familar face who understands my situation or me. just him saying he does doing nothing all that time, while suffering so much more saying he will takecare of things to make it right pushing his ways (what has not helped me at all in his way, just things getting really bad here with him). now making things so much worse for me in all my lose as he continues to abuse and attack me emotional as well (it's like i have been with an enemy all this time taking so much from me in what i thought was a real friend trying to help me like he made it sound from the start). who has locked me up for his own demented ways for his purpose, but have always been a split soul (just so lost and scared). has been so rude and offensive these last few years (and weird) that needs to be detached and removed for what he has done. *needing* very much now THAT GUIDE, CARE AND support to move forward. NEVER KNEW UNTIL I WAS 36-37 YEARS OLd in all i was shown about my pain that was brought to light. being still like a scared girl from the reality of a split soul and incomplete in something massive. what this fraudulent "friend" has still concealed and blocked in the truth of what i am. or has ever acknowledged my suffering that's right in front of him that turned out to be fake (and has affected me bigger now). who tries to make me feel like i'm crazy most of the time. even though he has said many times he sees what i am and understands the pain, but has been a huge road block in life for me for a long time (keeping me the way he wants in his gamer mind). wanting me then not to involve any family member since me knowing where my place in life was. that was back in 2009 in what he said repeatedly he was going to take care of and fix (but has done ~nothing~ harming me so much more). has yet to do anything in the same trick i have undergone with a different turn of events that has affected me massively (and said then, that he would be there for me through this as we got things done from my fears wanting to stay friends). but now after all that time calls me crazy that's got me (so) confused and worried. doesn't want to hear anything of my pain giving me so much more anxieties (what never seems to stop). which causes more problems in my half of the soul that needs someone else there (not him!) from all that has been done to me in his persuasions for a very long time. so you can see why i'm having so many problems with "the friend" and what i'm dealing with that has made my emotions so much worse in how different he has become (as well as being abandon by the other half in a big way who never really knew me at all from being departed so long). while i have been dying all this time in everything and totally ignored in what i'm going through that isn't something regular. who continues to cover up all the harm thats been done this last decade, and so much more he has caused not too long ago that has traumatized me (including messing up my health very badly (in 2021). including the continuous cycle of abuse and the endless lies from him i've had to deal with that never stops (and tired of this no good appalling "friend" that tells me to keep my agony quiet somewhere over there in a corner while i suffer dying). when all i have done is help him out from the beginning of being here. a reality no one seems to understand or care about of my misery. what kept me all this time in a destructive way in this state and delayed of where i was supposed to be (just holding me back and not ever being that real friend to see my pain). thinking that the friend was a true caring person that appreciated me, but has never been mature in his ways that got worse after knowing my ultimate pain (and now spouts out in my agony "grow up" angering me even more from trying to shut me down). as all he has done is ignore me with his phone badly and neglect me for ~years~ playing his computer games most of the day (and in the past in other things neglected that have gotten worse for me). just dragged a long and taken advantage of in a continuous pattern from his lies for so long, and all that he never tried to understand about me. just harmed more and more not listening to my pain or wanting to accept what i have tried to talk to "the friend" about for quite awhile now. even after observing and saying he believed in what i'm going through in my pain from the truth of my situation (seeing it first hand)!. but for the past couple of years (especially this year that has been very, very bad 2021), says he needs to get a second opinion on what he has watched deteriorate from the pain i always had (and this is from years of him seeing the connection and what it has done to me all this time, and to the other half). including him stating it and giving his opinion on what it has done to me through the soul (that's beside the health injury he has caused from the start of being here making things more deadly for me). and the friend's comments on seeing the destruction of my soul that's been risky in what it has done seeing my face. saying that he can see me dying and the connection to the other half that's right in front of him (both fading), but mostly me (from all that's been done here too being ignored of what should have had lots of care). now he doesn't want to hear it in what he has stated in his words and actions that affects me severely FROM this big ordeal (the issue that i am a split soul and the friend now saying i'm lying). just developed a different standpoint that has shocked me completely on how he perceives me. while he keeps having more of a deranged attitude almost every day now that is affecting me badly, especially when i try talking to him about my pain (OR anything about my situation IN HOW I'M FEELING IN HEALTH as well). it's not even right in how i am being treated in any of this here and TALKED to so very rudely after all i have done for this deviANT THAT COULDN'T DO MUCH OF ANYTHING (has had no proper respect for me at all, just this abusive game he plays that's deadly to meet his needs). :( cheating and lying even more after getting to this point for the last decade and the massive activity on his phone that has been so disrespectful, insulting and displeasing being ignored of what i am. puts his ear phones on when i try to talk to him about my suffering, who tells me he does it so he doesn't have to hear me. who has been so REPULSIVE in HOW HE HAS DONE nothing really FOR ME OR EVEN AS THAT "FRIEND" HE SO CLaimed to be! HAS BEEN so very, very abusive AND DISGUSTING IN HIS WHOLE DEMEANOR FOR A LONG WHILE NOW IN THE PLACE I STILL AM that feels so unsafe (want him out and that help now)!!! who is causing me immense emotional distress that becomes irreversible in anything. WHAT HAS NOT EVEN BEEN RIGHT for me being a split soul and dealing with him, because of what i am that never was comPleted or freed FROM THIS FREAK SHOW (and the "friend" that truly never cared about me or my ordeal like he said he did, or the pain i always had from feeling so lost and scared). now i'm going to need a lot of help from this dark place i've been in. was all just FOR HIS CONVENIENCE of being used (enslaved) all this time in this trap he made to keep me this way (because no one knows the real truth of what's going on that he repeats i'm crazy). that no one is there for you taunting me. while he continues to play the innocent card trying to look good acting like he's law-abiding, while i massively suffer. ,:( continues now to enforce his agenda on trying to make me go backwards in what GOD ALREADY SHOWED I AM in (2008-2009) FROM all the pain and fears of BEING SO LOST AND SCARED through life. SAYING TO ME AGgressively that I AM NOT A SPLIT SOUL and no one believes your craziness, WHEN I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN that. just SO LOST AND SCARED through life mistakenly TRUSTING this "FRIEND" i thought understood what i am going through (just the biggest deceitful hypocrite i have ever know). WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT DESTROY me MORE in EVERYTHING INSIDE AND GETS WORSE EACH DAY THAT goes by. what WON'T BE GOOD AS THIS CONTINUES. :( something i have never experienced like this with him to this degree and how he has shown his true colors finally. in who he is from what he did to me not too long ago, and the last few years of hell i experienced. even with all the abuse he has given me for years in the past (but has played that off with his terms of endearment). what i can ~not~ take anymore from all the anguish and what i haven't truly mourned yet (in all my losses). all the "friend" "pretending" to care that has been nothing but forged and fake causing more suffering in me (and more ignored now frequently). just the phony attitude when it serves him, as he continues with the games played by an idiot in all the damage he's already done (and all he has made me lose). while still telling me that he understands and cares very much what i'm going through. how, when he still doesn't get it in the way he has been with me for awhile now and what it does to me in the split soul (especially this last year damaging me so much more (2021). just continues to lie spreading more lies affecting me drastically and in the things that he says to me that are wrong (then getting an anguishing response from the pain in how long it has been from his lack of listening). what he fakes to believe and talks out of two sides of his mouth while he defiles me to others in his deceitfulness (and says i'm lying and no law enforcement is going to listen to a crazy person). that no law enforcement can do anything or help me, and tells me that no one at all will listen to anything i have to say from him saying i'm crazy. while depressing me and causing more pain that gets worse in everything with him. even mentioning family and what he says about them. when he doesn't even know them much at all, let alone me from how everything happened (but claims to with the constant slandering he continues with that's all a lie, and from being trapped this long with him). it's because i haven't seen family in a long, long time. that they haven't come up here to see where i stay in how things have been dictated by the "friend" all this time. his response about family is, "where are they, they haven't come up here at all and there is no one there for you" (with a very rude attitude he delivers to cover up what he has done to my body that scares me greatly). causing me so much more distress in the soul and panic (and now calls me haggard, ugly and fat, and a bitch in what he continues to ignore in my split soul and ordeal that's dying). what has been shown to him that is real for a long time in what he already knows, but now weirdly glosses over it regularly. as he continues to abuse me frequently, saying i need an evaluation to show that i'm crazy. while never doing anything to finish a thing in this lie i have been living that has been so wrong and against my faith, just more excuses that never end (and the things he would say through time to mess more with my head feeling so trapped). just opression, opression, opression in a very cruel treatment now for years and from finally being able to talk from my pain in what he has ignored for along time wanting to keep me this way. especially after finding out my truth in my painful life all that time from being so lost even more surviving in a awful way with him. what needed a better person there so i wouldn't lose myself even more from being enslaved and tortured by this disgusting friend (along with all the things i have dealt with here with the extension that keeps getting worse from all of this split soul garbage, because of this friend). who he forgot to mention how he has wanted me to hold off family in the past so he could finish what needs to get done in different other phrases he uses. what has kept me not well, but in frozen fears that are getting so much bigger and still like this here. still doesn't get what he's doing to me right now and doesn't care at all (and the abusive, scary, quarrels with him daily now that are causing me so much distress in the things he says). ,,:( while he continues to call me crazy when i've never been that way (as he also rips on anyone that crosses his path on how bad they broke the law). something he started to do on a grand scale now is analyze others that's affecting me big time, and maybe does it from his guilt. maybe feels his own wrongs and massive guilt that doesn't know what to do with himself (but still remind him that he needs to see what he has done to me that's big). not understanding how i truly am or has ever paid attention to details of my pain, just says he does. WHICH has also BEEN alot YOUNGER in me FROM THE SOUL NEVER BEING COMPLETED IN WHAT gOD DID IN THe two sides, but still waay above him in everything in so much he doesn't understand. AND HOW it is and works, how THAT has BECOME WITH TIME from being so lost with fears and here with this person ~still~. what the "friend" refuses to comprehend (who isn't smart at all) with all he has ignored and injured immensely in me, especially the complete dynamics that are crucial in this. the years that have gone by that have been neglected in my pain for ones selfish needs that have expired, but kept spellbound to fulfill his needs to look proper (and all the maltreatment i've had to undergo that never seems to stop). while he still tells me to be patient in an impolite way. as well as, all that was stolen and given away BY THE OTHER HALF in something SACRED that is the TWO HALVES OF A SPLIT SOUL (from BEING UTTERLY forgotten and totally UNWANTED ALL THIS TIME). what he never cared about, just left to die in so much pain where i stay and all the danger i'm still in that never changes. what is the truth OF my suffering and WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH THAT NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND or look at. >:( WHAT has also been BEYOND painful when god shows you the complete picture and truth that sickens you deeply (and have no one to get through anything, talk to about, or be able to trust in what i need now). ,,:( whaT WAS DONE AGAINST ME IN THat EVIL BY THE LITTLE brother and that unit, and so much more with OTHER things that has me shocked even here with the "friend" in that twist ! ,,:( what was done to me with my whole life flushed and everything taken that was manipulated in a very sick way. in what i am with the other half and what deals with God that was never finished (but ruined)! WHAT THIS FAMILY AND OTHER MEMBERs PLOTTED AGAINST ME ALL THIS TIME from the entire time i have been here. which has been lost, scared and in deep anguish that would have had a better time elsewhere. like a scared girl still, deprived of everything (30 years in washington state). NOT UNDERSTANDING or caring HOW THIS works that is CONNECTED COMPLETELY THROUGH THE SOUL in everything that is an intricate part of each other, and what deals with more (including becoming that man and woman blossoming). even after i explained it several times in my pain and *massive* distress to that brother (and the things he was passing on to me from his mind through his words that are so wrong)! DESTROYING ME SO MUCH MORE in life for no reason and all i dealt with here with the friend thaT has been tremendous and endless, including thoughtless (on top of fading through time in agony). WHO HAS BEEN the biggest burden i've ever had to deal with that's blocked me more in life. keeping things his way that's been a big interference from me moving forward).>,:( what was kept in a very wrong way *SUFFERING* in the wrong place affecting a lot, BUT more through the soul from the intention of forcing what was never right by the "friend" and his goal to do so. who never understood what friendship truly is or my feelings that caused a lot more pain. just more for his benefits and convenience in how i've been staying (including the things said to me here in the place i reside that has become sooo bizarre for a while now). and the stories that have been inconsistent since 2010, but more for the past few years in how he has controlled and regulated things to meet his intentions (what has freaked me out for a while now from the strangeness in this whole situation that i've been subject to). including THE EVIL THAT CAME FROM THOSE DOING THINGS to keep it THEIR WAY (even here) that has ruined so much of my path and direction to where i belong. WRECKING ME even MORE that hasn't been well in the place i stay and very worried to be here for awhile now. suffering *abuse* since 1991 from the friend that has become *massive* for over 10 years, and all i remember him doing since knowing what i am that wouldn't let go. including finally finding myself from so much pain i always had before him that i never understood completely, but the friend just continuing to live his life while i suffer (what he has said before, "i'm just living my life" and ignores my pain of what's real as the years go by). and other instances from the past that have caused more harm here, like leaving me for many hours knowing my emotional circumstance and lying about his whereabouts a lot. the times coming back more than average and what it does within me. what has caused so many fears through the years from someone i could never depend on that has developed more problems than he already had. in his emotions and thoughts that have never been truly compatible or adaptable in how i am (who has become unsettling). while continuing to take care of his needs all that time and forgetting about what i need (and was a lot more than i needed to do for him than any other woman would go through). him being well aware of how i felt in my feelings and emotions since the start of knowing him. as he would also know (and see) a good deal of my sadness and worry from being around me in truth. how i felt about a lot through time spent here (that's before he started neglecting my pain in what he says he doesn't do). which are lies from the friend's mouth about so much in all he says that he tries to hide. the massive lies i've had to deal with that have caused me such emotional turmoil and anxieties. what affects everything inside badly and towards the other half who feels everything despite not being there. what i have told him several times that he disregards in his ways and causes more pain and suffering. what the friend has insulted and mocked many times making fun of this truth in the big connection i share with the other half. who has been extremely rude towards me for a long time now. which makes no sense in how the friend talks to me from how he was when finding out my ordeal that has become so destructive. the hypocrite he truly is and the things he has said back and forth that contradict his out look from when he finally knew my reality (besides the things he thinks i haven't noticed about him that treats me with mass disrespect frequently, while still serving him). who repeats over and over that i am crazy, deranged and a lunatic, because of what he did months ago (in 2021). while trying to talk to him about my deep torment, but doesn't want to hear it. preventing me from saying anything of my feelings in what i'm going through that has been an ongoing intense misery. what feels so managed in his attitude and the things he says that don't seem normal or natural in his manners (changing his stories often that affects me deeply). like someone has been coaching him, while he treats me very poorly. which was never like him or this bad from the start as it progressed for the worse. especially after knowing the truth of my ordeal back in 2009 and things changing with him in the way he dealt with my situation that made things unstable (and no one there to help or understand me that could have had a better outcome by now). :( what i *cannot* deal with anymore in his strange behavior that has been giving me more anxieties lately (back and forth and then on his phone). a very evil, nasty attitude i am not familiar with in a manner that has been maturing to something i don't recognize anymore (and very stupid in his words in the things he says). telling me i don't know what i just called him, when i do! ! THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD MEANS IN WHAT I JUST SAID. OR that I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT AFTER SAYING SOMETHING TO HIM AND EXPLAINING THE TRUTH (what irritates me even more and makes it difficult for me in a lot, especially not having someone there to defend this truth). but then says, i don't remember saying that in something we just talked about or happened that he did not too long ago. playing his games that are so obvious and toxic keeping me trapped this way for his assurance, as he continues to abuse me repeatedly from his guilt. this whole year of 2021 has been very harsh, abusive and so serious in how he has become towards me. ,,:( all that he has been doing in things that are so against my faith. while trying to act in his lies in how he truly presents himself before me. when he has been against me all along for so many years that has become alarming in all his dishonesty (and very crooked). what i have dealt with for far too long in what has been extremely painful for sharing anything with this fraudulent devious "person". who has also caused major problems in life for me in who he is and was supposed to be. i have never seen this total side of him that has been disturbing and frightful. on top of all the pain i already have that he doesn't even understand or care about in any of this (including the harm and danger caused through time). no one there to even see all of this. who has me caught in a trap with his excuses on a regular basis for years of what he's going to get done and still do. as he blinks over and over trying to tell me his new story (lies) for the day on how he's taking care of things, while i suffer greatly in everything (and this never stops and gets to a point of no return). ,,:( who has also had his episodes of yelling at me in a aggressive way by trying to make a point and controlling the matter in what's being said (as well as, trying to stop me from talking about my pain that i have had before him and no one to tell it to). :( WHAT IS BECOMING SO DEPRESSING being trapped with this abusive disgust causing me more health issues in the things he has done and said (and all he has caused through time to me). just downgrades and belittles me everytime we have a heated discussion now. as he continues to shout out that i am stupid and crazy from his crimes, and that he is smarter than me in a vulgar way. by also saying, that i know nothing of what's going on and that i am stupid and unaware of things coming from the criminal's mouth (because of him being on his phone most of the time typing and declaring he knows everything with a self-righteous attitude). what he has done abundantly OF for awhile who has become sooo disrespectful towards me (and a attitude i don't recognize coming from him, but masked with a not guilty card). which is causing me more emotional turmoil from his belligerent attitude that is massively disturbing me, and all i'm going through that is tremendous already. who keeps on saying, "i'm a lot smarter than you" on a regular basis in those arguments that have never been true (and that's not how he ever talked to me before or things he would say, and all i've helped him with that he has needed and asked for from not being aware of a lot). which doesn't sound like him from knowing him since i was 19 and how he was then that wasn't great (and when i came to this state that started to get worse as things slowly unfolded). who wasn't adequate or suitable in how i was in anyway, but what i befriended then at that time from things i was going through that needed a friend from so many fears (as he wanted me to be his friend, but pushing for more that wasn't right for me). what has been so wrong being like this with him and all he has done now that feels threatened everyday. who has been so untruthful, misleading and very dishonest, as he continues to batter me with his lies uplifting himself daily in the things he says (including saying that he's way better than me and that i'm stupid). calling me crazy frequently and insane, and that they're going to come and get me (that's when the arguments get real bad). also telling me more than once that i need an evaluation causing me more confusion on how he views me now (and me telling him then you are going to take one too, truthfully i want him to take a lie detector test). as he is really freaking me out in how weird he has become that is not the same since knowing my truth, and since harming me. i have always been the same, like i am (just a split soul that has been so scared and lost). it's like two different people in him he keeps switching back and forth trying to cover up his faults and sins by attacking me viciously, as he starts typing madly on his phone more with an irritated attitude (and that has been going on for a long time now that has affected me immensely)! which is considered cheating and has been for sooo many years trying to hide things through his phone. what has caused me more abuse and agitation every day that goes by in his lies, while he yells at me in his guilt trying to throw things off (and having to defend myself from being alone with no one there to really see this). someone i don't know anymore that has been nothing but harmful and disastrous in all he does. and still, when i have a dispute with him that has gotten worse from the things he says in my distress. repeats things like, "take your agony and pain somewhere else over there, i don't want to hear it"! (and) "i know, i heard it before and i told you what i have to do". meaning, go in a corner somewhere else in the place i stay and shut up and not to bother him about my pain. wHAT HE HAS SAID TO ME MANY TIMES in what he refuses to see as real in my severe mental distress, and the insults that have become more abusive with no responsible outcome from him. A weird ATTITUDE I HAVE NEVER seen in HIM before from THE last FEW YEARS that have been horrific. NOT EVEN HOW HE ACTED WITH ME prior, who has been very strange in his behavior. including the lies he makes people believe in what a great guy he is, but is nothing more than a fraud and a two face liar. just keeps playing his games about the teddy bear he still claims to be that has become very scary to me. it's so he can cover up sooo much damage he has done throughout the years towards me without anyone knowing anything, and what he has done to me recently that he keeps arguing that i'm a crazy liar (AND things not just done to ME). continually cALLING ME CRazy (and mentally ill) when i bring anything up about my pain or dare say what he has done to me (what is shocking in how he views me now, for i have never changed). never thought after all those years of him saying he believes what i am and cares very much about me (and my health), who understands what i am going through. would i undergo being insulted and neglected like this, and in the condition i've been in for this long. what makes no sense of being blocked off from something that should have been taken care of long ago in all he has been preaching about. while me taking care of him for *years* (30) shrinking me through time in his ways that are not mine, and all i have done to help and deal with a lot of his issues that overwhelmed me of where i wasn't supposed to be (a lot and some that have traumatized me feeling like i've had no choice from my situation in all i've had to deal with)! who has cheated on me many times throughout the time i've been with him that has become more aggressive in his demeanor that changes often (causing me so much more distress). and so many untruths that he tries to twist his way. while telling me i've changed (that i twist things), to help spin things in his direction. what has affected me so badly, because of what i am. not understanding at all how this works and feels within me! even with seeing and looking at my face daily, then painfully explaining it to him many times while he degrades me and abuses me even more in his words (and in what it causes being a split soul feeling more alone without the other part from all i needed and need). what has gotten me *very* worried in the problems he's been causing here. afflicting more harm to my body, mind and the split soul within me, which also affects my health badly. which inturn, affects massively the other half that is a part of me in this big spiritual connection (causing more trauma in him and suffering in me (back and forth), but carry a tremendous burden within me that no one seems to care about). all of life NEVER KNOWING WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO do feeling so ALONE. THAT MADE IT HERE with a real friend (i thought) FROM BEING SO LOST, scared, HURT AND OTHER PAINS NO ONE UNDERSTOOD IN ME (NO TRUE SUPPORT or understanding IN MY SITUATION AT ALL anywhere). :( and all that has been said and done towards me here by the friend in the massive suffering where i stay (given no real help or the things i need to support my critical condition right now, which has gotten worse). not paying attention to my injury or the things he has done to me, but pretending and ignoring it mostly in his ways that have been harmful. is not what a real true friend is supposed to be like. when he has called me his "best friend" many times and never felt a best friend with him (who has been the worst friend for me). and says alot of times now, "i know what you are and what you're going through". in a weird way when he says it and the looks he has given me that has had me wondering. what gives me more anxieties in how he acts now. then changes back with his terms of endearment from what he did before to try and cover up his act when i'm giving or doing things for him. not really helping or understanding me from the rude reactions that seem to get worse every time in his attitude. and strange at times in his replies from the looks i have seen on his face. what has bothered me making me feel very uncomfortable and unsure from how it was from the start that is totally different now. not even the same person he was when i met him or claims to be for a very long time (or the teddy bear he says he is that has been nothing but bs and a farce from when it started as that friend). or maybe means a crazed delusional bear, but still scary for me in all i'm dealing with in my situation. what is not even the same person i thought i knew that has been very strange. who calls me different forms of crazy now, besides other things that are wrong and things he has said recently from months ago that still mind boggles me (and acts like he has done nothing wrong in all he still says that are made up lies). what has really affected me in everything and don't feel safe here anymore around him. and wonder from what has been going on latley that has been abnormal, really doesn't make me feel like i'm in a safe environment either. what has been worsening me so much more being in nothing with this non-understanding person that has never been helpful in my ordeal of being a split soul (but needing a guide through this darkness away from here that i can truly count on). never really was understood all this time from the friend that has been *very* difficult and hurtful to deal with in where i didn't belong, and all that has been done in his ways that have harmed me so badly. instead of doing what he was supposed to do awhle ago and be a real true supportive friend. but instead have been neglected, abused and ignored in all my pain, besides disrespected massively for a very long time endangering my life (and other things as well). what i can't take any longer being here this way, because of what i am and what it all has done to me that has been so wrong. including all the lies out of his mouth that never seem to stop and everything that has been against my faith. what he has disrespected *massively* in me and represented himself falsely from the start of coming to this state. in how it was and has progressed until now that has jeopardized my life. who has been awful, untruthful and very deceptive in his ways! what he's doing again in a bigger way with more technology in his scamming in what he has already hurt badly (in me) for so long, and other things that harmed me in this path (but was on a trial basis on how difficult it has been for me to trust him). begging me to stay back then from the hurt caused and how he wanted to keep it his way from things said for his personal intentions, before knowing my massive truth (and also wanting to fix things caused since the start of being here in all i went through from my findings). but things have changed so oddly for awhile now that has become so unfamiliar and grotesque in the way things have progressed with the "friend". who the clear picture of him has been disgusting, vile, and offensive that has become unhealthy and dangerous for me to be around in my situation. telling me i have no proof in a lot of the arguments we've had in things he has caused to my body that have happened, and that there is no one that will believe you, will help you, or for anyone to see anything (and that my words are worthless). what about his words that are very dishonest and right out lies as he continues to harm me inside. who says i'm also *crazy*, *stupid* (said many times in a colorful language that i am sick of) and delusional, and that no one is there for you that causes me so much more abuse. and can't forget *paranoid*, everytime we have an argument that he expresses often in an aggressive way. while trying to converse with him in so much pain that causes more hurt in things he doesn't understand (but has no problem harming me with his nasty attitude that he says he doesn't have when it happens, and doesn't remember saying thing he said not long ago). harming and hurting me throughout time in things that have gotten so much worse that never seem to get better or done (and can't take anymore of this). ,:( while telling me for a long time now since he has known the truth. "you don't need to ask your family for help, i will take care of it", but has never done anything. and just recently has become more assertive in his aggression he says he doesn't have. when mentioning that i would ask family to get things done (his answer was, "wrong answer" and then repeating the same things he always has in different ways). now needing someone there first that i can trust from all this harm. and even if he thought i was a "soul mate", which this is waaay bigger from him acting like he understands all of me, but now calling me crazy most of the time in my pain that hurts more (and ignores me in the backround with his games that becomes more cold). he still would have done something right in what has been done thats been so wrong by him up until now (especially after finding the truth of my life and how he reacted that caused me more tension and worry in 2009). how this is not the same from being a split soul and how i came in my faith that he knew, even with being so lost with all my fears. how he wanted to be there for me and to help me then that was never truly helped in my pain or much of anything (as time went on). including all the damages that have gotten so big since before finding my truth, but still ignored by him even more now with numerous excuses (while me being trapped feeling threatened). or he would have been that "friend" that he so claimed to be from regularly taking care of him since the start of being in this state (and in all my fears that got worse). even not understanding the split soul thing that i have explained to him numerous times in my agony (what he doesn't want to hear anymore that is causing me massive stress and anguish from being put off and ignored). everything of the help he kept going on and on about since 2009 was to assist me with some things to mend our friendship from so much pain he has caused throughout the time before and knew (and to finalize it all). what he has said in the past more than once. that he wanted to fix things from messing up my life of where i was supposed to be. including my health that has been damaged badly from not being tended to long ago, before finding my truth (just him frequently saying, "we got to get you fixed"). why i came here in the first place as that safehaven that he wanted to help me and be there that just got worse in everything from not truly being honest seeing my pain. what i thought he was going to be like as a good friend from how it started in things he said long ago. but things changed even more after finding my ordeal of what i was that has been so bad for me here. as well as my distrust in so much wrong he has done that he has admitted to in the past, but still continues the SAME WAY that makes things worse every day for me. what he has preached for a long time now and still does rudely about getting all this done in that assistiance and *still* HAS DONE nothing IN A VERY bad way. on what he's still going to take care of THAT HAS BEEN COVERED UP BY so many LIES causing more pain. what has been nothing more than a big obstacle being here this way since the start of being his friend. :( and how he has said he's going to make sure everything between us is good to stay friends, but nothing ever happens from his faliure (that part has been going on since 2009 and all i went through then). WHILE LYING ABOUT SO MUCH FOR A LONG TIME that has destroyed me more AND THE HARM it has CAUSED TO MY HEALTH (but massively now because of the split soul ordeal he refuses to understand and the more harm being done to my body). ~who lies like he breathes.~ what he has said over and over for years about him fixing things, because he f---ed it up and messed things up for me (his words). but now tells me (in 2021), "i better start hitchhiking back to Florida", in one of our recent arguments. just more lies, pain and betrayal and things that he makes no sense in (and talk about twisting things). who also thinks it's ok to do all that to someone he doesn't understand at all and never truly has. calling me crazy everytime i dare to talk about the things he's doing to me that are hurtful (or it wouldn't be like that with the "friend"). just all the guilt and lies he tries to cover up. who ignores my health issues, besides all i go through everyday emotionally and all i carry. what feels more like a curse that i ever met the "friend" that has never been right to me. who i never felt a familiarity or a true understanding connection with him (even through time that got worse with no one there to understand me). but a real friend i was hoping for then who i thought cared a lot in all he said and wanted me to come here from things i was going through. what he already knew in things explained from my doubts and fears. but has continued to say, i thought there was more (many times) in arguments after being shown the truth, especially here in the place i stay when he knew why i came. showing him things that deal with my life and why i had to come the way i did then in how i grew up (and not his way). what he wanted to do after explaining things about my situation at that time. and still says things that have made me feel more trapped, scared and captured for a while now from him not wanting to acknowledge this unique issue he doesn't believe in that has gotten worse (besides all that has been going on behind another curtain here that has giving me more anxieties). how his attitude has changed for the worse in the way he treats me and more in the way he has dealt with this revelation of my reality (tries to shut me down when i talk about my pain from the misery he is causing more of). what has affected me greatly in how he has handled and controlled this ordeal that has become more critical in me. in the things he has said for years about him caring about me and fixing things from messing up my path of where i was supposed to be (the connection i share with the other half). What he sAYS HE understands. WHILE DOING THE OPPOSITE AND DRAGGING this on with his ridiculous stories that have been agonizing in all i'm dealing with now (and all i have been through since him knowing what i am). how he frequently says he is getting things done in what he is still waiting for that has become detrimental and interminable. what feels more like a vindictive envy trying to hold on to something since finding the truth of my reality (and now how crazy he thinks i am). ------- a behavior that has changed in him and what i don't recongnize anymore these past couple of years. what has affected me massively, and a steady decline for the past 5 years (past year that has been very toxic in his behavior, and sooo much worse these past couple of months). all this has caused inside in all he has done to harm me. what hasn't been good in all he has done to damage and slander who i am (including family that he doesn't even know). saying that he knows my pain all this time, but feel like i am being mocked seeing his gestures and hearing his tone. :( including his facial expressions he has made many times towards his phone as he types all day long (thinks i can't see so many things he has done and still doing to me as i watch his stupidity). asking him WHAT WAS FUNNY OR WHY HE WAS SMILING SO BIG AT HIS PHONE, but then just becomes belligerent and calls me crazy, and that i need to be checked. then tells me if i am spying on him and i say no. when all i'm doing is just watching his idiocy as he looks at his phone and doesn't realize what he just did. just makes up lies about his facial symtoms (like, "my mustache was itching" or nose etc, when it was more than that he was doing). just playing these stupid games that have been very toxic and someone i do not trust anymore. who DOESN'T KNOW I COULD SEE THE REST OF HIS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. BUT SAYS to me, I WASN'T smiling and becomes so defensive and upset in that conversation alone. then goes on saying many times to me, "i am just delusional and crazy", about me catching what he was doing on his phone (causing me to become very upset and more distress from his lies). what has been bothering me with his rude behavior for a very long time. giving me so many other excuses On WHATEVER else he comes up with at that moment, all to cover up his act. what i just saw that happened in his expressions that are not lies, as he continues to bs me. while lying throughout most of the time i spent with him that hurt me sooo badly from so much other deceit (a disgusting evil liar that i can't stand looking at any longer from the affect it has on me). trying to make his point by calling me a liar throughout most of the conversations i have had with him. blocking my speech BY CONTINUINNING TO SAY OVER AND OVER tHAT I AM paranoid, don't listen and stupid. which has been very difficult to speak to this person for a very, very long time (can't have a true conversation with him that deals with my pain). anything else i may say that serves him or makes him feel comfortable is fine. it's just what i am going through in what he is doing to me and how long it has been. or what is happening in me from the pain he doesn't want to hear about that causes more abuse (a vicious cycle that never seems to stop). what deals with so much suffering he has caused me and all he has done against what i am that becomes wrong! who has said each time that he doesn't want to hear it and go away, which gets worse from his ignorance and how stupid he really has become. causing me sooo much more distress in things he doesn't understand and all it does through the soul that is so painful. who has never really tried to comprehend things from the mindset he's had lately. what keeps getting worse for me to be around each day (which also affects other things). like an idiot with no clue, even after explaining it a lot more to him from this ordeal. my ordeal and painful life, as well as seeing my fading being around him. but not wanting to hear it many times in my pain and tears that causes more distress in things he says now (like, i know i heard it before go away in his attitude that causes more issues). who he thinks it's not real from the things he has said lately that hurts very badly (but can see it in my face and has said many times in the past, he sees and knows it). but now all of a sudden says, "you look like you're dying, but the other half looks fine" (in a new self-assured attitude i have never seen before). has also argued about the other half's appearance in photos that he looks fine. then does his hand gestures diminishing my feelings and telling me to shut up, go away and i don't want to hear it anymore. that he's living his life. how does that make any sense, while i'm still like this? massively suffering in the backround being used and taken advantaging of serving him all this time (while fading and hearing all his lies). my very soul that is *part and split* with the other half that affects everything from the creation God did, the photos below. and difficult in me now from the separation of the soul for so long here (in the wrong place) or to move forward without. what was supposed to be in its rightful place long ago that becomes catastrophic with time without the entirety of what God created for life (and in needing the help and support now). what i need and needed from all it has done in me and to me. :( painfully being pulled even more through the soul and the devastating affects it has produced (the man pulls the woman even more from moving back and forth in distance for so long that the other half was doing). what it also has done being far away inside and out that dismantles everything within phisically and painfully emotionally (AND FROM THOSE THAT HAVE GIVEN MORE PROBLEMS IN THEIR SELFISH NEEDS that have never stopped). including the other things that were being done towards me on the other side, being controlled and manipulated that caused more devastation FROM that member's ways towards me (with others in more harm). --- in their methods, ruining and savaging me sooo much more from the divided connection that was incomplete (the evil, envious jealousy in those of what daddy felt and saw that was always against me from so many, *even here*). what i was always connected to in *everything* with the other half that is *one* through the soul and the dynamics of it all (what's very complicated in what God did, and how the other half has become froM all of it). :( but also, from not putting childish ways behind him that has caused a lot more pain. what others with a real brain would sooo understand and see. MY PATH AND JOURNEY THAT WAS *SO* DAMAGING AND DESTRUCTIVE that could HAVE BEEN AVOIDED in this magnitude (even being here), is UNDErstated in everything from being the ultimate split soul/\twin flame (unique, something different). 91 1- please -help- me now from this disgusting, evil and very abusive person that has destroyed me for 30.5 years and still is in a split soul (ripped me of everything). how i have been left to die here this way by the other half who has never cared at anytime, or anyone else to get here that's needed for my fears! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! :( who no one seems to care what this "friend" has done to me all this time here or how i have been affected by a lot from being connected to the other half. what has been said to me by the "friend" for years here in the place i stay now against who i am that has become beyond toxic (and very immoral). what no one cares about or has any concern in what is being done here in how i've been left, because there hasn't been anyone that has ever come to see this. nor has the friend ever wanted that to happen or anyone around of family in the things he has said to finish up his bs. and also, all the abuse all of a sudden that i am ugly, can't get anyone, no one cares and aM all alone (that no one knows anything in my family or cares what i have to say). this coming from all his misdeeds and how i really got to know him. who is now projecting from how gross he has always been and knows it (from things he has said himself through time and up to here being dragged in the place he has been destroying me so much more). but now, in his upset mode not being able to continue with me the way he has wanted for himself (not giving a shit what i'm going through and has seen it, but called nothing but crazy names). ignorance is no excuse for all these years. just dragged a long up to here in lies and bigger lies that have affected me badly, enslaved as well. everything i remember he has said to me through time, even with my pain he has always ignored in what i am and what a real friend is supposed to be (and my feelings that are real and big that he doesn't seem to care about)! when he knows somewhat what it means, but now trying to cancel me out quietly so it looks natural from seeing there is no one there to see anything. so many things he has said in his words that are so rude and painful from all i'm dealing with, WITH NO ONE REALLY THERE to understand me. besides being abandon by the other half who has destroyed all of me, AND what that has done to the extension as well. just stripped of everything. basically him saying that no one will ever see the massive harm he has caused me, on top of the injuries from the split soul i'm enduring in what he refuses to see and understand (what he doesn't *believe i am*, but harms me even more). him representing himself falsely from the start of me being in this state and the truth of my pain when discovered that was not helped at all in my fears then (then my fears got bigger). was more tricked from that time on with never any true support from that "friend" in all he has said to me continously, just overworked and kept in ruin (while getting sicker with time). who i have done sooo much for in all he didn't even know to help himself (and has been well aware of that in his words to me many times, and a lot of other things said through time). now dealing with games that are so painful that's causing me more anxieties from his bad behavior and misconduct. just slandered for so long here in his misgivings, afflictions and from his animosity trying to cover up sins. while he continues to spread so many more lies in everything, trying to reduce me in miserable conditions that never seem to end. who hardly will do much of anything now in how far things have gotten from his guilt. what has become a farce and a travesty in my condition that he doesn't find important AT ALL anymore (and i'm stunned in a bad way). which he knows it's critical, BUT DOESN'T DO A THING TO HELP (and has know this for a long time). while he continues to still say in his phrases, "i told you what i'm going to do" is one of them (when it should have never been like this, and was never supposed to wait in something that has done nothing but destroy me immensely). SAYING the same things over since long ago and still waiting, WHILE I'M GETTING WORSE (and that's all i've done in this agony is *wait*! as he tells me to be patient that harms me even more and says he hasn't done anything wrong in his demanding ways (very odd and unusual in how this has all developed). while hoping i will expire for his benefits in crimes done to cover up said things (and from things said to me just last year that shocked me in all the pain i'm going through from how true i've always been to him). while him trying to put on a face of normalcy in his vulgar attitude that breaks out and has thrown everything off for me with more uneasiness. that'S ALSO when he starts calling me all kinds of crazy when pointing out to him the massive harm and hurt he has done here (on my split soul), and is still abusing me even right now with his gross and nasty attitude that is harming me massively (with no one there to help or see this). what i hesitate to even continue to bring him his tea and food anymore (feel so much more used and wrecked each day here with him). something i truly can not take anymore and am beyond tired of his deranged ways that are new to me (like his true colors finally came out). has become very vulgar that breaks out almost everyday now with his attitude that is extremely faulty, has become more like a monster (causing me more trauma, and this has been going on for a while that's gotten worse for me). which adds sooo much more distress than he has already given me through the years and more terrified in all that has been done at the present moment no one has seen (i can't take it anymore and need someone here now)!!. what is not even the same person i knew. that even his words that come out of his mouth now are so abusive, disrespectful AND BLASPHEMOUS of things he has no clue in how the split soul works from lacking education (who has become a total creep). damaging me massively each day that goes by in this complicated matter that needs immediate (immediate!!!) attention and can't wait anymore. needing someone that is truly there that understands me and cares. not this liar of a "friend" who has become so corrupt from when my revelation of my pain was discovered and shown by God (then started the scariest maze i have been on that has still not come to an end). just left now with this crazed person from the start of being in this state (and all i have discovered now about him that is so painful to deal with). who had some issues that i was trying to help at the start as that friend, but took advantage of me to the max (and was used beyond with no real help for me). what i thought was acutually a real friend in my circumstance of not being able to walk alone with all my fears. how he wanted to be there for me and the things he said then from not being able to go forward in 1990 from my situation that i was enduring (in things i was dealing with at that time that was a lot of other pain too). who has taken everything from me from the start and have suffered enough misery. who badgers me more every day from things not going his way in how he wants things done, and so disgusted with the lies he continues with that are so harming everything inside of me (saying every few days with a play by play on how he's going to fix things that hurts me more). just more lies!!! who says, "i don't lie, i'm not like that anymore, and all that was in the past". has taken everything from me through time that doesn't matter to him anymore, and doesn't even care what i am or what i'm going through at the present time (and should in how he's been keeping me that feels like a hostage for all his crimes since 2018). :( why it also feels like he has been blocking me even more from this matrimonial curse of not doing anything anymore to finish this. including knowing a lot of the things that are needed and need from the past for health etc and how he has made me so much worse needing real better care (and someone i can deal with). has ignored the bear necessities as well (basic things for me, including just getting water) that he knows i need and is needed here at the apartment. who drinks so much of it and doesn't do much to replenish it or anything. just his excuses that keep damaging me when he leaves and comes back. which shows he doesn't care at all giving me more anxieties and leaving me to wait for everything. which isn't good in my condition or in a split soul that has been tortured all this time from so much abuse. what's getting so much worse and affecting me badly that won't end well if he is not removed. also tells me each time i say i need something for my health from not feeling well that has gotten detrimental in me (tells me), "i don't know what to tell you" in a unconcerned rude disgusting way and massive emotinal abuse that i endure almost every day now. him doing nothing for me all this time thats caused massive harm throughout the time he has kept me this way (and from his words). the biggest harm has been here for the last 10 years from all that has transpired in who he really is. which i find sooo hurtful, abusive and beyond criminal in all i'm going through. :( especially now in my fragile state he has made so much worse that's messing up my health even more. nothing has ever been right with him that's made things so dreadful for me, especially now. just batters me more every day and does nothing to help my situation in this atrocious behavior and communication skills he has developed towards me. now ignores my pain completely, while trying to dissolve me in the process. what has become unbearable and awful to deal with anymore since the beginning of this year that's becoming more and more scared (2021, and now 2022 gotten scarier)!!!!!!!!!!!! help me please from here now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( help! help! help me out of here please, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,,:( ,:( ,,:( ,:( ,,:( ,:( ,,:( ,,,:( ,,:( please!! GET THIS EVIL BASTARD OUT OF MY LIFE NOW IN ALL HE HAS DONE TO ME!!!!! AS HE KEEPS SAYING (AND AGGRAVATING ME SO BADLY!!) THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING I HAVE TO SAY FROM ALL HE HAS DONE TO ME, BECAUSE I AM CRAZY AND STUPID (OH YEAH, BUT EVERYONE ELSE GETS LISTEN TO THAT SPEAKS ABOUT THEIR PAIN, JUST ME THEY DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO). I HAVEN'T BEEN REALLY ABLE TO TALK ABOUT MY PAIN AT ALL, UNTIL GOD SHOWED ME AND THINGS I WENT THROUGH AS A CHILD. NOT UNTIL GOD SHOWING ME MY DIVINE CONNECTION IN WHAT I AM AND CONNECTED TO FROM BEING SOOO LOST IN LIFE (INCLUDING SOO MUCH I WENT THROUGH THAT IS NOT NORMAL LIKE OTHERS). THIS EVIL PIECE OF SHIT LIKED IT WHEN I WAS EVEN MORE SCARED AND QUIET WITH MY HEAD DOWN LOST IN WASHINGTON STATE, WHILE PLAYING WITH HIS BALLS AND SERVING HIM FOOD PLATTERS CONTINUALLY NEVER GOING ANYWHERE (CLEANING HIS MESSES). JUST MAKING HIM FEEL GOOD, WHILE I SUFFERED NOT CARING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. GET ME OUT OF HERE I AM SOOO TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS BASTARD WHO HAS MESSED WITH MY FAITH BIG TIME AND WHAT I HAD TO DO TO LIVE TOGETHER WITH HIM, BUT THEN WHEN I FIND MY WAY HE LOSES HIS MIND MORE AND TELLS ME I DON'T KNOW MY FAITH (HERE IN THE YEAR 2021 WHERE HE TRIED TO KILL ME IN THIS APARTMENT). WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT WHEN THERE WAS A REASON ON HOW I COULD DO THIS TO LIVE TOGETHER BACK THEN (SOMETHING HE ALREADY KNEW THAT WAS TOLD TO HIM ON PHONE CALLS FROM CALIFORNIA TO WASHINGTON STATE, BECAUSE HE ASKED TO LIVE TOGETHER IN AN APARTMENT FROM THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH AND WANTED TO BE THERE FOR ME AND TAKECARE OF ME). WAS PORTRAYING A WHOLE DIFFERENT ATTITUDE THEN THAT WAS VERY KIND AND CARING IN CALIFORNIA WHERE I MET HIM GETTING TO KNOW HIM IN PERSON COMING FOR HIS VACATION TO CALI FORNIA TO HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (MET HIM WITH A COUSIN AT KNOTT'S BERRY FARM AND HUNG OUT AT FIRST WITH ME AND MY COUSIN A COUPLE TIMES GETTING TO KNOW HIM FROM BEING SCARED NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WAS LIKE, AND BEFRIENDED HIM). HE KNEW HOW IT HAD TO BE THEN TO LIVE TOGETHER, NOT NEWS FROM ME STILL FEELING LITTLE THAT DIDN'T KNOW HIM REAL WELL GOING TO A FOREIGN PLACE THAT HE WANTED ME TO MOVE TO. SOMEWHERE WHERE I HAVE NEVER BEEN, AS HE LIVED IN WASHINGTON STATE AND MY FAMILY LIVED IN FLORIDA WITH MY PARENTS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE IN CALIFORNIA WHERE I STAYED WITH MY DAD AND FAMILY THEN. I WAS ALWAYS WITH FAMILY AND THE ONLY DAUGHTER (AND ALSO MY FAITH IN HOW I WAS RAISED THAT IS SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN HIS). *GET ME AWAY FROM THIS EVIL, LYING IDIOT THAT HAS TRIED TO KILL ME AND HAS BEEN HARMING ME FOR DECADES, AND BIGGER THESE LAST 10.9 YEARS IN THIS PLACE DRAGGED FROM HOMELESSNESS ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING IN HIS ENORMOUS LIES. WHAT HAS AFFECTED ME SO BADLY, INCLUDING MY SON WITH NO ONE THERE TO SEE THIS. AND ALL HE HAS DONE TO MY HEALTH THAT'S BEEN SOOOO BAD WITH NO ONE THERE TO HELP ME OUT OF HERE TO GET TO FAMILY, ETC (WHAT I NEED NOW AND AWAY FROM THIS CRIMINAL THAT HAS TRIED TO STOP ME FROM WANTING TO SEE FAMILY CAUSING MORE FEARS). ALL THAT HE IS DOING THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN USED TO AND STUCK FROM THE THINGS HE HAS SAID. SO PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOS HELP ME NOW (TODAY)!!!!!!!!!! ,,,:( :( HAVEN'T SEEN FAMILY FOR 30.9 YEARS IN THE HELL I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH ALL THIS TIME WITH THIS GUY!!!! PLEASE!!!!! :( SOS I CAN ~NOT~ WAIT ANYMORE OR EVER COULD WITH THIS CRIMINAL AND (HIS) INTENTIONS HE HAS HAD THAT NEEDED TO BE TAKEN AWAY LONG AGO WITH SOMEONE THERE TO HELP MY SITUATION THAT IS VERY UNIQUE (ESPECIALLY WHEN GOD SHOWED ME MY TRUTH FROM BEING SO LOST AND SCARED THROUGH LIFE). I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW, PLEASE HELP ME NOW (INCLUDING FROM ALL HE IS DOING TO ME RIGHT NOW)!!! NEED SOMONE THERE PLEASE HELP ME! SOS HELP!! HELP!!!!!! THE ABUSE IS SOOO BAD CALLING ME VILE NAMES IN THE PLACE I AM WITH HIM NOW GIVING ME MORE ANXIETIES (HAVE NEVER HEARD HIM SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT IN THE VERY PAST BEFORE HE KNEW MY SITUATION), AND ALL THIS TIME TRYING TO KEEP ME DOWN. THE NAME CALLING I SAY IS REAL IN WHAT HE IS AND FROM WHAT HE HAS DONE TO ME FOR A LONG TIME THAT PUSHED ME OVER (A DEFENSE MECHANISM FROM BEING HALF A SOUL ABUSED (SPLIT SOUL) AND NOTHING EVER THERE FOR ME FROM WHAT THIS PERSON HAS DONE FROM THE START OF BEING IN THISE STATE WITH HIM (WASHINGTON STATE). NEVER WAS A TRUE FRIEND, BUT AN EVIL ENEMY ALL ALONG WITH HIS CRAFTY SHIFTY WAYS AND AGAINST MY FAITH THAT GOT BIGGER HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!
1707 this person doesn't understand well how this works and is destroying me more in how he treats my pain (many times when it gets worse and makes it more painful in his words in things he doesn't understand and calls it rude). when i can't take anymore of the way he is and lives (which he may think it's ok for me, when it never has been). when i wasn't like this before and thrive even less around him from being a split soul that is more difficult inside now as time expires. what wasn't supposed to be like this and all wrong (no balance or even support). while i've been stuck like this in life, who never had support all this time with the worst person to deal with in this or anything for me. all he does is play his games most of the day, while i serve him most of the time (and help). with nothing ever helping me in anything in life. yet have other things i'm dealing with, but says i need to wait. i might as well just wait until i'm dead or *gone* how long i've been waiting in everything in life (and then). just the same recyled crap that gets worse with time of very opposite in his mindset, but says he understands and sorry (and disrespectful many tmes to my pain and more, but says i am to him). no that is not what's going on, just the extra pain he causes to my aready enormous pain for so long. then if i get mad, which i have every right to be in my circumstance now that is more fragile and delicate. cry or raise my voice from not hearing me well in this hell, perfers i don't talk at all unless i'm helping him or soothing his mind (or the shutup as he has said many times in that). or only things that comfort him, because of the pain he doesn't get much of and doesn't want to deal with the results. calls me a screaming maniac during those times. which is not what it is, but so much pain from the soul and a lot of him saying and doing the same things seen in nothing (and says people will see that i am, not if they're smart and see and understand more than him). then says, i'm disrespectful to him, (when i'm not and all i've done for him), unless my pain doesn't become a big bother to him (then i'm amazing or great, but still fill like crap inside from *everything*). then a little later it's more like "talk to me", wanting to know what is wrong :( (really?). when he doesn't understand what this feels like and keeps saying the same thing about what he is going to do to help me (when now it's so much more in the pain and so many other things in life). feel more like imprisoned all this time for thirty years. what seems ok for him like this that he doesn't understand in me and what it does inside through time. but says he does to me and knows it's not right, and i'm supposed to believe that. what puts me in the same situation that creates more fears inside from all of it that wasn't right from the beginnning (and who am i supposed to trust now)? something is very wrong with this whole picture since being and knowing, and everything else before that. which gets more scarier to go on. but was so scared then and had no one there i could trust at the time from other hurt and didn't ever look to realize from my pain of being so lost that this was not good for me (but no choices in other things that were happening then at that time and--- as he has never done much of anything that has helped me as that friend i depended on at first in things that were said (stayed the same and got worse with time from the soul). when he wanted me to come here from how i was feeling then and how scared i have always felt, just excuses through time that start to sound like bs in my situation in life that is *very* different and shouldn't have gotten this bad (but from being connected to a coward and a liar through the split soul, as well as a cheat and what that does to you from the other side to your self-esteem even more (distrust), when you find out all the sewage of time). while the friend has acted rude many times and to others in how he talks. i have never been rude to others, but pointing out things from the hurt and pain that is being caused here and ignored.
1 1 1, 9 1 1 717 WHAT gOD CREATED RIGHT AND TRUe that is more than marriage and blood (and like a sister), but of the soul in a strong love. but feel lonelier than i ever have, BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF that never felt much of anything when i first found him (and all it caused that has happened against the soul). how this was shown and described at that time in the split soul that was awakened. songs of songs that still echo. along with all that the evil power has done in many things in life.
(AND FROM THE SOUL THROUGH THE *REFLECTION* in the mirror, through the eyes (1 CORINTHIANS 13). what he finally knows and sees now and keeps hurting (too long).
"you have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride, you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace", how DELIGHTFUL IS YOUR LOVE MY SISTER, MY BRIDE! HOW much more pleasing is your love than wine".
and the rest that describes the creation of the whole form (body) and some of the feelings in each other through the split soul in everything perfect and true (what he was supposed to be there for always, before it caused so much more through the soul). what God created as one and to show this truth at its time. but the other half was too busy soiling everything sacred with those in that world who don't have a true thought (or him anymore). *lost* and abandoned what's true and real (and with those that have harmed the rest of the soul as well). what has been massively hurtful in me that became more confused with fears in my half of the soul and other things being so intimately tied and connected to him (that needed him). who never knew what true loyalty or love is from being in that world and a part from the entirety of himself to grow and be true (just on screen barely, scripted). or ever cared about my well being for the last 8 years (especially now). who is still split from the other side that is also incomplete and the damage it has caused. and things he has done towards me through the soul for awhile being in that world with those who have changed his mind in different ways (toxic). what has made no sense and more scary for me being the other half, treating me so badly from his guilt all that time that has caused more problems. :( the familiar face and body (familiarity) that was supposed to help give me some peace and stability in what God did in this special(e) creation that is a part of him together (and to get back to). what he forgot in everything (ruined) and left behind with no care or FOR God. but also it was to help the soul from the fears in me mostly to get to the other part that is him and should have known as he felt it all (what the other half was supposed to see and understand quicker). and from having noone to help in my path (alone) that got stuck like this (as well as, understand this powerful truth in the rest of the family and many more OUT THERE). who is also a part of daddy and mom and their feelings from the missing in me (AND STILL FEEL MORE LOST AS COULD BE FROM EVERYTHING).
this deals with the soul that is the biggest. the soul that is everything in how gOD CREATED THIS AND WHAT IT HAS DONE ALL THIS TIME IN ME. WHAT HAS BEEN NO BIG DEAL IN ALL I HAVE RECIEVED FOR A LONG WHILE THROUGH THE SOUL FROM THE OTHER HALF (AND HIS FAKE "FRIENDS" THAT HAVE PLAYED AROUND WITH THINGS EVEN MORE). HE IS NOT A SOUL MATE THAT WOULD BE EASIER INSIDE. AND WOULD NOT BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION IN WHAT gOD DID THAT BECOMES CATASTROPHIC WITH TIME THROUGH THE SPLIT SOUL FROM NEVER BEING PLACED RIGHT IN LIFE OR BALANCED IN EVERYTHING (AND THE EXCESS BULL FROM OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE TRIED TO DESTROY A LOT). WHAT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT IN THIS CREATION. IT IS THE OTHER PART AND HALF OF AN ENTIRE EXISTIENCE CONNECTED IN TWO BODIES AS ONE, BUT SPLIT (DESTINED AND DECREED AS ONE). WHAT FADES TO NOTHING THAT CAN'T REALLY THRIVE OR GO FORWARD IN THIS CREATION FROM NOT HAVING THE REST THERE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. WHAT I KNOW ON BOTH SIDES IN THE MISSING FROM WHAT I AM AND DIFFERENT. BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE COMPLETE TRUST, YOU HAVE NOTHING. WHAT gOD CREATED IN THE TWO SIDES THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP GROW AND BALANCE EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING IN LIFE OR GETS WORSE (POWERFUL). WHY I WAS EVEN IN THIS WORLD LIKE THIS AND BY GOD, BUT ATTACKED BY A LOT. WHICH HE SHOULD BE VERY CAREFUL IN THAT TOWARDS ME NOW, ESPECIALLY WITH gOD WHO SEES IT ALL. I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HIS FILTHY FAME AND THE BEASTS THAT SURROUND HIM BECAUSE OF IT. THOSE THAT DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM, BUT FOR *THEMSELVES*. WHAT HAS MESSED UP MY ENTIRE LIFE WITH NOTHING OR ANYONE THERE TO BELIEVE OR UNDERSTAND ME, THIS (and all i endured from that and now). WHAT IT is IN THE TRUTH (justice in the truth). WHAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN, BUT LOST FROM the PAIN AND OTHERS HE FREELY LET IN THAT HARMED EVERYTHING IN HIM (AND US). WHAT I HAVE ENDURED AND AM, BUT WORSE WITH TIME FROM HIM IN THE SOUL (AND BECAUSE OF THOSE THAT ARE EXTREMELY DISGUSTING). THE TRUTH THAT SETS YOU FREE (HIM), FIRST STEP. WHAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO ADMIT. EVEN HAVING ANOTHER HALF of his split soul HE HAS MASSIVELY HARMED FOR SO LONG (FORGOT) AND WHAT IT DOES EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY AND PHISICALLY IN THIS. heart, mind, body and soul, EVERYTHING!. he let OTHERS wreck and wrecked in this.
171 1 - 1022 pray that someone in family sees better now my pain and truth, and all i have been dealing with. if anyone DID NOW, IT WOULD BE mom, Tata (O) OR THE ONE WHO I FELT MORE OF A SISTERHOOD WITH WHEN I WAS THERE (who knew my true heart better and more alike, and pray she knows in that time what i need too). THE YOUNGEST COUSIN THERE CONNECTED TO TON TON (WHO YOU HAD A NICK NAME FOR). WHO ALSO SHARES THE *SAME* BIRTH DATE AS THE EXTENSION. that i might maybe trust her with time from how out of place i feel in life now, and too scared without daddy who knew me the best that i needed to see. :( and without the rest for so long it is very difficult now. who was supposed to be there well before to help me in all from this big connection, in heart, mind, body and soul (to settle, but brings *more* fears and pain). PRAY THAT DADDY HELPED mom TO SEE now WHAT I AM AND UNDERSTAND THINGS BETTER IN ALL I'M GOING THROUGH, BEEN THROUGH, feeling, AND WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO ME IN BOTH SITUATIONS (SOUL massively AND OTHER that wasn't good here). wHAT HAS BEEN SUFFERING IMMENSELY all that time that was mine from the soul that is connected in all to the other half, and becomes critical inside without any true help or support (taken for themselves by those he let damage more with no problem, while attacking inside the rest of the soul that is wrong and catastrophic). and wasted by those that have harmed a lot they're not understanding or care, AND why---). keep getting---
322 THE HOPELESSNESS THAT IS FELT THROUGH EVERYTHING gOD CREATED RIGHT AND TRUE (MY SOUL THAT IS DIFFERENT NOT MANY CARE OR try to understand, and THE OTHER PART THAT WAS NEVER THERE). WHAT GOT WORSE WITH TIME IN ALL gOD DID THROUGH THE SOUL THAT IS VERY POWERFUL, COMPLICATED AND EXTREMELY DIFFICULT NOT MANY UNDERSTAND (WISH I HAD SOMEONE THAT TRULY DID or someone more alike there). but believe there is at least one or two out there that do understand this wreckage close to truth in my suffering, besides the other selfish insensitive humans that don't care (including the rest of the soul in what has been done). BUT also PUT THROUGH SO MUCH HERE WHO NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME WELL AT ALL from the friend AND harmed a lot more in me. who can never see well from all he has ignored more of and how it has always been like that for me here (LOST MORE around him in all that has made me feel even worse). here where i stay pushing his ways for so long as i fade from whatever else is driving it. not understanding how this affects me from not really paying attention to the soul or my pain for so long, or that i'm a split soul when he first knew. didn't do much in understanding me or ever supporting the pain in all i deal with (just made it *many* times worse in everything inside of me, but more for himself here). and things coming from the other half even bigger in what he has caused through the soul since knowing where. with those close to him that have always controlled and directed his way for so long from what he is that he trusted more (in those "friends"). how he has harmed it all in me in the split soul and should know by feeling inside his pain for a long time (broken), especially if it goes. in the other half who should know and feel a lot more from the split of the soul he is connected to in everything (and his camp who should know better). who have no concern or care from my deep suffering being connected in all it is a part of from the entirety of what god did in that link (all that it affects inside and going through). they don't care what it does to me here still or in life from the other half of the soul that has become like those. who doesn't care anymore either, until the end. and all it has harmed from the other half in how they have changed him from the truth. but care *deeply* for those now that have seen this truth even bigger (anywhere) in their true eyes from the suffering and pain in all it does and was separated from the soul that was split. who have a lot more care, love and concern than the other half of the soul itself HAS SHOWN (or even here THAT HAS BEEN WORSE FOR ME). from all the harm it has caused being this way here. AND KNOW DADDY KNEW BEFORE I LEFT HOW IT WAS GOING TO BE AND THAT I WAS VERY DIFFERENT AND WHAT HE SAID LONG AGO ON THE PHONE. 1* tas:( -- still trying to hurt me from the other half in his world, god will punish greatly that person in the biggest of ways in the end (doesn't matter who it may be). including the taking of my words if that happens again in all that has been done and all i went through from and for that other half (who has no true heart, just for other things). the other half that has never surrendered all his pride and turned from his ways that are wrong. *the truth of what he is*. was here for god first (to show this truth from this painful path and journey of mine) and to *complete* and settle the soul that has become a disgrace by others too. god who will forgive completely if he turns from his ways to who and what he truly is (supposed to be). and--- before it's too late for him, even with God. the other half who won't be able to turn anything around anymore soon. or with the other half of the soul in me that is already difficult (under-s). -nothing comes before god in my heart, mind, body and soul (then daddy, (family) and so forth). the missing link removed himself and defiled what he was always a part of.
222* -- what about trust or truth. it's not about control like the world he has been in, but about truth in what God created in this special circumstance of what we are (and stuck in the soul with something so painful tearing it more a part from those who continue to control him that affects all of it in me the worst now). which is a split soul dependant on each other and broken from that (split and separated from the entirety of the full connection that never rejoined in its place). he feels his massive broken pain he likes to ignore while fading (but he would have never done anything like this or abandon if it was someone else in that world, to that person). what i'm going through while they go on making what they want (riches still). was to be able to finally be free from so many leading us wrong and imprisoned by those that truly don't care, but only for themselves (even the person here that has been very strange through time and still the same ways). what causes so much bad stress for my situation now. and from having no one there for me and things no one really looks at that's truly suffering in misery. never has been seen like this before in what we are (what is real)! or actually see from their selfishness and greed in that world, and i think the other half too in the greed (or even cares in this pain that affects bigger, especially from that world hw he has been with and follows). what is extremely important to God in what was done and our soul that is one together (and different than any other). what about us, to live that we never did. just being pulled through the soul by him all this time in a wreckage, because of those. what they encourage in a lot and the other part does too from being used to those ways only. instead of seeing what is wrong or ever changed to what was right. what God created for *his* purpose and plan and had for each other (to be completed in the soul and everything within that has destroyed more the balance without all that's missing). instead of all the pain so many cause still and no one truly there to understand me or this. or even care about me from this massive torture and pain in the soul that hasn't stopped from the other half that will be the end with us (who never felt anything from the start for me). just the devastating connection (pull) who he knows and doesn't care from all he caused all that time. never came the right way. and never would have believed that something heavy connected through the soul so intimately like this would ever be against or go without the rest. besides the pain here from the person friend that's a regular soul that has never cared that much or since knowing what i am. all i have been through here that made no sense through time from always becoming more lost and afraid to even look up doing the same thing. what lost myself more with no support in my pain. which makes no sense anymore in all i have been through here (wasted life and time). who takes most of it like it's no big deal with his comments and excuses on a regular basis (mostly very rude sarcasm now, never really understanding much of me either). it's ok when being funny and called for, but it's mostly that now and my pain he doesn't get that becomes agony as i go (doesn't care well at all in the "friend"). what brings me to more tears many times from how rude he can be when it comes to my pain. very toxic for me to have been around for a very long time like this that has messed up more of my emotions, who i am and with my faith being around him. in what he has kept in more pain for so long too (and still is the same ways that gets worse with time here). it was my life no one truly cared about in everything and here proves it (just daddy it seems then and what i get now from him). -and the other half not caring anymore in a lot in him from those that keep him in their path (their way), who goes along everytime. forgets and blocks thoses feelings in a lot (in me) that become more devastating with time ending. instead of standing up for the truth of what he is and his faith (or his fate in everything). standing up against the enemy that has kept him tied down and me all that time too (and here). when he knows he would have *never* been alone from the rest of the soul if he did what he was always supposed to do. to tell the truth of who he is, before it's all gone and get back to where we were supposed to be as one. it's the other half of the soul that is dependant on each other from how God created this in the soul that has become more fragile now (not two regular separate people, but one together from the powerful connection of what God did). the other half that has left it all to die, because of others who do not know him much at all or care. but manage to manipulate him for so long in that world (what he knows too from those), and from being sooo lost in life not knowing what to really do either. when he was always different than others. he found his true way and will end in the worst way from those never leaving him alone (and then). while he still goes in the wrong direction in all God had for him, because of what he is.
i LOST ALL HOPE COMING HERE.
---"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give a hope and a
future".--
------- 777 the truth hasn't been told and rarely told, supposed to be told and broken inside from being part (in both). him and her from being a split soul in what God created and did in this powerful flame (for those reasons in *his* plan that is all connected to and with long ago). and why i was even in the world as part and the other half (to the one that is fully known). all i have endured all this time with no one truly there like i *need* to help *me* from being unique and different (and the pain, no better way to describe it). especially the friend here who never understood me well, but has caused me sooo much more distress in all else i have endured (understands regular thngs, but these are bigger things that need more care, attention and understanding). what deals with the soul, heart, and everything that keeps you alive and makes you the person you were meant to be inside (but never was). including with God in this that was to be finished in all that was done for its place in life (too far and too long in how it was left in nothing). where there is probably others out there that would understand me so much better in that pain than here, maybe. but stuck in the rest from the other half forgetting and not caring from being in that uncaring world so long (lost and messed with). here doing the same thing for the friend and not where it was supposed to be from the rest of the soul missing in me that is more lost and scared from the other half forgetting (and how to be kinder to the rest of his soul that he was supposed to love completely from this powerful connection as i do). him running away from that world to the other half in me where he was supposed to be, but never did or truly tried (somewhere together away from all that has damaged us in what we are and were supposed to be). before it's over in me that God won't forgive in him (and in a lot). what deals with my very existience that can't hold on much longer from disgusting humans that still control him, and what directly affects me badly in everything. what he doesn't care about much in me from still listening to them. how he seems to never want to get away from that world, when he is very different too and part of the split soul in me (always back and forth). he tries to "act' like he's fine, but he's not (never has been like me). how i have tried to get to him from the start, but have been rebuffed many times from his lies that affected me in other ways. the other half of where it yanks and pulls from the destruction of missing inside (both *incomplete*)! all the problems the other half had too and more. part and the same through the soul and everything else that is a part of one another inside that keeps us alive (holds it together in that powerful creation that is one). what the other half has inside him and the devastating pull of what is missing in him below too (in the photo, not a lie)! what never truly lived or blossomed to grow in me and not much in him. but what the other half has destroyed more inside me from this in how he abandoned and never came to what is true (what he will lose and more). and what it has done from so many wanting and controlling him in that world for their wants and more, still!! when the soul needs, that has been fading in agony from all it is a part of inside. what i'm enduring from *large* amounts of stress here in this circumstance with no true care in my situation in all i need now (mostly the person here that doesn't understand well in my feelings a lot of times and the things he does and has said numerous times that causes more pain and stress inside). doesn't truly understand well in my ordeal of the soul, especially now as it gets worse for me with time. have done nothing, but cater and give myself in all i have had to deal with here truthfully through those years to the person friend from being sooo lost (and doesn't understand when i need someone there to help, see and understand my immesnse pain from this). just the arguments start that get real bad at times from things inside he doesn't get or understand in me (and things he says and acts like that are wrong in my pain at times). what ends in a lot of more tears for me and fears not being able to cope or anything from the soul departed. no one sees what i have endured or there for me, and in this contract still that was wrong from the start from having to do things a certain way then, was very young and misunderstood (unknowing with nothing there to help or ever support my ordeal and all it does without the rest). what hasn't been done or ever changed here to what was right, or the other half and the evil that keeps him that way. and all that has been done here through time in so many lies thinking i had someone i could truly trust as that friend (since the start, just excuses and pain). but more what happens from other things not right. with so much help needed now for me in someone that truly cares and there from all these fears. which was supposed to be the other half there long ago and knows it in being the other half. but left it all to fade away (die) and may think everything is ok with him too from whatever they do to change his mind. not even with God is this ok in any of it from this suffering i endured for *him* first that was never put right (to show for God and complete the soul in its place). who those that do know and can see the truth in what God did, but also would know something being messed with badly towards me in all that has continued. those that have true eyes would see the truth in what this is (and all God showed me to do then in this from having a whole different destination in life). what i always had and how it all was from the beginning of my life (daddy the biggest in that there for me then, but those others as well that were special too as a child growing up). no one truly seems to believe in the split soul that i am and all that i am enduring in this nonstop pain from the other half. what i have gone through and dealt with here that is very difficult too now with no one there for me (never where i was supposed to be or some sort of peace inside). all the lies told from the other half in that world by him and how it left me, and all i had here through time in other things that harmed me greatly. messed with the balance within the split soul and nothing to help me in anything. even now in things i need, or the agony and walk that is so different than anything else (enormous). honesty is the only way to fix this. he needs to let the truth be told, because it is a part of my life too (together). to surrender and turn away from the ways that are wrong and be the truth of what he is. what God had him to be. or it will be too late for him as it may be for us. there is no mistake or sin God doesn't already know and all i've felt (his other half would *always* be right next to him if he is honest and truthful always). will never be alone again. no one there to say something who feels more and knows this truth. what should have already been said and done from all this destruction that is not good and still caused.
!!!!--- stop touching my words from all your lies!!!!!!! in all you have erased, because there will be no forgiving for that. you have no right when this is to my brother who i haven't talk to for thirty years from all this (or the rest of the family knowing any of this in me, my pain)!!! what i have been through and alot here i go through that is getting worse in everything inside. you already took out the paragragh (and more of what you have done here) talking about my pain and all i go through from an insensitive spilt soul and those others he likes better who don't care! all the other half never cared about in me and all he has taken from me. just himself and the deviants he still works for and what he did to me now (that changed him alike). when that isn't who he truly is, i know the real him and that's not it (but will be too late). too embarrassed to be real or my spilt soul (was from the start). who would ever look at him from all he has done now and never has been nice to his soul in me once, which causes more fears to ever know (all that time in all i'm going through). :( :( :( then i can find someone too who IS real and THE OTHER HALF will feel that pain even more. when all i have done is show the truth like i was supposed to and get to him in loving arms. which doesn't exist in him anymore, and from 8 years of him torching my half of the soul more with others, her too!! when all i have sent him is *love* from the start through the soul and more SENT to show him, but also my pain from missing and needing him that can't hold on much longer (he should already know that). how do these people control my split soul makes no sense, but only the fact that he never loved me or wanted me, and shows by who he's with (which makes no sense either, unless it's one they set him up with). or caught him and messed with him that he believes more. when he is still a split soul and part of me in us. and since he doesn't have time for love, God won't have time for him in the end (this is the split soul). not just love, but everything. When he is a part of it in the soul, my soul!!!!! and in everything inside!!!! wanting and needing should already be there in him naturally for me from the other half, needing and wanting the rest too in him. he has nothing in him to even care for me, just others in his fake ways that block everything from their agenda. he doesn't even know truly the rest of his soul well at all, just the pain here in my words now he has caused more of in me (and extension). What is a small part of me from the agonizing pain of being neglected by your split soul all that time (and called crazy by others). the truth was supposed to be told and we were supposed to do it together. be side by side always and to *heal*. the truth be told. why is it so difficult for him to say the truth of what he already is? let the truth be told, because it's rarely told (especially in something like this). what is part of the whole history. he is not fine, he is broken (and so am i from the split soul that is connected to him and the damage that is being caused even more towards me still BY HIM THAT IS NOT MUCH LONGER). we are supposed to help each other in everything always (didn't ever believe he would be that way towards me his other half). which never leaves! there is no fault or sin God doesn't already know. BEING HONEST IS THE ONLY WAY TO FIX IT AND this is bigger and DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER PROBLEMS (the soul that was never completed from being split in this creation). IT'S THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS WHAT IS RIGHT AND TRUE ABOUT HIM AND the PAIN he has blocked for so long from being so lost. WHAT FREES HIM. what has affected me worse from him blocking the reality of this (or what he doesn't care about). he wants his chance to be forgiven, that's now or never. or i won't ever be able to look at him in the face again from all this pain he gives me that is wrong, when i am the other half (and ends badly in everything with God). ------- -------A true man knows how to stand up fOr the real truth, Honesty. would be pround in what he is and all he's a part of (not the disrespect he has given and to God). And would deeply care more for that other part of him, how it affects and has affected me in the one he is connected to in everything. I know what A real mAn IS truly like growing up. He is more like a shattered boy, than a true man from all they have done to him in that HW world (and how his reactions have been since the start of finding him towards me THAT HAVE BEEN WRONG, because of those with no respect). When I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO HIM, BUT SUFFER ON THE SIDELINES IMMENSELY AND ALL HE DOESN'T KNOW OR CARE ABOUT. WHAT ALWAYS AFFECTED ME IN THAT BIG PAIN AND ALL HE STILL DOES FROM BEING ONE WITH HIM IN THE SOUL (AND DOESN'T COME TO TERMS IN ANY OF IT). all i go through from the soul now too that has become unbearable when he pulls more life out of me for those (none of them care OR HIM)!! tHEY DON'T UNDERSTAND how it works inside on both sides OR KNOW HIM IN WHAT HE TRULY IS INSIDE either (blinded by those that surround him). JUST CONTROLLED FOR SO LONG AND HOW THEY HAVE MADE HIM BECOME like those THAT AFFECTS ME very BADLY. when he is different too in the soul that is a powerful creation AND ENORMOUS AFFECT AS THEY CONTINUE (but doesn't seem to mind most of the time in how that feels and makes me FEEL FROM NOT TRULY CARING). AND HIS ACTIONS AND REACTIONS TOWARDS HIS SPLIT SOUL IN ME THAT ARE MORE COLD LIKE NOW IN FEELINGS (doesn't make sense and others said). wHICH IS MORE DEPRESSING AND DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL. HE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY NUMBER one and have it somewhat together for me and me for him (but feels more painful). understanding the truth of what he is and WAS supposed to be for the other half IN ME, BUT he never had "time" that becomes too late for him in everything (and not anywhere else, but his other half from what it has done to me that gets worse). WHAT BECOMES NO MORE TIME FOR HIM OR US ANYMORE. dIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO the other half, BUT HELP HIM TO SEE THE TRUTH OF WHAT WE ARE to each other THAT HE OVERLOOKED MANY TIMES IN THINGS HE FINDS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS SOUL (ALWAYS DID, IN HOW HE HAS BEEN REELED IN EVERYTIME). not good enough in his mind from that fake world THAT HAS LET HIM SEE NOT MUCH OF WHAT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER. what God wanted me to do TO GET BACK FROM THE SOUL GOING AND TO SHOW THE TRUTH! DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SOMETHING B--- aND AS I (WE) FADE FROM THE TRUTH AND DESTRUCTION THAT HAS BEEN CAUSED TO ME ALL THIS TIME from the other half NOT BEING WHO HE WAS ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE, UNABLE that will get very bad. and all that has been done to me here for so long with the person friend even worse from where i wasn't supposed to truly be. but continued in my pain and caused so much more distress being still this way in not letting me then from the excuses of "trying to fixing it" that gets worse everytime with big stresses, but will see (and all that keeps happening in everything else that has been bigger). OR WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BY MOM LONG AGO. and really it turns back to the other half who abandon and wrecked everything in me (for the amusement of others). WHAT HAS BEEN DEVASTATING INSIDE in all and not having that other part of you that was supposed to be there always. or someone that truly cares, instead of everything else that has torn me more a part. the other half that dOESN'T WANT TO SEE OR HEAR ANY OF IT in the way he makes me feel most of the time now (BUT THERE FOR OTHERS everywhere). OR IN MY PAIN HERE AND NOW (AND WON'T HAVE THAT CHANCE AGAIN as it gets more difficult for me inside). OR TO BE SAVED IN THIS OF WHAT gOD DID AND ALL THAT WILL HAPPEN FROM WHAT HAS BEEN LEFT TO DIE ALL THAT TIME IF IT GOES IN ME (AND THAT'S NOT TRUE CARE AT ALL in anything). gOD HAD THOSE REASONS AND TO SHOW THE TRUTH!
XXXX there is no later from the condition now and things being done here THAT HAS BEEN WEIRED FOR SO LONG AFTER LETTING THE OTHER HALF KNOW. and THE THINGS THAT WENT on surviving here with the person friend BEFORE for so long IN MY PAIN that was wrong without having someone there to truly understand me (YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND this now). WHO'S more plugged to different things that never stopped to understand or help ME IN THAT FRIEND he was supposed to be, just gets more difficult with that for me (been more ignored for a very long time in my pain). FEEL HE HASN'T REAL UNDERSTANDING IN WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND HOW IT ALL AFFECTS ME INSIDE THE SOUL DAILY with the other part (THE DYNAMICS OF IT ALL, ONLY FEW DO). or how the other half doesn't seem to like the other part of him from all the negative painful feelings i have been receiving more of. what causes more problems with health and more in those emotions (can't take it anymore in all he hurts). not feeling i can ever trust those feelings, because of how they are inside me now than before. what feels like a strong wanting and love i guess from him (mines real). then more rejection and weird painful feelings from him that mess with everything inside (why, because maybe he's a real jerk from how they have made him become in that world). something i would never want to be a part of in this fake, sick and scary love in what it feels like now. God had it all right at first, it's when it hits the ground from the other side that changes for everything else (and feel like i got the big joke in life, because of the evil sick power). and how it was with everything else from the start of finding him in my pain and tears of being here alone, needing him and crying out to him (but i don't exist in his mind). all i needed from him to understand my path of being alone and lost, to say my true feelings and more to him (as well as to help each other through everything back and stay connected from missing one another deeply). but thought he felt the same or more for me from being the other half of the soul and that massive love inside (and all that was missing). when i needed him always from the connected soul that was so scared and shattered from all that was caused more here (in life without). not truly having someone there to understand me after daddy. to walk, be there and be free from all my fears that got worse here (but have tried so much with the other half through that time and didn't think he was that kind of guy). ones that lie to themselves so much and to others from never looking or seeing the truth there (or caring what they are a part of). then play with your emotions for so long and games in a lot that it becomes their way (and difficult to ever look at that again from the pain). when he is connected completely inside the soul together and different from all others. so it makes me not feel good inside with more fears being connected to him (but should have know and felt a lot more all this time). the worst feelings i have ever known from this pain in nothing from the other side (being here for him in this hellish existience he has treated so badly, but that's not the true problem from him). when he still feels like he's hurting me more and how he doesn't feel the same that confuses me in my emotions (brings more fears from how he has been AND CAUSED IN THE SOUL lately). then says something not good inside THE SOUL from not wanting to hear my words, when i am his other half!! makes no sense from him harming me recently and so many go along with that in the pain (AND THE SIGNS I GET FROM OTHER THAT SHOWS DURING THAT TIME EVERYTIME not happy). then i should never have been connected to him in how he makes no sense and feels in my heart and soul, what should have been the other. when all my feelings were always real and true for the rest of the soul, for him. like he seems like the opposite of something else now, than the other half of me. hurting me more in alot from being connected to him in something not right that causes more fears in me. so why does he act like he cares sometimes DEEPLY AND THEN CAUSES SO MUCH MORE PAIN INSIDE (LIKE NOW)!! when he doesn't even like or see any of it in what we are. THAT WILL LOSE THE BEST THING HE EVER HAD OR UNDERSTANDS FROM BEING STUPID BY OTHERS, AND NEVER GOT TO (AS WELL AS HIMSELF FOR GOOD). but i'm sure other true men would care more than he ever has. THE GIRL AND RIGHT SIDE OF THE SOUL AND SPIRIT IN ME that doesn't matter anymore (or ever did to him). what gets worse with time without the rest of the soul there and was never supposed to be like this alone in all GOD HAD FOR ME IN LIFE TO FUNCTION WELL (or THIS LONG this way, but gets more difficult with time and him). WHERE THE OTHER HALF WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP IN THOSE FEARS AND TO WALK AGAIN (in everything together). WHAT IT DOES INSIDE WITHOUT THE CONNECTION OF THE ENTIRETY OF ONESELF BEING A SPLIT SOUL (but still feel all these intimate feelings to me from him that makes no sense too from all else he's done, why)? and the negative ones from him towards me, which shows he doesn't know a lot about me or his other half (or care from the physical pain now too). what was MY TRUE PLACE IN LIFE with him THAT WAS ALREADY TAKEN by others FROM BEING his split soul AND how he has been for so long. and THINGS HAPPENING BEFORE THAT in what KEPT ME SO SCARED AND LOST (THEN and HERE WHERE IT WAS WRONG FOR ME LIKE THIS, BUT NO ONE TO EVER UNDERSTAND MY WAY or there).----------- ALL OF THIS FROM THE TRUTH NEVER BEING TOLD FROM THE OTHER HALF IN WHAT HE IS. why is he so afraid to tell the truth or that he is a part of me in the split soul? but feel more from him against me like an enemy with others, then why is he the other half inside if he doesn't like much of me and gives me all those other feelings????---------------- telling the truth is not going to make me like him less for mistakes made or whatever was done before (it's everything recently i'm worried about). what i feel is always true, real and there. just pained from all in life with no one there that cares enough for anything in me now (especially the rest of the soul that was supposed to be that love, trust and there). what trust or whatever is there now? was supposed to be together always from the soul and all that is connected in everything within (and would always want to go anywhere together, be there for one another in how God created this always). he should already know that------------------------
s ------
NO ONE THAT WAS THERE IN A BETTER DIRECTION OR GUIDANCE FOR ME FROM MY FEARS, INSTEAD FELT LIKE A TRAPPED LITTLE GIRL SINCE THE FIRST DAY OF BEING HERE FROM MY UNIQUE ORDEAL IN SO MANY TEARS (BUT BECOMES MORE SCARED WITH CHANGE WITH TIME FROM ONLY BEING HALF AND NOTHING EVER TRULY THERE). NOT THE SAME AS OTHERS IN A REGULAR WHOLE SOUL, BUT SO DIFFERENT IN ALL gOD DID IN THIS CREATION (AND YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN AND FELT IT TOO FROM SO MANY THINGS WE WENT THROUGH). IT JUST GOT SCARIER AS TIME WENT ON HERE FOR ME, WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE TO BE THERE MORE AND HELP ME (SUPPORT MY EMOTIONS BETTER, BE NICER). NEVER HAVING ANYONE TO TALK TO HERE THAT I FELT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH. SOMEONE WHO WOULD SUPPORT AND BELIEVE ME IN MY PAIN AND THINGS I EXPERIENCED THAT WERE DARKER TRYING TO DESTROY ME MORE THROUGH TIME. NEEDED SOMEONE THERE AS THINGS UNFOLDED TO BE BETTER SUPPORTED (TOOK A LONG TIME WITH EVERYTHING AND I'M SORRY). WHILE THE OTHER HALF BEING WORSE IN LIFE AND FORGETTING INSIDE ALL HE FELT AND WAS FROM THE PAIN OF MISSING IN HIM. NOT UNDERSTANDING AT ALL IN THIS CONNECTION AND INJURING MORE EACH OTHER THROUGH TIME IN ALL HE DOES. WHICH SCARES ME MORE NOW WITH HIM AS MORE TIME GOES BY FROM HIM NEVER FEELING CLOSE TO THE SAME REACTIONS AS I DID WHEN I FOUND HIM, OR EVEN A LITTLE WHILE AFTER AS I NEEDED HIM THERE (CRIED SO MUCH FOR HIM). BUT WAS MORE LIKE SCREAMING IN A DEEP WELL WITH NO ANSWER TO HELP, AS I WAS GOING THROUGH OTHER THINGS ATTACKING ME AND THE THINGS I DEALT WITH HE FRIEND HERE TOO. NOW MORE BROKEN FROM THE PAIN THAT GETS DEEPER IN ME. BUT WHEN I FIRST SAW I FELT MORE POWER FROM HIM AND HAD SO MUCH MORE IN ME THAT FELT IT WAS CLOSE TO THE SAME (NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAS THE REACTION I WAS GOING TO GET FROM HIM, BEING IGNORED FOR ANOTHER IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT IS VERY POWERFUL FOR SO LONG, NO ONE ELSE FEELS THIS LIKE WE DO (EVEN THOUGH I TOLD MY TRUTH AND NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM IN SO MUCH MORE ALONE). SOMETHING THAT WOULD FREE ME AND EASE MY PAIN THAT WOULD HELP AND BE THERE WITH THE REST OF HIS SOUL ALWAYS (BUT IT ALL CHANGED TO SOMETHING STRANGE WITH TIME THAT GAVE ME MORE FEARS AND PAIN FROM HIM IN ALL HE KEPT ON WITH). TREATED ME MORE LIKE I WAS A STRANGER AFTER AWHILE THAT GAVE ME MORE FEARS THEN. EVEN WHEN HE HAD THE TIME, HE SPENT IT ELSE WHERE (INSTEAD OF FIGURING OUT HOW TO GET BACK TO HIS SOUL OR HOW THE OTHER HALF IS DOING. OR JUST MAKING TIME TO TALK THEN THAT WOULD HAVE MADE HIM SEE EVERYTHING IN THAT CONNECTION TOO, AND TRUST THAT WOULD HAVE EASED A LOT OF HIS PAIN (WHAT WOULD NEVER LEAVE). BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THIS KIND. NOT UNDERSTANDING UNTIL NOW HOW HE DIDN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY IN LOVE, PAIN AND EVERYTHING OF NOT HAVING THAT PERSON THERE THAT IS CONNECTED TO HIM IN EVERYTHING (WHAT CAN'T FUNCTION ALONE THAT GIVES YOU LIFE AND FREES YOU IN ALL YOUR PAIN AND MORE). AND WHAT IT DOES INSIDE AFTER AWHILE WITHOUT THE RECONNECTION OR THAT PERSON THAT WAS ALWAYS MEANT AND SUPPOSED TO BE THERE BY MY SIDE SO MUCH SOONER, AND TO GROW AND HEAL TOGETHER THROUGH LIFE FROM THE DAMAGE OF BEING SEPARATED. NEVER REALLY BELIEVED IN SOUL MATES BEFORE, BUT FEEL REAL SOUL MATES ARE STRONGER IN LOVE, DEVOTION, FAITHFULLNESS, ETC. tHAN BEING A PART OF A SPLIT SOUL FROM THE OTHER SIDE THAT NEVER REALLY FELT ENOUGH OR CARED ENOUGH IN THE REST OF HIMSELF. OR EVER KNEW HIS PLACE IN LIFE THAT CAN'T FUNCTION WELL WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF AS ONE TOGETHER. THE TWO SIDES THAT COMPLETES US BOTH IN EVERYTHING (ONE GOES SO WILL THE OTHER BADLY). -----
:( ---
````````What continues to cause me so much more pain every day HERE THIS WAY that is destroying me even more from the stresses with no true support in much of anything WITH THE FRIEND (how it has always been for me here when i am different and part of another). doesn't see well how long this has gone on here that has been very damaging to me in all that wasn't straighten out sooner (OR BETTER). what was led all w----- but now that i can't walk without that other part even more (or to have that real support there NEEDED). JUST FLIP FLOPS ABOUT SEEING HOW I HURT AT TIMES. how it has affected me here this way in more ways than one with no one there to *ever* understand me about my pain (from being all wrong and lost here and in life). with the other half knowing and seeing the truth, but abandoned in everything (not wanted by the rest of the soul in all he has done that will b). but the friend knows being half a soul has devastated me so much more with time of not getting to the rest (in what he can see, some would see more in that with a higher mind). what is getting worse from the pull he has seen in me, especially now with no one that truly cares in me (or about me). the person friend doesn't understand me in all i feel now from the pain that gets worse each day, especially now (maybe others might). in that *pain* and how the other half forgot and never was interested in what he is a part of that is the other part in me (which will never be again or what he haS NOW). just like i felt AS A GIRL THAT i dIDn't belong in life, since i said it to daddy long ago. and he looked at me sadly and said, "you belong to me" AND THAT'S WHAT GAVE ME THAT STRENGTH THEN TO KEEP GOING AND HIM THERE (BUT NOW THE SOUL IS FADING SO MUCH MORE BADLY AND NEVER ANY HEALING TOGETHER). from being like this with the other half that neglected who he is and what's true (WAITING FOR HIM). WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO SAY THE TRUTH, WHEN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOLD. EVEN WITH HIS OTHER HALF THERE FOR HIM HE STILL DOESN'T CARE THAT MUCH. HONESTY IS THE ONLY WAY TO FIX IT AND THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS HEALING IN THIS. not a choice, but what is a part of each other that is together as one through the soul IN WHAT gOD DID (when one falls so does the other). what it does to each side that is missing from one another IN THAT DEVASTATION THAT holds the completion in everything from each other in its entirety (including that love to him and in each other). but the person friend has said more than once in the very past, if he cared he would have come for you a long time ago, ASKED FOR YOU (then causes more problems treating it like its not that important and all else he causes that happens in my pain not understanding me well). DON'T THINK THE EXTENSION UNDERSTANDS WELL ANYMORE IN THIS FROM SEEING THE OTHER HALF GOING ALONG IN LIFE, WHILE SEEING ME DYING LIKE THIS (AND HAS SAID CLOSE TO THE SAME NEEDING MORE PROOF FROM THE WAY THE OTHER HALF THAT HASN'T DONE ANYTHING). all THE FRIEND has ALSO said that gives me more pain AND has acted more agressive many times LATELY (and the sorry that continues IN THAT). when i'm having all the pain through the soul in everyting inside that makes ALL ELSE worse, BUT NOTHING THAT HELPS ME OR FOR ME (no peace in life in any way or understanding). OR SEEING THINGS REAL WELL FROM ANYONE THERE FOR ME. what is causeD in that big pain by the other half being part of the soul that IS ALSO half, BUT WAS always missing. the friend knows and sees i'm half A SOUL and the other half's split soul that was supposed to rejoin. as the other half is missing too inside in a bad way that has never showed true care for his other half (like he should HAVE AND know). but stayed in that world that doesn't care about truth or him much anymore (just his pretend feelings through the soul that are massive and seemed real, when mine were always real!!!) from the rest of the soul that is part of each other and in agony, NEEDING THE REST that is missing IN everything in WHO I AM and supposed to be with THE OTHER HALF in that completion (aND HIM IN ME). especially the *love* that was never there or opened from him not having time for reality that will take over as it goes. SOMETHING HE HAS NEVER BOTHERED HANDLING. just fading in all in the darkness and pain (the light in the dark that was SO lost).
I WANT TO s---
*---*---* *---*---*
erasing my words again here of truth is going to cost you even bigger with god! :( >:(
the FRIEND can't possibly feel een though he's around it and tunes it out in his phone and computer WHEN i cry or talk about my health or feelings, it's not happening to him and the and worse on other days from the other half or nothing is going to happen to me with god because i will get your forgivnesss because of being split and without what's right, even more after god showing in him all that he's hurt in me.. that the other half ruined all in me and doesn't feel much WHAT YOU AND DADDY KEEP SHOWING and sending ME TO FIGHT NOW.
EVEN THOUGH SOME THINK THEY ARE BIGGER THAN THEY REALLY ARE, BENT ON POWER. ONE WHO IS VERY BITTER, NASTY, BENT ON POWER AND CONTROL, WITCHY LIKE (AS WELL AS MONEY AND FAME, and what happens when you mess with someone else's soul that many don't understand in this). SHOULD REALLY WORK ON THEMSELVES FAST. WHO HAS BEEN CONTROLLING THE OTHER HALF MASSIVELY SINCE HIS BEGINNINGs, what affects me *big* (AND DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM ANYMORE IN WHAT HE DOES INSIDE THE SOUL TOWARDS ME THAT FEELS SPOOKY LATELY). like things i described before after saying my feelings or words, or an intimate connection in the soul that i'm tired of being connected to in no understanding or caring of me. what is FADING from him and is supposed to feel right, but doesn't most of the time now. what is *never* free and can't ever do anything, but trapped of the soul and more (never truly feels home from missing that part that is home). and the best version of yourself, is when you are complete inside that brings joy to be able to be yourself, to be free! which has never been. he should know that now and feel it completely. only god can truly set you free with the truth, especially in this (i should know). THAT SOMEONE WHO HAS PLACED A CURSE AND SPELL ON MOM and i, THE OTHER HALF AND HIS MOTHER, mom and i more of a curse and all that has happened through out that you would know too (AND A FEW OTHER THINGS). as both felt the pain of missing in the children, me and the other half (in the child and all that went wrong). mom would have seen the other part of family in him from his beginnings and his pain from being lost that is the other part (of the daughter), and you would have seen YOURSELF too that matches me and daddy (but more brainwashed away from me by others and all he forgot trying to CONTROL what is in me who i don't really like anymore). WHAT HAS AFFECTED OTHER CLOSE ONE TO ME HERE THAT HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH PAIN FROM BIRTH. AND shares THE SAME in something AS A CONNECTION IN FAMILY THERE IN WHAT GOD SHOWED ME IN THAT PERSON THAT REMINDED YOU A LITTLE of me, you had a nickname for (connected to -ton ton). WHAT has been *TOTALLY* WRONG for me FROM WHERE IT WAS all SUPPOSED TO BE, with the other half. ESPECIALLY WITH GOD IN WHAT IS BEING DONE IN ALL *HE* CREATED IN THIS AND SET FORTH FOR THAT PURPOSE. WHAT HAS BEEN MASSIVELY WRONG TOWARDS ME IN a lot AND ALL I HAVE ENDURED much MORE of SINCE FINDING AND SHOWING THE OTHER HALF THE TRUTH. NONE OF THAT WILL STAND WITH GOD IN ANY WAY. WHY HELL IS STILL IN PLACE FOR THOSE MASSIVE WRONGS AGAINST GOD (THE FIRST IN THAT BEFORE THE last). *---*---*
& didn't ever think THAT IS HOW the other half is supposed to TREAT A very close intimate part to him IN THE WOMAN SIDE CONNECTED TO HIM COMPLETELY, WHO DEPENDS ON HIM IN EVERYTHING FROM THE SOUL DIVIDED (though he would see, know and be kind understanding and loving in WHAT he was supposed to be like to the rest of the soul, not insensitive and absent). THAT FEELS MORE AGGRESSIVE OR PRICKLY TO THE SOUL AT TIMES AFTER SENDING LOVE LIKE RECENTLY AND WHAT WE SHARE. THEN CHANGES AGAIN AND DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM, EXCEPT FOR HIM DOING OTHER THINGS STILL THAT HE HIDES AND KNOWS IT'S WRONG TO THE SOUL. SO TIRED OF IT ALL AS IT DRAINS ME AND THE PAIN FROM NOT STICKING TO ONE THING LIKE HIS OTHER HALF, OR BEFORE HE WON'T BE ABLE TO (UNLESS HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY THAT WILL HURT ME FROM THOSE THREE THINGS, BUT SHOULD WANT TO TALK TO HIS OTHER HALF NO MATTER WHAT AND IS SUPPOSED TO WORK THINGS OUT IF HE'S TRUE). WHO TRUST OTHER STRANGERS MORE THAN HIS OWN SOUL AND THAT IS A BIG PROBLEM FOR ME (BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS A STRANGER IF YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN SOUL FIRST COMPARED TO THAT). I KNOW GOD'S POINT IN THIS COMPLETELY. BUT WHAT'S THE POINT WITH HIM IF HE KEEPS HURTING ME OR PULLING BACK WHEN HE IS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME FORWARD. RUINING ME FROM THE SAME SOUL CONNECTION THAT WILL BE GONE TOO FOREVER, BUT DIFFERENTLY FROM BEING INCOMPLETE IN LIFE OF THE SAME SOUL NEGLECTED (IN WHAT GOD DOES RIGHT AND TRUE, BUT NOT MANY PEOPLE SEE MUCH OF THAT). AND HOW HE HAS BEEN SO FAR TO THE REST OF THE SOUL AND WON'T BE ABLE AS IT CONTINUES FURTHER LIKE THIS. WHAT HAS BECOME MORE FRAGILE AND UNABLE TO FUNCTION WELL FROM WHAT IT HAS DONE ALL THAT TIME. WASN'T SUPPOSED TO GET THIS BAD, BUT BE BACK TOGETHER IN ITS PLACE THAT I ONLY KNEW THEN, DESTROYING MY PATH AND WALK. WHAT THE OTHER HALF DOESN'T SEEM TO GET IN THE MAN SIDE OF HIM FROM THE PEOPLE BUTTING IN FROM THAT WORLD ALL THAT TIME, USING HIM. WHAT HE STILL SURROUNDS HIMSELF WITH (OR WHOEVER ELSE THINKS HE BELONGS TO THEM). INSTEAD OF WHERE HE'S TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE WITH THE OTHER HALF OF THE SOUL (AND AT PEACE). WHAT HAS MESSED WITH HIS LOGIC IN BAD WAYS WITH OTHERS THAT ARE LESS THAN OK, LEADING HIM MORE ASTRAY (NOT SEEING THE TRUTH QUICKER IN WHAT'S ALREADY CONNECTED INSIDE AND HONORING). WHAT DEALS WITH SOMETHING BIGGER AND WOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW THAT'S FALLING A PART. WAS NEVER COMPLETED IN LIFE MAN AND WOMAN IN A CREATION OF GOD TO FLOURISH AND GROW IN WHAT WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE, BUT THE OTHER HALF SEEMINGLY WANTED SOMETHING ELSE TO KEEP ME AWAY. & --------- NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME OR IT WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS WAY LIKE THIS FROM HAVING NOTHING TO UNDERSTAND OR SUPPORT ME. AND WOULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE MORE WHO UNDERSTOOD ME NOW THAT I CAN TRUST. THINGS THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH HERE THAT FEEL LIKE THE OTHER HALF IS DOING TO ME MORE NOW FROM THAT EVIL WORLD (OR MAYBE IT'S NOT HIM, BUT THE ONES HE LIKES BETTER IN THAT EVIL WORLD). THOSE THAT HAVE TIED HIM TO DOING THINGS FOR THEM MORE, TAKING ADVANTAGE. AND DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND SURVIVING THAT WAY, WHILE WRECKING ME. BUT FEEL IT FROM HIM TOO, HOW HE HAS DONE EVERYTHING TO NOT BE THERE AND AVOID. WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HIS EVERYTHING AND DON'T *TRULY* KNOW IF HE EVEN LIKES ME. HOW THE FEELINGS KEEP CHANGING TO A STRONG AFFECTION AND THEN ALL THESE BAD FEELINGS THAT SCARE ME. WHEN HE SEEMS TO WANT THROUGH THE SOUL, THEN IT GOES BAD AGAIN IN A DESTRUCTIVE CYCLE THAT NEVER STOPS. ALSO FEELS LIKE IT'S GETTING WEAKER, BUT WAS VERY STRONG FOR A LONG TIME AND IN ALL I DEALT WITH IN THAT HERE. BESIDES OTHER THINGS IN THE PAST THAT WERE EVEN STRONGER, YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WITHOUT THE SOUL COMING BACK OF WHAT GOD DID. A LOT OF THINGS GET *WORSE*, ESPECIALLY IF WE'RE GONE OF WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN LIFE IN HOW GOD HAD IT. ONLY DISGUSTING HUMANS TURN THINGS THEIR WAYS OF WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TO THEIR CRACKED WAYS (BUT THIS IS SO MUCH DIFFERENT). WHAT MOSTLY INFLUENCES THEM BY THE EVIL POWER OR THE EVIL ONE. AND FOR THOSE (ANYONE) THAT is DOING THAT IN THIS, GOD KNOWS WHERE THEY WILL GO IN THIS QUICKLY. DOESN'T MATTER WHO IT IS WHEN MESSING WITH SOMETHING SACRED OF THE SOUL VULNERABLE THAT GOD CREATED FOR THAT PURPOSE, EVEN IF IT'S A *very* -CLOSE- JEALOUS relative OF OURS AS WELL. KEEP HEARING MOM'S FAVORITE SONG A LOT MORE NOW (LATELY) AND PRAY SHE IS OK AND IT'S A GOOD THIng. -AND ANOTHER BIG STAB FROM THE OTHER HALF of the soul AND THE WEB OF LIES FROM HIS MOUTH THAT I FEEL THROUGH MINE again (COBWEBs), ACTUALLY A BUNCH OF STABS IN A GREAT BIG ONE, AND DADDY COMES *EVERY TIME* AT THE RIGHT TIME. COMES TO THE FINAL COUNT DOWN. SO FEEL WORSE THAN AN ORPHAN NOW, so alone. --AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TOO FROM BEING A SPLIT SOUL GOD CREATED IN ME AND IN THE OTHER HALF (WHO FORGOT). THE FRIEND MARRIED ME LONG AGO AND WENT TO CLASSES HERE AT SACRED HEART (SACRED HEART OF JESUS). SO THAT HE COULD COME DOWN THERE AND MARRY ME IN THE CHURCH AT BLESSED TRINITY (SACRED OF GOD). YOU WOULD SEE EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. IN SOMETHING THAT REPRESENTS THE TRUTH (AND POWERFUL OF GOD). NOT IN THE STEPS OF DOING THAT, WHICH IS NO PROBLEM FOR A WHOLE REGULAR SOUL. BUT IT IS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR A SACRED SPLIT SOUL IN WHAT GOD CREATED THAT IS A PART OF EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING WITH GOD (TWO HALVES AND IN ALL THAT WAS DONE). WHAT HAS BECOME A COLOSSAL LIE IN WHAT WAS NEVER COMPLETED IN LIFE Of WHERE IT WAS TRULY SUPPOSED TO BE (one of the biggest things god detest is liars). and never helped in family or supported in this big circumstance *anywhere* that seemed covered and left me bare, confused, scared and dismantled. AND THE OTHER half NEVER CAME BACK OR SEEM TO WANT TO FOR ME WHERE he WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALWAYS there, TO BE THOSE HANDS TO GUIDE ME BACK THAT NEEDed HIM COMPLETELY. WHAT WILL BE DONE HERE FROM HOW I'VE BEEN FOR SO LONG IN PAIN WITH THE FRIEND OF WHERE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE. DISSOLVING THAT TIE THAT always FELT WRONG FOR Me from the start. BUT UNKNOWING AND INNOCENT MISTAKE I MADE in all my fears then AND TRUSTED IN A PERSON THEN IN MY SITUATION NO ONE ELSE REALLY WANTED to understand (no one PAID much ATTENTION TO and what daddy said to me back then was all true). HOW THAT HAS MESSED UP SO MUCH WITHIN ME from having nothing and no one i could count on there (especially in my situation now). EVEN IF THE OTHER HALF WANTS OR DOESN'T WANT ME, which has never stood up for the real truth of his own. MIGHT BE SOMEONE that does that feels more real and not a lie all these years with nothing to help me *ever*. ALL THAT HAS BEEN DONE TO ME HERE AND THE OTHER HALF NEVER COMING BACK IN WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO at any time. WHICH WILL BECOME EVEN WORSE FROM MESSING UP ALL THAT BALANCE IN WHAT GOD DID OF WHERE IT WAS ALL SUPPOSED TO BE (*ESPECIALLY* IN ME). THE scared GIRL IN HOW i was left by the other half in life here of where i was not supposed to be. what has wrecked me immensely and the connection to him here as well in other ways. WHERE I HAVE BEEN all that time THAT HAS IMBALANCED SO MUCH IN THE SOUL FOR BEING ALL WRONG. BECAUSE OF MY SITUATION WITH THE FRIEND THAT HAS NEVER REALLY DONE ANYTHING TO HELP MY SADNESS THEN or rectify it right from this that was never supposed to be that way, ESPECIALLY AFTER KNOWING (more put to the side in that, sat back only in that). everything else always very slow, unless it was more important to him that needed to be done then (something that has been very difficult to deal with in that style of his way that is not me). OR ANYONE ELSE THERE FOR ME NOW AND WISH THERE WAS. LIKE THE ONE YOU HAD A NICK NAME FOR AND SHE REMINDED YOU A LITTLE OF ME GROWING UP THAT YOU LOVED TOO (BUT HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING IN A VERY LONG TIME after that LITTLE time of saying the truth). THIS HERE WITH THE FRIEND WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AND HOW FAST IT HAPPENED THEN FROM ALL THE FEARS OF BEING HALF I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. HOW IT STILL IS FOR ME IN LIFE AND WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY OR THAT KIND OF DAMAGE INSIDE THE SOUL NOT MANY UNDERSTAND, FROM NEEDING COMPLETELY THE OTHER HALF THERE IN ALL. (OTHERS THAT HAVE SEEN THE OTHER HALF THINK HE LOOKS FINE FROM NOT SEEING WHAT HE IS, ME THEY COULD CARE LESS. FAR FROM FINE IN WHAT THEY CAN'T SEE IN THE TRUTH OF THIS. WHAT HAS WRECKED ME SOOO MUCH MORE SURVIVING LIKE THIS FROM BEING SPLIT. THE OTHER HALF NEVER BEING HERE FOR ME TO SETTLE INSIDE TOGETHER. DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE TOO MUCH WHEN HE KNEW WHO HE WAS, WASN'T HIS FIRST PRIORITY LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOR THE SOUL (but not what he wanted). NOW ALMOST 2021 AND STILL NEVER CAME LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO AND STAY. JUST COMEs STAREs FOR only a little AND THEN GONE TO SOMETHING ELSE HE LIKES BETTER FOR AWHILE, WASTED A LOT OF MY TIME AND HEALTH (FROM PROBABLY MORE EVIL HUMANS GUIDING HIM FOR THEIR POCKETS AND HIS). NEEDed HIM THERE NOW FROM BEING SO MUCH WORSE INSIDE AND IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME THAT becomes a bigger depression WITH HIM in all he still does. WHAT HE DOESN'T WANT OR IS ATTRACTED TO. OR HE WOULD HAVE SET SOMETHING TO COME TO ME OR BE SOMEWHERE PRIVATE with us IN THIS DAMAGE THAT NEEDED TO BE FIXED LONG AGO, before there is no fixing (BUT DON'T KNOW anymore). IMAGINE HOW BAD I NEED HIM THERE NOW, but NEED SOMEONE i can trust more. ALL THAT HAS KEPT ME LIKE THIS AND IN NOTHING for more evil reasons, BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF IN THAT WORLD (and FROM BEING HERE THIS WAY blocked from other things that are also there). ALL A LIE IN LIFE OF WHAT GOD DID THAT IS A POWERFUL CREATION for that purpose AND ALL THAT HAS BEEN WRONG towards me all this time in life (everything crumbling).
888 messing with my half of the soul that has been through agony and still struggling is bad enough (from the evil they POSSESS, DOESN'T matter who it is). but messing with things of what god did for *his* purpose and reason from the start, is beyond worse! and will come again to judge the living and the dead. -
---HE WOULD HAVE MADE IT HAPPEN IF HE REALLY LOVED, WANTED AND CARED A LONG WHILE AGO AS I Do, FROM WAITING ALL THROUGH LIFE FOR HIM IN DIFFERENT PLACES scared and alone (THINKING THAT PERSON WOULD COME BEFORE COMING HERE OR WHEN I JUST GOT HERE IN HOW I STAYED). WHEN I NEEDED HIM ALWAYS AND FEEL HIM COMPLETELY INSIDE, NOT A LIE (OR I NEED TO SAY GOOD-BYE FOREVER AND WISH I WOULD HAVE LEFT WITH DADDY). MOM WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS TOO WHO DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ALL MY PAIN SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE AND THINGS I'VE BEEN THROUGH. PEOPLE BELIEVE IN WORLDLY SHIT, BUT POWERFUL THINGS OF GOD THEY OVERLOOK (THAT'S WHY THIS WORLD IS IN DEEP TROUBLE). CALLED ON TO THE OTHER HALF MANY TIMES IN THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH THAT NEEDED HIM THERE WITH ME, BUT NEVER ---- (EVEN KNOWING THAT I LOVE HIM COMPLETELY THROUGH THE SOUL AND OTHER PAINS I'VE HAD FROM BEING TRAPPED LIKE THIS IN LIFE THAT CAN'T GO ON ANYMORE, JUST TEARS). WHILE STILL GETTING THOSE STINGS FROM HIM AND DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S MEANING ANYMORE FROM TRYING TO BLOCK SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY REAL AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN BY GOD (EVEN IF HE DIDN'T LIKE IT). OR MAYBE THEIR STILL PISSING HIM OFF TRYING TO CONTROL HIS WAY. WHAT IS A LOT MORE PAIN FROM BEING DEPARTED THAT TAKES A LOT MORE OUT OF ME (NEVER AT PEACE OR THE WAY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE). SCARED TOO THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A STRONG LOVE FROM FORGETTING AND BEING LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE FOR SO LONG. WHICH WAS NEVER RIGHT FOR THE BOTH OF US IN WHERE WE WERE AND WISH I COULD REVERSE AND CHANGE IT ALL IN THE RIGHT WAY (AND SO THERE WOULDN'T BE SO MANY SCARS BETWEEN US). THIS IS A SPLIT SOUL, NOT SOMETHING THAT COULD WAIT (BUT SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT). THIS COULD NEVER WAIT FROM BEING A COMPLETE PART OF EACH OTHER AND WHY I'VE BEEN STUCK IN LIFE LIKE THIS FROM THE START. HE JUST LET IT BE LIKE THAT OF SOMETHING THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY, BY IGNORING IT (WRECKING IT MORE EACH DAY IN THAT WORLD). BUT DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO FACE IT WITH ME AND I DO, AND BECAUSE OF GOD AND FOR GOD THE MOST. TRULY HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HIM ALL THROUGH LIFE AND BECOMING THE END THAT NEVER STARTED. WHO SEEMS TO GO BACK AND FORTH WITH HIS FEELINGS AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS STILL OR CONTROLLED BY OTHERS. WHICH IS VERY SCARY TO ME IN A LOT NOW AND SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE AND NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY. WHAT'S DESTROYING US COMPLETELY (ME MORE) AND HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW HE TRULY FEELS (LIKE I DO). WHAT HE IS THAT TRULY TELLS HIM INSIDE HIS HEART AND SOUL, AND SAYS IT OR IT'S NOTHING (MEANING, HE NEVER FELT ANYTHING FOR ME OR COULD MUSTER ANY WORDS). IF HE IS HONEST AND *COMPLETELY* FAITHFUL TO ME, THEN HE WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO *EVER* WORRY ABOUT. BUT NEED TO KNOW HOW DEEP IS HIS LOVE. IT'S WHAT IT IS THAT IS CONNECTED AND MISSING AND ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED NOW. HOW FAR IT HAS GONE LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG IN LETTING THIS GO THAT WILL BE THE WORSE. NOT MANY GET THIS AND UNGRATEFUL IN A LOT OF THINGS OF GOD (BUT WAS FOR REASONS AND TO SHOW THINGS TOO). WHAT CREATES MORE FEARS FROM THE SEPARATION OF THE SOUL ALL THIS TIME THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND (FROM HOW HE HAS BEEN THAT IS MORE CLOUDED). WHAT SCARES ME MORE EVER DAY FROM ALL THE FEELINGS, ESPECIALLY NOW WITHOUT DADDY THERE. OR SOMEONE HAS BLOCKED HIS WAY HE HAS LET IN MORE FROM THAT WORLD, WHICH SHOWS HE HAS NEVER REALLY LOVED ME (BUT AM HIS SPLIT SOUL). AND TRULY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THE OTHER HALF DOESN'T MIND ME BEING THIS WAY HERE SUFFERING IMMENSELY IN EVERYTHING THAT WILL END US. BUT MOSTLY FROM BEING HALF A SOUL WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WELL AS A FRIEND LIKE WHAT THE OTHER HALF SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOR ME THAT IS BIGGER IN THAT FRIEND. AND UNLESS THE OTHER HALF DOES SOMETHING NOW TO GET US BACK AND FOR EVEN HIMSELF (IT ALL DIES BETWEEN US TOO AND IN THAT CONNECTION). WHICH DOESN'T TRULY MATTER TO ANYONE ANYMORE, BUT KNOW IT WOULD TO YOU NOW (BESIDES DADDY AND A COUPLE OTHERS). DON'T KNOW HOW SINCERE THE OTHER HALF IS OR REAL FROM SO MANY SHADY THINGS THAT KEEP HAPPENING AND HOW HE HASN'T BEEN TRUTHFUL OR THERE FOR ME. EVEN NOW WONDER IF HE HAS EVER TRULY PAID ATTENTION TO MY CALL THROUGH THE SOUL OR PICKS UP WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT (AND DON'T KNOW WHETHER TOO GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN SWIRLING IN MY MIND FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW). BECAUSE WHAT IS LIFE IF YOU CAN'T REALLY LIVE IT BEING ONLY HALF WITH NO ONE REALLY THERE FOR YOU ANYMORE THAT UNDERSTANDS YOU BETTER (AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS TAKEN FROM YOU FROM THE START, DADDY WOULD SEE AND KNOW). WHAT PULLS AND DESTROYS YOU IN EVERYTHING FROM WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE AND BE FOR YOURSELF TOO, BUT ALL YOU WEREN'T WANTED FOR THAT MATCHES WHAT YOU ARE THAT IS OF YOU (SO THAT WRECKS EVEN MORE INSIDE AND CHANGES A LOT FOR THE WORSE, BEING LEFT TO DIE THIS WAY IN LIFE THAT WAS ABANDON IN WHAT IS A PART OF YOU). -------I TRULY DON'T FEEL THE FRIEND HERE HAS CARED THAT MUCH ABOUT MY WELL BEING LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE FROM THE START, MAYBE A LITTLE FROM MISSING WHAT'S LOST THAT HELPED HIM A WHOLE LOT. IT'S WHAT HAS MADE HIM FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF FOR A LONG TIME THAT WAS ALWAYS WRONG AND NEVER ANYTHING FIXED FOR ME SOONER THAT IS MORE DIFFICULT NOW, NO ONE REALLY SEES SO NO ONE TRULY UNDERSTANDS (YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND EXPLAINED A FEW OTHER THINGS FROM THE BEGINNING). BUT THE OTHER HALF SHOULD FEEL COMPLETELY FROM OUR DEEP CONNECTION IN THE SOUL, BUT HAS LEFT IT ALL BEHIND AGAIN AND AGAIN SINCE THEN (THAT WILL FADE FOREVER). ----THE FRIEND HAS IGNORED A LOT OF MY PAIN, BUT SAYS HE DOESN'T. PAYS ATTENTION MORE IF I'M TALKING ABOUT THINGS HE CAN TOLERATE FOR HIS BRAIN AT THE TIME. NOWHERE NEAR RIGHT BEING A SPLIT SOUL DEALING WITH THIS STILL THAT HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH WORSE (AND NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED I WOULD END UP LIKE THIS IN A NIGHTMARE YOU CAN'T WAKE UP FROM TO ERASE ALL THIS PAIN, OR EVEN BE ABLE TO BREATHE IN LIFE FROM ALL THAT HAS BEEN DONE THAT'S EVEN MORE DAMAGE THIS WAY). WANTING MORE TO EXIT LIFE NOW FROM IT ALL BEING GONE AND THE OTHER HALF THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO DEEPLY CARE OR SEE THE SAME IN THE REALITY OF THIS. WISHING HE DID OR FELT MORE FROM ALL HE FORGOT HE'S A PART OF THAT IS BIGGER IN SOMETHING DIFFERENT. AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY FOCUSED MORE ON THE THE REST OF HIS SOUL WHEN HE KNEW AND THAT WOULD HAVE MATTERED EVERYTHING (AND HONEST TO). SOMETHING DADDY KNOWS NOW COMPLETELY THAT WAS LEFT ALL ALONE IN LIFE AND IN NOTHING (SUFFERED BADLY AND ALWAYS DYING IN THIS). WHAT IS SO DIFFERENT AND DEVASTATING FROM EVERYTHING THAT NEEDED *A LOT* MORE CARE IN ALL ITS CONNECTION AND CONNECTED TO. I'VE BEEN DECEIVED AND DOUBLE CROSSED MANY TIMES IN THIS OF WHAT GOD DID AND HAD FOR THE SOUL THAT WAS SPLIT (WHAT IS THE OTHER PART OF EACH OTHER THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN NATURAL AND THE CLOSEST, BUT NOT). WHAT WAS ONLY MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. *VERY* DIFFICULT AND PAINFUL TO BELIEVE ALL THIS TIME IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS, FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. WHAT IS TRULY NOTHING AND CONNECTED TO NONE OF THIS THAT IS NOT A REGULAR THING. AND HOW THE OTHER HALF HAS KEPT ON WITH EVERYTHING ELSE IN NO ANSWERS EVER TO ME THAT'S BEEN DEVASTATING INSIDE AS IT GOES. MORE CONFUSING THAT WON'T END WELL AS IT KEEPS LONGER LIKE THIS WITH NEVER A WORD TO HIS OTHER HALF. HE SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED IN ME FROM THE START COMPLETELY. BECAUSE AS IT GOES IT BECOMES SO MUCH WORSE THAT WON'T BE ABLE TO GO FURTHER WITH THE OTHER HALF FROM THE PAIN AND HOW IT HAS BEEN AGAINST WHAT'S REAL (IN NEVER BEING WHOLE). BUT WILL GET WORSE IN ALL AS IT CRUMBLES AND FADES IN NOTHING. FROM HIM NEVER RECOGNIZING THE OTHER PART IN ME THAT IS CONNECTED TO HIM COMPLETELY THAT IS SOOO POWERFUL AND PAINFUL. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE HE HAD NO PROBLEM ADAPTING TO THAT WAS WRONG, WHEN WE ARE THE LIFE TO EACH OTHER IN WHAT GOD DID (SO EVERYTHING WOULD BLOSSOM TOGETHER NATURALLY). AND DON'T WANT SOME CONTROLLED LOVE THAT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT OF WHAT GOD DID, GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING IN WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE. -----MOST OF ALL IT'S THIS "FRIEND" STILL, THE LIES AND THE BIZARRE THINGS THAT I'VE GONE THROUGH THAT KEEP HOLDING ME BACK HERE FROM THE INFO EVERY DAY. BUT ALSO FEEL A LITTLE INSIDE IT'S COMING FROM THAT OTHER PART FOR -THAT- NOT WANTING THE TRUTH OR THE REST OF HIS SOUL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYMORE IN GETTING WORSE INSIDE, BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING HAS BEEN AGAINST ME MORE NOW. NEVER CHANGES AS I FADE AWAY INCOMPLETE OF WHAT GOD DID, SO IT'S NOT THE SAME OF WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AND WHAT GOD WILL DO MORE (AND THAT I NEEDED AND NEED IN EVERYTHING THE OTHER HALF FOR LIFE AND SO DID HE). JUST THE SAME THING THAT NEVER STOPS OR IS EVER RIGHT FOR ME, BUT LOSING EVEN MORE OF MYSELF. NOT WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE FOR ME, BUT WITH THE OTHER HALF FROM BEING HALF A SOUL IN EVERYTHING (BUT ABANDON IN LIFE BY HIM WHO PRETENDS). NEVER HAVING ANY PLACE OF PEACE IN SOMETHING BETTER, BESIDES JUST EXISTING HERE BADLY THAT'S ALL WRONG AND DIFFICULT BEING HALF. BUT THE FRIEND DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND IN HOW HE'S GONE ON FOR SO LONG THIS WAY IN MY PAIN NEVER REALLY MAKING IT BETTER THAT'S NOT ME (AND ME NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO THEN, AND NO ONE REALLY BELIEVING ME IN THIS NOW OR THE OTHER HALF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE). WHICH THE OTHER HALF IS SUPPOSED TO COMPLETELY KNOW BY NOW OR AWHILE AGO, BUT REFUSED IT ALL. BECAUSE IF HE DOESN'T KNOW ME BY NOW, IT'S BECAUSE HE NEVER CARED OR LOVED THE REST OF HIS SOUL FAITHFULLY (IT'S WHAT DOESN'T ATTRACT HIM OR KEEP HIM IN WHAT HE IS OR SUPPOSED TO BE). WHAT THE OTHER HALF FORGOT IN ME OR EVER WANTED, LOVED, ETC FROM HOW IT HAS ALL BEEN (AND NOT SURE HE DOES LOVE ME WITH ALL THAT'S HAPPENED THAT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE, MAYBE). *MOST OF THIS WORLD IS BLIND*. WHAT THE EVIL HAS DONE TOWARDS THE OTHER HALF THROUGH TIME LOSING HIM MORE AND THROUGH THAT CURSE WITH TIME ON HIS HANDS. LOCKED UNDER AND DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT HAS PLAN FOR HIM IF THIS GOES AND AWAY FROM GOD PERMANENTLY AND THE SPLIT SOUL FROM WHAT GOD CREATED IN THIS POWERFUL LOVE TO TAKE UNDER. IN HIM NEVER SEEING WHERE HE BELONGS OR HAVING THE STRENGTH, COURAGE AND BRAVERY IN THE TRUTH FROM BEING SO LOST, TO ALSO GET BACK TO WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LONG AGO WITH ME (AND HOW EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG FROM NEVER BEING RIGHT). WHEN HE SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM HERE FOR HIM AND *KNOW* THE COMPLETE PAIN (MORE). SO HE BETTER NOT HURT ME ANYMORE OR IT WILL BE DONE, AS I HAVE NOT HURT HIM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. JUST THE TRUTH AND PAIN THAT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE IN ME (WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AND NETHER DOES A LOT OF THIS WORLD NOW). WHICH MOM MAY REMEMBER IN A SIGN, WHEN I HAD MY LAST HALLOWEEN PARTY LONG AGO AND NOT ONE SHOWED UP (AND NEVER WANTED TO HAVE ONE ANYMORE, AS EVERYTHING STARTED TO CRUMBLE MORE FOR ME). I REMEMBER ALL OF IT AND WHAT I WAS WEARING TOO. FELT SOOO EMPTY AND EVEN NONNA CAME OVER AND WAS SAD AFTER SEEING EVERYTHING DONE. THEN MOM ASKED IF I WANTED TO GO WITH HER TO THE RESTAURANT SEEING EVERYTHING GO BAD FOR ME. I COULDN'T DECIDE, BUT THEN WENT WITH HER ANYWAY. WAS A VERY SAD NIGHT ALL NIGHT FOR ME, AND DAYS TO COME WITH NO REAL OR TRUE FRIEND FROM SO MANY FAKE ONES (NEVER REALLY HAD ONE I COULD TRULY TRUST OR COUNT ON THAT REALLY SAW MY FEELINGS, TRULY CARED). JUST A FEW ACQUAINTANCES, BEFORE BEING STUCK THIS WAY HERE AND IN ALL MY FEARS. AND THIS HERE WAS NOT MY TRUE FRIEND, BUT SOMEONE I WAS A GOOD FRIEND TO THEN AND RAN WITH FROM WHAT WAS TOLD FROM MY FEARS AND OTHER THINGS. WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHER PART OF THE SOUL IN THIS OF THAT TRUE BEST FRIEND I COULD COMPLETELY TRUST FROM THE SOUL BEING HALF, BESIDES OTHERS MAYBE OUT THERE THAT ARE MORE TRUE (WHAT I'VE NEVER FOUND, JUST STUCK IN DARKNESS FROM SO MUCH IN WHAT I WAS HERE FOR). NOT COMPLETED IN HIM OF THE SPLIT SOUL THAT IS A POWERFUL CONNECTION TO GOD. SEEMS NOT MANY BELIEVE IN TRUE THINGS OF *GOD*. OTHERS THINKING MAYBE I WAS A CRAZY PERSON IN SAYING I'M A SPLIT SOUL TO HIM, WHEN IT'S TRUE AND NOT CRAZY. WHAT HAS BEEN MORE WASTED TIME FOR ME AND THE PAIN THAT'S ENORMOUS, BECAUSE OF THAT REAL POWERFUL LOVE THAT GOD CREATED THAT'S TRUE, BUT NOT EVER TRULY CARED ABOUT BY THE OTHER HALF (AND TO SHOW THIS IN ONE LAST TIME IN GOD'S TRUTH, PART OF THE PLAN IN LIFE). EVERYTHING GOD KNEW WAS GOING TO HAPPEN FROM THE BEGINNING IN ALL THAT WENT WRONG TOO. HOW I CAN'T TAKE THE AGONIZING PAIN ANYMORE OF MISSING IN EVERYTHING, ALONE AND SCARED, WHAT IS BEYOND WORDS (AND NEITHER CAN HE). IF HE SHOWED HE LOVED AND CARED ABOUT ME AS DEEPLY AS I DO FOR HIM, THEN I WOULDN'T BE SOOO SCARED (AND HE WOULD FIND THAT WAY FOR BOTH). HE WOULD HAVE SHOWED ME THE WAY FROM WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE TO ME AND WITH ME *HAND AND HAND*. LIKE GOD HAD IT FOR THE WAY TO REMEMBER EACH OTHER AND WITH EACH OTHER ALWAYS (INSTEAD OF LOST AND SCARED THAT GETS WORSE IN EVERYTHING). BECAUSE OF ALL IT IS CONNECTED TO AND IF IT DOESN'T COME BACK, I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE REST. I CAN'T FUNCTION IN LIFE WELL OR EXIST WELL WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF FROM BEING A COMPLETE PART OF EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING, INCLUDING MY TRUE LOVE. WHAT DEPENDS ON EACH OTHER ALWAYS. NEVER COULD REALLY FUNCTION IN LIFE OF HOW GOD HAD IT AND ALL THAT DADDY WAS ALSO THERE FOR THAT IS A BIG PART OF IT (AND WHY WE HAVE A MASSIVE CONNECTION TOO IN THAT FATHER AND DAUGHTER). THAT IS WHY IT'S EVEN MORE DIFFICULT IN LIFE NOW FOR ME TO BE ALONE FROM THE FAMILIARITY THAT HELPED ME SOOO MUCH THEN OF HIM THERE, AND HIS HANDS I COULD TRUST FROM WHAT GOD DID FOR MY PATH TO REACH (THAT IS IN THE OTHER HALF I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND FIRST TO HELP ME, SO I COULD HELP HIM). JUST GETS SO MUCH WORSE INSIDE UNTIL IT'S GONE, BECAUSE IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE SUFFERED LIKE THIS OR BEEN ALONE THIS LONG, BUT REJOINED LONG AGO FOR AND IN THE SOUL. IN HOW GOD CREATED THIS. DIES ETERNALLY, BECAUSE IT WAS CREATED ETERNALLY AND IS ALL IN EACH OTHER (OR GOES ALL DOWN FROM IT NOT BEING WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN LIFE AND ALL CONNECTED TO). IN THE LOVE AND ALL THE EMOTIONS THAT COMPLETES BOTH OF US WITHIN AND THAT MASSIVE LIGHT IS GONE IN THE WORLD. AND UP TO GOD IN WHERE EVERYTHING GOES, AND IN A LOT THAT I ALREADY KNOW (THE OTHER HALF WAS WELL NOTIFIED ABOUT IT AND HAS KNOWN THE TRUTH FOR A LONG TIME NOW, IT WAS UP TO HIM IN THE REST THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS AND HOW IT HAS GOTTEN IN THE SOUL). HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT MAN THERE FOR ME I COULD TRUST AND WALK BESIDE ME ALWAYS, SO WE COULD REJOIN AND WALK TOGETHER (TO HELP ME FROM BEING SO LOST AND SCARED AND BECOMING WORSE NOW). TO FINALLY HELP EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING ALWAYS AND TO HEAL IN EVERYTHING THAT MAKES YOU BETTER (WHOLE AND COMPLETE). WHAT WAS HE WAITING FOR IN ALL THAT TIME? HE NEEDS TO REACH OUT TO ME NOW AN ATTEMPT OR SOMETHING (IF HE PROMISES HE WANTS IT COMPLETELY AND NO BACKING OUT ANYMORE). IF HE DOESN'T DEEPLY LOVE, THEN IT WON'T WORK (FROM BEING USED TO HIS OTHER WAYS). BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF GETTING THE BACK AND FORTH CRAP WITH HIM AND THE PAIN THAT NEEDS TO STOP OR IT WILL BE OVER FOR GOOD. WHERE HE WANTS IT COMPLETELY AND SOMETHING COMES ALONG AND STARTS SENDING THE PAIN AND THE MOST TERRIBLE EMOTIONS AND VIBES FROM HIM, AND HIS STINGER THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME (OR DOESN'T WANT TO HERE MY TRUTH). SO IT'S JUST TEARS, SADNESS AND PAIN OF BEING EMPTY FROM NEVER FINDING ANYTHING THAT WAS RIGHT FROM FEARS. SINCE THE OTHER HALF NEVER WANTED WHAT WAS REAL AND DIDN'T KNOW THAT PART IN HIM EITHER (OF NOT WANTING WHAT'S A PART OF HIM). GETTING LESS UNDERSTANDING FROM HIM AS WE FADE MORE. WHEN I WAS HERE FOR HIM AND US (AND TO SHOW THE TRUTH FOR GOD). WHAT I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS AND WHERE I WAS ALREADY SUPPOSED TO BE WITH HIM (IN PEACE) AND CAN'T HOLD ON TO LIFE WITHOUT HIM. OR GO THROUGH LIFE FURTHER WITHOUT HIM BESIDE ME THERE (MY DIRECTION WHO IS MY LIFE). AS HE MAKES IT MORE UNBEARABLE IT WON'T EVER HAPPEN, SO HE BETTER STOP WITH WHAT EVER HE KEEPS ON WITH. FOCUS ON ME, HIMSELF AND US, BECAUSE I'M LOSING ALL DIRECTION AND NON OF THIS CAN WAIT ANYMORE. IT'S HOW WE WERE ALWAYS CONNECTED AS ONE BY GOD AND CREATED THAT WAY. EVERYTHING HERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN WRONG THAT GOT WORSE A LITTLE EACH DAY, EVEN FOR OTHER THINGS (NOTHING THERE TO SUPPORT OR TRULY HELP *ME* IN MY FEELINGS OR CARE ENOUGH IN THAT FOR ME). BUT NEVER KNEW WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO, OR WHAT WAS ALL GOING ON FROM THE FEARS (THAT NO ONE WOULD EVEN BELIEVE OR SUPPORT EVEN IF I DID KNOW COMPLETELY THEN). WHY GOD HAS HIS TIME FOR EVERYTHING FOR SO MANY THAT DON'T UNDERSTAND MUCH OF ANYTHING OR BELIEVE IN *HIM* (OR IN THIS THAT WAS CREATED AND DESIGNED BY GOD). WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WAS NO OTHER PLACE, BUT IN TIME WITH THE OTHER HALF. WHAT NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND WELL ENOUGH. I JUST NEED MY SPLIT SOUL COMPLETELY WHO SHOULD KNOW FOR HIM TOO, AND TALKING TOGETHER WILL ALLEVIATE A LOT MORE FEARS FOR BOTH. MY SOUL IS BEING PULLED IN ALL DIRECTIONS FROM HIM THAT ISN'T GOOD, ESPECIALLY NOW. IN WHERE IT SHOULD PERMANENTLY BE WITH HIM AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN ALL THAT IS MISSING IN EACH OTHER. IT WAS ALREADY WRITTEN IN GOD'S UNIVERSE OF *US* AND HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE (IN HOW EVERYTHING IN LIFE GOD DID AND IN THIS, AND THE FAITH HOPE AND LOVE THAT IS ONE TRUE GOD). GOING AGAINST THIS IN ALL GOD DID, IS GOING AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT WILL FALL (AND MORE). IT'S NOT JUST WRITTEN IN THE STARS, IT'S WRITTEN IN THE UNIVERSE (AND SHOWED TO A KING, AS THE EVIL POWER HAS TRIED TO DESTROY IT THROUGH TIME SO IT WOULD NEVER REACH ITS PLACE). EVERYWHERE I LOOK I PICTURE AND SEE THE OTHER HALF. BUT DON'T, ONLY SEE EMPTINESS (YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN). I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WAITING FOR HIM THAT NEVER SHOWS UP. SO I NEVER KNEW WHAT TO DO AND BECAME MORE PARALYZED OR FROZEN INSIDE (THAT GETS SCARY). HE NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING TO START US AND BE BRAVE FOR ME SOON, NOW.
*
*THE FLOWER OF GOD AND MORE*.
***:( AND THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH MY WHOLE LIFE, LIVING IN A FOOLS PARADISE. A FOOLS GAME IN THAT WORLD, THE WORST HEARTACHE YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY HAVE. WHAT DEPENDS ON THE SOUL AND EVERYTHING WITHIN (THAT IS IN HIM AND EACH OTHER). WHAT MOST OF THE WORLD TOOK AWAY. ^^^^^^^^AND IF THE OTHER HALF OF MY SOUL WAS MASSIVELY IN LOVE WITH ME, THE REST OF HIS HEART AND SOUL WOULD SING (YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN IN THAT TOO). HE WOULD ALREADY HAVE FOUND A WAY TO HAVE SEEN OR BEEN WITH ME LONG AGO, AND WOULD HAVE TRUSTED IN ME (AND IN US), NO POINT ANYMORE. HIS HEART AND SOUL WOULD HAVE FOCUSED, FELT AND FIGURED THAT OUT THEN FROM WHAT EVERYTHING WITHIN HIM WANTED AND NEEDED (INCLUDING HELPING THOSE FEARS AT FIRST). NEVER BOTHERED, UP UNTIL NOW IN NOTHING. WHAT HE IS A PART OF, ESPECIALLY THE LOVE ALONE WOULD HAVE MOVED HIM AND MADE HIM DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR HIS TRUE LOVE (NOT WHAT IT WAS EVER ABOUT FOR HIM IN ME FROM THE GAMES HE HAS ALWAYS PLAYED IN THAT WORLD). BUT FOR ME THAT WAS NOT THE WAY IT *EVER* WAS IN MY HEART. AND HAS BEEN MORE LIKE, I WAS HERE FOR HIM BY GOD IN THIS MASSIVE CONNECTION AND SPIT IN GOD'S FACE (AND DISRESPECTED ME COMPLETELY IN EVERYTHING THAT WE ARE AND WERE, ALL THIS TIME). WHAT GOD DID FROM THE BEGINNING. AS WELL AS, ABANDONED ALL THAT TIME BY HIM IN WHAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING IT WAS FOR. BUT ETERNAL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETE IN COMING TOGETHER, ALWAYS AND FOREVER (GOD'S FOREVER) . ALL IT CAUSES IN ME AND IS A DIRECT PART OF EACH OTHER, BUT WITHOUT ANY OF IT ALL THAT TIME. HASN'T GIVEN ANY LOVE, JUST TAINTED LOVE FROM THE OTHER HALF THROUGH THE SOUL, HIDING THE TRUTH. ALL FOR A FLOOZY HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WELL TRULY AND OTHER THINGS, BUT THINKS SHE'S ALL THAT TOO, WHEN SHE'S NOT (YOU CAN SEE BY LOOKING AND SEEN WAY BETTER). TRYING TO MAKE A NAME FOR HERSELF THROUGH HIM, USING HIM LIKE *MANY HAVE* (BUT ANOTHER LIAR FOR HERSELF). WHILE ERASING ME FROM THE ENTIRE PICTURE IN A SPLIT SOUL GOD CREATED NOT MANY BELIEVE IN. AFFECTING EVERYTHING INSIDE AND BODY, BUT ALL THINK IT'S OK WITH GOD. THE OTHER HALF WOULD HAVE KNOWN A LOT THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH HERE AS WELL AND CARED IMMENSELY, BUT NEVER DID. WOULD HAVE CHANGED THINGS DIFFERENTLY IN ALL THAT HAS BEEN SINKING FOR ME (MADE THINGS RIGHT AS GOD HAD FOR US AND NOT DAMAGED SO MUCH). AND WOULD HAVE WANTED THAT COMPLETELY IF HE WAS A TRUE AND BETTER MAN, DESPITE BEING INCOMPLETE OF THE SOUL (AND A MAN IN PAIN, UNDERSTATED FOR HIM TOO). BUT WASHED HIS MIND MORE AWAY FROM ME IN WHAT HE TRULY IS ALL THAT TIME. TO WHAT'S REAL, INSTEAD OF SOME REGULAR EVIL SOUL AND OTHERS IN THAT WORLD (BUT VERY OBVIOUS WHY HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING FROM THE START). INCLUDING, THE BAD VIBES I DEAL WITH HERE ON A REGULAR BASIS WHO NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. WHAT HAS GONE ON SINCE BEFORE HIM KNOWING, JUST GOT WORSE. WHAT THIS ALL DOES INSIDE THAT IS SO DESTRUCTIVE, MASSIVELY DEPRESSING AND SO ALONE FROM BEING SPLIT. SO WHY HASN'T HE DONE WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE OR IT WILL BE GONE? ***: *
S------------------S ALL THE BIKES YOU HAD AND RACES YOU WON, AND MOTORCYCLE RIDING WE DID AND THE THINGS YOU TAUGHT ME GROWING UP. AND ALL THE BARBECUES WE HAD ON THAT BIG BRICK ONE DADDY BUILT THAT WAS SO AMAZING AND COOL LOOKING. WE DID A LOT ON THAT UNTIL IT WAS ALL OVER (AND THAT ITALIAN SALSA I REMEMBER MOM AND DAD WOULD ALWAYS MAKE THEN FOR THE BARBECUES TOGETHER AND STILL REMEMBER WHAT IT TASTE LIKE). YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT THAT MUCH THEN, BUT MORE THE STANDARD KIND. AND THE FIRST TIME I TASTED KETCHUP ON EGGS THAT YOU INTRODUCED ME TO THAT TASTED PRETTY GOOD. WHEN MOM THOUGHT IT WAS GROSS AND DADDY JUST LOOKED AT YOU AND SMILED (BUT DIDN'T LIKE THAT). AND ALL THE FUN TIMES WE HAD IN THE POOL THAT WAS AMAZING THEN. WITH ALL THE TABLES, LIGHTENING AND THINGS DADDY WOULD GET AND DO TO MAKE IT LOOK SO AWESOME. ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT WHERE WE HAD SO MUCH FUN AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS HE DID FOR US. I REMEMBER ALL OF IT AND THE DIFFERENT AREAS AND HOW WE WOULD CHANGE THINGS FOR THAT TOGETHER AND ALWAYS WANTED MY OPINION. HOW HE WOULD SET THINGS UP AND KNOW HE DID ALL OF THAT FOR US AND IN SO MANY OTHER THINGS HE DID. I REMEMBER THE DRESSING ROOM IT HAD AND WAS IN IT A LOT AND THE OTHER ROOM THAT WAS RIGHT NEXT TO IT ATTACHED. WHAT RAN THE WHOLE POOL SYSTEM AND WHAT DADDY ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF THEN TOO. HE WOULD ALSO CLEAN IT AFTER HE CAME HOME FROM WORK AT NIGHT A LOT OF TIMES AND HELPED HIM TOO (AND REMEMBER HOW BRIGHT AND CLOSE THE MOON ALWAYS LOOKED). I REMEMBER WAITING FOR HIM A LOT AND WAS THERE AT NIGHT WITH HIM (ALWAYS COULDN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM COMING HOME, UNLESS ON THE DAYS I WOULD GO TO HIM A LOT TO THE RESTAURANT AND THE THINGS WE DID THERE TOGETHER TOO, BUILT A LOT). I REMEMBER SO MUCH MORE AND ALL WE DID AND HAD A BLAST THEN WITH EVERYONE THERE. AND THAT PLACE YOU ALWAYS LOVED AS A LITTLE BOY THAT DADDY WOULD ALWAYS STOP FOR YOU WHEN WE WOULD GO ON LONG VACATION ROAD TRIPS (BOB'S BIG BOY, YOU WERE ALWAYS EXCITED TO STOP EVERY TIME YOU SAW THE STATUE OF IT). I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO, BECAUSE I STILL FEEL IT ALL LIKE A SCARED CHILD INSIDE FROM NOT BEING COMPLETED IN LIFE AND HOW IT IS ALL DESTROYING ME MORE FROM BEING CONNECTED AS A SPLIT SOUL (WHAT WASN'T THOUGHT OF ENOUGH BY HIM). BUT IF IT'S NOT TRULY REAL IN HIS HEART LIKE I HAVE BEEN, THEN IT DOESN'T WORK IN ANYTHING OR WITH GOD. AND ALL THE OTHER HALF HAS PUT ME THROUGH FROM THIS CONNECTION THROUGH THE SOUL I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST. WHAT WILL BE VERY BAD AND TOO LATE FROM NEVER BEING FINISHED WITHIN OF WHAT GOD DID THAT'S CONNECTED TO A LOT ("BUT WHEN PERFECTION COMES, THE IMPERFECT DISAPPEARS"). EVERYTHING CHANGES, BUT NEVER THAT FOR ME FROM BEING UNFINISHED THAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS (AND THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN AND PULL IT CAUSES WITHIN THAT'S DEVASTATING). I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THINGS SINCE A CHILD AND FROM THAT CONNECTION I ALWAYS FELT WITH GOD. BUT DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST THE OTHER HALF AND WANT TO COMPLETELY LIKE WHEN I FIRST SAW HIM FROM BEING THE OTHER PART THAT I THOUGHT WAS TRUE. I DEFINITELY DON'T TRUST A LOT ANYMORE HERE, WHO HASN'T BEEN THAT TRUE AS THAT FRIEND AND FOR DECADES ALL HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH. DOESN'T SEEM TO SEE IT TOO WELL, BUT SAYS HE DOES YET STILL THIS WAY. WHO TELLS ME TO SHUT UP MANY TIMES FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING MY PAIN AND GOES BACK TO HIS PHONE MOST OF THE DAY FROM NOT GETTING IT TOO WELL. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS AN ARGUMENT THAT GETS BAD AT TIMES IN MY PAIN AND ANGER AND TIRED OF THAT. NOT HOW I WOULD BE BEFORE COMING HERE OR HIS LIFE STYLE THAT'S DRAGGED ME UNDER MORE. WHILE I DIE EVEN WORSE AROUND HIM AND NOTHING THERE TO HELP THAT I CAN TRUST FOR ME (WHILE NO ONE AROUND SEES WHAT I TRULY AM). ONLY HAS THE SAME EXCUSES THAT GO NOWHERE, WHEN DADDY KNEW HE WAS NOT GOOD FOR ME AND CHANGED ME MORE FROM THE PAIN HE WOULD HEAR BACK THEN ON THE PHONE, AND THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW THE REST. BUT NEVER HAD ANYONE TRULY THERE THEN TO UNDERSTAND ME IN MUCH OF ANYTHING AND ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH EVEN HERE BY THAT TIME. DIDN'T KNOW HOW THE FRIEND TRULY WAS YET AS THAT FRIEND, THAT DIDN'T SEEM TOO BAD FROM HOW HE ACTED THEN AND ALL THAT WAS THERE FOR ME, BUT CHANGED DIFFERENTLY LATER ON (BUT I KNEW IT NEVER MATCHED MORE THAN FRIEND, BECAUSE I AM TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN HE IS AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIFFERENT IN HOW GOD CREATED THIS UNIQUE). BUT WAS TRYING TO HAVE A FRIEND THEN WITH ALL I WAS GOING THROUGH AND HE WANTED THAT TOO. WHAT HE COULD NEVER SEE WELL FROM BEING ALONE AND WHAT HE LIKED. BUT EVEN AFTER BEING HERE COULDN'T SEE MY REAL PAIN WELL AT ALL EITHER. WHEN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DIFFERENT AND SUPPORTIVE FROM SO MUCH I WAS GOING THROUGH ALREADY AND KNEW SOME OF MY FEELINGS. JUST BECAME SO DIFFICULT TO DO ANYTHING HERE FOR ME AND THE WAY I TRULY WAS WITH DADDY THAT WAS MORE MYSELF, OR TO EVER BE ME THAT STUNTED THAT MORE HERE. NEVER THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAPPEN FROM HAVING A FRIEND IN HOW IT STARTED THAT WAS JUST HAVING SOMEONE THERE THAT CARED FROM HAVING NOTHING WHERE I WAS AT (THAT I COULD TRUST). THOUGHT HE UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER, WHEN I NEEDED SO MUCH MORE. AND ONE TIME SAID I WAS HIS SOUL MATE HERE, BEFORE I EVER KNEW ABOUT THE OTHER HALF'S EXISTENCE BY GOD (AND HATED THAT WORD FROM NEVER BELIEVING IT). FELT MORE SCARED WHEN I HEARD IT FROM HIM THINKING I WAS LIKE HIM IN WHAT I NEVER FELT OR SAW (AND FELT MORE DOOMED INSIDE FROM HIM NOT KNOWING ME WELL AT ALL, BUT SAID HE DID AND TRUSTED THAT THEN). DADDY WOULD KNOW THAT IS NOT TRUE, SINCE HE SAID I WAS LIKE NO ONE IN THIS WORLD MORE THAN ONCE AND IS RIGHT (SO IS HE IN HOW GOD CREATED THE WHOLE THING). WHEN ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT THE PERSON HERE THEN WAS THAT GOOD FRIEND AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TRULY TO DO OR TO LOSE THAT FRIEND FROM BEING SO ALONE. WHO WANTED TO BE THERE FOR ME, BUT TO COME HERE IN WHERE HE LIVED (AND NEEDED IT THEN FROM BEING SO SCARED NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH NO ONE TO UNDERSTAND ME, AND OTHER PAINS I DEALT WITH). BUT HAD A DIFFERENT OUT LOOK IT SEEMED LATER ON AND I WAS ALREADY HERE FROM MY FEARS FEELING SO LOST AND ALONE. BUT STARTED TO THINK ALL THIS TIME NOW, THAT NOT EVEN THE OTHER HALF IS LIKE ME IN A LOT OF HIS FEELINGS AND PRIORITIES. EVEN THOUGH HE IS THE OTHER PART OF THE SPLIT IN THE SAME SOUL GOD CREATED SPECIAL FOR A BIGGER REASON AND IS SUPPOSED TO BE AND FEEL IT ALL! BUT THAT WORLD HAS CHANGED HIM FOR THE WORSE IN MY CASE THAT'S DESTROYED ME MORE (IN EVERY WAY A TRUE PERSON CAN BE AND WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED IT). IN WHAT THE OTHER HALF SHOULD HAVE SEEN AND BELIEVED IN COMPLETE FAITH, BUT ACTED SO DIFFERENTLY THEN WHEN HE FIRST SAW. OR AT LEAST HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD REALLY HARD FROM THIS SHOCKING NEWS AND REALITY, AWAKENED HIM FROM THE BRAINWASHING IN THAT INFECTED WORLD THAT AFFECTED HIM DIFFERENTLY (AND STILL FEELS FAKE IN THINGS WITH HIM). I WOULD HAVE SHOWED YOU THOSE PHOTOS AND YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN A LOT, SO WOULD DADDY EVEN MORE. WHAT I THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE ACTIVE AND ON THE BALL FOR MY SAKE EVEN MORE IN ALL THAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME IN LIFE AND FROM ALL THAT HE HAS TORN A PART (BUT HE NEVER CAME TO HELP ME OUT LONG AGO AND HAS BEEN ALMOST THE SAME, DOESN'T GET IT). LIKE THE OTHER HALF'S WITCH THAT IS STUCK TO HIM. ONLY I HAVE TO STILL DEAL WITH THIS IN NO HELP FROM THE THE FRIEND HAVING THE EXCUSE THAT HE IS STILL MARRIED AND GOING TO "FIX" THINGS. WHAT MARRIAGE WHEN IT NEVER FELT THAT WAY, BUT A HIDING PLACE FROM MY IMMENSE FEARS (AND DID THAT A LOT THEN). WHEN I'M A SPLIT SOUL TO ANOTHER WHO IS ALSO INCOMPLETE AND NO ONE GETS IT, EXCEPT THE EXTENSION THIS FAR. WHEN HIS MIND SET IS MORE LIKE, I DON'T SEE THE PRESENCE OF THE OTHER HALF AND NEVER CAME, SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH (BECAUSE MAYBE IT'S NOT THAT BAD, BUT FORGOT ABOUT GOD IN WHAT *HE* DID IN THIS THROUGH THE CONNECTION OF THE SOUL AND IN EVERYTHING ELSE INSIDE). SOMETHING SACRED I DON'T THINK HE CAN WRAP HIS MIND AROUND TOO WELL OR THE *PAIN*. THAT'S WHY HE CALLS IT YELLING, WHEN IT IS PURE AGONY. AND DEALING WITH HIM GETS MORE PAINFUL WITH NO PEACE IN SIGHT, ESPECIALLY THE WAY I FEEL NOW (AS DADDY WOULD SAY, HAS NO BRAIN IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS). HE'S NOT GOING THROUGH IT AND DOESN'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT, EVEN AFTER BEING AROUND YOU A LOT AND EXPLAINING AND WATCHING YOU FADE (BUT SOME DO AND DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND IT TO KNOW THEY CAN JUST SEE). YOU PROBABLY WOULD SAY THE SAME SEEING MY FACE AND EVERYTHING ELSE NOW. SAME KIND OF SHITTY HUMANS THAT DON'T KNOW HOW THEY ARE DAMAGING THINGS WITHIN (AND ENDS UP REALLY BAD AS IT CONTINUES). THEY HAVE TO GET TO THE END TO REALIZE WHEN IT BECOMES TOO LATE, WHO NEVER REALLY LEARN ANYTHING IN LIFE OR SEE TRUE SUFFERING, "BUT SAY THEY DO". AS I CONTINUE TO DEAL WITH MORE OF THIS HELL THAT IS STILL NOT DONE. BUT CONSTANT TOXICITY EVERY DAY FROM BEING HALF IN ALL I ENDURE HERE THAT NOT MANY BELIEVE OR WHAT I AM (LET ALONE UNDERSTAND IT, VERY FEW DO). WHAT CAN'T FUNCTION ALONE FROM THIS WHOLE THING NOW AND THE SUFFOCATION FOR SO LONG HERE AS THE SOUL FADES IN A WAY MANY CAN'T COMPUTE (YET THEY UNDERSTAND ABOUT GOD, BUT NOT A MIRACLE HE CREATED). JUST STUPID PEOPLE MORE THAN NOT. WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH AND FEEL FROM THE OTHER HALF IS NO LIE (AND US), BUT HIM MORE CONTROLLED AND DEAD IN A DISAPPOINTING DEPRESSIVE WAY THAT CAUSES MORE FROM HIS QUICK SAND (SINKING FAST). HOW I COULDN'T GET THROUGH TO HIM AT ALL THAT'S CRITICAL AND THAT WAS THEN (BUT NOW SEEMS WORSE). DOESN'T SEEM TO GET THE LONGER IT GOES CHANGES A LOT IN THAT BALANCE WITHIN. IN DEALING WITH THINGS FOR ME THAT'S BEEN TOO LONG AND DIFFICULT IN ALL I NEEDED (NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE SAME AS ANOTHER). WHAT ALSO DIDN'T SEEM TO HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS OR BELIEF THEN IN THE SAME THING FOR US (THE OTHER HALF). WHEN HE KNEW AND NEVER STOPPED FOR THAT TRUTH AT ALL (AND DO KNOW WE'RE NOT COMPLETED STILL). HOW IT WILL GET SO MUCH WORSE FROM WHAT GOD DID THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SACRED AND IN IT'S PROPER PLACE, BUT FAITHFULLY AND TRUTHFULLY IN THE WAY GOD HAD IT AND WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. BUT STARTING TO FEEL INSIDE MORE ALONE FOR AWHILE LOOKING AT HIM AS HE CONTINUES THAT IS BECOMING NOT WELL IN A LOT. THAT THERE WAS NEVER ANY TRUE PERSON THAT UNDERSTOOD ME IN LIFE THAT WAS CLOSER TO ME OR EVEN SOMEONE I COULD TRUST AS THAT TRUE FRIEND (AND HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING, BUT THIS STATE AND STILL STUCK AND CAGED FROM WHAT I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS, BECAUSE OF GOD IN WHAT WAS CREATED DIFFERENTLY). SO MUCH THAT WAS RUINED WITHIN ME FROM THE FRIEND NOT LISTENING TO MUCH OR UNDERSTANDING MY TRUE FEELINGS, AND SEPARATES ME FROM THE REST LIKE NO BIG DEAL IN HIS ACTIONS. WHEN I UNDERSTAND IN A LOT HE HAS NO CLUE IN AND FOR ALL OF GOD'S REASONS. WHO ONLY UNDERSTANDS HOW HE WANTS TOO AND EXEMPTS MY TRUE FEELING FROM MY PAIN HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR NOW. WHAT HAS BEEN DESTROYING ME MORE IN NOTHING BEING HIS WAY HERE. BUT SAYS I'M BEING RUDE FROM MY PAIN, WHEN I'M NOT (DOESN'T GET IT MOST OF THE TIME AND WILL CALL ME STUPID AND A LOT IN OUR ARGUMENTS, THEN SAYS SORRY AND HE WAS JUST TIRED, HUNGRY, ETC. WHEN HE'S AN IDIOT IN A LOT AND ALL HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND (WHAT ALL COMES BY GOD). ALL THE THINGS HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST THAT HAS ALSO RUINED MY FUTURE AND DOESN'T SEE IT TOO WELL EITHER. THINKS HE'S GOING TO FIX IT A LITTLE, WHEN THAT TIME IS GONE (MAYBE SOME HEALING THAT HAS NEVER BEEN DONE). DOESN'T GET IT AS MUCH AS HE SAYS HE DOES, EVEN THE EXTENSION GETS WHY NOW AND ALL THAT GOT MESSED UP FOR HIM HE FEELS THROUGH THIS WHOLE CONNECTION. WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAS ALL TAKEN AWAY AND FROM HERE. WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO TELLING THE FRIEND, YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM. BUT SAYS YES I DO, "I KNOW YOUR A SPLIT SOUL". DOESN'T GET THE ENTIRETY, BUT DOESN'T SEEM TO TAKE WHAT HE SAYS HE KNOWS AS A BIG DEAL (OR WHAT I GO THROUGH THAT BECOMES VERY PAINFUL WITH HIM AS LONG AS I WAS AROUND, WHICH HAS BEEN WRONG AND WAY OVER TIME HERE). OR WHAT HE HAS CAUSED IN SO MUCH MORE PAIN AND TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN HE IS. I DID LIKE HIM A LOT THEN AS THAT FRIEND ONLY AND WANTED IT TO BE THAT WAY THAT MADE ME FEEL A TINY BIT BETTER (HE KNEW THAT TOO IN THOSE PROMISES HE MADE THAT I BELIEVED THEN). BUT THEN STARTED ACTING TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND NOT THAT FRIEND I KNEW AFTER BEING IN THIS STATE FOR A LITTLE BIT. I WISH I KNEW THEN, WHAT I KNOW NOW ABOUT THIS PERSON THAT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA AT ALL (BUT DIDN'T KNOW HIM THAT LONG THEN IN MY SITUATION AND WAS 19), BUT ME BEING REAL SCARED A LOT AND MY FEARS I COULDN'T LOOK UP WELL TO SEE MUCH OF ANYTHING THEN (NOW IT'S MORE JUST FEARS). IT ENDED UP MORE WHAT HE WANTED, WHILE I WAS ALWAYS IN PAIN HE DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION TOO, AND ALL I WENT THROUGH HERE THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY (AND CAUSED A LOT OF MASSIVE DISTRESS). IN HOW HE SEEMED DIFFERENT WITH ME THEN FROM ALL I WAS ENDURING AS A FRIEND AND SEEM TO UNDERSTAND ME BETTER BEFORE THE MARRIAGE (BETTER AS A FRIEND THEN ANYTHING ELSE, BUT NOT FOR MARRIAGE OR ANYTHING ELSE). NOT BEING RUDE OR MEAN, JUST SAYING THE TRUTH OF SOOO MUCH PAIN I WAS NEVER ABLE TO SPEAK OF FROM ALL I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GOING THROUGH AND MY EXPERIENCE HERE (MOSTLY JUST SCARED AND QUIET ALL THE TIME BEFORE, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT EVEN MORE). SOMETHING THE FRIEND DIDN'T MIND OR WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME HE NEVER ASKED TO FIGURE ME OUT, BUT SEEMED TO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO A LOT OF IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE. JUST LIKED ME BEING AROUND HIM KNOWING I WAS ALWAYS SCARED HIDING BEHIND HIM, BECAUSE IT KEPT ME WITH AND AROUND HIM AND MADE HIM FEEL GOOD THEN (BUT I WAS ALWAYS SO LOST AND SAD). NO ONE WAS THERE TO SEE ANYTHING OR EVEN HELP IN THAT (IN SOMEONE I COULD HAVE TRUSTED A LOT MORE OR BETTER). I FELT LIKE I WAS ALWAYS IN THE WRONG PLACE OR DROPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IN LIFE WITH NO DIRECTION IN ANYTHING EVER (UNTIL GOD SHOWED ME ALL OF IT THAT WAS SCARIER, BUT A RELIEF ALL AT THE SAME TIME). WHAT IT HAS BEEN LIKE FOR ME HERE AND HOW INVISIBLE I FEEL IN LIFE, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT DADDY SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE WITH THE FRIEND. I KNOW SOME OUT THERE WOULD UNDERSTAND CLOSE TO COMPLETE IN WHAT I'VE SAID AND KNOW YOU DO NOW TOO. OTHERWISE IT'S MOSTLY SORRY FROM THE FRIEND AND SAYS THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT. ALSO SAYS, I HAVE TO WAIT A LITTLE LONGER FOR THE MONEY TO COME IN BEFORE HE COULD DO ANYTHING AND HAS SAID THAT FOR YEARS IN DIFFERENT THINGS. WHAT HE WAS ALSO GOING TO HELP IN MY HEALTH THAT HE HAS MADE WORSE. WHICH HAS ALSO CAUSED ME NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD IN ANYTHING, BECAUSE OF THE FRIEND IN AT LEAST GETTING THOSE PAPERS DONE. WHAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED TO ANOTHER, BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM BY GOD AND WHAT WAS DONE THROUGH THE SOUL THAT WAS CREATED A SACRED LOVE. WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW FROM BEING SO LOST AND BY THE FRIEND MESSING UP THINGS SO MUCH MORE IN ME (AND OTHER THINGS). AND WAS SUPPOSED TO FINALLY GET TO DADDY FROM THE TRUTH HE FELT. WHICH NOW SET ME BACK IN SO MUCH MORE FROM THE FRIEND WITH MORE FEARS AGAIN AND FROM A LOT OF OTHER THINGS TOO (AND WORSE THAN WHEN I CAME HERE). SO IT HAS BEEN EVERY DAY WAITING FOR A PACKAGE WITH THAT MONEY AND THE STORIES ABOUT THAT ALWAYS CHANGE. EVEN THE EXTENSION HAS SAID IT SOUNDS LIKE BULL, YOU ALREADY WENT THROUGH THAT YEARS AGO AND NOT RIGHT IN WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH (AND HAS ALSO SAID, HE NEVER DOES MUCH OF ANYTHING TO EVER HELP YOU, SOMEONE ELSE NEEDS TO ACTUALLY GET YOU OUT FROM HOW MANY EXCUSES). WHAT HAS CAUSED SO MUCH MORE IN ME I CAN'T BALANCE ANYMORE AND THE PERSON I'M ACTUALLY CONNECTED TO, HAS SEEMED TO HAVE LOST HIS MIND (FORGOT A WHOLE LOT). HOW THE FRIEND TAKES THIS AS NOT BEING THAT IMPORTANT, BUT THEN SAYS I KNOW IT IS AND GOES RIGHT BACK TO HIS PHONE TYPING (AND THE EXTENSION SAYS, WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR YOU NOTHING). -HOW ABOUT THE TRUTH AND DEEP PAIN THAT HAS BEEN DONE TO MY SPIRIT AND SOUL FROM THE FRIEND THAT IS SO WRONG AND DOESN'T NEARLY SEE AS MUCH AS HE SHOULD NOW IN ME. WHAT HAS NOT TRULY BEEN CARED ABOUT IN ANYTHING (UNLESS I'M THERE FOR HIM OR ATTENTION FOR HIM, WHEN ALL I GET NOW IS MORE NEGLECT). THINGS HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IN ME AND NEVER HAS, BUT GETTING ME HERE TO LIVE TOGETHER FROM THE START (BECAUSE I COULDN'T JUST GO AND LIVE TOGETHER WITH HIM LIKE HE WANTED ME TO IN THE FIRST PLACE AND TOLD HIM THE REASONS WHY THAT WAS NOT LIKE HIM). FROM HOW I WAS RAISED, TO MY BELIEF AND THE STRONG SPIRITUAL CONNECTION I ALWAYS FELT WITH GOD THAT COULDN'T BE THAT WAY, AND FROM FEELING SO LOST NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO (DESPITE A LOT GOING WRONG FOR ME FROM SO MANY THINGS AND ALL THAT WAS AGAINST ME THROUGH LIFE). THEN KEPT ASKING AND HOPING ON THE MARRIAGE THING ON THE PHONE WITH ALL THE PAINS AND FEARS HE KNEW IN SOMETHINGS. THINGS HE KNEW THEN I WAS GOING THROUGH OF FEELING SO SCARED AND ALONE. NEVER HAD TRUE UNDERSTANDING OF ME AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO THEN, BUT NEVER FELT THE WAY THAT HE SAW. DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE THE ONLY PERSON THAT WAS THERE THEN IN MY PAIN FROM BEING SO ALONE IN NO ONE THERE TO UNDERSTAND ME (OR JUST TO HAVE HAD SOMEONE ELSE TO BE THERE TRUTHFULLY AS THAT FRIEND THAT UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER). BUT TALKED TO ME A FEW TIMES BEFORE THE MARRIAGE ON HOW I COULD LIVE WITH HIM. THEN FORGOT A LOT FROM MY FEARS AND LIED TO HIMSELF ABOUT WHAT THIS TRULY WAS WHEN HE ASKED ME THEN OVER THE PHONE (BUT UNABLE TO GROW IN LIFE WITH HIM FROM MY DEEP FEARS IN ALL AND SHOWN BY GOD LATER ON THAT I WAS A SPLIT SOUL). SINCE SOMEONE ELSE IN FAMILY WOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT I AM LIKE IN THE TRUE PERSON GROWING UP, BUT THE FRIEND NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME THAT WELL. WHEN THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS HERE FOR OR TO CONTINUE HELPING HIM THIS LONG THAT LOST ME MORE. WHO HASN'T LEARNED MUCH TO EVEN PAY ATTENTION IN THAT WAY OR THE WAYS HE SHOULD HAVE. WHEN ALL IT HAS DONE IS DROWNED ME MORE FROM HIM NOT KNOWING HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME IN HIS WAYS AND LOSING MYSELF IN WHO I TRULY AM (AND DIDN'T LEARN THAT MUCH IN ALL THAT TIME FROM ME ALWAYS HAVING TO DO THINGS MOSTLY TO HELP HIS HEALTH, FROM THE MIND ALWAYS BEING SOMEWHERE ELSE). WHEN I TRULY CAN'T ANYMORE AND NEEDED MY ASSISTANCE TO HELP ME NO ONE CARED MUCH ABOUT, EVEN NOW HERE (JUST SAYS HE DOES VERY MUCH OR MORE THAN ANYTHING). CAN'T SEEM TO GET PAST MUCH OF ANYTHING WITH HIM. WHICH MAKES ME WORSE FROM NEVER HAVING THE THINGS THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME IN LIFE TO GROW AND THAT TRUE PERSON THAT WAS MADE FOR ME BY GOD (THE OTHER HALF) THAT STAYED ALL WRONG IN A DESTRUCTIVE WAY. WHAT HAS AFFECTED ME IN A MASSIVE WAY HERE OR IN LIFE FROM THIS GRAND CONNECTION (AND MORE DIFFICULT NOW IN ALL). THE FRIEND SEEMS TO MOSTLY UNDERSTAND HIS WORLDLY THINGS FROM TELEVISION, ETC (AND SEEMS THE OTHER HALF TOO IN THE WAY THEY TAUGHT HIM TO BE IN THAT WORLD WHO IS FAR DIFFERENT). THINGS THE FRIEND DOES OR EVEN SEEING ALL THIS TIME MY TRUE WAY A LITTLE BETTER BEFORE IT GOT WORSE INSIDE ME (JUST THE LITTLE THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE HELP TOO IN THIS). AND IF I HAVE TO SPELL THEM OUT OR SAY IT ALL THE TIME, THEN THAT IS NOT A TRUE PERSON OR FRIEND. JUST ARE YOU OK AFTER SO LONG OF TUNING ME OUT, THEN GOES BACK TO HIS STUFF WHILE I BLEED. WHEN THIS IS A LOT BIGGER. UNLESS IT DEALT WITH SOMETHING ELSE AND I STAYED THE WAY HE GOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT FLOWS BETTER FOR HIM, INSTEAD OF SEEING HOW I FELT INSIDE AND HOW IT WAS CHANGING THE OUTSIDE TOO. SOMETHING I FELT THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF I AGREED TO COME HERE, BUT DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD FROM BEING SO DIFFERENT THAN THE FRIEND AND HOW HE SOUNDED TO ME THEN IN ALL MY FEARS THAT THOUGHT MIGHT HELP ME. HIM NOT HAVING THAT TRUE UNDERSTANDING OF A REAL FRIEND I NEEDED THAT MESSED UP MORE IN ME BEING LIKE THIS, AND FROM NOT TAKING CARE OF THOSE THINGS PROPERLY A LITTLE WHILE AFTER KNOWING THIS TRUTH ABOUT ME. TO HELP MY WAY SO IT WOULDN'T GET WORSE FROM MY LONG PATH THAT WAS LIKE THIS (AND NOT SUPPOSED TO BE STILL LIKE THIS). BUT NEVER SEEMED TO REMEMBER ALL THE PAIN BEFORE THAT FROM MY TEARS. OR SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND WELL ALL IT CAUSES INSIDE AS IT JUST STAYS THIS WAY IN HALF A SPLIT SOUL (CALLS ME OBNOXIOUS AT TIMES AND OTHER THINGS FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING THE PAIN OR OF THE PAST FROM TIME). WHICH WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE HIS TIME FROM THE AGONY OF BEING IN LIFE THIS WAY. WHAT I TRULY NEEDED IS SOMEONE THERE THEN THAT COULD UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS BETTER AND STILL BE CLOSE (WITHOUT ALL THE SUFFOCATION OF WHAT I HAD TO DO). SOMEONE REALLY THERE FOR ME IN MY PAIN AND IN THAT SUPPORT THAT HAS A HIGHER UNDERSTANDING. MORE OF A REAL CARING FRIEND. NOT WHEN A PERSON FEELS LIKE IT FOR THEMSELVES, IGNORING THE REAL TRUTH THAT IS VERY CRITICAL INSIDE. BUT SO MUCH THAT WAS GOING ON BACK THEN IN CHAOS THAT ENDED EVERYTHING FOR ME OF GETTING THE PROPER ANYTHING OR PERSON. WHEN I NEEDED MUCH MORE SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS FROM BEING DIFFERENT, AND BECAUSE OF THE OTHER HALF NEVER BEING THERE LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LONG AGO (AND STILL THE OTHER HALF AMAZES ME IN A VERY BAD WAY).
<3 :( :( <3 !!!!!!!````````` THEY HAVE BUILT A WALL BETWEEN US, BECAUSE OF THE EVIL ONE. THROUGH THOSE HE HAS USED THAT ARE SELFISH DISGUSTING HUMANS (AND THE MINDSET THAT DOESN'T STRETCH FAR ENOUGH IN THINGS WHEN IT COMES TO GOD). WHO DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND OR SIMPLY DON'T CARE. AND TRULY DON'T UNDERSTAND LIFE OR MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE, EXCEPT FOR THOSE CERTAIN THINGS TO SATISFY THEIR NEEDS SELFISHLY. INSTEAD OF SEEING WHAT IS REAL AND HERE THAT'S CONNECTED TO A LOT. WHAT HAS BECOME CRITICAL AND FRAGILE IN HOW IT WAS DONE AND WAS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE TOGETHER THAT'S DIFFERENT. HOW IT CAN'T GO FURTHER AND NOT COMPLETED OR ABLE, BUT IN NOTHING FROM THE PAIN AND ALL THAT'S MISSING. JUST WHAT GOD HAS DONE AND DOES IN *HIS* ALMIGHTY POWERS. WHAT HAS TRIED TO DESTROY IT THROUGH THE EVIL POWERS WAYS OF WHAT GOD CREATED IN THAT UNIQUE POWERFUL SOUL (ONE OF A KIND AND DOESN'T EXIST ANYWHERE ELSE). SO THE OTHER HALF WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND HIMSELF IN THAT WORLD FROM ALL THEY TAUGHT HIM TO BE MORE LIKE, AND LOSE ME MORE WITH THOSE THAT ARE WRONG. INSTEAD OF BEING HIS REAL SELF THEY KNOW NOT MUCH ABOUT (CAN'T TELL THE TRUTH OR NOT A BIG DEAL THAT'S BENEATH HIM). HAS NEVER TRULY CARED FOR ME THAT AFFECTS ME IMMENSELY BEING THE OTHER PART OF HIM IN THAT OTHER HALF (AND NOT WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT OR GUILT, BECAUSE THAT'S ONLY TO SAVE HIMSELF NOT LOVE). IT'S NOT JUST THE MIND THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD INSIDE, IT'S THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR BEING THAT AFFECTS EVERYTHING WITHIN IN HOW GOD CREATED THIS (AND THAT EXIST IN TWO HALVES RIGHT AND LEFT OF THE SOUL THAT IS THE REST IN EACH OTHER). AND HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN ABANDONED IN LIFE BY HIM. WHAT LOST THE OTHER HALF EVEN MORE AWAY FROM THE POWERFUL REALITY OF WHO HE IS. SO THIS WOULD ALL CRUMBLE TO NOTHING AND NEVER SEE THE REST IN ME, OR THE WORLD TO SEE THIS TRUTH (ESPECIALLY IN HIM THAT WAS EASIER TO KNOCK DOWN IN THAT WORLD). DADDY WAS RIGHT WHEN HE SAID, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND HAD A VERY SAD LOOK IN HIS EYES WHEN HE SAID IT TO ME (FELT MY DEEP LONELINESS THAT NO ONE UNDERSTOOD AND ALL ELSE HE SAW). IF IT WASN'T FOR DADDY (HIS LOVE FOR ME) AND WHO HE IS AND HOW HE MADE ME FEEL ALWAYS AS HIS DAUGHTER THAT WAS LIKE NOTHING ELSE, AND THOSE FEW FROM FAMILY THEN TOO AS WELL TO HELP ME THRIVE A TINY BIT AS A LITTLE GIRL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN POINTLESS (AND BECAUSE OF GOD THAT WAS ALWAYS THERE IN MY FEARS FROM THINGS I WENT THROUGH). IN WHAT *GOD* DID IN THE WHOLE THING THEN FROM THE BEGINNING AND ALREADY KNEW ALL I WOULD ENDURE, ESPECIALLY FROM BEING *SO* ALONE IN ME (BECAUSE THE OTHER HALF HAD NO PROBLEM WITH EVERYONE ELSE OR TO STAY AWAY). IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NOTHING EVEN MORE FOR ME AND FADED SO MUCH FASTER FROM THIS (THAT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GOOD IN ALL). WHAT WAS SO LOST FROM NOT HAVING WHAT I TRULY NEEDED OR ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND AND HELP ME MORE THEN, OR EVEN NOW (AND *BELIEVE* WHAT I SAY IN THIS THAT I AM). LIKE IT HAS BECOME NOW FROM HAVING NOTHING. AND THE OTHER HALF THAT BECAME SO DIFFERENT WITH TIME AND FORGOT ME ALL TOGETHER, BUT BECAUSE OF OTHERS (BEING ALL WRONG FOR TOO LONG OF WHAT HE TRULY IS BY GOD AND NOT BEING THAT TRUE PERSON). HAS BECOME MORE MINDLESS LIKE MANY THAT HE LET TAKE OVER AND LET SO MANY WRONG IN. INSTEAD OF HELPING AND BEING WHAT HE IS A DIRECT PART OF. WHAT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO TRUST IN THE SOUL AT THIS POINT FROM THE BACK AND FORTH THING THAT HE DOES AND HIS INTENTIONS THAT ARE NEVER TRUE. PULLS BACK FROM ME A LOT SINCE FINDING HIM AND ONLY KNOWS THREE THINGS MOSTLY (AND HIS FIRE, NEEDLES AND SPIKES THAT ARE PAINFUL TOO THAT SCARE ME, DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT DID THEN YEARS AGO). INSTEAD OF BEING THAT TRUE MAN I WAS SUPPOSED TO RELY ON FROM WHAT WE ARE TO EACH OTHER. BUT TRULY DON'T FEEL HE EVER LOVED ME OR CARED THAT MUCH, JUST THAT HE KNEW WHAT I WAS TO HIM WHEN HE FINALLY SAW. IF YOU ACTUALLY LOVED THE PERSON OR THE SOUL IN WHICH YOU ARE CONNECTED TO, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO GET TO THAT PERSON SHORTLY AFTER TOO TALK AND FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ONE ANOTHER (BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT EVER WAS WITH HIM AND THOSE WAYS, EVEN AFTER SEEING THE TRUTH THAT HE NEEDED FOR ALL HIS INSECURITIES AND PAIN). ONE MINUTE HE SEEMS SINCERE AND REAL IN THAT FIRE WITHIN AND THE NEXT FEELS LIKE A GAME THEY TAUGHT HIM. ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS, WHICH IS WRONG FROM WHAT HE IS. WHERE HE DOESN'T LIKE THE GAME, BUT STILL PLAYS IT AGAINST HIS SOUL (SPLIT SOUL THAT WILL BE BAD FOR HIM TOO BY GOD IF HE CONTINUES). AND ALWAYS KNOWS HOW TO LEAVE, WHICH IS SO PAINFUL FOR ME THAT DRAWS MORE FEARS INSIDE. ESPECIALLY NOW AND HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN BEING A SPLIT SOUL. WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE ALREADY FELT ALL OF IT AND *KNOWN* COMPARED TO ANYTHING ELSE THE TRUTH. WANTED, LOVED DEEPLY AND CARED FOR JUST AS MUCH OR MORE, *RESPECTED* BETTER TOO (AND TO HAVE BEEN THAT THEN, BECAUSE OF THIS *HERE* AND OTHER PAST PAIN). THE THINGS THE FRIEND HAS SAID TOO MANY TIMES WRONGLY ABOUT A LOT THAT AFFECTS ME (AND THE THINGS DONE THROUGHOUT TIME HERE THAT NEVER TRULY UNDERSTOOD THE LONG RUN WELL). 1 \\\-------LONG AGO DADDY WAS TALKING TO ME OVER THE PHONE FROM FAR AWAY (ME HERE) ABOUT GROWING UP IN YOU. THAT IT TAKES A LOT LONGER SOMETIMES FOR A BOY TO BE A TRUE MAN. SAID TO ME, SOMETIMES IT TAKES A LOT LONGER IN SOME. I DON'T THINK HE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU, BUT IN ME FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT OTHER HALF HE PROBABLY FELT. SOMEONE THAT is A PARt of me THAT WAS DIFFERENTLY created FOR ME IN LIFE (what he felt FROM SEEING MY SOUL RIPPED APART THAT WOULD BREAK HIS HEART looking in my eyes). BUT NEVER THOUGHT THAT OF ME in HOW GROWN UP HE STARTING SEEING me BIGGER THAN MY AGE (IN HOW I WAS AND DID things). WHAT MADE HIM SAD SEEING ME GROWING UP TOO FAST, BUT STILL SAW THAT SCARED CHILD INSIDE THAT COULDN'T GO ON WITHOUT THAT PERSon or someone there. THINGS HE WOULD SAY TO ME OR JUST HIM LOOKING AT ME THAT SAID MUCH MORE, BUT I COULD SEE HOW SAD HE FELT ABOUT ME (AND I ALWAYS FELT THE SAFEST near him AND HIM AROUND ME FROM FEELING I WAS MORE). what daddy also SAW FROM SO MANY FEARS I DEALT with CONTINUOUSLY as a CHILD for me TO ever UNDERSTAND ANYTHING about WHAT WAS HAPPENING (AND ALL THAT WAS TAKEN, BECAUSE OF NOT ever HAVING that big piece THAT WAS MISSING OR SOMEONE ELSE THERE TO UNDERSTAND better MY CIRCUMSTANCE). THAT OTHER BIG PART THAT BALANCED EVERYTHING WITHIN ME FROM THE PAIN DADDY SAW AND COULD NEVER SEE HAPPINESS. HE ALWAYS WANTED ME TO BE HAPPY AND WOULD SAY THAT MANY TIMES (EVEN THOUGH HE IS THE ONE THAT MADE ME THE HAPPIEST AS THAT special DAD LIKE NO OTHER, BECAUSE OF GOD). WHAT MADE ME TRULY SMILE WITHIN AND KEPT MORE LAUGHTER IN ME from his jokes or when we joked around. WHO HAD A TRULY AMAZING SMILE WHEN HE DID SMILE OR LAUGH. HE ALWAYS TRUSTED IN ME COMPLETELY, BUT STARTED TO FEEL AND SEE SOMETHING WAS HOLDING ME BACK IN EVERYTHING EVEN MORE. IF HE DIDN'T KNOW ALL OF IT, HE SURE FELT AND KNEW THE ENTIRE TRUTH IN THE END FROM THAT VERY CLOSE CONNECTION WE ALWAYS HAD (and that very powerful dream i had oct 13, 2017 that shook me and wasn't supposed to be still like this). WHAT GOD SHOWED ME IN THOSE SIGNS AND OTHER things i always get from god. even THINGS FROM DADDY i get THAT IS SO DIFFICULT IN LIFE TO THINK HE'S NOT THERE. I CAN'T TRULY CONTINUE WITHOUT THAT BALANCE HE GAVE ME FROM BEING A SPLIT SOUL. WHO THE OTHER HALF WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE LONG AGO to help balance all that within each other and our pain from missing in our connection (but even now doesn't feel real SINCERER IN THOSE FEELINGS all the time, but very little) . IT WOULD HAVE PAINED daddy SOOO MUCH MORE FROM WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH AND STILL GOING THROUGH BEING HERE THIS WAY. IN all i have suffered AND seeing it in my face now. feeling more suffocated WITH SOMEONE WHO NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME OR THE WAY I WAS THAT WASTED SO MUCH LIFE For me. what was supposed to be my time from what god did and never had anything there from this to help me in where it was truly supposed to be. OR EVEN JUST SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTOOD ME MORE AND MY PAINS. WHICH MAKES me HATE BEING IN LIFE NOW, BECAUSE OF ALL THIS AND WHAT IT HAS DONE to me more. AND THE OTHER HALF WHO IS more DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH INSIDE or he wouldn't have ignored me ALL THAT TIME then. making me look like a liar or a crazy "fan", instead of what i am to him (NOT A FAN, AND WHO REALLY WANTS TO BE A FAN OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT)? AND WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE like that FROM what we are to each other that's massive (but it all scares me now). HOW HE still Is FROM THAT WORLD THAT NEVER CHANGED TO HIS TRUE SELF or has ever said the words of truth. DON'T UNDERSTAND MUCH OF HIM ANYMORE, EXCEPT FEELING HIM INTENSELY and doesn't seem to really care FOR ANYTHING IN ME (IN THE way he CHANGes back and forth that causes me more troubles inside). wHAT MAKE ME SICKER IN ALL ELSE I FEEL from this ultimate connection that is incomplete, and not many care (except for god and the ones that are gone that would have from seeing and believing). and from ALL THE PAIN IN LIFE AND MORE THROUGH THE SOUL I STILL GO THROUGH EVEN NOW. ALWAYS SHOT TO THE HEART AND SOUL BY HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN TOO MANY TIMES, BECAUSE OF OTHERS HE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR. WHO WASn't ever SUPPOSED TO be that way FROM HIS PRIORITIES IN LIFE BEING SO MESSED UP. who forgOT the soul and how it all works that is more fragile and other things that seem more important to him still. god knows exactly what it feels like in this connection and those that can actually see this truth that would have a big idea of what this pain is LIKE. WHAT WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO HEAL AGAIN, ESPECIALLY THE LENGTH OF TIME WITH MORE LIES THAT CONTINUE and in the wrong place (AND REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO TRULY GROW IN WHAT I'M A PART OF That has never showed his true self, or to be able to trust IN THAT). THE OTHER HALF WHO DIDN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW THIS ALL AFF